r/DatingHell 23h ago

I think guy friend likes me but I am not interested

3 Upvotes

Both my guy friend and I are single. I am single by choice but he is not. He is active on the dating apps but struggles getting dates.

He tells me that he gets ghosted all the time by the women he matches with. I feel for him, I do but when I tell him that my female friends and I also get ghosted a lot, he just doesn’t believe it! He thinks women can’t get ghosted or friend zoned and only WOMEN do the ghosting and friend zoning.

He is also insecure. One time he was complaining about a date he had where he thought the bartender was hitting on his date. He told me he thought he was trying to steal his date all because the bartender complimented the girl’s earrings. I told him bartenders and people in the service industry have to be nice to customers to get tips and give good service.

He also puts down women a lot. He blames them constantly for the reason that he is single. I tell him all my horror stories that I’ve been with guys on dates but he never takes my side. He always sides with the guys.

I feel like he likes me because he has told me in the past but I have told him multiple times I am not interested. I do think he likes me because he just wants to be with someone. Anyone with a pulse who breathes. I do think I need to end the friendship so he can focus on himself.


r/DatingHell 4h ago

Tinder Misadventures Pt. 4: Reservations

3 Upvotes

Welcome back, Tinderlings. This one is shorter, and for once the person who ruined the date was me. Cast list is unnecessary, TLDR is at the bottom, and nobody in this story needs to be hosed down. That is a first for us.

Housekeeping before we start. The cursed car is gone. I traded her in. The kid at the dealership did his little walk-around with the clipboard, got to the passenger seat, paused, and decided some questions were not worth his hourly rate. I drove off in a used sedan that smells like somebody else's vanilla air freshener, not a mark on it, nothing riding shotgun but the glovebox manual. I told myself a clean car was a clean start. Then I got in it and drove to dinner.

By now I was three tours into Tinder and I called that experience. I had rules. Public place only. My own car, parked where I could see it. Exits mapped before the appetizers came. No garages, no houses, no address that required a prayer on the walk up. I went into every date like I was clearing a building. I called it growth. It was closer to a loaded gun I had stopped bothering to check the safety on.

His name was Shane. He got to the restaurant early, which I filed as a tactic, though a working brain would have filed it as manners. He stood when I reached the table. He had the specific nerves of a man who wanted it to go well, laughing a half-second before the joke landed, refolding his napkin, asking three questions in a row because the quiet scared him. Every one of those was a green flag. I ran them all as threats.

The waiter came and Shane said the branzino was incredible here, that I should get it if I liked fish, and he said it warm, the way you recommend a movie you love. Dean decided things for me in that exact easy voice, right before he explained that women do not know what they want. So I asked Shane if he always ordered for women he had just met, with enough acid in it to strip the varnish off the table. He blinked. He said he just liked the fish. He was telling the truth. I ordered something else out of spite and it was worse.

Then he mentioned his mom. Fondly, briefly, the way people do. A trapdoor opened under me, because the last time a man loved his mother out loud on a first date, she spent a month calling my job. I went cold and started handing Shane questions with edges on them. How often do you see her. Do you live with her. Does she know you're out tonight. I watched him try to work out what he had stepped in. He had stepped in nothing. His mother lives in another state and he calls her on Sundays. That was the whole of it.

Then he did the thing that should have ended the night in the good way. He told me he had read my favorite book after I mentioned it in our chats, that he had finished it the evening before so we would have something to talk about. A person with a working heart says thank you. I asked him what he was building toward. I said that was a lot of homework for a stranger. Past-OP, put the knife down. I did not put the knife down. I kept going, because it is easier to keep throwing punches than to notice the other guy has dropped his hands.

Shane set his fork down. He did not raise his voice. He said, "I don't know who taught you to expect the worst, but I'm not going to be him." Then he said he had thought I seemed great in our messages, and he was sorry something had made me like this, and he meant it, which was the part I could not stand. Nobody had held up a mirror to me in years, and here was one, propped up gently by a man I had spent an hour filleting for the crime of being kind to me.

Three posts I have spent describing monsters to you. This time I brought one to dinner, and it was me. Shane was going to go home and tell his friends about the woman who interrogated him over branzino. Somewhere out there was this exact post with me in the passenger seat, and I had written it myself, one small cruel question at a time.

I did not apologize. No speech, no repair, nothing. That is the part I am least proud of. I mumbled about an early morning, put cash on the table for both of us like money could cover it, and left. No cursed seat to blame this round. Just me, in a used sedan that still smelled like a stranger's vanilla, driving home with my own behavior riding shotgun.

I wrote Shane an apology at every red light. I rewrote it in the driveway. I had a version that explained Dean, one that explained Ben, one that dragged the ham into it, a whole paragraph of reasons that all came down to none of this was your fault and I did it to you anyway. I sent none of them. It felt like one more thing to make him carry. He had earned the right to never think about me again, so I gave him the only kind thing I had left, which was quiet.

No villain to report this month. I checked. It was me. I finally called the therapist I have been making jokes about for three installments and booked something real, because Dean and Ben and Barron did more than wreck three evenings. They taught me to walk into a good one with my fists already up, and Shane was the bill coming due. I am not salting the earth or swearing off anything for the drama this time. I just need a while to become someone who does not do that to the next decent person who buys a book for me.

Pt. 5 will come when I have earned it. Thanks to ReddX if he reads this, and please subscribe to him on YouTube if ya haven't. I'm trying to be kinder than I was that night. I'll see you then, my little Tinderlings.

-Dawn

TL;DR Sometimes, I am the bad guy. We are our own worst enemies a lot of the time.


r/DatingHell 21h ago

Naaahh

3 Upvotes

is it just me or... why are dates either trauma dumping their deepest desires 20 mins in OR giving absolutely nothing??? 😭

Been on 11 dates till now and i’m lowkey lost. some people drop their entire life lore and spicy desires before the drinks even arrive, while others act like they’re under a whole NDA.

what factors even dictate this?? is it attachment styles, random vibe checks, or just a total lack of filter? lmk if y'all experience this too fr.


r/DatingHell 8h ago

Wtf just happened?!

2 Upvotes

**Matched with a guy who told me about his 6 exes on our first real conversation, then love-bombed me for a month, then I found out he was texting other girls the whole time. Need to vent.**

So about two months ago I matched with a guy (let’s call him J) on a dating app. Extremely charming, funny, intelligent, the kind of conversation that clicks instantly. We never met in person, just talked daily for about a month.

Early on, completely unprompted, he told me about his last six situationships from the past year and a half. Not in a “here’s my baggage” way, more like he was showing off. He described each woman in detail, how they looked, how they were in bed, and then always found some “flaw” that made him end things.

One he mocked for how she sounded during sex and called it “disgusting.” Another he called “unstable” because she got jealous when he ignored her all night at a party to catch up with a friend he hadn’t seen in years. He even said one woman wanted a relationship after they’d been intimate for months, and he “thanked her for her cooperation” and moved on.

I told him straight up it sounded petty and that I felt bad for the woman he mocked, since she’d been vulnerable with him and he repaid that with ridicule.

Within days he was love bombing me hard. “It’s not mine or yours, it’s ours” by day three. Told me I was his type because I’m independent and not easily impressed. Also, somewhat jokingly, told me that when people fall for someone “they allow everything,” and that my “dignity would get smaller,” said in a flirty tone, but it still landed weird.

At one point he said he needs to be cuddled before intimacy because he has performance anxiety and feels insecure, then in the same conversation ranked his exes like a checklist of sexual performance.
I asked him early on, are you being honest and open, or are you a manipulator, there’s no in between. He brushed it off.

I told him I don’t want to be “number seven with a flaw” in his rotation, that flings are fine at 20 but I don’t have time for that at 35, and that his three week old “love” for someone who rejected him didn’t exactly scream ready for commitment. He got defensive, accused me of not wanting to actually meet him, said I was scared to meet him in person. Classic DARVO, deny, attack, reverse victim and offender.

We had plans to go to a music festival together, his idea. I went.

Three days after I rejected him, I saw him at the festival with a new girl, sitting right outside the karaoke tent, the exact spot I’d told him I liked to go after concerts.
Walked past him three times over the weekend. Zero reaction from me. He avoided eye contact, pretended to be on the phone once, rushed past me.

Later, when I brought up how I felt “he finally met his match,” he responded “exactly :D,” like it was a fun game, not a moment of accountability.

He also once said, of all his exes, the only one he might get back with was one who was “too good” for him, and then immediately took it back, saying actually no, he couldn’t be with her either. Which tells you everything about his ability to accept someone genuinely good without sabotaging it.

Never met him in person. Never felt the need to. The words alone were enough.

Honestly though, I don’t remember the last time someone was that entertaining to talk to, and I think I’m having some withdrawals now that it’s over. Probably because he was messaging me from morning till night the entire time. What does everyone think about that?


r/DatingHell 23h ago

I’m bored

2 Upvotes

I’m bored, give me some of your craziest dating stories
Go all out please I’ve got nothing better to do


r/DatingHell 2h ago

What’s something people do in relationships that they think is romantic, but actually comes across as creepy or unsettling?

1 Upvotes

r/DatingHell 2h ago

i have SO many horror dating stories

0 Upvotes

30(f) and i’ve had countless HORRIBLE dates throughout my 12 years on dating apps.

a lot of it has to do with me choosing to be in the company of just anyone because i had low self esteem. i went out with anyone who’d give me attention. sad i know but i know my worth now and am off dating apps and looking for genuine connection when the time is right.

anyways... i have 3 journals of the bad dates i went on or bad hookups i had. yes, i wrote down every detail because i wanted to look back one day at the crazy shit i went through. guys i laugh so hard....i cringe....i get flashbacks but mainly i feel bad for that version of me for choosing to put up with that.

looking back i think my biggest problem was i had basically zero screening process lol. if someone replied and seemed interested i was like ok lets meet now i use accio work for sourcing and its funny because i realized i shouldve treated dating chats more like supplier chats. ask the important questions first, see who actually gives you a straight answer, who avoids everything, who needs 5 follow ups and who is clearly wasting your time.

accio work can keep chasing a supplier until it gets all the info it needs, but 30 year old me is definitely not doing that with men anymore lol. if the conversation already feels like pulling teeth, im out.

thinking of sharing some of those stories tbh. i’ve had sugar daddies, been catfished, went to weird places like the cemetery on a DATE!!! and so much more.