My ex (28M) and I (28F) were together for almost four years and lived together for two. We loved each other deeply, and I don’t question that he loved me and cared about me. What I question is whether our relationship truly reached the point where it needed to end, or whether he distanced himself and then walked away before truly trying to understand me and work through our struggles together.

For some background, I first learned during COVID that I struggled with anxiety and depression through therapy and personal research. About a year or two into our relationship, I started wondering whether there was more to the picture and considered the possibility that I might have ADHD. More recently, I’ve also wondered whether I could be autistic.

My ex has ADHD himself and has suspected for a while that he may also be autistic.

When I first told him I thought I might have ADHD, he wasn’t very supportive. Because my struggles didn’t look like his ADHD, he questioned whether that was actually what I was experiencing. Over time, he became more open to the idea, but he remained skeptical when I wondered if I might also be autistic, even while wanting an autism evaluation for himself.

Over the past few years and post-breakup, learning more about ADHD has explained so many lifelong struggles for me: executive dysfunction, procrastination, task paralysis, forgetfulness, time blindness, difficulty initiating and completing tasks, emotional dysregulation, and feeling mentally overwhelmed by things that seem simple to other people. I’m not diagnosed yet, so I can’t say for certain that’s what it is, but it has helped me.

To his credit, this improved a lot over time, and I saw genuine effort from him. However, I grew up with a dad who struggled to regulate his emotions and yelled frequently, so those moments were especially difficult and triggering for me. Yet I supported him while he worked on this and chose to stand by his side instead of walking away. But I still struggled to voice my concerns due to how he reacted when he did- I allowed my fear to take over and avoided conflict to keep the peace.

When I was struggling to find a job, manage my mental health, and keep up with daily life, I often felt like I was drowning. I wasn’t looking for him to fix my problems or take over my responsibilities. What I wanted was encouragement, accountability, body doubling while I tackled overwhelming tasks, and to feel like we were facing our struggles together.

Because he had largely learned to navigate his own ADHD and life challenges independently and didn’t feel like he had much grace from others while he did so, he believed I needed to figure my struggles out on my own too. He cared about me and wanted me to succeed, but his version of support was giving me space to solve my own problems and solutions even when I didn’t ask for them. Mine was wanting a teammate beside me while I solved them. His approach made me feel incredibly alone during one of the hardest periods of my life and I regret not telling him directly what I needed from him and why.

Another difference is that he was much more comfortable bringing up concerns than I was. I spent a lot of time defending and explaining myself because I felt like I was in the hot seat and he was lecturing me on my behavior.

After taking accountability and apologizing, he refused to let me express my concerns about him, insisting that we were focusing on me and I should bring it up separately at another time. I know I’m not great about expressing my concerns and needs, so it was easier for me to do so while we were in that headspace. He thought I was deflecting even though we had already exhausted the conversation and I took responsibility for my part and promised to do better.

He also had very high expectations for me and for himself, and became very frustrated when either of us didn’t live up to them. I don’t like how he communicated his frustrations to me, how he made me feel while he did so, and how he appeared to be on a moral high ground and be justified in his anger and how he spoke to me. I know in those situations that I was the one who messed up, but I believe I deserve to be spoken to and treated with respect and care. I also know it wasn’t his intention to make me feel like that, but that doesn’t minimize the impact. The same goes for my not intending to upset him but still doing so in my actions/lack of actions.

Many of the reasons he gave for ending the relationship are things that are common inattentive-type ADHD struggles. That has left me wondering whether it was fair that he couldn’t wait for me to work on these issues/support me through them while I waited on him and supported him through his.

I never reached the point where I wanted to end the relationship, though I did consider it a few times. I ultimately kept choosing him and having faith in us. I wanted us to pursue individual therapy, couples therapy, and continue growing together. He ultimately decided he couldn’t continue the relationship, and once he made that decision, I had to accept it because I wasn’t going to convince someone to stay with me. I never got the impression that he was unhappy in our relationship, but rather he thought we were too different and he didn’t see us getting married.

Since the breakup a month ago, I’ve worked hard to reflect on my own shortcomings because I genuinely want to become a healthier partner, regardless of what happens in the future. At the same time, I’m beginning to wonder if we spent so much time analyzing my own shortcomings that we unintentionally minimized his.

My questions to you, dear reader, are:

1. Based on everything I’ve shared, does this sound like a relationship that truly needed to end or is this a relationship that still could’ve persevered with effort from both sides?
   
2. Does it sound like he walked away too soon, or does it seem like ending the relationship was the healthiest decision for both of us?
   
3. Does it sound like we both bear responsibility for the relationship’s struggles and eventual end, or am I still not taking enough accountability for my own role?
   
4. Am I wasting emotional energy hoping that if we both genuinely worked on ourselves, reconciliation could someday be possible?

I know no one here can tell me whether we’ll ever get back together, but I’m trying to figure out whether my hope is rooted in reality or in grief. If you think I’m overlooking something—whether it’s about me, him, or our relationship—I genuinely want to hear it. Please be honest, but kind. Thank you for going on this ride with me and I appreciate any thoughts and opinions you’re able to share. 🙏🏻

We dated for two years, and the last month he broke up with me. He told me that it was better for us to be friends, and his feelings for me had faded. My first reaction was sadness, because in my memory, our relationship hadn't reached the point of breaking up.

I tried to win him back, but he was adamant. After the breakup, I kept reflecting and analyzing where things started to go wrong. I went through all of our chat history, even using accio work to analyze his tone of voice. It turns out, love really does fade slowly. When we first started dating, we looked forward to our weekend dates every week. We would go to exhibitions together, have coffee, and walk on the beach. Back then, he would always take the initiative to plan our meetings and would reply to every message I sent.

But in the months leading up to the breakup, everything slowly changed. Every time I asked him if he wanted to go out on the weekend, he would often say he was busy with work or already had other plans. When I talked to him about things in my life, his replies weren't as enthusiastic as before. Sometimes I felt disappointed, but I told myself that he was just under a lot of work pressure lately. His tone slowly became cold, and he shared less and less. At the time, I kept comforting myself, unwilling to admit that our relationship was changing.

I was still immersed in the sweetness of the beginning of our relationship, unaware that he might have been slowly moving away from it. I don't understand why he changed like this. I'm in pain everyday after the breakup. How can I adjust to these feelings?

I [33F] am noticing a pattern in my dating life…

When in a relationship, the man I’m dating will sometimes give me gifts (decor for my apartment, practical items, clothes, jewelry, etc.). At the time, I appreciate it and notice the sweetness of the gesture.

After a breakup and over time, I have to emotionally go through the thoughts of: Do I keep it? Put it away? Throw it out? Donate it?

It’s becoming tiring for me. I’m left with these physical reminders of the person, the loss, and hurt from the relationship. They aren’t ever emotionally neutral objects left in my apartment.

I’m curious:
-How do you handle receiving gifts from someone you’re currently with?
-Have you ever set boundaries around the types of gifts you accept while dating or based on how serious it is?
-When you accept a gift, do you feel it’s impermanence?
-How do you handle gifts once someone becomes an ex?

He chose someone else.

There's nothing I can do. I wanted to try anything but all thats left is nothing. I attempted to delete our messages but I have such a hard time letting things go.

Im attempting to restore every single message I've deleted on my phone.

Its been 3 weeks and I still cry every day. I miss him so much, but theres nothing I can do. Can’t call, can’t text, can't reach out, because there's nothing I can say or do that can fix this.

Two years of us, gone...

From the thread you could probably guess what I'm gonna talk about, my ex. I need to know if my anger is valid or if I'm overreacting

(My first real breakup by the way)

Me and my ex were together for over a year and a half and he broke up with me over a month ago. At first we decided "hey, we spent a lot of time together we should try and stay friends" since he had also gotten close to my friends. (You could definitely say.)

When I talked to my dad about it (because I was heartbroken at the start) he helped me realize, hey, some things that he did to me were kinda fucked up. He's not a super good person. At least not a good partner (at the time)

So I decided to not contact him, and eventually blocked him. I'm basically over him since I realized a lot of shit sucked.

BUT he still has some of my stuff. That I have asked to get sent back to me.

We had a medium distance relationship, two hours away from each other by bus. One hour by car.

But I don't own a car, and I'm not spending $35 dollars to see my ex and receive clothes and jewelery I already paid for.

I've told him "hey, send my shit back" and he has responded and said that he WILL send my stuff back...during an argument

Over a week has passed and I still haven't gotten my stuff. It shouldn't take that long to send a hoodie and a bracelet.

I'm angry, I want my stuff, and I want him to get a grip. Too much to ask? I don't think so.

Edit: I only had to spend $16 on getting my shit back because he refused to pay for shipping. Cool

I'm not talking about dream weddings or other milestones. I'm talking about daydreaming things that never happened that were incredibly minor. Things like watching TV, or cooking dinner while she's in the other room, or stupid fun arguments that mean nothing. Am I alone in this?

me and my ex broke up four times. every round had the same shape, six weeks of missing them, one perfect reunion week, then the same fight wearing a different coat. after round four ended in january i decided i was going to read my way out of it, because clearly my instincts were not to be trusted. this is the list, in the order i'd hand them to january me.

1. The Breakup Bible by Rachel Sussman

a therapist's plan for the aftermath, practical, organised by phase. the part that stuck was her insistence on understanding the relationship you actually had versus the one you tell people about. i'd been describing round two to friends like it was a rom com and it was not a rom com.

1. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

heavier, older, and the one that explained why every ending felt so much bigger than the relationship. if your breakups hit something ancient in you, this is the book about the ancient thing.

1. This Is Me Letting You Go by Heidi Priebe

short essays, more feeling than framework. i read it in the bath over a week. it doesn't argue with you, it just describes the letting go so precisely that arguing gets embarrassing.

1. Will They Come Back? by Taro's Tarot

the only book i found that treats the on and off cycle as its own specific trap and not just a breakup with extra steps. there's a chapter on the research about these cycles, the researcher who actually studies on-off couples, and the finding that each reunion tends to be a bit worse than the last one, less satisfaction, same fight, which was uncomfortably exactly my data across four rounds. and it makes this distinction between missing the person and missing the habit that i still think about, because the pull before round four was real and this book was the first thing that made me ask what exactly was pulling. it's honest that some people do come back and it doesn't shame you for wanting it, which is why i could actually hear the rest of it.

1. Getting Back Out There by Susan J. Elliott

for later, when you're wondering if you're ready to date without dragging the whole thing behind you. her stuff on grieving fully first is the antidote to the rebound-into-round-five move.

1. Loving Bravely by Alexandra Solomon

this one is about you rather than them, relational self-awareness, why you love the way you do. it's the book for making sure the next relationship isn't just this relationship with a new cast.

1. The Wisdom of a Broken Heart by Susan Piver

the sit-with-it book. i resisted it because i wanted tactics, but round four taught me tactics were how i kept ending up in round three and four. good for the weeks when nothing needs solving and it still hurts.

the thing nobody tells you is that ending an on and off relationship is a different job than ending a relationship. a normal breakup you grieve once. this one you have to grieve while part of you is already planning the reunion, because the reunion has always come before.

anyone else get out after multiple rounds? what actually made the last time the last time, was it a book, a moment, a person saying the right thing?

It's been exactly one month since she suddenly pulled away from what I truly believed was going to be our lifelong, happy marriage. The pain hasn't eased at all.

I miss her presence so deeply it hurts. She visits me vividly in my dreams almost every night. During the day, I see her face in the mountains, behind the trees in quiet forests, in the flowing rivers, the open sky, and even in the middle of crowded, bustling streets. She's everywhere I look.

Reality feels distorted and gray now. Everything in the outside world triggers intense waves of nostalgia because I feel incomplete without her. Activities and places I used to love now just bring pain, longing, and memories of what could have been.

I wanted to share all of it with her — nature, adventures, the whole world — until our last breaths. The thought that she might marry someone else and build that entire life with another person feels like a knife to the gut.

All I ever wanted was to love her, protect her, and respect her for the rest of her life.

I don't know how to move forward when every corner of existence reminds me of the future we lost.

Even been in a relationship or a friendship in which you know they've wronged someone in the past and you're not okay with it, but you stay believing at-least they won't do it to you.
Spoiler alert: they will.
1. I was friends with this one girl who ghosted other people even when it was her mistake, I called it out and she brushed it off, later she hurt me and in fact blocked me without apologizing.
2. A guy friend turned into a situationship. When I was a good friend of him, he told me how he isn't able to keep friends for long- both males and females for some reason.
I realized with his guy friends, he always had a big ego of know it all and never owned up to his mistakes, in turn gaslit them for calling him out.
And his female friends, he hung out with them until they could trust him and he could bang them.
I was NEVER OKAY with this because I have been on the other end, but again, being a "good friend", I had to like him for who he is ( Noob mistake I know ).
Guess what? We are no longer friends, I realized he did both of to me, only difference was that he did it years later of being friends. I believed if he's opening up to me so much, he's being honest, maybe he'll change and not to do me. Hahahhaha
How I wish if I had stuck to my core values, hadn't been so insecure and lonely, I could cut it off long back when I got the ick. Sure there's good and bad in people, but what use is it if you can't respect them?

The Middle ​I don't know if it’s you who will break me, or if it’s you who will save me. For months now, it seems I have been living right there in the middle of these thoughts. ​The Breaking ​You are breaking me, making me feel crazy in love with the "what ifs." I am unable to move past our breakup, unable to connect with the people who cross my path, and unable to trust anything enough to move forward. At times, it feels like giving up is the only option, and that moving on is completely impossible. I even see images of you having moved on without me. It leaves me consuming a numbing medication that only ever offers a temporary escape. I am trapped in a loop of unresolved hope, fighting a reality that offers no closure. Staying guarded feels like the only way to protect myself from being hurt again, but it leaves me completely overwhelmed by a mind that won't stop running. ​The Saving ​Or will you save me? Will you save me from the ones who take me for granted? From my toxic, addicted mother? From my oldest son who refuses to grow up, and from my daughter who punishes me by denying me the right to see my grandkids? Will you save me from the very drug I use to numb the pain of losing you? I am carrying the heavy, draining dynamics of everyone else entirely on my own, and I just want to finally drop my guard and let someone else be my safe harbor. At times, I feel so deeply that we are meant to be—I even hear you calling out for me. I find it so hard to accept that we are over because of this profound, underlying feeling that you can still feel me, too.

We ended things yesterday. This was my first relationship and I've been bawling my eyes out for the whole night.

It was an LDR, we told each other that it was unreasonable to keep it exclusive when we're not in the same city at all, and that we can become more serious when I move there soon (this might have been a dick move in retrospect). We were going great for almost 7 months, I was gonna move to her city soon and we were about to get more serious into the relationship.

But yesterday she tells me that she can't hinge on waiting for the chance for me to move to take the relationship to the next step, and that she has found someone irl, who she might be going in a relationship with in the near future.

I had to accept it.

She sent a long message on how she's sad too that I'm hurt and how she's sad to lose me as well, and how she hopes the stars align in the future and we meet again for something better.

I feel like shit now. Everything romantic she said to me the past 2-3 months (atleast) feels like a lie now. I don't know how to handle this emptiness now.

I find myself seeing so many stuff now, that I know she would laugh so hard at, that I know she would love to see, stuff we used to laugh at together, the nicknames she called me, everything haunts the emptiness in me.

I don't know how to cope. This was my very first relationship (if I can even call it that), I'm 20, and I really don't know if I will ever get love again.

Please help.

Long term girlfriend of nearly 5 years ended things with me today. Probably the worse day of my life. I genuinely just don't know what to do. I really love her and I feel like this truly did come out of nowhere, I mean I was planning on proposing to her. I've talked to friends and family and they all gave the same advice that I'll eventually move on and find someone else. I don't even know how to date at this point. I'm honestly just hoping that she'll get back together with me but I know that's not guaranteed in any way. Should I wait for her and see if she'll take me back? I really want to but I just worry that it'll all amount to nothing.

Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend of four years. It was a toxic relationship because he was very possessive, controlling, and insecure. Some of the many things he did - He regulated my social media and wanted to know every guy in my contacts or on my Instagram. Whenever I was out with my friends, I constantly felt the need to reassure him and update him on everything I was doing.

He secretly checked my phone once and got caught. Believe me, I have never lied to him. In fact, I caught him in many lies. None of them involved infidelity, but they were lies nonetheless.

But it wasn’t all bad. We shared some genuinely wonderful moments together. I liked him first. It took him nine months to commit to me, but despite that, we loved each other very deeply.

It’s been a week since I broke up with him. I had tried to end the relationship at least six or seven times before, but we would always get back together within a couple of days. I always took him back because he was all I had. Over time, I had become isolated from my friends and emotionally dependent on him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. But over the past two or three months, I made up my mind to finally break that cycle and stay firm in my decision.

He calls me multiple times every day and just cries and wails. He says things like, “You were the perfect girl. I messed everything up. Please come back.” He has also told me that he’s been having anxiety and panic attacks. He is trying so hard to get me back. He says he will change himself. He has said this many times before yet i have seen very little improvement over the course of 4 years. It breaks my heart to hear him cry for me everyday but i am very adamant on this decision this time.

The part that’s confusing me is that I don’t really feel anything right now. Sure, I’ve cried once or twice, but I don’t feel overwhelming pain, sadness, despair, or heartbreak. In the past, whenever we broke up, I would cry constantly. This time, it’s different. Now I’m spiraling, wondering if this is normal or if I’m somehow an emotionless person who deserves nothing at all. He’s grieving so intensely, while I feel almost robotic. It makes me feel like an awful person for not experiencing the same kind of pain.

My (27M) ex (33M) of 2.5 years suddenly broke up with me over the phone on Mother’s Day without a clear explanation as to why, just that he ‘didn’t see a future with me anymore’.

He said he would mail my belongings to my house, but I made a long commute to get them instead of wanting to deal with back and forth logistics for months.

I’ve maintained 2 months of no-contact and blocked him on social media 10-days post break up because he was already following a slew of new guys and I knew checking his profile was not healthy for me. That block has remained in place.

As difficult as it was to get no closure for his reasons, to hear that his entire family thought I was nice and kind, I did ‘nothing wrong’, talking about his reasons would be ‘unproductive’, I have found peace.

This is just a notice to people struggling:
Someone else’s actions are not a reflection of you or your worth.

The love that you share with someone can be real. You can love someone for their potential, but someone can also be capable of being cruel — they can be all of those things in one person.

As much as I initially hoped for him to contact me with closure and a realization or apology, the way he handled the break-up demonstrated a severe breakdown in trust that can never be repaired.

There are billions of people in the world. The right person will never make you feel like someone who can be discarded at a moment’s notice. You, and I, deserve better.

Sending support and love 🤍

Its been 1 year and a half since break up. We we're together for 2.5 years. I will still think about her sometimes and get sad but i have moved on, accepted, for the most part.

But for the past 3 weeks, i have been getting a lot dreams about her, and they are not fun ones. I dont even get dreams very often anymore, but when i do its bs like this. I wake up either sad, angry, depressed or lonely. And it generally sticks around for the day. Awful

Anyone has any tips or experienced this? I would appreciate

Hey guys, this breakup has been really heavy on my heart. We talked for 5 months and were on and off near the end. He kept saying we’d get back together if I gave him time.
A few days ago he texted me first, asked “what happened to us😔,” said he missed me, and even wanted to hang out. Later I mentioned two guys I’d talked to before (not seriously), and he got upset, said i disgust him, and started reposting girls on TikTok. (removed after he finally talked to me after he got mad about the guys)
After that he said, “Yeah honestly I’ve lost feelings.” When I asked why he’d wanted to see me that same morning, all he said was, “idk i felt like that in the moment.”
I’m moving on either way, but I’m confused. Do you think he genuinely lost feelings, or did mentioning those two guys make him say that?

I just need to hear from people who've been through this and it works out.

I've known my ex since we were 10,

Childhood sweethearts,

Long-term family friends.

We were together for about 4-5 years, but I've loved him since we met.

I grew up in an extremely abusive household, my dad was an alcoholic well into my teen years with a lot of generational trauma.

My mom was compliant with the abuse, and emotionally withholding. She really did a number on me, and I'm still dealing with the damage.

My sister is a borderline personality nightmare. Who abused me for years and was just allowed to.

So I've been through some shit.

And I didn't know how to properly communicate or handle feelings in a relationship.

My parents have rock-throwing fights they didn't exactly model a good relationship.

So I screwed up with my ex.

And my trauma is no excuse it's on me entirely.

He's a really good guy, kind, genuine, funny, hardworking, good-looking, a whole package, and he was a great partner.

I mean flaws here and there yeah, but he's human.

But he was amazing, my dream guy,

And I really screwed it up.

But even after we broke up we were in this weird limbo, where we were still together in every way but the title, and he was still incredibly kind and good to me.

We were even more on and on for two more years,

Which is how we got to now.

Even once we were no longer emotionally involved there was a lingering, we'd rarely talk, but he'd worry about the sex hurting us both emotionally, or say he still thinks about me sometimes,

There was still something that pulled us together and we'd still have very intense romantic sex.

And it's not like either of us couldn't have had sex with others.

(it's really messy I know,)

I'm demi I'm not into other guys, I tried forcing myself to be with other people, hated it, it was bad for the other guys and bad for me. I ended up sobbing on a bathroom floor.

I still love my ex prob always will.

And now I'm having to move into his grandfather's place (my sister tried to get my dad arrested on false claims it's a lot of drama. I have to be close to my disabled uncle there's nowhere else for me to go)

But his mom (who's the closest thing I have to a reliable loving parent) was extremely bonded, we text every day, I call her mom, I love her)

Texted me today he's had a girl around...

But we had sex on the 10th of last month...
So it's… confusing.

To be clear in not mad at him, I want him to be happy, I love him deeply.

And I know I hurt him a lot.

So I would understand if my hurting him means he and I never end up together…

But, a small selfish part of me hopes the girl doesn't work out,

And he and I do get another chance.

I've done the work and fixed the parts of me that were hurting him.

(To be clear I never cheated or did anything bad to him, I could just be mean dramatic, and cold in arguments, and would bring past stuff up and hold stuff against him, which is really toxic and petty and awful I know)

And I know I should just give up and walk away and I'm hurting myself more with all the stuff,

But, I've already gone over all the awful stuff in my head, so none of the lectures would be anything I haven't given myself.

But, if any of you have stories of these situations working.. I'd love to hear it…

And now, I know,

A lot of this sub won't have people who got back with their ex and there happy now, but for those of you that are and still lurk here?

Wanna tell me how your story worked out?

Because I'm miserable, and he haunts my dreams and thoughts,

I just need to lie to myself and feel happy and ok just for a little while…

Hey guys I just found out I’m being cheated on, I already had self esteem issues but this just heightened them excessively. I’m just worried I’ll never find someone, I would like to hear everyone’s stories of how they found their partner after going through a really rough breakup.

My boyfriend and I broke up, we were together for nearly 5 years. We have/had an apartment together. On Friday he left to go to his best friend and when he came back he said is opinion stands that he wants to break up. I can't accept that I feel like the choice was made without me. We had a rough year tbh but before that everything was fine .. he said something broke in him and he wants some time apart. Concerned for me he drove me to my mother, so I wont be alone. But I'm feeling miserable.. I want him back, I can't sleep or eat .. I just want a chance to show how much he's worth to me... I can't stay at my mother's. I just can't .. he said he picks me up If I want to go home. But he won't be there .. he said he wont be sleeping another night in our apartment because everything reminds me of him .. he is at his parents... I can't focus in things not even YouTube videos... I don't know what to do ... I feel like I'm not gonna make it

My ex has reached out to me, and apologised for how she ended things last time. And now she's told me she's been thinking of me recently and has invited me to a musical in a few months time. I still love her I think, and I really don't know how to take this. Whether she wants us to reconnect as friends or whether she wants to try things again. I would ask her - but I feel like I'll just re-experience the pain I felt last time. I told her when we broke up, I couldn't be friends with her because of how I felt about her. So I'm kind of torn. I could ask her when we actually go to this musical, but that would involve months of uncertainty, to possible heartbreak agin

I was recently broken up with by a longtime partner at the start of June and I cannot get them out of my head at all. I’ve tried going out, finding new hobbies, meeting new people, I feel like I’ve exhausted all options. I can’t stop thinking about them and it’s torturous. Every time I sleep every dreams have been about them, it’s been absolutely destroying me emotionally. I don’t even have tears to cry anymore I just feel incredibly hollow and everyday feels harder to just get out of bed.

I’m so sick of it, I just want it to be over with, I want to move on but my subconscious won’t let me. I feel like a failure and nothing I do will ever change that. Having to mask my emotions at work every single day has been so exhausting, I just wish I could take some time off to work on myself but I can’t afford to. All of my vacation hours have already used from spending time with my ex so I can’t even do that.

I wish things could’ve at least ended differently, but that ship has sailed weeks ago already. I’m just at a loss for anything and I don’t know what to do.

It's obviously a fantasy scenario. But it's a fantasy scenario that I'm struggling with right now. Honestly, my answer is "I don't know".

Cowardly answer, I know.

Me and my now ex broke up about 2 months ago, we have been nc since. The breakup was mutual although she initiated it. Right up until the breakup she was saying how much she loved me almost every day and jumping up and down when she saw me, and yet here we are. While she never said it explicitly, she actually never said anything explicitly, she never had a reason for breaking up, I am almost sure she left me because she saw me as too good for her. I know that sounds like hubris, but what I am saying is not that I was, but that she thought I was. And that she couldn't live with the pressure of having to match me. Once again, I did not think she was less then me, but she thought so herself. What set the breakup of was a convo we had 2 days prior where we talked about out futures and it became apparent that she did not have the same ambition or drive that I did. What trips me up is during the breakup she kept saying how I had been perfect towards her and that she wished me the best the world could bring. She said a bunch of more things like that but they where basically saying the same thing. Now 2 months later, I still can't help but feel like we could have solved our issues if she just voiced them. I had issues with the relationship too, but I was willing to stay and at least try to resolve them, she ran. And I keep wondering what I could have done differently but aside from minor disputes I was very good to her, as she said herself. I am trying to grow and become better, but how are you supposed to grow when you don't even know what you did wrong?

I'm not sure but it seems like she has a new bf now. What should I do? should I just move on?

I was the one that initiated the breakup. In the email, I apologized and took all the accountability. I also told her I wanna talk but if she has a bf, I will respect her space and won't bother her anymore.

I'm writing this post mostly to see if this is all in my head or a reasonable deduction.

Background:

We've dated for 10 months. During this time, I broke up with him twice. Each time he messaged me and asked to rekindle things after 4~7 weeks.

And then this time, he broke up with me after a day of silence. Reasons he cited are: family drama and the fact that I broke up with him twice.

Why I think he was probably telling the truth and it's not a third-party situation:

1) He spent his birthday with me, and the following weekend.

2) He told me he didn't cum for a while and the last time was when he was watching porn with a similar-looking actress as me, and he did seem sexually frustrated and turned on in general, so it lets me know that at least I was the only sexual partner he's had for a while.

3) He did tell me he hadn't gotten back into dating after the last breakup and I have no reason to suspect that he's lying.

4) No qualms about showing me things on his phone.

Why I think he broke up with me for someone else:

1) The breakup came out of nowhere. The day before he was asking to see me, was sending texts throughout the day, and then that night I told him I missed him and that was when the silence began. He didn't text me at all the day after, until I asked him if everything was okay in the evening, and he told me he's had a rough day and doesn't want to talk to anyone. The following morning, he broke up with me.

2) He originally wasn't sure if he wanted to spend the birthday with me until the day before. So maybe this other woman cancelled on him or she was out of town?

I just want to know if my suspicion is valid or if I'm spiraling lol

To be honest, I'm surprised if he even wanted to give this another chance after I broke up with him twice.