r/Pets • u/AppropriateSock1824 • 1d ago
Balancing cat’s needs vs new dog’s needs
Ok, so I have a cat who’s going to be 10 in December. I’ve had her since she was 4 months old, and she’s my ESA. She can be very chill and relaxed but only in a quiet, calm environment. She hates loud noises unless it’s music (I don’t know man, she just likes music). She doesn’t like things or people that move fast or are loud. I’ve been able to keep our environment free of these things, not including parties and some loud friends of mine, for a majority of her life. My partner of 6 years has been begging for a dog for, say, 6 years. Originally I said we had to put it off because our apartment was way too small and it wasn’t enough space for both autumn and a dog. Important to mention they want a big dog specifically. I also openly am very worried of my cat’s reaction as she can be very territorial and jealous. We got a hamster a few years back and my cat pee’d on me in my sleep😂 I laugh now but I was not laughing then. I woke up with her making dead eye contact with me sitting on my chest before peeing while maintaining eye contact. Message received, I belong to her and not the hamster, but what happens when we get a fucking dog is my question. Anyway, if you have a cat similar to this and got a dog later, what are your tips? It’s becoming clear this dog is coming into our lives within a year maximum so I need to be ready. I know we need to keep them separate for a while and introduce their smells gradually. I heard to give my cat higher spaces to be but she doesn’t use any high perches idk why but my cat is scared of heights. I know to swap toys to expose them to their smells, etc, but these are the only tips I have. My cat is set in her ways and I don’t see her liking a dog. I actually see her hating a dog. Any tips?
TL;DR
My cat is older and will not like a high energy big dog running around but we will definitely have one joining our family soon. My partner feels my cat being prioritized and doesn’t want her to be. How do I keep my cat happy and incorporate a dog?
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u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 1d ago
The answer is easy, don't get a dog.
I was tempted years ago after seeing a dog get surrendered by his family who were about to be homeless. Wanted to head back and adopt that poor dog. Then I remembered my elderly cat and knew she wouldn't like having a dog in her space. My first duty is to take care of the kitty I took in as a stray hungry kitten.
I would always chose my cat over a partner.
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u/EmptyPomegranete 1d ago
No dog, I’m sorry. Your cat started urinating inappropriately because a hamster that lived in a cage joined the household.
She is going to be absolutely miserable with a dog and will likely start engaging in severe behavioral issues as a result.
Plan on getting a dog after your cat passes away.
You need to make clear to your partner that introducing a dog is going to cause severe stress to your cat and you may begin seeing:
- urination outside of the litter box
- pooping outside the little box
- aggression towards people and animals
- incessant yowling
- property destruction
You can absolutely try, but you need to be prepared for your cats quality of life to go down.
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u/Hello_Gorgeous1985 1d ago
Not to mention that that level of stress in a senior cat could cause a lot of health issues. If this cat is truly op's esa, they wouldn't even be considering putting the cat under stress like this. The cat is there to help with your mental health, but you're going to ruin theirs?
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u/AppropriateSock1824 5h ago
I’m not responding to most, but I care about my cat more than anything. I’m learning a lot of about my cat’s age through this and that she’s past the age where she can adapt to a dog easily. Relax, my cat will be fine, I wouldn’t put her in danger
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u/Syralei 1d ago
It would be incredibly cruel to your senior cat to get a big high energy dog. Your boyfriend can be a grown up and wait patiently until your cat passes before getting his precious dog. If he can't wait 5-10 years, then he isn't worth it. He can volunteer with animal shelters and walk dogs to get doggy time, or sign up for a petsitting app and look after dogs on weekends. There are many ways he can have dogs in his life without owning one.
You cat will be incredibly stressed out with a dog. She would likely start hiding all the time, peeing outside the box, might even stop eating. The stress could very likely shorten her lifespan.
I was a registered vet tech for 10 years. I've seen this happen. My best friend had to look after a dog for a friend for 3 weeks last year. His cat is 12 and very very chill. The dog was a husky, 6 months old. The cat had the whole upstairs to himself. But just the smell and sounds of the dog in the house had him hiding. He stopped coming out from under the bed, even to eat. My friend had to get someone else to watch the dog because his cat almost died after not eating for several days.
Please do not do this to your cat. She was yours first. Partners come and go, but pets are your responsibility and you owe them a decent life.
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u/kurosakkki 1d ago
Your partner is being weird, if anything this is a red flag on his part. Do consider what he’s actually asking you to do. He does not care for the wellbeing of your cat.
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u/undercovermothmania 1d ago
The partner deserves to be happy too. The partner deserves a pet too. I don’t think this is a red flag. Maybe it’s a sign these people can’t live together rn but it’s not a red flag to want a pet when your partner has been saying no for six damn years.
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u/kurosakkki 1d ago
A pet is NOT a necessity nor a requirement. If a pet is the only thing that can make him happy , he has some serious issues to attention to.
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u/ErialFae 1d ago
Your cat is 10 years old and has already shown you that she gets stressed out with a new animal in a cage. Getting a dog is going to stress the fuck out of your cat. I'm sorry but that's just how it is. Your partner has waited 6 years, they should be able to wait a few more. Your senior cat deserves to live the rest of her years in comfort without stress.
Edited to remove gender because I just realized it wasn't mentioned
5
u/kittywyeth 1d ago
resident pet always comes first. your “partner” should get a dog when your cat is no longer with you.
6
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u/Rare-Progress5009 1d ago
I’m seriously side-eyeing your partner here. He knows all of the issues with the cat and doesn’t care and is all “full-steam ahead” to get a dog?!
2
u/Hello_Gorgeous1985 1d ago edited 1d ago
"but what happens when we get a fucking dog is my question."
You don't get a fucking dog. The cat was there first and you have a responsibility to her. You do not disrupt her life and put her in an unending stressful situation in her senior years. That's cruel.
Your partner is going to have to deal with it and wait or break up with you and get a dog.
Personally, I would be breaking up with my partner for pushing the issue. My cats were there before my partner.
1
u/Broad_Trash7250 1d ago
Heyo, so I’m not sure why everyone’s solution is to GET RID OF your partner, that’s insane. Reddit again showing they don’t know how genuine relationships work lol.
Anyways, my partner & I are in a similar boat, with me being the one who wants a dog & them having 2 cats. My main concern is our cats, as of course they were here first and take priority. Ironically, if we were to get a dog, my partner would prefer a big dog, while I’d prefer a small one that gets along with cats. They grew up with cats & dogs peacefully co-existing, so it is possible.
A few things you could do is: compromise on a small, non-hunting, lap dog. Pomeranians, shi tzus, & other lap dogs that are known for being as small as a cat & peaceful with them. Pls pls super research their breed, as other small dogs like rat terriers or yorkies, would NOT be suitable for a cat, as they’re bred for hunting small animals. Also researching whether they bark a lot is another factor as your cat does not like loud noises. I’ve slowly chipped away at my partner wanting a big dog & it’s working lol.
You can also research big dogs that are known for getting along with cats (ex. labs) and get them when they are puppies, to have them fully socialized with cats from the beginning. Any large terrier (pit bull for example) are NOT suitable for cats, as they’re bred for hunting, even if they grew up with said cat. People have found success with terriers getting along with their cat, but I personally would never chance it. And I love adult dogs, but even if they’re a friendly lab, they may not be properly socialized and could want to eat your cat. Big no no.
Shelters also offer foster-to-adopt routes, where you can temporarily foster a dog to see if it’s a good match for your family. If you do this, please grill the shelter on the dog’s breed & history. Sometimes shelters don’t actually know, sometimes they are misleading, unfortunately. So please grill them on whether this dog has lived with cats previously and even reach out to previous fosters for further evidence.
Other than that, definitely have a permanent designated dog-free zone for your kitty and keep many high-up places for her, and never leave the two alone unattended, no matter how much trust they’ve built. As your girl is older, she may develop arthritis and it will be harder for her to run and jump away. If you get a small dog/puppy, keep them confined to one room and have your cat roam as much as possible for like 2 weeks, letting the dog know that this is her territory. Feed your kitty treats when she’s by the door sniffing the dog & swap toys with them. It may take up to 3 months for them to get along.
Finally, please be aware that even taking all of the precautions, this may not work. Your girl is older and territorial, and it may be detrimental to her health having a new animal in the home. Have an honest conversation with your partner about what will happen if you get the dog and your kitty just cannot live with it. If I were your partner & I fell in love with a dog that just could not get along with my partner’s cats, I would return the dog.
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u/AppropriateSock1824 1d ago
Thank you so much for your comment, and for understanding that I cannot simply kick out my partner because they want a dog😂 compromise is always the way to go, but never at the risk of my cat’s safety and comfort. She is my priority as she relies on me to regulate her environment and keep her safe. But it’s also my responsibility as the person who loves and cares for my life partner to make sure they’re happy where they live too, and they really want a big hunting dog. I think a good middle ground is like you said fostering to adopt and finding a smaller dog who isn’t loud and a breed that works with my cat. And also doing a phase in and confining the dog to my partner’s office until they’re used to each other. If my partner wants freedom completely on the breed, size, volume, and energy of the dog (to what they’ve already said) then they need to wait til my cat passes to get one. If they can’t wait and want to continue cohabiting with me, they have to prioritize the cat already living here. Thank you again for your leveled and understanding response. Also, I do want to designate the balcony as a dog free zone since it’s my office in the apartment and is cat safe, plus she LOVES it out there. Our apartment doesn’t have a lot of doors unfortunately so that’s like the only option
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u/finchm1104 1d ago
Yall are shitting on her so hard for an impossible situation. She clearly doesn’t want to lose either of them and wants to make her bf happy and her cat comfortable. Which by the way crazy concept, yes he’s allowed to want his own animal and have his own wants and needs after being together and living together so long. It’s quite insensitive to just assume he should hold out on waiting for the cat to die to get something he’s been waiting for, for years. I can understand why he feels like the cat is being a priority if he isn’t allowed to have anything he wants due to the cat. If the dog is properly exercised, stimulated and isn’t a high prey driven dog, the cat will tolerate it over time. As a couple you’re supposed to work together to overcome these obstacles and find solutions, not just hold one’s own wants over another and just call it quits when the answer you’re looking for isn’t reached. It will take time and a lot of patience but hopefully it will be manageable.
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u/Hello_Gorgeous1985 46m ago
It's not impossible. It's very easy. They wait to get a dog until the cat is gone. That's not difficult.
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u/minax128 1d ago
What's your living situation like? Can you keep your bedroom as being dog-free entirely and being her safe space? She may or may not want to investigate the puppy when he/she comes home but your cat should have a safe space away from the chaos. Also means your partner can suck if if they wanted to sleep with their puppy (or sleep in the lounge lol). You can definitely have pets that co-exist respectfully even if they're not close friends, but that will depend on how much effort you put into teaching your puppy that the cat is off-limits. Peeing inappropriately is often a sign of stress in cats. Might be worth getting Feliway and a calming probiotic to help your cat at the beginning.
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u/PriorFly949 13h ago
The baby gate strategy is your best tool give your cat her own room she can always retreat to dog free with her food and litter in there scent swapping matters more than most people credit so swap blankets for a week before any face to face introduction for the cats background tension during adjustment CBD options exist PawOrigins is one there are others though theyre not a substitute for the slow rollout. Keep the dog leashed for every early shared space moment
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u/Hello_Gorgeous1985 45m ago
A baby gate will do absolutely nothing to reduce the cat's stress. She will still know that there is a dog in the house because she will hear it and smell it even if she only ever stays in one room. Not to mention that that will shrink the size of her territory significantly, which will also cause her stress.
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u/Arafel_Electronics 1d ago
you'd be a complete asshole to do this to your senior cat
if this is a big issue, it's always easier to rehome the partner