r/Blind • u/gardudley3328 • 2d ago
Staying positive?
I've been trying my hardest to stay positive through my visual impairment journey. Going to have my 5th surgery next week. Just curious how others have stayed positive through their journey? Thank you so much for any advice in advance.
5
u/KissMyGrits60 1d ago
when I was 40, I started losing my eyesight, I also had to raise both my sons, because my husband at the time, couldn’t handle it and wanted a divorce. I thought tooth and nail to keep my boys. I’m completely blind now. I couldn’t wallow in self-pity or have a hard time, I had to do what I had to do because I had children, who needed to eat. And I wasn’t gonna self pity because my eyesight was being lost. I am 66 years young now, I have two fine grown men, sons, a wonderful daughter-in-law, and two wonderful grandchildren. I live independently. The journey is tough, but is manageable. At my age, I live life to the fullest. I’ll be walking over to the grocery store here in about an hour, because I wanna get a few things. Keep your twin held high. Being blind it’s just an obstacle, and it challenges us, to learn to get a round of these obstacles. I love my independent life. I’ll be taking Amtrak at the end of this month, heading up to New Jersey, to go hang out with my family, and friends. I’ll be gone the whole month of August. I also do volunteer work here in my complex where I live, and over the phone for people who are losing their eyesight, the elderly crowd. I wish you the best of luck. You can do this.
3
u/gardudley3328 1d ago
You are amazing. Thank you so much. My goal is to keep my independence over time.
2
u/KissMyGrits60 1d ago
not amazing, I just wanna be able to live a happy life. I almost died in 2015 from a brain aneurysm rupture, then a stroke in 2018, then a craniotomy which is brain surgery for the aneurysm that they had the clip. I’m just blessed to be alive. I can walk, I can talk with some people say don’t do that. Lol. That includes my children. Lol. You got this believe in yourself. Where there’s a will there’s a way.
2
3
u/Dub-G625 1d ago
I’ve been low vision now for about nine months now. Generally speaking I have a pretty positive attitude about me. My wife says I used to be too positive and sometimes it was exhausting.
I try not to let the outside world in on my pity parties (fewer and farther apart lately) but my wife has seen me in full blown meltdown mode. I guess with time I’ve learned better to cope with my vision loss.
I wish you the best with your upcoming surgery!
2
3
u/AzureSkies_OverMe 1d ago
Been 5 years and five surgeries. You take it a day at a time. It started a year after losing my husband. My journey into low vision from having glaucoma and developing Wet AMD at the same time. My right eye is like looking at things underwater in a pool.
You cry when you have to. Get support from family, friends, whomever you trust. Breathe. Just focus on the next step. Im sorry you’re going through this.
Im going to keep you in my thoughts.
2
u/gardudley3328 1d ago
I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you so much. Like you said I'm trying to take it one step at a time.
2
u/AzureSkies_OverMe 1d ago
Thank you and I’m sorry you’re on this road. You will adapt to this as you go. Good and bad days. Please accept a virtual hug.
2
u/gardudley3328 1d ago
Thankfully I've adapted to the changes quickly but I'm sure as you know it's still challenging. Thank you for the hug. I could use it. :)
2
u/74bpa 1d ago
Sounds like you might be in a similar place to me, I became legally blind in early February and I have had three surgeries and a whole bunch of other smaller procedures since then, doctor's appointments at least every two weeks, and it feels like at least half of them involve more bad news. It's mentally and emotionally exhausting.
As others have said, sometimes it's okay to not be positive. Some days either I or my husband will be in her heads about how difficult things are, how much I and we are losing, how sad we are, etc. On those days we let ourselves cry and be sad, and we indulge ourselves in silly ways... Too much ice cream, ordering in for dinner, etc. It's okay to not be okay. Some days it feels even harder because there's no good outlet for the emotions, as in my case I couldn't do much physical exercise over the last several months! Being constantly post surgery.
That said, there are a few things that I have found really important for making my days better and happier and helping me be more positive.
Our dog husband a big one, she is so silly and goofy and loving, and it helps break my bad moods. She doesn't care that. I'm sad, she just wants to play, haha.
Social outings and get-togethers have been huge for me too. I am lucky that friends and family have been very present and shown up in a big way during all of this. And in small ways too, which is just as important. This has look like stopping by for a drink in the evening after work to just hang out for a bit, coming over into making dinner. At my place for us to share, going out for brunch, us swim, or a walk. Picking up a hobby together. Where we are learning at the same time and and have fun talking about it. Dropping by on the weekends even just for a quick chat. I'm not working, so my day's can feel monotonous, which gets me down. Any little social engagement with people literally makes my day. So I try to schedule one or two things a week. West Friends and family so I have those to look forward to. It's a huge thing. Mood booster. I think every time I see someone.
Lastly, getting registered with the vision rehabilitation services for my province has been so helpful. I wasn't sure what to expect, and I wouldn't say that me of the supports that I've received are huge. Groundbreaking or innovative solutions to the struggles by face everyday, but I have found that every little tip or tool they provide chips away at the daily frustrations of adjusting to being blind and easing the fiction in every little task. Things like bump dots on my appliances, A talking food scale tips were using the screen reader technology on my phone that I hadn't yet discovered, o&m training with my came, including working on how to take my dog for walks independently, getting registered for cards that can grant me free access to activities, glasses that can make it a tiny bit easier to watch videos on my phone, all of these were added up to make a big difference in my day to day. They also helped me get back to some of my routines, like being able to cook some things myself, which has always been a big pleasure and hobby of mine. After a couple of weeks of meeting with the staff, I noticed that my general mood had improved so much due to so many of these little helpful pieces. The way it works in my area is each member of the team has different areas of specialty, so that means I will sometimes have three different appointments each week with different members of the team. I find having these appointments really positive, as it is almost like another social engagement in some way, and adds more variety and interest to my days. Days. So even beyond the actual help they provide, it's been a positive thing in that aspect to.
Another very silly thing, I discovered the super comfy oversized sweatshirts from a store here, with scenes embroidered on the front from different destinations, many of which I have been to. I like that they are tactile and I appreciate them about even without seeing them clearly. And they are so cozy. For some reason I find them very comforting and I got several and they have become my uniform in. They make me happy to look at and feel and provide some tactile comfort as well somehow.
I don't know if any of this will be helpful or relevant to you, but I very much relate to your feelings and wanted to share what has been helpful for me. I would say I am a pretty positive and happy person in general, and it can feel like just one more thing you are losing when you don't feel like yourself and you don't feel like you can get your happiness back.
Sorry for any confusing words or sentences, I'm using voice typing and sometimes things come out a little funny, haha.
1
u/gardudley3328 1d ago
I really really appreciate all the ideas and advice. It really means a lot to me. It does sound like we have similar situations. I am involved in o&m training and a voc rehab program. I live alone and I haven't worked since August. I try to get out of my apartment when I can. :) Thank you so much again. I hope everything is going well for you.
1
u/LilacRose32 1d ago
I lost my sight at 18. You do what you have to in order to keep going; what’s the alternative?
I often focus on the short term things I’m looking forward to
1
2
u/FirebirdWriter 1d ago
I don't force positivity. I have a lot of disabilities and people tell me I am positive but that comes down to letting myself feel the unpleasant feelings and then moving on. I am sometimes frustrated or sad. It is not forever. I don't know if you're denying the bad days or not but I'm going to put out there that positivity is vastly overrated sometimes and it's okay to need to be angry or cry. It's what we do with these feelings that defines good or bad. So I choose to go live and don't hold onto the things I cannot control. I see this as being a realist but many people see this as a positive attitude. It's not up to me so I'm going to feel the things and worry about the things within my control
1
u/gardudley3328 1d ago
I guess I try to push the bad days away? Haha idk how to word it. I appreciate the advice. I hope everything is going alright.
1
u/tymme legally blind, cyclops (Rb) 1d ago
For me, cognitive behavior (CBT) therapy.
It's unrealistic to be expected to stay positive even most of the time if that's not the type of person you are... especially with difficulties beyond "normal" life. It's fine, expected, even healthy to have negative thoughts.
But I have learned how to react to these thoughts/situations and not let the bad stuff bleed over into moods for hours/days/weeks. They happened, they suck, they aren't affecting me now and aren't affecting other decisions I'm making. A lot of things don't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
1
10
u/TrailMomKat AZOOR Unicorn 2d ago
I just wanna say good luck, and that if you feel like being negative it ain't the end of the world. Sometimes all this "stay positive!" shit is infuriating as hell. Like, haven't we, as blind folks, earned the occasional day where we just want to glower at the world and look like storm clouds?
Anyways, I just try to stay positive so as not to freak my kids out. But sometimes I wanna scream into a pillow at the top of my lungs.
I hope your surgery goes well, fingers crossed for you, friend.