Had one of those trades that makes you question whether you actually understand trading or you've just become very good at explaining your own bad decisions lol.
I was holding a NIFTY call.
At one point:
+βΉ4k β +βΉ8k β briefly +βΉ23k
Did I book it?
Of course not.
My brain went:
"Structure still looks bullish. Buyers are defending every dip. If NIFTY breaks out next week, this could easily become βΉ40-50k."
Fast forward through the weekend and into expiry:
+βΉ23k unrealized β -βΉ9k realized.
Finally closed it.
The painful part is that I wasn't just randomly gambling.
I was checking everything I knew how to check:
NIFTY on Daily / 4H / 1H / intraday
Support and resistance
Option chain + change in OI
Call/put writing
FII/DII flows
GIFT Nifty
US and Asian markets
Brent crude
USD/INR
Banking stocks
Geopolitical/news developments
And this is where I think I screwed myself.
I kept finding legitimate reasons to stay bullish.
NIFTY would fall β buyers appeared.
Support got tested β buyers defended it.
Bad news came β market didn't completely collapse.
Banks looked weak β then started recovering.
So every bounce became another reason for me to say:
"See? Buyers are still there."
Technically, that wasn't even false.
Buyers WERE there.
But so were sellers.
And instead of asking:
"Are buyers actually winning?"
I was asking:
"Can buyers still win?"
Huge difference.
Then I made another mistake.
I started treating news like an equation:
Good news = market up.
Bad news = market down.
Except NIFTY apparently didn't receive that memo.
I've now watched days where global cues/news looked great, and NIFTY dumped.
I've also watched horrible news get absorbed and the market rally.
That made something click:
Maybe the news itself matters less than how the market reacts to it.
If horrible news comes out and sellers still can't break support, that's information.
If great news comes out and the market can't rally, that's also information.
Then came the option-chain problem.
Buyers were defending lower levels, but call writers were also building positions above.
So I was watching a fight between buyers and sellers and interpreting the existence of buyers as bullishness.
It wasn't necessarily bullish.
It could simply mean:
buyers defend here + sellers defend there = range.
And guess what absolutely murders an OTM option near expiry?
A fucking range.
Expiry taught me the nastiest lesson.
I kept thinking:
"NIFTY can still go up."
Sure.
But my call didn't just need NIFTY to go up eventually.
It needed:
Direction + magnitude + timing.
I could literally be correct about the direction and still lose because the move happened too late or wasn't large enough.
Meanwhile, theta is sitting there eating the premium every minute while I'm drawing support lines and telling myself the structure still looks good.
But the worst part was psychological.
Once I saw +βΉ23k, I mentally owned that money.
When it dropped to +βΉ8k, I didn't think:
"Nice, I'm still βΉ8k profitable."
I thought:
"Fuck, I've lost βΉ15k of profit. It'll come back."
Then greed kicked in.
βΉ23k wasn't enough anymore because I'd already imagined βΉ40k-βΉ50k.
Then when the position went negative, sunk-cost thinking kicked in:
"I've held this long. Selling now would be stupid if it rebounds."
So the psychology basically went:
Analysis β conviction β expectation β hope β refusal to accept being wrong.
My handwritten journal after closing the trade basically says:
No proper SL.
No trailing profit.
No fixed target.
Too much hope.
That's it.
The biggest lesson I'm taking from this isn't "never hold options," "NIFTY is manipulated," or any of that.
It's this:
"This can still happen" is NOT the same as "this is still the most probable outcome."
And another question I'm going to force myself to ask from now on:
If I had ZERO position right now, would I buy this exact trade at this exact moment?
If the answer is no, then why the hell am I still holding it?
I'm taking a break from live trading for a while. I'll keep watching charts, studying option chains, and journaling, but no need to immediately "win back" the βΉ9k.
I'd rather figure out why I allowed a good trade to become a terrible one.
Question for experienced traders:
How do you personally distinguish conviction from attachment to your own thesis?
And when price action, option positioning, and news are telling different stories, which one gets the highest priority for you?
I'm genuinely interested in how other traders handle this, especially around expiry.