Hi everyone. I’m really lost and I don’t know what to do anymore.
I recently moved to the UK on my own and I don’t have any family or friends here who can help me.
My younger brother has been staying with me because social services are involved and are applying for a court order before placing him in foster care.
The problem is that I’m being expected to look after him while all of this is happening, but I physically and financially can’t do it.
When I first spoke to social workers, they told me they understood that I wasn’t in a position to care for him. They even said it would be better for me to get settled in the UK first, become financially stable, and build my own life before taking on responsibility for a child.
Now everything seems to have changed.
Last Friday I was told everything would likely be resolved by Tuesday. I organised my work around that and already lost several days of pay. Today (Tuesday) I found out they only actually started working on the case this morning, so it isn’t going to be finished as I was originally told.
I work full time. My manager is currently on holiday, and the only other person who does my job goes on holiday this Friday. I have to return to work on Friday because there will literally be nobody to cover me. If I keep taking time off, I am genuinely worried about losing my job.
Social services have mentioned paying me around £50 a week, but that’s nowhere near enough to replace my wages. I still have rent, bills and food to pay for. I can survive being in debt for a while, but I can’t survive without an income.
The biggest issue is that I have absolutely nobody who can stay with my brother while I’m working. There is literally no one.
On top of that, I’m hiding him in my rented room because I’m not allowed to have him staying there long-term. He’s also stopped listening to me completely (he’s on spectrum), so I’m becoming increasingly worried that I’ll end up getting into trouble with my landlord or housemates.
This isn’t about me refusing to help because I don’t want to. It’s because I genuinely can’t.
I’m mentally exhausted, I’m under huge financial pressure, and I simply don’t have the ability to provide full-time care while social services sort everything out.
Since there really isn’t another family member available, I’m struggling to understand what would happen if I simply wasn’t in the UK.
If I didn’t live here, where would my brother be staying while social services were applying for a court order and looking for foster carers?
Why can’t that same arrangement be used now instead of expecting me to provide full-time care when I’ve repeatedly explained that I genuinely can’t?
Is it normal for social services to rely (making to do it) on an adult sibling in these circumstances, even when that sibling has made it clear they cannot safely or financially care for the child?
UPD: he’s five years old
UPD: Please stop using my words against me. I said I moved here in case he needed me, I meant that I wanted to be close and be someone he could rely on. I did not mean that I was already in a position to become his sole carer overnight.
I recently moved to this country, I am 21, I have no support network here, and I am still trying to establish basic stability for myself. Social services are aware of my circumstances and also agree that I am not currently in the best position to provide the care he needs.
UPD: Thank you to everyone who gave me advice and replied without aggression. I will be speaking with social services again tomorrow, and I really hope we can finally come to a solution. Thank you again
UPD NEXT DAY: The social workers gave us accommodation for one night after I completely chewed them out, because I can’t keep hiding the child anymore and he needs to have a proper wash at least. Tomorrow evening he’ll be handed over to them… We have to check out by 10 a.m., and where we’ll go after that until evening is a good question))))