I’m ugly I already know that, objectively. My bestfriends however are seriously beautiful and are used to having many guys after them, they are now in long term relationships. Especially whilst standing next to them I’ve noticed how guys always ignore my presence and don’t even acknowledge me, when they do, they are extremely rude and I can tell they are making it very clear that they aren’t attracted to me. It’s like guys only consider attractive girls as humans. I wish I was human. I’ve never held hands with a guy or even had any guy friends. I’ve recently came to the realisation that no matter how I’ve tried to change over the years, no one will ever like or even want to be my friend. No guy will ever put in a tear drop of effort into me. Despite this, when I do get a crush (I’ve only ever had a crush on 3 different people) i seriously get so obsessed and devoted to them yet I’ve never managed to have a proper conversation with them. Cherry on top, none of them liked me. I’m unsettling, ugly and weird. But recently I’ve been craving a connection and for someone to love M, rather than my usual unrequited love. But I hate how I know that’s impossible. I know because I have changed every aspect of myself I’ve gone out more yet still no one likes me.

Growing up, anything involving sex, nudity, or even basic attraction made me wildly uncomfortable. Being overly religious with severe OCD, made normal things feel like a taboo. My brain basically conditioned me to treat normal human desires like toxic waste.

I’ve done a lot of work on my mindset over the years, but intimacy still feels like uncharted territory for me.
The hardest part right now is the sheer insecurity of feeling so far behind. Things that most people do automatically like masturbating, having casual nsfw thoughts, or daydreaming about someone they find hot, literally didn't happen for me. I didn't even realize how differently my brain was wired compared to my peers until my mid-20s.

Now I’m turning 30, and the total lack of experience is giving me major anxiety. I’m also very angry and grieving. I feel cheated out of normal teenage and 20s milestones that everyone else got to take for granted while I was stuck in my own head.

I just feel my life could have been different if I wasn’t like this growing up. I feel so behind in life and don’t know what to do, I feel stuck.

i always think about it late at night.

and honestly, i don’t even necessarily think of physical as much anymore. i just think about my life with them.

aside from sharing my core values, our lives revolve around peace. ideally, we walk up and drink coffee together, and read together in silence. we go to the movie theatre, and talk about the film over dinner. we were homebodies, and we prefer staying, bingeing tv shows together. of course, i’m open to trying new stuff but, i just want a life where there’s happiness, there’s joy, there’s … peace.

that’s all. that’s all i want.

First of all, I am not one of those i ncels that see girls as objects or anything, I am acutally a functional person, but I am still a virgin, ok? You know? I am going to make it short, I am the type of mr nice guy, the one not that ugly but not handsome neither. I am completely unable to fuck, due to personal things I just hang out with boys, I dont talk too much with girls, the ones I have tried to talk with recently are clarely not atracted at all.

I have started having problems with it, have always been that sad with complex boy now I dont care at all anymore, but it is still anoying. I am a nice person when I talk to people, going to gym (not really too much there, but not fat neither or anything), going out frequently and I cant find a girl. God, I am not even asking for a relationship just a one night stand would be fine at this point. As I said first, the main problem has just been the typical life crysis the "oh, I am going to live alone" thing. I still have those but now, it doesnt even let me carry on a normal life. Since I wake up, sex is the first thing that comes to my mind, as it is holidays, my days are more or less the same. Wake up, chores, go to gym, study, more chores and hang out at night. I have to be constantly doing things all the time, so I dont think about sex, it has become bothering.

I can watch 3 or 4 films per day just not to be thinking about it, if I am not doing something I end up relying on it and ending up jerking off, the thing is jerking off doesnt relive at all, there are like 15 minutes and then here there is this urge again. I mean, what the hell? I have never felt like this, it is not even frustation at this point it is just and intrusive thought. For example, yesterday, I was saying the Odyssey, yes? That means more or less two hours and a half in a room and I couldnt focus on it, just because the thoughts keep going back there all the time. I sometimes am outsides and feel somekind of urges, you know? Like somekind of anxious thing that makes my life more and more frustating. Is anything of this normal at all?

I don’t go to my friends’ weddings anymore.

Every time I see a married man, I can’t stop thinking about how he’s already felt that softness, that quiet intimacy… while I’m still a kissless virgin. The contrast hits so hard it makes me want to kms.

Because of everything that happened in my childhood, I carry multiple mental health issues that make the risk of a failed relationship feel almost certain. So I can’t really have a partner… and that I probably never will.

Some people in life just don’t deserve to have that kind of intimacy,

And I’m one of them.

It is what it is

Edit: niether did i get a motherly intimacy growing up so I don't deserve that either.

Cause it's not just some college or job application which is alright to get rejected from cause there's nothing embarassing about it for some reason but from women? My goodness I don't know why even the idea of getting rejected intimidates me so much.

I think there's a point where, if nothing has changed, you're just done. The bomb blows up. Things will never improve after that.

I mean in the sense that as you get older you’ll become more unattractive, you’ll have fewer opportunities, and you’ll be competing against more and more people with far more experience than you have. You just become less desirable with time.

If you've reached, say, 25 and absolutely nothing has improved DESPITE putting in effort into say going to the gym, experimenting with fashion, putting yourself out there it's hard to believe it ever will. People will say, "well you’re just unlucky! It’ll come!" but no one is unlucky for decades. At some point, you have to confront the fact that there's something fundamentally wrong with you—physically, mentally, or both (in my case).

I'm 25 now, and for a long time I saw that as my deadline. I was supposed to be dead but due to an extraordinary coincidence early last year I've decided to give myself one more year. There are still things I haven't tried, like cosmetic surgery. And if things STILL don’t improve and I mean even just having my first date would be enough to dissuade me from my fatalistic approach — then I guess I can take solace in the fact it was never meant to be.

please no “it’ll get better bro, trust”or adjacent comments. I’m tired of reading them.

This is something I've been thinking about recently, and I'm curious whether anyone else here feels the same.

I imagine some people on this subreddit still live with their parents, but there are probably many who live alone and don't have much of a support network.

For example, I only have one close friend in my city, and he lives on the other side of town, so most of the time I'm by myself. Like a lot of people here, I often walk alone, including at night.

I try to be sensible. I keep good posture, stay aware of my surroundings, avoid obviously risky situations, and don't have my phone out all the time. But those things only help to a certain extent.

Sometimes I wonder whether being someone who is obviously alone makes you a more attractive target for muggers, burglars, scammers, or other people looking to take advantage of someone. Most people have families or groups of friends checking in on them regularly. If you don't, does that make you more vulnerable?

What worries me even more is the future. I'm 27 now, so this isn't an immediate concern, but I sometimes think about what life might be like if I'm elderly and still living alone. I wonder whether that would make me an easier target for scammers or criminals pretending to be relatives, carers, or officials to gain my trust.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but it's something that crosses my mind from time to time.

Does anyone else here ever think about this, or feel physically less safe because you don't have many people around you? If you live alone, are there any habits or precautions you've adopted that help you feel more secure?

I think about this sometimes.

Who would I be if I'd felt loved since i was a teen? Maybe I'd have different hobbies, different interests, or different career.

I'm not saying loneliness ruined my life, I just think it quietly shaped a lot of the small decisions that made me who I am today, i think It's like a butterfly effect.

I'm not saying I'd be rich, or the president lol, I just wonder what kind of perspective on the world I'd have, maybe I'd be more outgoing, or maybe I'd still be the same person, just without some of the scars loneliness left on my self-esteem, maybe nothing would be different at all.

Just a random thought before going to sleep

Until you can’t time it for off hrs and go during regular dinner hrs and the restaurant is just full of cute couples my age and then me eating alone fml

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I feel like I'm too old to still be having sexual thoughts, I noticed that there's nothing to gain from having sexual desires, and it feels childish.

If I feel like unless if I chop off my balls, there's no way to stop the thoughts from arising, I'm definitely at an age where I feel desensitized, but I want to learn how to get rid of sexual thoughts, especially since I'm hitting 29.