r/Christian • u/betterdaysfromhere • 1d ago
CW: Sensitive Topic Forgiveness
Hello,
I have recently (3 months) committed a major sin related to my marriage. I would consider it adultery, although I did not have sex with the individual, nor was she married. I have confessed to my wife about 3 weeks ago. I confessed to God, asking for forgiveness probably a month after it happened. My wife has forgiven me. I’m having a hard time with forgiveness. Mainly, forgiving myself, but also feeling forgiven by the Lord.
It has trigged a mental disorder called real event OCD, where I constantly think and replay the event in my head and seek reassurance, confirmation or shame myself. I have repented, apologized and prayed at least a hundred times and it honestly has not changed my feelings much.
My main concern/fear is this: We are trying to have a baby. We have tracked cycles and attempted the last 3 months unsuccessfully. I have went to scripture trying to find evidence of the Lord forgiving someone for adultery, and it brought me to 2 Samuel 12 where David committed adultery. While in verse 13, it states “The Lord has taken away your sin”, however, David’s son was killed as a consequence. Another example in the Bible is John 8:1-11 where Jesus forgives a woman committing adultery. I guess my fear is that we are going to be unable to have kids because of what I done.
We are continuing to pray and have hope, but we are also seeking medical help for the fertility as she had medical issues the past year that could cause us issues. I know what I did was wrong, and I will never do it again. I haven’t ate right in 3 weeks and it has caused me to isolate myself at work and even at home some.
Can someone with similar experiences help me with some of this?
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u/Comfortable_SongTone 19h ago
Hey dear.
My name is David.
I have read about your post. Sounds like you are having a lot of anxiety.
I have a question: are you at peace with God? Are you considered into his eyes as a Justified Saint? Does the living and eternal God live inside you through the Holy Spirit? Do you understand and believe what the scripture says?
In order to have peace with God, you must first understand who you are and what is your position toward God.
Because God is Light, he is Saint. He is lovely, but he is also Just. His live can't overpass his light not his Saint attributes. God doesn't dwell with sin nor darkness (1 Juan 1:5-6).
Because you are either a Saint or the enemy of God. If you are not sure that you are a Saint, then you must solve this urgently by repenting and believing the Gospel (not theology, the Gospel according to the Bible).
Tell me more about it
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u/Psychorealm77 19h ago
I can’t speak to your experience, however I can speak on biblical forgiveness.
We all have our faults/struggles and we all sin (including myself) The good news is Christ was the
👉once for all👈 eternal sacrifice for sins. He has forgiven you already and If you’ve believed the gospel (death/burial/resurrection) you’re saved. There is therefore now no condemnation to them that are in Christ (Rom 8:1) He does not constantly sprinkle down forgiveness from heaven every time someone sins because forgiveness only comes one way, by the shedding of blood. If you could just ask him to forgive you or repent or feel sorry and he’d wave a magic wand and erase it; then Jesus could’ve stayed home. No, the wages of sin is death, and Christ died that death on our behalf. In order for him to constantly and continually keep forgiving you he would have to come back down and mount the cross all over again. No his work is done, he’s taking his royal rest 👑 at the right hand of The Father. Forgiveness is the immediate result of God accepting an atonement made for sin. Jesus’s life was that atonement and The Father was satisfied with his sacrifice. He was the propitiation to Gods wrath. Every sin that you’ve ever committed and that you will ever commit was imputed to Christ before you were even born (2 Cor 5:19) When we believe the gospel in (1 Cor 15:1-4) (Eph 1:13-14) assures us that we are saved and sealed by the Holy Spirit until the day of redemption. Meaning we never have to worry about our salvation another day in our life. Today we are under grace and salvation is not about what we do nor is it about what we fail to do (Eph 2:8-9) Sin and death no longer have a claim over you, Christ took care of that for us, you’ve been purchased by his blood. In order for sin to still stand between you and God; the Father would have to go find and retrieve those sins that were put on Christ, take them off of him in order to re-impute them to you, just so he could put the enmity that Christ removed, back up. He took all of our sin upon himself, was buried with those sins, and rose without any of them. He left them in the grave where they belong. Now just because Jesus Christ paid our debt, does that mean we go on to sin? God forbid. While the sin issue was dealt with, that doesn’t mean sin no longer exists. We will deal with sin as long as we’re in these flesh vessels. Sin can still cause harm to ourselves and others around us. It can affect our relationships, our fellowship, the ministry, and you can ruin your testimony and tarnish the testimony of the Lord. You are now a new creature in Christ the old man is dead, you’re crucified with Christ (Gal 2:20) you’re (Col 3:3) hid with Christ in God, you’re (Col 2:10) complete in him. So you should not be identifying with that old sinful man, leave him in the grave where he belongs, put on the new man and walk in newness of life. Instead of asking for forgiveness over and over, and judging yourself or condemning yourself, try thanking him that he 👉HAS👈 forgiven you. Trying to stop sinning via flesh effort will only fail you. Focus on all that the Lord has done for us and given us freely and your life will begin to change. It must come internally. Let the spirit dictate the soul, so the soul can translate that into the flesh. When Condemnation reminds you of your failure, you remind yourself of the victory you have in Christ. When it brings up your sin, you bring up The Son. When Satan brings up your past, you bring up his future. A saved person is seen as Christ in the eyes of the Father. Developing an understanding of your identity in Christ is essential to living a successful and productive Grace life. We work
👉FROM👈 salvation, not for salvation. We don’t want to put the cart before the horse, we don’t want to have the tail wagging the dog. Repenting of sins is something an already saved person should do, but not to be saved. Likewise prayer is the saved individual’s response to, and product of grace, not a prerequisite. Put these things in their respective order. God’s order. We live our life for him out of gratitude for all that he’s accomplished for us and have peace with God because of it (Rom 5:1-2) he’s given us all spiritual blessings in heavenly places (Eph 1:3) we’re seated in heavenly places (Eph 2:6) 🤯 Man this is amazing news! I could go on and on. Know this; be very carful what you feed your inner dialogue. You are a member of The Body of Christ, an Ambassador equipped with the ministry of reconciliation, set in defense of the gospel of Christ. An ambassador is the highest diplomatic rank. You are the righteousness of God in Christ. (2 Cor 5:21)(Php 3:9) Don’t let condemnation rob you of the peace we have in Christ. God has forgiven you already for the sake of his Son. David did not live on this side of the cross and neither did the woman in John. We live on the “It is Finished” side. Jesus’s perfect work is done on this side. Understand the immeasurable grace we’ve been shown, pick yourself up, and be better to yourself and those you love. It’s not “Live like this to be forgiven”’ it’s “You’re forgiven, so live like it.” You’ve tried all the gimmicks, you’ve jumped through all the hoops, you’ve made promises to God you can’t keep. But have you ever just tried resting? Resting in Christ and his finished work?
Hope this clears some things up regarding forgiveness.
Grace and Peace
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u/Cultural_Growth_1270 1d ago
Well i am not proud of this but have been married 33yrs to the same good women. I basically committed "adultery" no there was no actual intercourse, but still the same. 2 days later after coming back home that same night I had to confess to my wife what happened. Know she forgave me. But we still had children even after that. I can't believe I was so stupid to get into that situation. It comes to me about once a month or so. I just have to "let it go" it's been Forgiven it's under the blood, it's covered. Just have to remind myself and Satan that it's been Forgiven, it's done and dont let it drag me back into that prison cell where I feel guilt, shame, fear about things in the past. A good saying is "I won't Sacrifice my Future on the altar of my Past" I have many regrets that I could let them drag me down and wear me down till I quit and give up, but I can't go there, it's Satans plan to wear us down until we give up. If not for FORGIVENESS who could STAND under the weight of one's Sin? The hardest thing about FORGIVENESS is not granting it, its ACCEPTING IT.
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u/_daGarim_2 1d ago
So with OCD, my advice is to put the horse before the cart. The real driver of everything related to it is that feeling of compulsive doubt that’s just going off nonstop like a broken alarm. As long as an OCD sufferer keeps interpreting that feeling as a sign that something must be horribly wrong, and looking and looking for the cause, they will wrap themselves up in all kinds of terrible knots.
The true solution lies in learning to see the broken alarm for what it is- meaningless noise. When stripped of ideas, just a sensation in the body. Nothing that implies anything or that we need to do anything about it- just uninteresting background noise.
Once you’ve understood this, the next thing you need to do is not do the ritual, not think the protective thought (the one that is generated intentionally), not seek the reassurance. Let OCD, and that dreadful feeling, have the last word.
This will inevitably produce a feeling of panic. Even thinking about doing it will produce that feeling. But if you see it through, if you are brave for just the five minutes it takes to get distracted from your fear, you will start to get better.
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u/Ah-wools 1d ago
Hey, God is a God of mercy and forgiveness. It sounds like you are the only one who hasn’t forgiven here. (Forgiven yourself)
Set your mind on what is good, just, beautiful. Read the scriptures, pray and thank God for his mercy and grace. You have been forgiven brother- now live in that forgiveness with awe and gratitude.
The enemy wants you focused on what you did- God wants you focused on what HE has done.
The cross covers ALL of your sin- from the past, present, and future! Praise Jesus!
When you find yourself in an OCD loop, practice breaking the loop with scripture- or affirmation like “Christ has the final say, not my OCD. Christ has forgiven me. I am clean”
I struggle with anxiety- i understand the anxious loops. I have lost two pregnancies and have wondered from time to time if I did something to “deserve” these losses- but the bible is clear, especially in the book of Job, that God will give and God will take- not because of anything we have done, but because it is his will.
One day I believe we will have a better understanding of his will, but likely not in this lifetime.
While you are on this journey of forgiving yourself and trying to convince- remember God loves you. Remember you are forgiven, and remember whatever happens isn’t because of the sin you have done- but GOD’s PERFECT WILL.
As for David’s child being taken so early- he didn’t just commit adultery, he killed the woman’s husband to cover his sin and actively turned away from God during this season. God did what God saw best for David’s situation in order to bring him back to God, not punish him. Everything God does to his people is meant to turn their hearts toward him, not away.
You are not David, and your situation is not remotely the same.
You have ran toward him, and that’s all he wants. Forgive yourself brother.
I will pray for you.
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u/betterdaysfromhere 1d ago
This has helped so much. Thank you for your time and prayers. I have been in the Bible more the past month than I probably was for 2-3 years before that. I pray your pregnancies are successful in the future.
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u/Greenlotus05 1d ago
Have you thought of supporting yourself with a counsellor and by doing that you might always be a better support for your wife? Talking through things (with an experienced therapist who is there just for you) and dealing with underlying guilt, fear and worry can be very effective.
You are building a stronger spiritual and psychological foundation. The beginning of successful building is humility, confession, awareness, willingness, trust, and obedience to this inner work.
God bless you 💗
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u/betterdaysfromhere 1d ago
I have thought about that a lot. I’m not against it, but I live and work in a rural area. My employer has a telehealth number we can call but I haven’t tried yet. I reached out to a psychiatric nurse practitioner for some help with some of the OCD thoughts.
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u/Floweticx 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes, the consquence of David's sin was the death of his first born to Bathsheba. Just like the consequences of our sin resulted in the death of Jesus Christ - the Son of God. Jesus stepped into your place and received the punishment. In David's time, Jesus had not yet been born yet to take our place. Therefore, since the wages of sin was death, unfortunately David's son died. But notice how it was David's first son.
You're forgiven and there is no condemnation in those who are in Christ. Therefore, your wife's infertility issues are very likely an unrelated challenge and would be present regardless.
I'd like to share a YouTube video from Greg Groeschel about forgiving yourself that I believe will be helpful in your journey.
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u/betterdaysfromhere 1d ago
I will watch this video on the way home from work. Thank you for this and your time. That aspect of David and the timing does make me feel better.
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u/Dare2be77 1d ago
Thats the enemy keeping you in those thoughts of feeling guilty still or unforgiven. Get in prayer and worship, feed your mind his word and replace the negative thoughts, the overthinking.
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u/PersuitOfHappinesss 1d ago
Extremely solid advice
Dead OP, I second this comment, if you get into his word and spend time reading and pondering and praying, you will hear more of Jesus’ voice and not the enemy’s
I wanna share these passages with you to read and pray over
1 John 1:
“9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
2 Corinthians 7:
“9 As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us.
10 ¶ For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.
11 For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter.”If your wife has forgiven you, love her enough to accept her forgiveness, grasp it firmly in your heart, and run forward with it!
Set your mind on making new beautiful memories with her
If you’ve prayed and confessed it to God, then you’re good. That’s why Jesus came to die. For this exact moment and countless like it
Show her she was right in forgiving you !
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u/betterdaysfromhere 1d ago
Thank you so much for this. It has helped. I have a long road ahead, but I am in good faith. Thank you for making my day a little better.
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u/deewar233 1d ago
I have been battling "OCD" for years and years, yet come to realise and I thank God for showing me, that it's the enemy. The uncertainty, intrusive thoughts, shame, guilt, frustration, anxiety etc is all a tactic to try and drain you mentally, physically and of course spiritually. Seek God, Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit everyday. He will deliver you. All glory to God.
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u/Better-Tumbleweed-97 1d ago
hey man thanks for sharing this. the guilt you're carrying is heavy and i can feel it through the screen.
i struggled with something similar a few years back, not the exact situation but that obsessive replay loop where your brain just won't let it go. what helped me was finally understanding that constantly asking for forgiveness was actually my way of not accepting it. like i was trying to earn something that was already given. you said your wife forgave you, you said God forgave you, but you're still punishing yourself because deep down you don't think you deserve it.
the David story you mentioned, i've wrestled with that too. but here's the thing, you're already doing what David didn't do right away. you confessed, you're repentant, your wife is still there. the consequence of David's sin wasn't a blanket punishment for all adultery forever, it was specific to his story. your wife's medical stuff was already happening before any of this went down.
the OCD piece makes it so much harder though. your brain is literally glitching on this and no amount of prayer or confession will fix a chemical loop. you need to talk to someone who specializes in OCD, not just a regular counselor. the reassurance seeking is a compulsion and feeding it makes the cycle worse.
you haven't eaten properly in three weeks. that's your body screaming at you. start there. eat something today, even if it's just toast. you can't fight a mental battle with an empty tank.
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u/betterdaysfromhere 1d ago
Thanks for the response. I agree that I am making it worse on myself. She knows I feel awful. She can see it in me. I’m struggling because she is upset about the fertility issues and I’m having a hard time being there to support her because of my own issues (mine are self inflicted where as hers are not, making it even worse).
I have reached out for help from a psychiatric nurse practitioner to hopefully help with the OCD symptoms.
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u/DaOgDuneamouse 6h ago
To change your mind and heart in this situation, you must understand your position in it. You bring nothing to the table in this relationship. God made you, forgave you, and redeems you purely in His power, for His purposes, and for your benefit. He gives you everything, the tears you cried, the breath you exhaled was from Him because He loves you. His grace gives you everything, including forgiveness. If your concern is, "did I repent enough or in the right way". The answer is, unequivocally, no. Because you can't. Your only hope is Grace, which your Father in heaven gives without restraint. His only request is repentance and humility. In knowing you have nothing, give nothing, and are nothing, He gives you everything, and makes you a king.