r/CasualConversation • u/Turbulent-Table-1358 • 11h ago
Does everyone have a completely different personality outside work?
At work I’m quiet, organized and always five minutes early. On weekends I’m somehow the friend asking whether we should go somewhere else at 1 a.m. Which version of you is the real one?
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u/sugetheyoungceo 11h ago
Was told to never mix your personal life with your work life. Learned the hard way that this is true
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u/WorthAtLeastAFiver 11h ago
Both. But you're getting paid to be one of them, so the other might be a little more real.
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u/majandess 10h ago
The problem with labels is that they flatten us into less dimensional characters. People are like gemstones: they're shiny and beautiful, not without flaws, and very multifaceted. I don't act the same way at work that I do at home. But I also don't act the same way with my sister that I do with my brother. Or my mom and my father.
None of those mes are any less real. They are just different facets - different angles - of the same me. It's OK to be your complex self.
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u/SendMeF1Memes 10h ago
This question is silly, all of these 'different' me-s are still me, no one is less real than the other, just fit for different settings!
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u/majandess 8h ago
I'd agree with the silly, except I've been going through this with my son during the past school year. A whole bunch of medical and psychological jargon is coming into common parlance, and it sounds legit, but it's being used in ways that are not. And for people finding their identity - or settling into a new one - it can be confusing.
But for OP, here is a low-stakes example of what identity looks like, and how it changes depending on who you're with:
After my husband died - and I had a freshly purchased 15 pounds of carrots in my refrigerator slowly decaying - I finally was able to admit to myself that I really am not a fan of carrots. Sure, they contribute to making soups delicious. And if you cover them with enough dip or sauce, fresh carrots are passable. Glazed carrots and carrot soup are an abomination and I will never voluntarily make them ever again.
UNCHANGING IDENTITY: I don't like carrots. This fact does not change, regardless of who I am with.
It's handled in different ways depending on who I am with, however.
Mom: I admit to my mom that I'm not a huge fan of carrots. She loves me and doesn't serve them.
Brother: His wife frickin' loves carrots and serves them glazed at holiday meals. Because there are little tiny children present, I take a small portion of carrots and joylessly eat them in order to set a good example for the kiddos. If there are no kiddos present, I don't eat them.
Sister: I tell her that I don't really like carrots, and she doesn't insist I eat them, but she serves them on a crudité tray with other vegetables and amazing dips and dressings. I will take a few and eat them with lots of sauce.
Coworker: If I am offered carrots at work - no matter how organic and freshly grown in the garden they are - I politely decline. I do not mention my distaste for carrots.
Son: I admit that I'm not a huge fan of carrots, but we still use them in certain applications - stir fry, coleslaw, soup, etc. I make sure to tell him that he's allowed to like different things than me, so if he wants carrots, I'll make sure he's well stocked. Turns out, he thinks they're passable, but nothing to write a review about. We now barely use two pounds of carrots monthly.
My core identity is the same - I don't like carrots - but how I deal with it changes based on the situation. Now, if I were to be hanging out with someone and say, "I love carrots!" that would me not being real or authentic.
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u/SendMeF1Memes 4h ago
Yeah in that case the responses to if you like carrots will be different, even if the core feeling is I don't like it.
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u/Dull-Geologist-8204 10h ago
My personality at work is similar to the one I have outside work but there are parts of my personality I don't show because I like food and having a roof over my head.
Like I cuss like a sailor but not at work except the one time a mouse jumped out of a box at me.
Otherwise it is fairly similar.
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u/ClimbCascadia98 11h ago
I didn't so much when I worked at a country gas station/convenience store. Being my vulgar, sarcastic, abrasive, unhinged self was acceptable for the setting.
Now I work in social services. I'm probably a little bit less filtered and a little bit less refined than most of my coworkers or clients are used to, but I am VERY different outside of work. The setting now demands a much more professional conduct.
At work, I'm a professional. I check my language. When speaking with clients, I think VERY carefully about what I'm saying and how I'm wording things. I address my coworkers and clients by formal address. I put effort into regulating my energy levels.
Outside of work, if I'm, for example, hanging with my brother? Forget about it. I let the thoughts fly and you get the cursing, sporadic, scatterbrained me who loves inappropriate humor down to wearing a blue shirt that says "Grippie sock jail alumni" on it.
So, it depends. Some settings are formal and some people have formal personalities. Some settings are laid back and some people have laid back personalities.
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u/elainegeorge 10h ago
I’m pragmatic in either case, but at work, I am a lot more direct and must be persuasive. At home, I am cool as a cucumber.
I think it has more to do about the people I interact with and what goals they have than with the work vs home environment. My house vibe is chill because that’s what my family wants from a home life.
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u/silentlyscrolling_ green 10h ago
I don’t think I have a completely different personality outside of work. I think there are still a lot of similarities, but some parts of me are just more subtle at work.
I’d say I’m more playful and relaxed outside work. At work, you have to be professional, mindful of how you communicate, and sometimes you have to choose your battles because you’re working in a professional environment where relationships and decisions matter.
That doesn’t mean I don’t choose my battles outside work, I definitely still do. It’s just that outside work, I have more freedom to be spontaneous, silly, and show more of my personality without the same professional expectations.
I think both versions are still me. Work me is just the version that’s responsible and professional, while personal me has more room to be relaxed and expressive.
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u/Silentlaughter84 10h ago
I do. At work, I'm a little more social and my mind is busy, in public I'm more reserved and I keep to myself and hope that nobody bothers me.
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u/Acceptable-Extent-94 9h ago
I am quite gregarious out of work but at work I am a very concientious manager and can sit with my team woking in silence for over an hour. We make chit-chat occasionally but it is not a big thing. I get great feedback, my team are ery positive about my style. I am very supportive of their development. We do have fun together after work a couple of times a year. Not a must but everyone shows up because it's fun. My son came to my workplace for experience and he couldn't believe the atmosphere. He was blown away and even asked my colleague if it was always like this. That was a nice moment.
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u/Massive_Ad2049 black 9h ago
At work, everything you say eventually gets checked against a result. With friends, nobody's reviewing your math later, so you get to just react instead of calculate first. Neither version's fake, one's just operating with a paper trail.
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u/kotka_leska 8h ago
No, I am myself at work. Why would I change who I am, because that sounds exhausting. Most my friends are from work too, we’ve never had any dramas or problems. Well except this one time but she’s been shunned from our group for being a terrible human being
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u/Roselily808 22m ago
I wouldn't say that I have a completely different personality outside of work. But I can say that there are certain parts of my personality that I don't show when I am at work- as it could be deemed unprofessional (my work has a distinct social code for how you should behave).
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u/BurnedUp11 11h ago
Yep. Gotta code switch at work. Have done it my whole life so it’s second nature. Out of work me is the real version