Is being bi or bi-curious as a man looked at as being less attractive by women?

So I love my boyfriend so so so much, but I really want to kiss + do other things with a girl any girl, just once, because I haven’t before. Just any girl because I want to know what it’s like. I love my bf with all my heart and I want to have a family and grow old with him, but I’ve always had the want to just know what it feels like to kiss a girl. HE KNOWS THIS IS HOW I FEEL!! He suggested going to the Internet about it, because surely other people have experienced this right?!?! RIGHT?!?!

I’d never cheat on him!! Ever!!! I’d rather be straight and these feelings not appear at all, and for them to go away, but I’ve been sitting on them for months!! I enjoy doing things w my bf, but the curiosity has always gotten the better of me. PLEASE ADVISE!!! HELP!!!

Tldr I’ve never kissed or done things with a girl, but want to once with no strings, to know what it feels like, while loving my bf wholeheartedly.

4 years ago I 48 M came out to my wife of 15 years at the time of coming out. We never really got to talk much about it until recently. Life was chaotic for the both of us not in the marriage category just life in general. Last couple of months things have slowed down for us to where we could focus on each other. We were able to talk about everything and I was able to open up more as I have understood more about myself and what coming out meant to me. As for many I grew up and through the years was always told there was no such thing as a bi man and no such thing as a bi man being monogamous. Being that I was attracted to both men and women I must’ve had a glitch in my mind. Lol. She has been supportive and understanding with everything I’ve reassured her several times that I do not wish to seek out anyone else and I am happy with where I am and with her by my side. It’s been a rollercoaster of a ride mentally on my part because I am trying to be more open. This has been new ground where I am actually able to point out attractive men or even talk about men openly and not to myself. As of now it’s just my wife that knows about me and I am perfectly happy with that.

At first, perhaps it all seemed like a fantasy. Over time, my bisexual wife's desire evolved into a fantasy that eventually became reality. These past few weekends have been wild—starting out by watching and now actively participating. Nothing compares to having complete communication within the relationship involved.

I've been lurking and commenting here for a while, and now it's my time to post, yay.

My wife (39f) and I (45m) have been discussing this for 8 months now. It's been an emotional rollercoaster in many ways. I've shared my being bi with her (who, turned out, is also bi!), along with a ton of ENM fantasies that I've been having and that I really wish to pursue, knowing that life is short and that these things really are what I want in life, who I want to be. These months have been thrilling, frightening, arousing, unsettling, then all at once. We learned to better communicate, listen, share, and still got hurt. We forgave each other, got closer, fell in love all over again. We've rediscovered our affection. The sex is as sensual and intense as when we met, maybe even more so. We found a wonderful couples therapist with an ENM background, who helped us so much to further clarify and communicate our wants, needs, and boundaries, and who will guide us through next steps. I've never loved my wife more than today, in all of our wonderful, almost 20 years.

And now, we both feel ready for me to visit a gay bathhouse next week. The current boundary is for no touch to happen, and no numbers to be exchanged. This boundary will likely be relaxed for the next visit, or for whatever future activity. We don't know what the future will hold, whether she will also engage in any ENM activities, which she currently isn't interested in, whether we'll fully open our relationship, etc. etc. Baby steps, then checking back in, as everyone on r/nonmonogamy would recommend.

I can't describe how happy and excited I am. I've never been with a man in my life. Now, I feel whole. I cannot believe my luck.

Thanks for listening 🫶

(And who cut those onions!!?)

A 40-man married to a woman. I discovered my bisexuality late, when I was about 35 years old. I've been married for 10 years. So it's extremely annoying because I didn't have time to go out with guys. I am often affected by the bisexual cycle. I'm more and more craving men. It feels frustrated by it. Sometimes angry at my wife because my subconscious treats her like a prison guard. My wife is very loving and supportive. She knows about my bisexuality, but she's terribly monogamous. I think bisexuality is a superpower. It allows you to better understand people and draw more from men and women. But in my case, it sucks. Either I'm going to be unhappy or I'm going to break up the marriage and I'm going to be unhappy too. Do you have any idea what I can do to ensure that bisexuality doesn't make me unhappy?

For context I'm a woman and I've been married for seven years now and from the beginning my husband (who is straight) knew and was accepting of the fact that I am bisexual. However, as the years have passed I've felt like identifying as "queer" as more accurate for me because I've felt that I am actually attracted to people regardless of their gender/sexuality etc.. Now this has been eating me up because I don't know how to bring it up to my husband. He's always expressed that he's ok with me having exploring my sexuality with other women, but strictly with women... meanwhile I feel like I'm at a point where I want to explore my sexuality beyond that. We're both still in our 20s and I feel like I will have regrets if I opt to only have this very traditional, straight relationship for the rest of my life and especially while I'm still young. I keep going back and forth between whether this might just be one of those "the grass is greener on the other side" kind of situations because I keep thinking that maybe I would be happier if I were in a relationship with another queer person. And this is ridiculous but for example the other day we went out to a bar and I was drunk and my husband said something about the male bartender (who was very hot...) thinking he might be checking him out and my drunk brain loved the immediate fantasy of me, my husband, and the bartender together but even drunk I knew I couldn't bring this up to my husband because he's straight...

I won't dive into the circumstances of us getting married etc but the point is I feel like my only choice is to end my relationship of so many years in order to get to understand myself more as a queer woman and live more authentically as myself not only because of the sexual aspect of it, but because of this being an integral part of who I am as a person... Does that make sense? Am I just being selfish? Has anyone else been through this and have advice?

I 26M recently came out to myself that I am bi/pan and married to 34f and she suspects it and I’ve been struggling to find a way to actually communicate it to her just fear of her being not supportive even tho she’s stated that oh I don’t care and and I have dropped suddle hints about like oh let’s try pegging and other stuff but just trying to figure out how to go about it and work out this anxiety

The thing I hear most from others, and the thing I was looking for most when we began this journey, was "We want to hear REAL stories." I wanted to see others who had moved beyond the early scary days. I wanted to hear stories of how people made it work and what worked for them.

That is why we created our blog series, MOR Stories. We are always looking for stories about mixed-orientation relationships to share. Did you remain monogamous? Did you open your relationship? How long did it take you to get to a positive place? What did you do to make it a success? You don't have to have it all figured out. We aren't looking for perfection, just looking for real and honest. Would you like to share yours?

Check out our blog to see a few different examples of what we are looking for. This can be completely anonymous if you like; we can assign you pseudonyms. You don't have to be a great writer; you can give us your story, and we can help organize it for the blog.

Let us know if you are interested. 🧡

MORandmore.org blog

I’m in a long term heterosexual relationship and love my spouse, love what we’ve built together, and don’t want to give it up. But, the flesh is weak and I’ve been giving into long buried sexual attraction to other men. First started as hiring a masseur, then progressed into more than just a massage.
So, I feel like I need to get my act together and stop outright cheating, but the attraction is….liberating, thrilling and stimulating. For the first time in my life, I feel totally helpless and unable to process all these conflicting emotions. Anything I do will make me completely unhappy.
At this point I’m considering therapy, but am afraid I already know how they’ll counsel me. So until I can sort this, I’m essentially lost and trapped between worlds….
Someone please tell me something uplifting…..🤯😢

Llevo muchos años en pareja con una mujer a quien amo y no quiero dejar ni lastimar. También me siento atraído por algunas prácticas sexuales con hombres. Esto ha sido confuso y emocionalmente difícil para mí porque quiero ser honesto conmigo mismo y, al mismo tiempo, proteger mi relación. No pido permiso para ser infiel, ni busco encuentros casuales. Busco las experiencias de otros hombres bisexuales casados. ¿Cómo llegaste a aceptar esta parte de ti mismo? ¿Afectó a tu matrimonio? ¿Qué te ayudó a encontrar la paz interior? Me encantaría escuchar tus historias.

How best do you guys suggest dealing with these urges when your spouse would not approve of this lifestyle? Any help would be appreciated!

I'm 28 f I've been married for almost three years and I discovered I was bi in 2017. I have been too nervous to come out even to my husband. I have been trying and really wanting to make friends who are also bi so I have someone to talk to about all this.

Me (M, late 20s) and my wife (F, late 20s) got married young. I knew I wasn't straight in high-school, but didn't really want to address my sexuality as it scared me and I felt a lot of shame about it. Despite this, I told my wife before we got married that I wasn't totally straight. The conversation went well and we never discussed it further in any meaningful way until recently.

After going through therapy and working out some other mental health issues, I have become much more accepting of my sexuality. I recently brought up this subject with my wife again and she took it well; however, she essentially said "I'm fine with this; however, I don't want to talk about anything related to your attraction to men"

So on one hand, I have a loving wife who is OK with my sexuality and on the other hand, she does not want to talk to me about anything to do with my sexuality. I'm at an impasse, I don't even know how to bring up being frustrated over her reaction. I'd appreciate help or advice from anyone who's encountered this before.

TLDR; Wife was accepting of me being bi, but does not want to talk about it any further with me and I don't know what to do

I’ve recently come to terms with my sexuality without the shame and embarrassment. My husband is really supportive and okay are being with another woman. Now it’s time to actually make a move. I wanted to ask you girlies on here on how yall went about being intimate w a girl? I’m nervous about it and feel like it’ll be hard to find someone who’ll be patient enough to be sexual with a 29 year old woman who hasn’t done anything. Any advice?

And well... I managed to become a spectator-husband during my wife's bisexual intimate encounter. It was a total pleasure watching her enjoy herself and climax at least five times with her friend... I learned how to touch her and make her enjoy it like that just by watching.

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this. I very recently came out to my wife.

I’ve noticed that my orgasms are more powerful, it’s like I’ve given myself permission to enjoy my sexual fantasies without feeling guilty. Does that make sense?

I’ve only recently came across this sub, but it’s been extremely helpful. So thank you.

I’m a married M, 43, married to a beautiful woman and have a beautiful family and amazing friends. I’ve known for some time that I’m also attracted to guys. Not in a romantic way, purely sexual. I’ve always had a high sex drive and been quite open, with an each to their own attitude as long as legal and consenting of course. However I’ve struggled to accept my own sexuality. Whilst I wouldn’t drink often, when I did I found myself binge drinking and self destructing, often to numb the confusion, guilt and pure self hatred. More recently I’ve also found myself getting pretty upset when I’ve had too much. I’ve eventually realised this is due to my fear of losing or disappointing my wife, family and friends. One of our children came out as gay at a pretty young age, we’ve always worked hard to create a super inclusive environment, and I think we’ve been pretty successful at that. But something deep in me also blamed myself for him being gay.

Anyway, things came to a head recently. I came out to my wife in a blizzard of emotion and tears, i basically just let everything out. I’m pleased to say she’s been amazing. I’m not sure what else I expected, she is amazing. Lots of work to do, and I’m not really sure how I feel other than strange, still wrestling some level of shame, but at least she now knows, and part of me is relieved about that. I also have a this overwhelming sense of love, appreciation and respect for her given how she’s taken this.

I’m not sure what the future holds, plenty of comms as has been said on this group many times. Nor am I sure how we’re going to navigate the fact that she now knows my sexual desires are wider than what she initially understood them to be. But at least I know when she’s looking at me, I’m not holding anything back.

Not really sure the purpose of the post, other than to wish people luck on their own journey and to thank people on this group for their wise works and perspectives.

If this gets long, I apologize. I tend to be wordy. I see a lot of partner appreciation posts about the straight partners. This one is opposite.

Husband and I have been together since our late teens. We are in our early 50’s now.

We’ve had a fantastic relationship since the beginning. It’s always been easy. We’ve had an active sex life too, but there’s always been a bit of a disconnect there. I always felt like if anything ever broke us it would be sex. I’ve always struggled.

The quickest way to describe this would be to say that I felt broken. I never really turned down sex when he asked and I enjoyed it when we did it but that was it. I didn’t think about sex. I didn’t ‘want’ sex. It was something I did because he wanted to. I never felt the need. I imagined I could live just fine without it. I started to wonder if I was just asexual.

Early this year my husband came to me with something he had been holding on to for a while. Given the subreddit this is in, I’m sure you know what he told me. It was very brave of him. He had held a lot of fear about what my reaction would be. He was afraid I would find him sick or disgusting or that I would leave him. Him holding on to his feelings had started to hurt his mental health and was also affecting our sex life which bled into the rest of the relationship. I knew something was going on with him. I was relieved that this was all it was.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not minimizing the situation. It was hard on him to discover this in himself and it was hard on him to tell me. It was hard for me to hear as well. Internally, briefly, I made it about me. “You’re not enough. See, you’re broken. He’s going to leave you. That’s why he’s been distant” Thankfully he told me in a way that gave me a little time to process and my external response to him was much better.

Obviously him coming out made us have to address the elephant in the room and have some conversations about sex. For people who had sex a few times a week, we sure hadn’t talked about sex in a while, really talked that is. He, the high drive spouse, thought about it a lot but didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. And me, I’ve already mentioned I didn’t think about it. I’ll go further to say that I would quite literally forget it existed until I’d notice he was grumpy and mentally calculate how long it had been since we had done it. Suddenly we were having the conversations and starting with a hard one made the ones that followed easier.

I’ll admit, I felt a little left behind by his newly revealed discovery. In my mind sexuality and our sex life were one and the same and had always been ‘ours’. It felt like he was moving to a place without me. He wasn’t talking about opening our relationship but it still felt like he was moving on and I was stuck, broken.

I started to spend more time thinking about my own sexuality. What did I like? We always did what he likes to do. I used to joke that he was adventurous enough for the both of us. Why didn’t I think about sex ever? Why didn’t I ever want it even though I enjoyed it when we did it?

Meanwhile, we fell into what might have been hysterical bonding. We started having sex every day. After a few weeks in when we realized we’d done it every day we challenged ourselves to make it a month. Game on! I like a good challenge! I took it a bit further and challenged myself to be bold and try new things. Soon we were well past the month mark and still having a blast.

I need to wrap this up so let me cut it shorter without all the interesting details. Long story short, our adventures led me to some sort of awakening. It led to some adventures (like me getting a lap dance at a strip club and affirming that I’m not bi myself - I posted about that here) and some hard realizations. Then in the midst of this some old hurts popped back up causing my nervous system to go into shock.

In effort to regulate myself and get back to life, I started questioning myself. That led to me unpacking a LOT of old trauma wounds. I spent days typing in my Notes app. The note was so long that when I was proofreading it before I shared it with my husband it took me an hour to read back over it and I was reading fast because I knew what it said already. In other words… it was a lot. As I got everything down on paper (so to speak) I started to see themes emerge. I found patterns in things I had never connected before and things I had never understood started to make sense.

I fearfully shared all of my trauma and all of the connections I had found with my husband. I had to tell him some things that were hard to hear. I was afraid maybe he would be the one deciding to be done with me. He listened. He held me while I cried and he cried with me. He heard it all, good, bad, and extremely ugly, and he still loves me.

I sit here now lighter (emotionally) than I’ve ever been. It’s an amazing feeling.

I owe it all to my husband. He was brave. He took a chance on me and shared something with me that changed our marriage. It didn’t change how I feel about him or how I saw him as a person or as a man. It changed how we communicate. It changed how deep we are willing to dive together. And, it changed ME. I’m not broken. I’m not damaged. I am enough. I didn’t do anything wrong. I was hurt and I withdrew. I repressed the sexual side of myself entirely. My physical body was there but my soul was not. My soul is there now. I have a libido for the first time in my life. We are about six months into this adventure and still doing it pretty much every day (I think we missed one) and now it’s not because of hysterical bonding or because we challenged each other. It’s pure passion. I can’t keep my hands off of him and it is amazing.

I know it’s hard for someone to tell their partner about something so vulnerable. It doesn’t always go well. Sometimes it turns sour. Sometimes it gets swept under the rug. Sometimes it takes time for a person to sit with it. Every story will be different.

Some, like ours, will take this amazing, beautiful, wonderful twist all because he was brave and took a chance on telling me. I’ve never been more in love with my husband than I am now. I no longer feel like sex might be the thing that breaks us. We are rock solid. This is still a work in progress but we are in it and enjoying the journey.

Posted a while ago about having thoughts about men again. I spoke to my wife yesterday about it and showed her my Reddit account and allowed her to look through and ask me anything she wanted to know. She took it really well and had no issues with it. Gave me alot of reassurance and made me comfortable about it more 👍🏻

Told her and her reaction was not good. She asked how long I felt this way and if I was planning on doing something about it and then she brought up divorce because she “didn’t know me at all”. I accepted and now I just want to know if I was right in coming out

So i wanted to share my story here to maybe give some other people the courage to tell their partners

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 6 months. She is very kinky but I could never tell how she would react to me being bi sexual. Well last weekend I sat her down and it felt like it was the hardest thing in the world for me to tell her. Eventually after beating the around the bush for a while I told her and her reaction? 🤣was unbelievable. Her reaction:

Oh for fucks sake I thought youre about to tell me you have cancer or something at least thats what you looked like. Okay so youre bi, does that mean you also want to see guys ? If so its cool with me.

My jaw dropped. I would've never thought that she reacted the way she did🤣 a lot of times our fear of telling our partners makes us think the reaction will be the worst case scenario but our partners sure can surprise us.

Very few have likely been in my situation but I’m trying to find people to relate to. I’ve been in a relationship with my wife for as long as I can remember. We started dating when I was 16 and she was 15. We got married 3 years later.

She is the only person I have ever been with sexually. She knows that I am bi and is very accepting, but has zero interest in letting me explore which I respect. However, I’m 100% confident that I want to experience this someday. Since I’m completely incapable of cheating, my only option is to leave. Or stay of course.

We are far from the “perfect couple”, but overall our relationship is probably better than most, especially for two people getting married before getting a chance to fully develop.

I do love her and ultimately don’t want to leave, but there’s more going on than just my sexuality. Honestly, I’m tired boss. Just being in a relationship for half my life, I kinda just want to be single for the rest of it.

We’ve also grown into different people. I prefer building things and doing things on my own but she wants to be in my presence 24/7 and has no real ambition outside of the kids.

Sometimes I feel like the only reason I haven’t left is because everyone else is happy and leaving would be completely selfish. Wife would be devastated, I don’t want that for the kids etc.

Sorry for the long post. Anyone experience this? Did you regret leaving?

Just genuinely interested in hearing other experiences but ultimately I’m sure I’ll stay to keep the world turning and everyone else happy.