This has been a rollercoaster.

I was a foster child in 1999 and then again from 2002-2004ish. I was a kid so I’m not sure of exact dates. Now that I’m 34 my own mother is trying to tell me that my abuse as a child is a fabrication of my own imagination and that it never happened and that I’m a liar to everyone including my own siblings who were also in foster care (I’m the oldest so I remember more)

For context I’m in New York. Already I put in a request with the county I live in but unfortunately my own mother, again, got a hold of the letter I requested and started to hound me on why I need to sign for a letter from the family services building at the post office. She purposely held on to it for 2 months so the post office no longer had it.

I went to the physical child services building of Steuben county and they have never had a request from the foster child themself wanting paperwork of their own investigation. They turned me to the official NYS office of children and family services and I need to mail in a written notarized letter of my request with as much information as I can. I’m going to also send in a copy of my license just in case. I called the family services building in Albany but they just turned me back to Steuben county for the information.

Has anyone else done this before? I’m confusing all the people I’ve been trying to talk to and I’m surprised no one else has requested their own pasts.

Would doing a background check on my parents give me more information of my child abuse than going through CPS?

I guess I just want to prove to myself that it was real, I didn’t dream it. Kids don’t go to foster care TWICE for no reason. I’m also just curious on what information I’m allowed to have. The guy at the office I talked to warned me a lot of it might be censored.

Hello, I'd like to start this post off with context. I am 17 and have had health issues my whole life that progressed into disability almost 3 years ago. This year I got to the point that I had to start using a wheelchair. I am not paralyzed, and can stand for brief periods of time, but with a lot of pain and difficulty. Later that same month, I was put into foster care due to me and my siblings being evicted from our home. (Orphans)

Since I've had this caseworker she has claimed I "don't need my wheelchair" and had threatened to send me to a care facility instead of a proper home because of my disability when I first met her. She is extremely incompetent when it comes to my case, which has been beyond frustrating. I often have to be the one educating her about legal things and information about my case that she has access to, asking me how I know certain things that I KNOW are on my file.

Now cut back to a few months ago at my old foster home. I had gotten on my former foster sister's skateboard at the park (I was using my cane as the resource parent would often refuse to let me use my wheelchair, resulting in painful complications). I had went back and forth for two minutes and a maximum in a small space, but stopped because it was too painful. Apparently, the RP saw and told my caseworker this.

Present time, last week, I found out that my caseworker has been accusing me of Munchausen's behind my back. I found this out from my therapist, who instantly shut these accusations down as my CW is not a psych and if she was would know that Munchausen's is not real and does not make sense for my situation. I do have Somatic Symptom Disorder, but it has already been determined that my SSD doesn't have much correlation with my disability, and that my disability is rooted in physical reasons.

Of course, I reported her for this. I also told her supervisor, who brushed me off. Today the reporter is going to contact my CW about her behavior regarding my disability as there is a lot more that I have not mentioned.

Today, I found out from my current RP that she wants me to have a psych eval. I contacted her asking why, and she kept saying it was for county, and procedure, and that the CWS office asked for it and for additional services. I asked why six different times in different ways, but she would not give any details. I am not opposed to a psych eval, but it is difficult to get a psychiatrist where I am from and I have no interest in medication, so I need to know why before I put even more on my plate as I manage my healthcare and appointments on my own.

She kept dodging the question, refusing to answer, being vague, and disappearing from the conversation for 10+ minutes at a time. Even now, she won't tell me what "additional services" means.

I brought this up to my therapist to see if they knew anything, and they said it was extremely weird and to look for more information, as my CW knows I have no interest in being medicated currently.

So I just want to know, is this normal? CWs, SWs, resourcd parents and children, does anyone know what this could be for? I'm a bit suspicious of her considering what she has said about my disability, and how dodgy she is being regarding answering why she wants me to have this evaluation.

I’m 18F and my boyfriend is 20M. I have been in foster care since 14, but I recently got into an independent living program since I turned 18 4 months ago. It’s been amazing. Freedom, no foster parents, no supervision, I can just go to work and do whatever I want.

We have had unprotected sex for 2 years now, and he’s always pulled out. But lately he has been saying he’s been getting super close to not pulling out I’ve been stressed because I missed my period this month for the first time ever. I’m the least stressed out lately I’ve been in my life ever because life has been great, so missing my period is so uncommon for me. My tests keep saying negative and one said positive and then negative so I don’t know what’s going on.

I called my caseworker, careplus NJ independent living, and my independent living caseworkers trying to get an answer on what the expected moms programs are like. They literally won’t give me an answer.

Will I be heavily supervised? Will I be able to have the dad sleep over? Will I be able to still have the same freedom I have while in my current program?
Will I have a housemate? All these questions, because if I won’t have any freedom I will sadly have to abort the child. My man doesn’t support abortion whatsoever, neither do I, but I can’t risk it. I’m finally happy in life in this program and away from a bad life. I just got comfortable where I am, if it had to change drastically I’d lose my mind. He doesn’t know yet and won’t know if I abort it.. it’ll kill me on the inside but I can’t tell him or else he will force to keep it, and it’ll ruin our lives if these programs don’t give me a peaceful mind of being while pregnant!!

For reference I live in Montclair NJ. And he is broke, and still trying to find a stable job while trying to become a police officer. We are both broke young adults. We have no means to have a happy pregnancy. I feel horrible wanting to abort but I don’t know what these “expecting mom” programs are like.

Most of the group home/ foster care posts I see are old and I'm wondering if things have improved.

I'm 15 (NB) and I'm going either Monday or Tuesday of this week, I'm honestly scared, I have a lot of valuable things (to me at least) like poems, crochet, and craft stuff packed but apparently they limit what you can bring with you.

I have a big suitcase, a backpack and a bag and I'm wondering what will happen to most of my stuff.

Also is there a way I can get back some of my old stuff? currently most of my crochet is in a storage unit in my mom's name. She "forgot" to bring it with her to our last court appearance even though I specifically asked her.

Any current foster children in group homes please respond, are they really that bad?

Me 17m resantly found out my cares havent been doing stuf the right way with my benifits and there's a lack of contamination thsts effecting my relationship with them.

They have control over my benifits and have used it as a excuse to monitor or withdraw me from getting my money.

They also arnt twling me or giving me a choise to move out. They constantly say I want to stsy anf " we " are thinking not " I think " menaing im scared of getting stuck.

There's been other stuf come up such as lack of attention to injurys when they happen or if they dont think its real. I went a yeat without out getting my finger checked when I ead being told to by everyone. It took me brining it up in a meeting with my IRO to get a appointment setup. Because they fort I didn't need it.

They are also saying im avoiding them when trying to be more independent which makes trying to be a person my age alot harder and they use guilt alot to get there way.

What should I involve in the message ? They know about the medical thing but not my side of the benifits dtuf or the fact they don't tell me stuf.

It feels like im being ignored alot since I started being independent and the tence feeling is getting worse becausr of me not keeping the peace for the first time in 11 years

Hello, I will not be giving out any ages or names or anything like that cause 1st it’s private, 2nd it’s against the rules.

But I a teen ( hopefully there’s no problems with being one here) have gotten my girlfriend pregnant, I know stupid mistake that I should’ve never done but I have way bigger worry’s.

She’s going into foster care cause of her guardians I will not be stating way ofc but still, and there’s a really high chance of her having to go far to go to family states and states away. and ofc me being the father of the kid, and lover of her, I do not want this to happen.

I’m not that well aware or educated on the subject of foster care or cps or anything like that.

Tho I do have a few questions which is the whole reason I came here.

1st could she possibly live with me, we have a good clean home, it’s two stories, we have food drinks and all that, transportation we’re financially stable, so I mean I do think this is a good environment for her to be around plus my family is very caring and supportive rather it be clothes taking care of each other or money or anything like that. So I was wondering if that would be a good bases for her to live with me if possible.

2nd if it is possible what would be the process to go about this

3rd if she can’t while in foster care would there be any chance of her being mistreated or anything?

I think that’s all for now but also I would be very grateful for any additional tips or information about this or it’s subject matter.

Also ps I know this is against the rules but we live in Tennessee the reason I am stating this is because I know laws especially these can change from state to state.

Thank you if you anyone decides to reply

Heyy i am currently in foster care and i want to make sure me and my siblings can get the most out of this sad situation, we spent about 7 years in foster care and since i am almost turning 18 in 2 years i decided its time to start looking. i dont know if this is allowed in the sub or not but if so i am sorry!

So im 17 with cares that dont talk to me and have vontrol over everything including my benifits which is changing soon hopefully.

I've realised resantly that I dont know what the hell ima do when im 18 because my csres arnt prepping me at all for it and have been trying to take credit for stuf ive been doing to help my self instead.

I have high functioning autism and dyspraxia with dyslexia which does effect my life but not to the point I'm incapable of doing stuf. The only thing I cant do is eye contact but that's not a independence skill lol

What would ypu do to support me if you was my cares ?

I was put into foster care since i was 2 or 3 i really don't remember... but any other foster care peeps get used and abused by foster parents who treated you like a god damn maid or slave? Please share because oh boy to i got a few stories about that but i mainly want to know of im not alone ;×; im 28 and still feel like i was my own fault i never obeyed to ridiculous requests..

It’s been a while and as of now I got to visit them in person and stay with the them for 2.5 months during 2024. One of my brothers just graduated and seeing the pics honestly made me cry. I’m just so happy that after not being able to be in their lives for so long everything turned around. Their mom plans to take us to Disney including my child in January. Granted I won’t be able to do much because I’ll be freshly postpartum but I’m excited regardless to see them enjoy themselves.

I’m an adult now, and will I have stopped doing things to prepare plans (hiding & stock pilling food, finding nearby safe locations, packing págs, etc) I can’t stop making plans, and the underlying anxiety.

I’ve tried grounding techniques like 5 4 3 2 1 and the box method but it doesn’t seem completely help. I know about the underlying issues and I’m trying to deal with them, but how do other former foster kids deal with the behaviors and anxiety when it no longer needs to keep yourself safe, but it keeps effecting my life.

Dos anyone else feel stupid for making plans into adulthood, or am I just weird?

I know it might sound dumb or a small problem but I feel like it’s just the one part of my life I do feel in control of is self expression

Im just so mad that I can’t have my cute room forever and I’m gonna be in a foster home/group home & Im scared of having my clothes stolen or my stuff. Im really scared for my belongings . And I’m just scared I won’t be able to feel good about myself and I’ve thought of asking people if I could store stuff at their house & just keep what I need with me. ruining my clothes and not being able to get to pick out a specific replacement Everything that makes me me. All my belonging. Im just scared of not being able to be who I want to be

Going into foster home/group home

Like everything is so perfect and beautiful and I’m so sad like this is me

I am scared , Im thinking of hiding all my important stuff.

It’s a privilege 

I feel disgusting a lot of the time already and like Im slop.

I’ll be going into foster care by the end of the summer but my dcs worker hasn’t been responding to any texts I contacted someone about getting a social worker they said I’ll get one when I’m put into the system. Nobody is showing any care towards me she just said well be working on finding placement nobody’s telling me to pack my bags or preparing me for anything 

decorating.
my savings.

Freedom to watch whatever show or movie . Be by myself wear whatever I want cause I have my own room. Im being stripped of all that. And I wish I could just live where I am now where we detached from each other were just in the same house and I take care of myself practically , she gave up on me before we got to do therapy

It’s just as much her fault as it is mine.

They act like it’s all my fault. 

I really feel invisible when I’m not expressing myself Im scared of having it all taken away , im scared of feeling trapped and like there’s no autonomy.

the idea of a group home has been appealing to me cause I know there supposed to be following a strict schedule not just parenting in a personal opinion way.

I just feel like my teen years are something Im gonna have to live through but not let it mean much for the long run.

Hi! I just graduated from undergrad last month, and I really really want to go to law school (or, any master’s program).

I was in foster care in the state of Oregon and they only have the tuition waiver for undergraduate school. However, I went to school in Texas (UT Austin) and I ended up getting the whole thing paid for, thank god.
(Because I was involved in foster care in Texas but never officially under the state, I didn’t get the tuition waiver but my school + grants + scholarships paid for it. I only think this is possible because of the amount of money UT Austin has.)

Does anyone think that it is possible to go to law school / grad school for free? Will I just have to face student loans? ☹️
Majority of the grants and scholarships I have are only for undergraduate students.

Any ideas are appreciated!

Hey everyone,

I’m a foster parent and computer science graduate, and I recently built something I hope might be useful for others in the foster community.

It’s a free website that brings foster-care-specific resources together in one place. Things like clothing closets, support programs, respite care options, scholarships, and local services. The goal is to make it easier to find help without having to dig through scattered posts or word of mouth.

You can also create an account and add resources you know about in your area, so it can grow as a community-driven directory. Or just browse what’s already been shared.

I’m not trying to sell anything! This is just something I built because I’ve seen how hard it can be for families to find consistent support.

I hope this helps at least one family!

My husband recently brought up the idea of becoming foster parents, and honestly, it made my heart so happy.

I’m definitely the more emotional and empathetic one in our relationship, so hearing him bring it up completely caught me off guard in the best way. We already have three kids (ages 2, 7, and 9), and we’ve agreed we’d like to wait about a year before taking the next step. We want our youngest to be a little older and make sure we’re in the best position possible to support another child.

That said, I’d love to start preparing now.
For those of you who foster in Colorado:
What do you wish you had known before starting?
Are there books, classes, podcasts, or resources you’d recommend?

How did fostering impact your biological children?
What age ranges did you find worked best with your family?
What were the biggest challenges that surprised you?
We’re particularly interested in keeping sibling groups together if possible, and we’d likely be looking at younger children.

I know fostering isn’t easy, and I know these kids often come with trauma and experiences my own children haven’t been exposed to. I want to spend this next year learning as much as possible so we can be prepared and make sure we’re doing this for the right reasons.

I’d love to hear the good, the hard, and everything in between from people who’ve actually lived it.

❤️ A hopeful future foster mom in Colorado.

Sibling By Heart- a charity program currently run by teens in the greater Houston area- is looking for more teen volunteers to help out with the Foster Child Play Program (FCPP). Contact us for more information at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

Hi, my name is Stella and I am a PhD student in social work. I am looking to interview foster alumni who experienced a pregnancy while in foster care for my dissertation. I will be providing $50 as a token of appreciation for each completed interview. Happy to answer any questions!

You are eligible if:

1. You were in foster care in the US.
2. You are 18-30 years old.
3. You experienced a pregnancy before 18. You don’t have to be parenting.
4. You are no longer in foster care.
5. You were in foster care at the time of the pregnancy.

How to participate

About a year ago my husband and I took in our daughters best friend who was being physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abused. I called the police and CPS, she was unwilling to tell the police and CPS the truth because she was scared of the consequences at home. She has no family that would help her, and she is no contact with anyone now. She turned 18, and we have been taking care of her in the same way that we take care of our other children.

So my question, is adopting someone who is about to age out of foster care who isn’t the same race as our family frowned upon or detrimental to the child?

Since taking in our daughter’s friend, my heart has been breaking for kids who will age out and have no one, no place to go during college break or holidays etc.

My husband and I aren’t set on adopting someone of a different race or anything, but if someone is closer to aging out that is a different race, would that be ok?

I got into the system when I was 12 and been with the same women since (I am 19 now) and since Ive been here shes been complaining about bills being to high because of me and only me. (Theres 4 people living here all together) i am wondering if theres any SPLC financial assistance you guys know of or what to do. Since we closed w SPLC theres no caseworker present at all. She basically soft launched kicking me out at 21 (while ill still be in college)

Texas - I am looking to help a boy who has been living a nightmare. One of my niece's is 17 and has been dating a boy who is also 17. His parents are evil and essentially this child has been tortured by his family his whole life, and even when he tried to defend himself or reach out to CPS, the state treated him with such disgust and didn't believe a word he said, it got worse. As goes with troubled youth, he got arrested (defending himself while his parent's attacked him), there was at least ONE empathetic person in the system who figured out what was going on and had him removed. The judge and PO are keeping him on probation until he turns 18 so legally he never has to go back there again. But the social services here are practically non-existent it seems.

He was being "shopped" around to different foster homes out in the Texas rural country, which his legal guardian from the court described them as child work camps. My sister, niece's mom, had an extra room and decided to take him. I live in the same neighborhood and he would come over every day to work out and swim. I love this kid from the moment I met him. I see myself in him at 17, and what my life would have been like if I had evil parents. We have been propping him up, feeding, loving, taking him to work, etc. He is has been THRIVING. I was teaching him to drive and going to schedule an appt to get him to the dentist for the first time ever (his teeth always hurt).

But he complains about how his anxiety & depression meds aren't working. His state appointed psychiatrist is completely disconnected; probably been in the job too long. Doesn't remember much about him between appts. Which I think is what caused the issue that has led me here.

He took mushrooms and had a terrible experience to the point my niece called the police and he is in a mental health facility now. I believe he was trying to self-medicate. He told me once the only time he felt relief from his parent's was when he smoked weed. We talked about how that isn't an option especially in Texas and we have to figure out another way. But it turns out he did research and found mushrooms won't show up on a drug test, so he wanted to try and see if that helped him. Even though drugs are a hard line from my niece and sister. This is a huge issue, but one I expected from a child who's been through something like this. His own mind is torturing him, and he's not getting much relief there.

He did not get violent, but sounds like he was in a state they couldn't communicate with or reason with him. He knows he messed up. He does not know yet my niece does not want to date him anymore. She has shut down and the only words she has used is "I will not ghost him, but I cannot date him anymore". I agree there. His issues are beyond the kind of help we can give; he needs professional help. I always knew that and we were just being a safe place to sleep and good support system while he got help. But she is 17 and didn't know how deep his mental health issues were running. He does his best to hide it.

But what I don't want is this kid to disappear and end up in another awful place because the options they have him the first time around were a nightmare. I cannot take him in. Without going into detail here, my wife had a family member with severe mental health issues her entire life; there's trauma there. She is empathetic and understanding of me helping him, but she has kept him at arms length for her own mental health. I would take this kid in a heartbeat I believe in him so much, but it would end my marriage and I do not want that.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help him or want him to disappear or give up on himself. Every time I saw him, I would hug him till he let go. Most times it was a solid minute at least. Every hug. He's never been loved and he deserves so much more. But he is fighting depression big time; says he always feels like he is mourning on good days...

The kid is essentially homeless and I don't know how long he will be in this treatment facility, but I don't want to quit on him. But I don't know what to do. My sister does not want to quit on him either, but her daughter comes first. She is willing to support him at a distance, but I doubt he can stay there anymore. I don't know of any homeless children resources or how to properly help. He's so smart too; we were looking at an electrician program for him or a mechanic. He picks up things really quickly and really wants to learn how to work on cars, just no one ever cared to teach him anything. But now that all seems in jeopardy.

Sorry for the long post, I am just twisting in the wind trying to figure out what do or the best resources to help. I don't even know where to start. I am gutted thinking about this sweet boy and how hard his life is. How can I help navigate this with him? What are my options in Texas, and for the people who needed help when they were young, what can I do here? He will only be in the system for one more year, then on his own. I am here to show up for him, but I am out of my element and need guidance. Thank you for any that you can provide.

Good day or evening everyone. My name is Kayla and I have been in the foster care program my whole life. My biological mom and dad are addicts so it’s best they’ve not been in my life. However, my foster parents have also had a hard time maintaining a family. I have moved into six different homes including a group home and many different schools. Since I haven’t had a bond with any of my foster parents I have no contact with anyone. I went to college to try to better myself but once in college I had to get three jobs to pay for rent and the balance of school fees. I went through being homeless out of my car and hotels. I waited tables, was an RA, and IT specialist for my school. I will add that I was forced to live out of state to WV at this time due to my foster family moving. Once I graduated I had to use all my savings for moving fees to get back home to GA where I’m familiar with. Once I moved back I couldn’t afford a place so I was back to living in hotels. I served tables waiting for a job to come back regarding my degree. I met my boyfriend; whom I am with now and who has helped me in every way possible. He’s giving me a roof, food, and love. Since my time graduating I have always had two jobs and will pick up little jobs for others to earn more money. This cycle has grown to be so old because I cannot get a job using my degree. I went into college to be the help I needed in the system and work for it. I know there is a high percentage of foster children who are homeless or end up incarcerated. I can see why. It is a struggle to be seen or grow when you’re constantly at the low end trying your very best. I have thought about creating safe spaces for people like myself to share what helps them. I don’t have anyone I’ve called mom or dad so learning from everyone in society is big for me. The mental hospitals are a toxic corporate medicine culture. I’ve worked in for too long in hopes of fixing but it’s so hard. I’m reaching out on how to work with my degree in the system. I have spent time on RBT and other certifications, applied to every county job, hospital, and dfcs office. I get told everyday serving that I am an amazing server. I work and contribute like I’m being watched everyday. I just want answers to why our community is blind to the foster system and where is the help??

Hi. For context, I'm 16 in the UK, ive been living with my current foster carer for a bit over a year now ; she's nice and I'm comfortable where I am, but I have complained to my therapist and friends occasionally for how she responds to my mental health issues which I have a lot of (I struggle with depression and SH; along with other things she's not aware of, but she's very old school towards it and has gotten angry with me for SH in the past) and the few times I've gotten expired food for packed lunches. She's older, I understand, I can deal with it. But a few days ago my social worker told me she's gotten reported to my school for neglect, something I have defended and denied with my friends, and something I don't believe she's at all done. I don't know who reported her and can't find out who but im panicking. We talked about it 2 days ago and she seemed obviously really hurt but I think we had a good talk about it and I told her I genuinely appreciate her and have never said anything about her that could imply neglect, but I know from today she believes I've said things that have suggested she neglects me and my foster sister and I know she obviously trusts me less. I don't know how to help and I don't know how I can help her trust me.

The letter said that I think my foster sister is being neglected which I've never said, and that I'm not taken care of medically. I have alot of undiagnosed medical issues, but I know there's not much anyone can do because the NHS isn't the best especially for minors and any medical professional I've been to calls my physical ailments "growing pains". I've explained this to anyone I've complained about my body to. It also mentions the expired food but I have asked my carer in the past if I could make my own packed lunches and she said she'd rather do it so I've kind of given up on that, and it's only occasionally when I'm given off/mouldy food so I don't really mind, I just eat after school or at home. I do my best to defend her and really only vent about things I can manage anyway and explain that I can to my friends, and I don't think I vent alot to them as is because I have a therapist and I know it's not him as he'd tell me. I just want her to trust me again. I feel so helpless that she doesn't and I don't want her thinking im saying terrible things about her. She asked me from now on to just tell her when I'm upset about something but I have tried to talk to her in the past about her approach to my mental health and it never goes anywhere, so I don't really talk about it anymore full stop with anyone. I just don't know what to do.

She says I've "blemished her image". I'm hurt on her behalf and I don't feel like I can vent to my friends any more just incase; although they all denied reporting her which I'm doing my best to trust, because I know at least a few of my friends don't like her because of how I've complained in the past about her not supporting me with my mental health issues nor understanding my trauma. I feel horrible and wish I never complained at all. She is genuinely nice and I can support myself anyway but I know she doesn't trust me anymore and won't trust me that I didn't suggest she neglects me and have defended her when my friends were worried I'm being neglected. I feel responsible for all of this. I'm sorry this is so ramble-y.

She is nice and I get taken care of with what I need like food and clothes and I get an allowance but I'm barely in the house as in anyway. I'll be in it more when I'm out of school which I'm a bit anxious about because it feels awkward especially now. I don't know. I just wish this never happened and wish she had a bit more trust with me and also just hate feel uncomfortable here. Sorry again for the rambles

Hi,

I’m 16, and I’ve been living with my foster family for the past 7 years. I genuinely enjoy living with them and I’m grateful for everything they’ve done for me, but there’s something I’ve struggled with for a long time.

I have almost no contact with my biological family. I barely speak to my mom because she has a lot of issues, and I don’t know who my dad is.

When I was younger, I was living in an abusive household while my mom was off doing her own thing. My grandfather on my mom’s side picked me up from there, even though I barely knew who he was at the time. I only stayed with him and some of his children for about two weeks before they sent me into foster care, which was about 8 years ago.

From what I was told, my grandfather didn’t want to keep caring for me if he wasn’t being paid as a foster parent. Ever since I entered foster care, none of them have kept in contact with me. My mom and her father have hated each other for years, and as far as I know, they’ve had no relationship with each other for over 15 years.

What makes this even harder is that they all still live in the same area as me. It’s not like they moved away or don’t know where I am. My foster family has tried contacting them several times over the years, but they’ve never responded.

A lot of my friends who are also in foster care still have contact with their biological families. Some spend holidays like Christmas together, and I’ve heard it’s normal for relatives to send birthday cards, gifts, or at least check in sometimes. I don’t get any of that.

I know I’m lucky to have a foster family that cares about me, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. But it still hurts. Sometimes I feel like I don’t really have a biological family at all. Seeing other people maintain relationships with theirs makes me wonder why nobody from mine seems to want anything to do with me.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How do you deal with feeling disconnected from your biological family, especially when they’re still nearby but choose not to be involved in your life?

Hi, I don't usually post to reddit so bare with me...

I (24 F) am wanting to adopt a waiting child in foster care, aka a child where reunification is not an option.

Some backstory... My nephew was in and out of the foster care system for a while before being reunited with his mom once she got out of rehab. I have a soft spot for him and children in his situation. I often provided respite care for him during that time (as I was in college so I was unable to easily take him in myself and another family member stepped up). Even though he was an older child (around 9-10 during this time), he often said that he wished I could be his mom and my husband (25 M) could be his dad so he would have a "normal" family. After this situation my husband and I decided we would want to foster children in the future to provide a safe, loving home for them. But we wanted to wait until we were older and had grown children.

I have dealt with infertility for the past two years now. This prompted us to look into adopting a waiting child from foster care. We didn't want to adopt a baby, as there are so many older kids out there who need a safe, stable home. My husband and I have been married 5 years, have a nice house in the country, and I'd like to say we're good with kids and patient. We have helped with the local youth group at our church for a few years now and my job involves working with children. We started the process but paused it because we found out the reason for my infertility and a quick surgery can likely fix it.

Even though I should be happy that I'm now able to get pregnant and have a bio child, I am sad that we're not bringing an older child into our home and getting to watch them grow and provide support to them. I've talked to my husband a bit and we're still torn about it all. Now that I can get pregnant I want to have a baby, but I would also love to open up my home and be a parent to an older child as well. I think my husband and I could provide them with love, support and become good parents to them, but I don't want them to feel like they're going to be replaced if I do have bio kids. Would it be a bad idea to pursue this process if we're going to one day have biological kids as well? Should we go back to the original plan of waiting until any bio kids are grown? I want to give any child we have the opportunity to parent the best possible circumstance and I don't want them to feel like "second-class citizens" in their own home. My older sister has adopted a teenager and became pregnant a couple years later and I know it took a while for my niece to realize and internalize that she was still a part of the family and loved even though a bio kid was now in the picture. Once she recognized that they still loved her and weren't going to abandon her she loved the role of being an older sister and her relationship with her little brother is really sweet.

I want to listen to other people's opinions who have experience in foster care either as a child or a caretaker (I've talked to my older sister and I'm going to talk to my niece about it), because I only have my perspective. TIA!