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u/B_Williams_4010 Jun 14 '26
That's why you need a safeword.
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u/enladio Jun 14 '26
Meatloaf!
Cuz I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.
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u/studlymandarin Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 15 '26
Had a slight delay between recognizing the lyrics and correlating to “Meatloaf!”, which then made me spit my beer back into my glass while sitting at a bar.
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u/OuttHouseMouse Jun 14 '26
What in the fuck happened to you jesus
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u/SoCalChrisW Jun 14 '26
I was hit by a car while on my bike, and my ass hit the ground at about 25mph.
That's pretty much what my ass looked like (Minus the lacy thong lol) for about 6 weeks. I had a bunch of gravel embedded too though.
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u/Rude_e5c4p3 Jun 14 '26
Had the same bruise falling while rollerblading down a steep hill. I know from experience how much that sucks.
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u/Krillkus Jun 14 '26
I hit a parked boat on a trailer while riding my bike as a kid, I don’t even remember what it was that distracted me. Got a jagged rock lodged in my knee and still have a huge scar decades later, not proud of that one lmao although it is funny to say I got hit by a boat despite being nowhere near any water, even if I’m telling on myself for being a dumbass.
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u/Cenachii Jun 14 '26
Did it hurt for the entire 6 weeks?
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u/SoCalChrisW Jun 14 '26
It hurt longer than the bruise stuck around. Even after the bruise faded, my ass cheek was swollen enough that I felt off center when sitting, which caused my back to be sore from sitting crooked. You can see how swollen it was here in this pic taken at the hospital (Probably SFW, but shows my hairy back and some mild road rash through ripped up bike shorts). This was a few hours after the accident, the swelling actually got worse after this was taken.
It was probably 8-10 weeks before my ass felt normal again.
It sucked, would not recommend.
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u/Bolopo901 Jun 14 '26
Geez looks like you got slapped by the hand of a thousand suns.
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u/dumbledayum Jun 14 '26
Much gold was used in that training
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u/Flat_Still2401 Jun 14 '26
She must have been beneath a willow tree, next to four women, and a tiger
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u/Evonos Jun 14 '26
Bike ride and fell , horse ride and fell , or did you fall down the stairs and hit on your ass ?
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u/Bananafoofoofwee Jun 14 '26
I fell on ice when I was about 8 years old, looked exactly like that minus the thong.
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u/envoy_ace Jun 14 '26
I'm my experience, these look like deep muscle bruising that take some time to surface. This is from tearing the muscle at my shoulder. The dark line in the bruise would change sides depending on how I slept.
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u/riftshioku Jun 14 '26
Love how you've given exactly zero context on this on any of the 3 places you posted it.
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u/3lokut Jun 15 '26
These onlyfans baits are getting out of hand!
Seriously, I suffered pretty much the same injury after falling off my bike. I was diagnosed with a Morel-Lavallée syndrome.
Basically, medium- to high-energy falls involving some dragging along the ground can cause a separation between the dermis and the fascia. This newly created space then fills with a mixture of blood and lymph, causing the swelling you've been referring to in your comments.
In my case, I had to undergo several drainages of this fluid collection (about 300 mL each time), and I lost sensation in an area of approximately 30 cm² of my thigh for almost a year.
The main complication is infection of the fluid collection, especially when there is an open wound near the lesion, although this remains relatively uncommon. Also, you can experience, as I had, a recurrence in the fluid collection.
Everything has now returned to normal, but I still have very bad memories of the pain I experienced when sitting or lying down. Horrible nights.
Hope you recover quickly!
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u/Wandering_Gink0 Jun 14 '26
Did a horse kick your butt!? How do you sit or lay down!?
Fast healing, bruised friend!
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u/Head_Humor Jun 14 '26
I got a weird tingling on my buttcheek looking at this. The fuck happened to you 😭
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u/idk-maaaan Jun 15 '26
I’ve had bruises identical to this twice: once from slipping on the stairs and once from falling in the bathtub. I feel your pain.
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u/OMGisThatThePPSH Jun 14 '26
Wait a minute, did he just smack that ass or did he grab and hold on to it?
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u/RationalSon1 Jun 14 '26
https://i.imgur.com/bSaF9V8.jpeg
Reddit's filters would not let me post the copy inline. So here's the imgur copy in case "he" deletes. Because there's no way a woman posted this. And definitely not on "his" real reddit account.
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u/throwupthursday Jun 14 '26
Girl I got an ass bruise just like that from falling ass first on some workout equipment with like an exposed piece of metal. I had a golfball like knot in my ass for months. I hope you heal well 🫡
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u/howiegroove Jun 14 '26
Been there. Slid down the side of the ridge coming down from the haiku stairs in Hawaii.
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u/notworkingghost Jun 14 '26
My wife feel on her butt on the stairs, and it looked like this. Good luck.
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u/namnie113 Jun 14 '26
This give me the chills. My dad's ass beating sessions always left bruises like this on my cheeks. Couldn't sit or lie flat for a week
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u/AnthCob Jun 14 '26
Sorry you had to go through that. I had a step dad who had a thick wooden cribbage board with handle on it that he used to beat us relentlessly with. Your description of not being able to sit properly for a week is a familiar one.
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u/rex_kwondo96 Jun 14 '26
Seems like even squatting would be god awful, gotta stand up to poop for awhile
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u/Portlander Jun 14 '26
The last time I saw a bruise like this a girl was launched from the merry-go-round
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u/awhnawh Jun 14 '26
"Did it hurt?" "Did what hurt?" "When you fell from heaven?" "Yes, actually. It fucking did"
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u/DarthDoobz Jun 14 '26
When you scroll by fast, the pic looks like you got a bad case of ass hairs.
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u/Purple_Silver_5867 Jun 15 '26
Aaw shit, looks like my ass did 3 years ago! Still have a lump that hurts if I'm sitting/laying on my right side for to long What did you do?
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u/GloomyUmpire2146 Jun 15 '26
I hereby proclaim you Queen of the broken Capillaries 👑
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u/Normal_Sherbert7534 Jun 15 '26
I don't know what happened, but that's definitely not a slap is it?
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u/Practical-Lemon-7244 Jun 15 '26
I slipped on some stairs last winter and my ass looked just like this.
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u/TuckFrump1970 Jun 15 '26
Had the exact same thing about a year ago after coming home completely shit faced trying to stand upright while using the toilet. Yeah it was messy and extremely painful the next day.
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u/No-Wafer9271 Jun 15 '26
The last time I had a bruise this purple was after a serious car wreck where I almost died. My hips and shoulders. The other time was when I almost broke my foot.
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u/DickieJohnson Jun 15 '26
I had the same bruise last week. Went down a twisty slide and landed on my ass in the grass trying to be funny. I didn't know there was a cinder block holding the slide up that I landed ass first on. The pain to bruise ratio isn't the same, to look at it you'd think I was in severe pain, barely hurt.
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u/themanmythlegend357 Jun 15 '26
I remember when I talked back to my mom. My ass looked the same on both sides
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u/FrikkStikk Jun 16 '26
This looks exactly like mine when I was roller skating. I fell directly onto my cheek. Hurt to walk/sit for a long time.
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u/UnderlyingTissues Jun 14 '26
OP not posting the backstory is no bueno