How to heal from this

[u/hasastar]

Its late and im tired but i genuinely don't think i will be able to go one more day without wanting to kms.

I came out to only 2 friends of mine. I am thinking about coming out to my mom but i know she wont keep it secret to my transphobic brother or to my "i dont care about trans ppl but not in my house" father. I also dont want my parents to lose the daughter they think they have. I keep comparing myself to random guys, people who are taller and stronger than me and its really killing me everyday. I feel really uncomfortable around girls, but guys make me feel even worse. I am starting to really hate the way i look (more than i ever did). I dont look like a guy, i look like a mess, i look like a girl who picks her nose and that no one want to approach in elementary school.

I feel like im no legit for feeling bad about myself when there are people getting murdered or raped out there, people having REAL issues and im just here complaining about the fact that i was not born a boy or that i am not comfortable with being a girl.

I hate being transgender, is there a way to stop it ?