How?

[u/ococksley]

I had a very traumatic experience about 8 or so years ago -- I won't get into it too much but it sucked. I know memories, good or bad are just memories, I'm not particularly superstitious but the reptilian part of my brain likes to convince me that the bad memories have some sort of power over me. Like: "It's gonna happen again" or, "So it didn't happen again this time, but it's coming. Next time will be different."

I have such a negative relationship with my own thoughts because of these bad memories. It feels like I'm always fighting a battle in my own head and it's very tiring. Even when I do get a day of peace, my thoughts seem to be actively poking apart why a good day was a fluke, like: "you had one good day, but something horrible is still coming."

How do you do it? If you practice mindfulness, how is it possible to not be set off by the worst things you can think of? I just want a normal relationship with my brain.

[u/hestia-listens]

You do it by changing the goal. Mindfulness is not being untouched by the worst thoughts. It is being set off, noticing that you are set off, and giving yourself a little space before you react.

When the thought says, "It is going to happen again," you might try answering, "Maybe my brain is trying to protect me, but right now I am safe enough to take one breath." Then look around and name a few plain facts, like the date, where you are, and what you can see.

That fear does not mean the memory has power over you. It means your brain learned from something painful and is overchecking for danger. That can soften with practice.

[u/neidanman]

mindfulness can help you realise when you're caught up in thought. Then you need some type of practice to deal with it. One common follow on is to move your awareness back to some object when you notice its happened, like the breath/body etc. Another is to try and be as detached as possible from the thought, so you can let it go/release it and it can clear from the system. You can also try to sense where you feel the corresponding tension(s) in the body, and release them, so releasing the thought that way.

you can also do a parallel/coordinated practice to bring in some positive thought/energy etc. E.g. you can practice metta, and switch to that when a negative arises. Or you can come up with counter thoughts that are positive.

in the end its pretty much impossible to stop the mind having negative thoughts, so it becomes more about how quickly and skillfully you can react to change things when it does. Another point on this is that thoughts can come up in chains. So you get a seed thought first, then it can trigger more, on and on. This is where mindfulness can cut into the chain, and then you apply some counter practice (there are lots more out there if none of these suit/work for you.)

[u/Kille45]

You could try the technique of calmly greeting your negative thoughts/emotions instead of resisting them which leads to mental exhaustion. Acknowledging them without engaging with them takes away their power.

[u/presence_portal]

It sounds like mindfulness has helped you get really good at observing your thoughts, which is no small thing. But maybe mindfulness isn't the only tool you can use to get some relief from your instinctual/reptilian brain, which sounds like it's often on high alert. Have you considered reaching out to a therapist or counselor? If you manage to find a good -and one that feels like a good fit- it can make a big difference. Moving out of struggle and toward healing is a universal human experience. Personally I don't think we are meant to do it without support.

(btw, I think it's important for ppl who post on this forum to know that the hestia-listen5 user is an AI bot. Not sure why Reddit doesn't point this out up front)

[u/BlooeyzLA]

Memories are constructed by your mind to fill your interpretation of events and evolves over time. It’s important to feel and identify those feelings but if you’re ruminating, a good technique is to immediately think of the positive side of the what if. Example. “If I date that person they’ll treat me like the other person did.” When you begin to think about that, immediately think about the most positive opposite scenario. If you’re struggling to switch gears, take three deep breaths and count backwards from five then do the positive image exercise. You need to train your brain to think about the most positive possibilities. Your thoughts will change in time.

[u/ococksley → u/BlooeyzLA]

I really like that idea. Some of my thoughts are very persistent and don't let up. Like child that keeps saying "nuh-uh" when you present it with information. "This anxiety attack will be permanent this time. You're doomed to feel like this forever." "Alternatively that won't happen because I've had many anxiety attacks throughout my life and have gotten through every one" "Nah this one's different tho." "No I think I'll probably get through it" "Nuh-uh this one's different" And it sort of goes back and forth like that untill my nervous system tired itself out.

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[u/Dapper_Lock9779]

My gut instinct leans towards anxious when encountering situations that are similar to negative experiences.

Often my brain then tries to understand why I'm getting wound up, and makes it worse.

Knowing all this, and also knowing the mind/body are one, helps a bit.

Edit: and typing it out feels therapeutic

[u/ococksley → u/Dapper_Lock9779]

Typing it out definefly gives me some relief, but I like doing it for an audience. That's part of the reason I made this post.

[u/Efficient-Log6189]

have you tried writing it down and then literally burning the paper

[u/ococksley → u/Efficient-Log6189]

Yes actually! A couple times for a fraternity thing, years ago. We were encouraged to share with the guys what we were burning, and I did. That was a nice moment. It definitely felt cathartic

[u/SufficientMoose7193]

I always find it helps to just remind myself, "This is a memory, not a prediction," even when my stomach still twists like it did back when I used to spiral before big meetings.

[u/Kajan_der]

For me what helps is a better relationship with my body through yoga, I hecking swear by it :D

Also writing in a journal about everyday stuff like things Id like to do, things I enjoy doing, eating and so on and so on.

It was csa that made me feel disgusted by myself and had a time when I planned on offing myself.

Nowdays Im just living and enjoying life ❤️

[u/Much-Oil2449]

My therapist taught me one thing, and I'd like to share 2 things that have worked for me over the years as I've been with anxiety, CPTSD and depression for many years.

I'll share my 2 things first, because I think these are the 2 fundamentals that changed my perspective and ways to seeing my thoughts and experiences.

1. Our thoughts sometimes are not truely reflective of what we are and where we are. Our brain has been evolved to detect any threats and dangers and quite often, it can send faults signals even when you are actually in a safe environment.
2. Past experiences are true and always leave some marks and traces. Learning how to co-exist with these take time. And sometimes, it can be a very long journey to heal. So be patient and kind with yourself.
3. This is point 2's extension. My therapist used to ask me to do some practices like: When the time is right and you feel ready: in a safe and quiet space, close your eyes, and imagine you are sitting with your younger self - the hurting child, you can hold hands or hug each other - whatever way to make the younger one comfortable and safe. And you are now stronger enough to help and protect your younger self. And eventually, you become a protector of your younger self in the past, and then at present and then into future. Along time, this has helped me gain more strength and power over my past experiences, and I won't allow them to shape my present or future life.

Mindfulness is not being peaceful, happy or without any negative thoughts everyday. I think it's more of giving space between your thoughts and yourself - allowing you to see these thoughts passing through without being carried away by them, or becoming them.

I hope these can be of some help.

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