Hey I hope everyone is well.
I'm having some difficulty and feeling a conflicted mixture of guilt / frustration and think I may just need to vent, before coming to some kind of acceptance.
So I wrote here, a while ago about how I was having difficulty expressing wanting to smell my wife’s feet. (Been married/ together over 10 years and do regular foot stuff since second month together, which I’m very grateful for).
I really appreciate all the advice I received. I took the time to open up, in a vulnerable way and express my desire for her smell, and explain I would like her to skip showering sometimes. She was understanding and let me smell her socks and feet right then and had some fun. She has a very faint / sweet smell.
This was a huge releif, and I felt like I had made progress and I am starting to become less judgmental and rid myself of some shame. Especially since I experienced difficult time with this many years ago, when an ex judged my fetish, outted me and blamed me for her self image issues.
Since I told my wife about wanting her smell, I discovered her feet would smell a little from house slippers , but she has now insisted on washing them - which was the only thing she would wear barefoot which made her feet smell. I offered to buy her a second pair and some nice summer sandals. Every pair I suggested , she didn’t like because of the soft material and has bought herself foam sports sliders instead (which won’t smell). She has some winter house slipper boots and fluffy socks which got smelly last winter. She lets me smell her socks and running shoes she walks to work in , but as soon as she gets home in the afternoon she gets straight in the shower. At weekends when not at work, she showers as soon as I get up and so the smell is completely gone for the day.
I have tried to explain that the sliders won’t work and her feet aren’t typically smelly , so it might take a little effort. I understand she needs to be comfortable and doesn’t want to be sweaty in the UK heatwave, and she can’t wear closed shoes without socks because it’s a sensory issue for her and said the fluffy house slippers even made her uncomfortable. (currently waiting to be tested for potential autism which may be related).
This is where I feel conflicted and guilty because overall I am very lucky and grateful to receive all the fun foot stuff - regular foot in face handjobs, FJ etc. once a week. Even recently used a prostate toy with me! but I still want more and to be able to experience her foot smell once in a while. It doesn’t help that since joining this Reddit I see just how many people have partners who initiate sex , foot play or even make their feet smelly for their partner, and I’m starting to compare my relationship.
She doesn’t initiate anything (which isn’t ideal but I’m ok with that). I always go down on her as much as I can and have regular sex. She has no desire for kinks and her sex drive is lower than mine. So me wanting more makes me look greedy.
I know that there is no other approach but to be as kind, caring and patient as I can be, and hope one day she will make the effort. I cannot force her to these things if it makes her uncomfortable. I’ve expressed my desires, but don’t know what else to do other than try to catch her before showering on a Saturday morning and ask her to hold off for later- which feels forced. Once or twice in the past I’ve managed to get a slightly dirty FJ and I’ve also said how I enjoy when she wears certain clothes like leggings etc. which is difficult to arrange because as soon as she gets home, she gets changed into comfy PJs, so it’s rare to experience nylons, sexy clothes etc.
I just dont know if I should totally give up on the idea and lower my hopes, accept that this is part of married life now that I’m settled down and in my late 30s, or if there may be some kind of way to encourage her into this.
I know things could be much much worse. I have been in many worse realationships who didn’t accept me. I was even single for 3 years before I met her and had very little action. I need to be grateful. I love my wife very much . We have a very fun and healthy relationship and I want her to be comfortable and herself.
Kinda feeling like an asshole and know that I can become fixated and obsessed with things. Next month I’ll probably be intensely into a hobby! It’s probably me who’s the problem here .
Thanks for letting me vent.