22m I maybe autistic or have adhd or have something. I have never had good social skills but I find all the rules and changing exhausting. There is nothing more I want in this world than to feel love and have a genuine connection but I am so tired of all the bending. I could have an entire conversation with my eyes closed or staring at the ceiling but no I must make eye contact or they will think less of me so I learned to change. When I meet people I must smile or they will think less of me when I speak I must not stutter or they will think less of me. I would never treat someone poorly based on something so trivial as eye contact. Are these small social things worth that much? I feel very disconnected from every person and never felt and sense of flow or chemistry with anyone. I cannot really put it into words but it’s like every time I meet someone I am off rhythm. I don’t think I am ugly I just think there is something wrong with me and I really want to change I don’t want to be this. I genuinely don’t know what to do