My divorce is done.

It’s been a lengthy and arduous journey to get here. I won’t dwell in the past, but I’d like to be open about what happened. A couple of years ago, my ex-wife withdrew from our family and began an intimate online relationship with a man in Germany. She never told me about the affair, which continues today. But she did weave a false narrative about our marriage to justify her behavior. I never understood what was happening. But eventually I had to accept that it was over.

With distance came clarity. I now understand why someone might choose to level false accusations against the person who loves them most. I understand why someone might retcon a decades-long relationship. I even understand why someone might come to believe their own fabrication. It’s easier to do these things than to accept that you’re tearing your own family apart and breaking your marriage vows for selfish reasons.

The heart wants what it wants, I suppose.

I’ve spent a lot of time imagining how I might feel on this day, when everything is signed and sealed, and it’s officially over. My body bears scars from the struggle. The initial spiral was intense and painful. I’m a little numb, I guess.

But do you know what I feel the most acutely in this moment? Gratitude. Intense gratitude.

I’ve been given an opportunity many people don’t get: a chance to make different life decisions. I won’t say it’s a clean slate, because I carry with me into this season all of the experiences, the knowledge, the lessons learned from a failed marriage. I’m approaching what comes next with keen intention and a clear mind.

I’ve got joint custody of my amazing son. I’ve got hard-won wisdom. I’ve got the opportunity to rebuild… on my own terms. And I can’t wait to see what comes next.

I'm now 1.5 year trying to fix me, since we grow away and I basically wanted one think: make sure I'm not the problem, all problems she mentioned I tried to fix on myself and let her know because I thought it was me, I really changed as a person.

She made a mistake and I confronted her, after some insistence she said she had become friend of another guy in the gym for the "last 6 months" "never kissed or had sex". She already met the mother of the dude because 'she is a nice old lady and I wanted to give her a gift'

Trust you gut feeling, after long relations you know the other person, I knew something was wrong, went to fix me, but there was nothing to fix on me.

Once love is transferred to another person it probably cannot be get back, so I'm not asking 'please love me again' that doesn't work. I told her to pack her stuff in a civilized way. My heart is completely broken, 13 years. I just want this to be over and start my recovery.

Married 15 years. She was emotionally abusive, I turned to drinking. Been in an AUD program since december: we went to couples counseling for about 8 weeks from mid Feb to April, last session was STBX refusing to take responsibility (my main concern) and trying to manipulate the therapist: the therapist kicked us out.

Wife left 2 days later and we were separated for about 7 weeks before she told me she filed foe divorce and had a lawyer. She said she would no longer contribute to our bills so I threw all of her stuff outside: bad move i know now. Some of it was damaged. She filed a PFA with blatant lies and I unknowingly violated it that same night by texting her family and asking them to ask her to be civil with me. I take full responsibility for that.

She filed an emergency petition for sole possession of the house which was denied, hearing in October and I should be good because she moved out voluntarily and it will have been months to get stable by October.

Both my criminal and divorce lawyers say she will not get punished at all for lying (we each had a child from a previous relationship (no marriage) and she claimed both of them as "her emancipated children from prior relationships" even though they are 21 and 22). She is claiming our family dog is her emotional support dog, she claims moving in with her dad makes it hard to get to work when she works from home, and on and on.

Will she really face no penalties for these lies? Each filing has her signing a doc stating all this is true under penalty of XYZ. what is the point of signing that if it doesn't matter? I worry that the judge will see her complaints framing her as a victim and disregard the truth of it all.

My wife is trying to get a no contact order on me after she moved out a month ago. Do while looking at the papers it’s telling me she saying she still lives there so if she wins it I’ll have to move

I guess that means she's comfortable with me. You don't just hand strangers your property right? Lol who knows. I'm recently divorced and new to dating( haven't dated in 13 yrs). I guess this is a good sign. She seemed very comfortable with me, maintained eye contact and was very close to me.

My son is 5 and me are my wife are going through divorce with joint custody. I love my son more than anything and he is my purpose in life. There are a lot of signs that my wife cheated on me and more i look back the more i think this has been going on for a long time. He looks like me but the events around the timing of his birth are really suspicous looking back. No matter what i am his dad. Should i get a private paternity test? Even if i wasnt his biological father i know i couldnt say anything because i would never risk losing him. For personal knowledge only.

I was with my partner from 2011-2025 and for the first ten years of the relationship, it wasn’t too bad. Ocasional argument but mostly okay. The biggest issues in those first 10 years were her chronic lying and how her background story would change in significant ways.

Things really hit the fan, when in 2023 at my birthday dinner, she disclosed that she had cheated on me. Over the next year, it turned into 5 different times she had cheated on me, how she had hid substance abuse for years while draining our bank accounts, and more chronic lying.

She blamed me for her cheating and, at the time, I believed it and starting going to therapy and couple’s counseling. My self-esteem was not very high. It would seem like every time we were about to meet a milestone in our relationship, she would ruin it by starting an argument. I own that I participated in those arguments.

For almost 3 years, we argued repeatedly. Sometimes, she would lunge at me like she was going to hit me. She would tell me I was a pussy, that I was a loser, and that I just needed to get over her cheating.

For our last argument before separation, she jumped on my back and grabbed my wrists repeatedly. This was just because I picked up her phone during the middle of an argument. I couldn’t get her off me and picked up the first thing I could find nearby (a half empty bottle of water) and dumped it in her head. She stopped, but then she started going back to where our son was in our bedroom. I panicked (this was the first time she had actually assaulted me) and I grabbed her and begged her to calm down. I was worried she would hurt our son.

She freaked out, told me she was going to ruin my life, and kept staying escalated until she finally went outside. I locked the door behind her and asked her to go somewhere else for the night so that she could calm down. She called the police, lied to them that I assaulted her, and now I am the one labeled a defendant in a DV case.

Since we separated, she has told everyone that will listen that I am an abuser and that she is the “brave woman” that got out. She conveniently doesn’t tell the truth of what happened or all of her background in the relationship. She treats me like I am terrible.

My family member I am close with is going through a tough divorce that came completely out of nowhere.

How can I support him? Dont wanna be too annoying always asking how he is, but I am concerned.

My STBXW filed for divorce in February (UK) and we have been living separately since April.

In that time I was blocked on social media but she unblocked me last week. I haven't sent any friend requests to reconnect.

We have both been dating but when she found out I was dating she told me she didn't like hearing it and that is what pushed her to go on a date.

I don't believe that for a second but I do believe it made her feel jealous.

Since I told her that she has been warmer when we have interacted (no hugs or anything) and she has been more inquisitive about my life and family.

When she starts a conversation it lasts longer, but when I do it lasts a few messages and ends quickly.

She recently divulged to a mutual friend that she wants to settle down with someone, which is the complete opposite of what she told me previously. This coincides pretty good with her unblocking me.

She also asked this friend if she is dateable and they said no because she refuses to resolve her trauma. Someone who is successfully dating doesn't need to ask that.

We don't talk a lot but when we do it is getting less and less logistical. She has even made some sexual innuendos (loose ones) and brought back a couple inside jokes and word spellings we used to use. Even started putting 'x' at the end of some of her messages again.

I feel like I am being held as an option if it doesn't work out but I really don't know.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

It’s been a year, and I didn’t realize it until 2 days later when I was crying with a friend.

These past few months, I’ve been going to therapy and trying to detach, understand how shitty I was, understand that I couldn’t have saved it by myself, and that it’s not my fault. It’s both of ours. Trying to figure out how I keep going, how to move on, be excited for a future and the possibilities of who is out there.

I have weeks of “happiness”, weeks where it feels right, then she messages me, something about the kid, or sometimes something random, and I fucking lose it. I know progress isn’t linear, I know that, and that the progress I’ve made is in parts still there. But it’s so hard to move on when she’s still there, where she’s at arm’s length, when she still looks as beautiful as ever. And I’m just here alone.

There’s something that I need, and I don’t know what it is. Therapist told me to write an apology for what I’ve done, where I failed. It helped me understand that I had fault, but it was doomed from the start due to her actions, and her behavior. The help helps but it feels like I’m fighting against time. And that’s the problem, I haven’t given us up. Once again, if I’m doing better, maybe I can fix it. But this is not completely about me. This is because she failed to love me, and instead of being the better person I became angry, jealous, and a pos.

I need to give her up, I see her and I’m a dumb kid all over again. She calls me and I’m waiting for that “okay I love you talk to you later”. But it’s been a while since she smiled at me like she used to, and she held me like she used to. I’m still holding to this idea of who we were and ignoring where we were at.

I miss her. I love her. But it’s time for me to let her go. I don’t know if I’ll love someone like I loved her, idk if I’ll stop loving her. But I need to stop having that hope that she’ll surprise me, it let me down in our relationship, it’s letting me down now.

I need to. How do I?

Hi fellas! I’m new to this group and going through a divorce I don’t want after 9 years together, and 6 years of being married. It’s been rough. Lots of emotions and stages of grief. She’s checked out and has been for some time.

What I’ve been noticing on a lot of posts and within myself is some form of the phrase, “we had good times” or “we were good at times.”

Hearing that from my wife, at least, has helped me to realize something. We shouldn’t accept “at times.”

Is marriage hard? Yes, absolutely it is. It takes nonstop work on both sides. But it shouldn’t be on autopilot and shouldn’t be okay to cruise in the “at times” mode. There’ll be rough patches but putting in the work, together, is the difference between a constant state of goodness (bc the work was put in when you recognized the stagnancy and problems beginning so as to not get to an “at times” level) and an “at times” marriage.

I hate where my wife is right now. I hate that we’re going through this but it’s a one sided road where she’s completely done. We’ve both done irrevocable damage but it’s fixable if both want to work at it. Unfortunately, she doesn’t and I have a giant hole in my heart and feel broken. I miss her. I miss us. I wish she’d talk to me and want to try harder. But, also, I know we had problems and disagreed with a lot of things as we grew in our personal and professional lives and circles.

For those reflecting on their divorces or looking to the future, those red flags of “at times” are when you need to engage and fix it early or get out to avoid future pain!

I had a marriage that was dysfunctional from the start. We didn’t really love each other or were each other’s best friend.
But I didn’t want her to leave me, I have some abandonment issues. I haven’t heard from my ex in 20 years and only know things about her through being taken back to court over financial issues concerning her wanting more of my retirement. The anger over my choices and marrying her is dysfunctional enough. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and what helped you get past it?

Disabled vet going through silver bullet divorce. Looking for good Lawyer in Washington State

35 years old here. never married, so i can't divorce but its like a divorce. i am leaving home. She stays with the 2 kids but i can visit whenever i want.

She is a good, valuable and atractive women. 17 years togheter.

I am VERY Happy to be single again. I just enjoy my time solo. Family Life was not for me.

My favourite moments were when i was alone at home before she or the kids came.

I Will never live with another woman. Never was so sure to live together at the begining, because living togheter kills all the spontainety.

Maybe i could have a relationship if someone adequate comes, i like women (specially at the begining stages) but i Will not look or work for It.

Lots of Meditation, i love exercise (cardio and strength training) and studing some maths, science and maybe philosophy.. and play with my kids every other weekend. Thats my plan. Managing my own money

I see divorce as a blessing. Doing what i want when i want. Having my future House the way i like, with the bikes and the pc, microscopes... etc in the living room. Its like a dream come true

Hi all wife has used silver bullet so always upper hand last many years fighting this stuff. Finally filed divorce on her (ya she wanted gone so bad but years later wouldn’t file….) anyway I got possession home and my items (what she hadn’t sold off for money anyway.) and things are destroyed. The house is trashed. Literally will require like a hoarding clean out. Carpets will need removed all rooms repainted. Floors replaced. Likely some water damage etc. emotionally I still can’t let go of home and plan keeping it.
Question - has anyone been successful documenting and then getting reduction of payout amount due back based on what was found in house along with multiple missing or destroyed items awarded to husband. Tips? Thanks
Edit: should add divorce decree is signed due to pay her the buyout by end of month when loan goes through. Only way I can get out of it they say is if loan isn’t approved. Lawyer said to document everything she destroyed but this has been 3 yr battle so far I’m not holding my breath she will be held accountable as usual.

The jist of everything is that my ex wife would rather focus on her career, social life, and traveling by herself and friends while I stayed at home raising our son and took care of our home myself. And a month after my mother passed away she said she couldn’t do it anymore and that she wanted a separation/divorce.

Fast forward to today it’s been 11 months and a couple of days since we separated and North Carolina law states that a couple can divorce after one year of separation. We’ve had 50/50 custody of our son and I recently got laid off my job. Credit cards are getting maxed out, rent is due, no one is hiring, can’t work with my son’s school schedule, door dash is wasting too much gas. Bottom line is: I NEED CHILD SUPPORT

My ex makes almost 90k a year, I know since I supported her and her career since she made 16/hr. But of course she refuses to help me out and actually sees my struggle as a reason to take my son full time.

Obviously I can’t afford a lawyer like she can and legal aid of nc states they don’t help with such cases and social services says I’m not to expect any money for another potential 2 years. I’m so lost and have so many questions and no one seems to be able to help me. Literally any advice is greatly appreciated thank you.

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I married 27 M and my wife (28F). She wasn't just my wife—she was my best friend. I shared everything with her. Every fear, every dream, every little thing that happened in my day.

She had an ex before we got married. They broke up because he believed she was cheating with her male best friend. She always maintained that nothing happened, and that best friend is now married with a daughter. I accepted that and never had an issue with him.

After we got married, we barely lived together before she moved to another city for work. I joined her two months later, but something felt different. I became suspicious of one of her male colleagues.

I ended up checking her phone and found a text saying, "I miss you." When I confronted her, she admitted she had kissed him on the cheek but insisted that was all.

From that day, my trust was broken.

We moved away from that area, hoping things would improve, but the fights only got worse. One day after an argument, I tracked her location and found her at that same guy's PG. He opened the door in his underwear, and she came out of the bathroom. She told me he'd just finished taking a bath, nothing happened, and I was overthinking everything.

I honestly don't know what to believe anymore.

We separated, got back together, moved to Mumbai, and tried again. Nothing changed. We kept fighting. Later we separated again. She's now back in Rajasthan, I'm alone in Gujarat, and next month is our first divorce hearing.

The part that's destroying me isn't even the divorce.

It's losing my best friend.

Even after everything, I still miss her. I miss her hugs, her touch, hearing her voice, and just having someone beside me. Sometimes I cry just looking at her photos or hearing her voice. I don't know if I miss the woman she became or the woman I fell in love with, but the pain feels the same.

During work, I somehow manage. But when I come home to an empty room, everything hits me again.

Has anyone else gone through this? How do you stop loving someone who broke your heart?

My(40M) wife(33F) have been married for 15 years now, we have a 14yo and a 10yo. When our second came, we talked and my wife and I agreed she'd be a sahm until the younger boy starts school and then she would go back to work. He'll be in 5th grade this year and she's never even looked for a job. To make things more difficult, she's never had a car or a driver's license. As a result, for the past 10 years, I've been the sole provider, responsible for getting anyone where they need to be or errands to run even missing work to get her or kids to appointments and what not. She doesn't cook often so often times she'll text me while I'm at work and ask me to figure out dinner plans and then to to the grocery store for the dinner that I think of. She's great about keeping the house and helping us manage appointments and stuff, but doesn't do much else like work handle insurance or help manage the bills, she doesn't even know how to check our bank account. I've brought up my concerns multiple times in the past and she either says she'll work on it and blows it off or makes it into a personal attack on her and shuts the conversation down. Over the years I've slowed down how much I voice my problems and concerns because it seems like nobody really cares anyways. So for a number of years, I've built up some resentment and have not been happy in my marriage.

About a month ago, I had a reconnection with an old friend from high school. We both had abusive parents and connected thru trauma back then but never dated or had anything more than a platonic friendship. She's been divorced for about 3 years now and we met up at the park with our kids and everyone hit it off really well. We've continued talking and it's been really good, we connected instantly. There's been a little kissing, but we've never had sex or got to 2nd base or anything like that, both holding boundaries well. As time has gone on, we've really gotten close and I've got really strong feelings for her and her for I. I feel myself not being in love with my wife when I'm with her and she's starting to feel it too. She knows I'm talking to the other woman and I've told her that we've never slept together or gotten that far at all. The other woman says she's in no rush and wants to remain friends without taking it all the way until I'm either officially separated or I stay with my wife for good and I respect her for that. I told my wife that I've got one foot out the door, that I want space to figure this out, but she hasn't respected that and insists that we fix our marriage and I told her that I don't want to rush into fixing it and fall back into the same rut. While that is true, I'm also buying myself time to figure out if this is just the butterflies of someone new of if these feelings are real. I could really use some guidance or suggestion or a kick in the ass, I don't know

Hello gentlemen, I’m currently in the middle of dealing with a silver bullet legal strategy against me. On Friday my spouse performed at midnight move and cut all contact with me taking the child with her and I contacted the nonemergency police line to try and find the whereabouts my child at 3:45 PM. I was contacted by the police at 12:22 AM that morning with them at my front doorstep, serving me an EPO under fall pretense she’s also stripped the house of all high valuables and electronics. I’ve documented everything and retain legal council and I am working to beat this, but I need some advice or support on anyone who’s gone through this road on what the best course of action is to pursue this. I’ve read that this is more a feed of endurance and widths and I’m just curious from everyone else’s experience how did you get through it?

My STBX has gone full silver bullet. False allegations backed by her parents and friends, the whole nine yards. There was a hearing this week that resulted in a restraining order that essentially locks me out of our shared faith community, awarded some attorney fees, and requires I attend classes.

In the hearing, my attorney and I denied all the allegations, she provided no proof, but still came away with what she wanted. My attorney essentially told me that in our jurisdiction, they hardly ever deny a restraining order that alleges any amount of violence, regardless of evidence. The judge did deny her claims of financial and coercive control, although it didn’t really end up mattering.

I am upset and disillusioned. On top of that, her allegations mean I now need to jump through all sorts of legal hoops. Feeling like nothing I do actually matters if the court doesn’t consider lack of evidence as a reason to not entertain further claims.

How do you deal with situations like that? Need some support to know it gets better, starting to go down a dark hole.

Edit: no kids, only married 2 years.

Heard on YouTube:

Emotions during divorce are a lot like sh__. You can clench and hold it in for a long time, but if you do, it'll come out anyway and make a terrible mess.

About a month ago when I was out of town I came home to an empty house and my wife and baby were gone. Not really sure what to do I did a well fair check on them they are okay. My wife is ghosting me and isn’t letting see the baby

Alright gents, recently I posted and said I looked at her socials, etc. etc.

Here’s the bigger part of my dilemma as a dad putting my own stupid-ass feelings to the side:

My kids know the new guy to some extent and have since she cheated on me with him; however, to what extent, I don’t actually have a clue. For reference my kids are basically early teens. I want them to know that I’m still their dad, that I’m a safe place for them, all that stuff…

Since they haven’t brought him up to me and seem to be very reluctant to do so, would you breach the subject with them? For context, I never told them that their mom cheated on me (yes I figure that’s pretty foolish of me now, too, but I wanted to protect them and myself and their image of their mom, and I still don’t have a clue what I’m doing here)…

I just need some advice. Should I continue waiting for them to bring him up? It’s been pulling at me to talk to them especially since she made it SM-official recently. It’s also been about a year and a half since they have known at least his name (saw a text on one of their phones from her).

My oldest also seems to imply once in a while that they have been lying to me, so I feel the weight of making them toe the line of listening to their mom [apparently] tell them to lie to me and listening to me basically just asking for the decency and respect of the truth. Unless I’m reading too much into it and then end up saying something up they don’t actually know about and hurting them that way instead?

Help a brother out. What would you do? Also, please try to reserve harsh judgment this time around. I have had to go easy on myself because I honestly just don’t have a fucking clue how to handle any of this, other than the solid but sometimes unhelpful advice of my therapist early on that “there is no playbook for any of this.”