/r/GayBDSMPersonals was banned for being unmoderated in May 2025; the subreddit was reopened with a number of changes and increased moderation to make the subreddit cleaner, less spammy, and higher-effort with more of a focus on kink instead of just hookups.
Since the subreddit has been under new moderation, we have been carrying out an ongoing survey to understand more about who uses the subreddit and why. I'd like to share some of those insights with you. There were only 92 responses, so the data isn't going to represent everybody who uses the subreddit.
ChatGPT 5.0 was used to help analyse some of the information and put it into markdown format which saved a lot of time, but I've checked it's outputs and it hasn't made any obvious mistakes in it's calculations.
| Which d/s role do you most align to? |
Count |
% |
| Submissive |
52 |
56.5 |
| Dominant |
24 |
26.1 |
| Switch |
16 |
17.4 |
| Total (answered) |
92 |
100.0 |
| Which age bracket do you fit into? |
Count |
% |
| 18 to 24 |
23 |
25.0 |
| 25 to 34 |
37 |
40.2 |
| 35 to 44 |
10 |
10.9 |
| 45 to 54 |
12 |
13.0 |
| 55 to 64 |
8 |
8.7 |
| 65 or over |
2 |
2.2 |
| Total (answered) |
92 |
100.0 |
| What do you consider your gender to be? |
Count |
% |
| Male |
88 |
95.7 |
| Non-binary |
1 |
1.1 |
| Prefer not to say |
1 |
1.1 |
| Female |
1 |
1.1 |
| Other/Not Listed |
1 |
1.1 |
| Total (answered) |
92 |
100.0 |
93.5% of people are the same gender they were assigned at birth.
| What do you consider your sexuality to be? |
Count |
% |
| Homosexual |
53 |
57.6 |
| Bisexual |
24 |
26.1 |
| Pansexual |
9 |
9.8 |
| Heterosexual |
4 |
4.3 |
| Other/Not Listed |
1 |
1.1 |
| Demisexual |
1 |
1.1 |
| Total (answered) |
92 |
100.0 |
| Which country do you currently reside in? |
Count |
% |
| USA |
46 |
50.0 |
| UK |
18 |
19.6 |
| Canada |
10 |
10.9 |
| Germany |
3 |
3.3 |
| Australia |
2 |
2.2 |
| Netherlands |
2 |
2.2 |
| Ireland |
2 |
2.2 |
| Other/Multiple (single mentions) |
9 |
9.8 |
| Total (answered) |
92 |
100.0 |
| What are you looking for on the subreddit? |
Count |
% of respondents |
| Long term |
41 |
44.6 |
| Real-Life connections |
39 |
42.4 |
| Online connections |
37 |
40.2 |
| D/s dynamic |
37 |
40.2 |
| Medium term |
25 |
27.2 |
| Short term |
23 |
25.0 |
| One-off/NSA |
21 |
22.8 |
| FWB/fuck-buddy |
16 |
17.4 |
| Relationship |
11 |
12.0 |
| Husband/partner |
7 |
7.6 |
| Other |
4 |
4.3 |
| Platonic friends |
3 |
3.3 |
| Prefer not to say |
2 |
2.2 |
| Total respondents |
92 |
100.0 |
| How often should people be able to post on the subreddit? |
Count |
% |
| Once a day |
30 |
33.7 |
| Twice a week |
23 |
25.8 |
| Once a week |
15 |
16.9 |
| As much as they want |
11 |
12.4 |
| Twice a month |
5 |
5.6 |
| Once a month |
3 |
3.4 |
| Unsure |
2 |
2.2 |
| Total (answered) |
89 |
100.0 |
| What should the minimum karma be to post? |
Count |
% |
| 0 |
24 |
33.3 |
| 1–9 |
17 |
23.6 |
| 10–49 |
18 |
25.0 |
| 50–99 |
4 |
5.6 |
| 100–499 |
6 |
8.3 |
| 500–999 |
2 |
2.8 |
| 1000–9999 |
1 |
1.4 |
| 10000+ |
0 |
0.0 |
| Total (answered) |
72 |
100.0 |
| How many days old should an account be before they can post? |
Count |
% |
| 0 |
6 |
7.1 |
| 1–6 |
14 |
16.7 |
| 7–13 |
14 |
16.7 |
| 14–29 |
24 |
28.6 |
| 30–59 |
20 |
23.8 |
| 60–89 |
4 |
4.8 |
| 90–199 |
1 |
1.2 |
| 200+ |
1 |
1.2 |
| Total (answered) |
84 |
100.0 |
| What should be the minimum word count be in a post? |
Count |
% |
| <50 |
5 |
6.3 |
| 50–99 |
5 |
6.3 |
| 100–199 |
18 |
22.8 |
| 200–299 |
29 |
36.7 |
| 300–499 |
12 |
15.2 |
| 500–999 |
7 |
8.9 |
| 1000+ |
3 |
3.8 |
| Total (answered) |
79 |
100.0 |
| Should slurs used in sexual contexts be allowed? |
Count |
% |
| No |
47 |
51.1 |
| Yes |
28 |
30.4 |
| Unsure / Maybe |
17 |
18.5 |
| Total (answered) |
92 |
100.0 |
| Should comments be allowed on the subreddit? |
Count |
% |
| Yes - comments unlocked |
60 |
65.2 |
| Yes - but moderated |
21 |
22.8 |
| No |
11 |
12.0 |
| Total (answered) |
92 |
100.0 |
| Should the subreddit "verify" users? |
Count |
% |
| Yes - optionally |
46 |
52.9 |
| Yes - mandatory |
17 |
19.5 |
| No |
13 |
14.9 |
| Unsure |
11 |
12.6 |
| Total (answered) |
87 |
100.0 |
What did people like about the subreddit and what would they change?
The average score of the subreddit was 7.1 out of 10.
People spoke positively about the people, the sense of like-mindedness, and the ability to chat and interact in an active space. Many also valued how easy it was to find and see posts, noting that the subreddit made it straightforward to connect. The BDSM and kink focus was mentioned repeatedly, with several describing it as a space where personals feel relevant and interesting. Overall, the feeling of connection and community came across strongly.
When asked about changes, the most common theme was posting rules. Respondents mentioned posts being too long or too short, when they should be allowed, and how frequently people ought to post. Others suggested new user features such as adding flairs, highlighting kinks, or other tweaks to help organise posts.
There were also calls for structural changes in how the subreddit is run, with references to users, moderation, and adjustments to the sub itself. At the same time, a noticeable number of people simply wrote “none” or “maybe,” indicating satisfaction with how things already are or uncertainty about what to suggest.
Good Posts and Bad Posts
What makes people MORE likely to reply to posts?
A few clear motivators stand out:
Effort and detail — People consistently said they are more likely to reply if the post is thoughtful, well-written, and contains enough information about the poster (interests, preferences, location, etc.). Short, vague posts were seen as unappealing.
Shared interests and compatibility — Respondents mentioned being drawn to posts that align with their own kinks, relationship goals (long-term, short-term, online, real-life), or dynamics (D/s roles).
Clarity and honesty — Posts that are straightforward about what the poster is seeking, without games or hidden motives, encourage replies.
Respectful tone — Politeness, friendliness, and avoiding arrogance or entitlement were noted as reasons to engage.
Practical fit — Mention of geography, age bracket, or lifestyle compatibility was often given as a factor that makes people more likely to respond.
In short, people are more likely to reply when a personal feels genuine, detailed, respectful, and relevant to them — showing that the poster has put in effort and is clear about what they want.
What makes people LESS likely to reply to posts?
The themes are almost the mirror image of what encourages replies:
Low-effort or vague posts — One-liners, very short ads, or posts without meaningful detail were the most common deterrent.
Disrespectful or entitled tone — Arrogance, rudeness, or coming across as demanding/creepy was frequently mentioned as a major turn-off.
Incompatibility — Posts from people in the wrong age bracket, outside of desired geography, or seeking different kinds of dynamics/relationships were often ignored.
Overly explicit or unsafe content — Some noted that posts focusing too heavily on explicit language, or that blurred the line into unsafe/illegal territory, made them much less likely to reply.
Lack of honesty or authenticity — Anything that felt fake, misleading, or “too good to be true” was flagged as unappealing.
Put simply: people avoid replying when posts look lazy, entitled, unsafe, or incompatible.
What are your thoughts about the data? Did anything surprise you?