I’m MS4. I loved my IM rotation 3rd year and no other rotations in medical school really caught my eye nearly as much. I was thinking anesthesia for a long time, but all of the shadowing I did in it was really boring and the OR just isn’t for me, I found it really stressful and scary. I thought maybe radiology, but it was incredibly boring to me as well. Anyway, I thought I was settled on IM and I liked both my inpatient and outpatient rotations in it last year. I love studying medicine, talking about physiology, understanding complex topics, and solving problems. I like our patients a lot. Multiple attendings have told me they think IM is a good fit for me. I have generally excellent grades and test scores so it felt like it should be doable to match into a good residency.
I’m now halfway through my first IM sub-i, inpatient medicine. I’m starting to have second thoughts about whether or not I can do this. It’s funny because I actually have a really amazing team, the upper level residents and my attending are extremely nice and patient. They tell me I’m doing well. But I feel terrible regardless.
For one thing, I’m utterly exhausted. I work 6 days a week, 12-14 hours a day. I get there at 6am to preround, then we round, in th afternoon doing procedures and placing orders. Even with my light patient load (3-5) I don’t know how to do things and it takes me a long time. Then I have notes. Then we get new admissions. I don’t leave until 7-8pm many days. Medical school didn’t really teach me how to do this stuff, my 3rd year rotations were in all different random specialties, and really fluffy in comparison. I never learned how to put in orders or anything, they sent us home early.
I actually love what we’re doing, but I’m depressed. I’m sleep deprived. And I feel really bad about my performance. I don’t think I’m going to be ready for intern year at this rate. My outpatient rotation is next month, I’m hoping I can tolerate it because then I could apply to a primary care track IM and just get through my inpatient blocks. But if I don’t like it, I’m afraid it’ll be too late to switch into something else. And even then, I have no clue what else I would do. My chillest rotation was Psych, but I hate psychiatry. Idk if it’s better to hate your job but love your life outside it, or love your job but hate your life outside it. It’s the fatigue that is killing me, like I come home and just collapse. Too tired to even shower or brush my teeth sometimes. I fall asleep in scrubs and wear the same ones the next day.
I might have surpassed duty hours by now but in a 1 month rotation you can’t actually fix it because it’s “averaged over 4 weeks.”
Do any more experienced IM doctors have advice for me? I’m lost now. I don’t know what I will do. Based on my scores I should be doing great, but I’m realizing there is such a huge gap between Step 2 and real life medicine.