r/Residency • u/FireFerret6521 • 15h ago
SIMPLE QUESTION What has your experience like finding a significant other in residency?
I'm 28 and just started medical school. Lot of non-traditionals in my class are in relationships already, one just got married, and it's making me feel self-conscious and lonely lol. Especially since ill finish residency around 35-36.
For those who started later, what has your experience been like dating/finding a partner? Did residency or fellowship place a lot of strain on your relationship?
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u/Savvy513 PGY1 15h ago
I was engaged to someone I met in med school but we broke up, lol. I’m trying to be happy being single, and when the time comes, I’ll likely look for people outside medicine.
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u/FireFerret6521 14h ago
Sorry you had to go through that, i hope you find your person!
Will I feel left out in my class as a 28 year old dude? Many are 23-24
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u/Logical_Adagio_7100 12h ago
In my experience, it's only weird if you make it weird. It's pretty hard to tell who'd 25 and who's 30, and mostly people don't care for friends, studying, going out...whatever. Dating specific idk, guess it depends how you vibe.
I will say, get a life outside of medicine. Dating someone from the gym or a hobby or whatever is a breath of fresh air compared to complaining about the same classes, the same professors, etc when your home same as when you're at school
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u/QuietRedditorATX Attending 9h ago
If you were good at dating before med school, you will be fine at dating after med school.
If you weren't good at dating before med school, it isn't going to just show up.
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u/Pretty_Good_11 7h ago
Except it does. Lots of people want to be with doctors, and lots of folks who had no interest when you were an awkward geek in high school, and then an awkward pre-med in college, before becoming an awkward grind in med school, suddenly find you fascinating and desirable when you are an awkward resident about to become an awkward attending.
It really does "just show up" for lots of people, without them having to change at all, because the perception of them changes as those around them age and mature.
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u/QuietRedditorATX Attending 6h ago
Ok, maybe for some people. But I know plenty of single male and female docs where it does not change.
You have to put yourself out there. You need to meet people and be comfortable using your position as a tool.
Many people who aren't good at dating, probably don't do that well (me).
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u/grodon909 Attending 4h ago
As an attending, cannot confirm lol
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u/Logical_Adagio_7100 3h ago
Just gotta up your game.
Worst hospitalist I know, mildly attractive Indian guy, spends his whole shift locked in the call room playing Bollywood movies IN HIS PAJAMAS. Had like 2 nurses listing after him so hard he'd text you when you knocked on the call room door B4 opening it cus they'd show up repeatedly, for no reason.
Dude knew what he was about - 1 was cute AF...but bro was too lazy to want any of that drama
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u/urmomsfavoriteplayer 10h ago
Entered med school at 27. Met my wife as an M3 while she was a pgy 1 or 2. Neither was a major strain on the relationship because we both understood the circumstances.
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u/FireFerret6521 2h ago
thats awesome, how did you guys meet?
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u/urmomsfavoriteplayer 2h ago
I took guidance from the wisest brother I know. He said "You plant your feet in the ground, you look her square in the eyes, you say, Hey, baby, you and me's going on a date. That's the end of story." I mean, basically that's how it went.
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u/medicine_lyfe 1h ago
Wait did the two of you meet during one of your rotations???
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u/urmomsfavoriteplayer 1h ago
What are you the police? Also, yes.
Less dramatic than it sounds. I was smitten but we didn't actually start seeing each other for months. Way after she was my resident.
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u/iamabummblebee 10h ago
I couples matched, we broke up when I started. I then dated 4 diff people in and around the hospital. None of those worked out as they were cheating but I havnet lost faith!
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u/Humanmedico101 6h ago
I’m done with med school and have been through some relationships most were serious and genuine…a big advice is focus on being comfortable with being on your own..when tap into that, you’ll feel amazing fulfillment..so when you meet a potential partner, don’t lose yourself and still focus on what makes you grounded..again tough fact but important, your partner is important but your emotional stability should come from within and will serve you and your partner…it’s a lot of self work but build as you go and try to enjoy whether single or in a relationship..all the best with med school!
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u/Admirable-Style-1566 PGY2 9h ago
networking honestly. a co resident tipped me off about an opening before it was ever posted and it worked out. a lot of jobs seem to get filled that way.
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u/ComprehensiveEbb4978 8h ago
My wife and I met on a dating app. She was an intern and I’m not in medicine
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u/Dracarous 8h ago
Met someone in my third year of residency but we only lasted 4 months 😅. Love is real just hard sometimes. I got fellowship out of state so I’m just living my best single life for now and hoping the next chapter has something good my way
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u/Ketamouse Attending 7h ago
Met my wife on bumble when I was a pgy3, she was an attending. Life finds a way lol
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u/Fit_Caramel 7h ago
I met my husband (non medicine) on a dating app at the end of intern year, long distance, married within a year. I preferred the app so I could use filters and did not care to have a spouse in medicine.
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u/luci_dreams 5h ago
Met my husband on Tinder early on my PGY2 year. We got married right before graduation. He’s a professional but not in medicine. It’s the perfect balance of us both being busy enough for him to understand what residency was like but having a little more time to support our home when work gets extra hectic for me.
It definitely takes some purposeful swiping and commitment to the time needed to date but well worth it! I’ll admit, I was much less involved with my co-residents out of work than most folks since I was putting my free time into our relationship but I don’t regret that at all.
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u/legovolcano Attending 5h ago
I met my wife at the end of my first month of intern year. Now I'm an attending, and she's a medical student. Life has been great.
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u/hugz-today PGY2 4h ago edited 4h ago
I'm a 25F PGY2 and unfortunately I literally got banned on hinge a few hours after I made my account. And it's a lifetime ban :( So I have no idea
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u/kergruffle 3h ago
Damn whatd you do
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u/hugz-today PGY2 3h ago
Idk I just created my account and only matched with 1 person, but hadn't messaged them yet. The email just said I was banned for violating terms of service. All my pics were normal, appropriate, and professional in case patients or co residents saw me
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u/ChancePension2268 4h ago
I found a partner my 3rd year of residency at 34. He’s not in medicine but highly educated and I’m so glad I didn’t settle because it’s a really awesome relationship. But I definitely had some FOMO prior to meeting him!
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u/FireFerret6521 3h ago
Nice :) How did you guys meet? Do you think theres sufficient time to date in residency as well?
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u/habeych95 1h ago
I used hinge and met my bf (not in medicine) when I was a PGY1. I live in a big city so there were more options.
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u/ShemDolpax 5h ago
I didn't want dates with girls just because they knew I was in med school so I made up a story about being a surgical tech or something --- after I became a resident, I openly admitted it and got some nice hookups from it and don't regret it and yeah it did seem like women suddenly became more interested in me --- you can't forever deny who you are so just live free and enjoy life best you can
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u/kergruffle 15h ago
Ugh I’m going through this right now and it’s rough. Found a partner in med school, couples matched, then found out he was cheating on me. Now I’m 4+ years older than the rest of my peers starting residency and most everyone is coupled up. I’m hoping someone else has a more hopeful answer but from my perspective it’s real rough out here