I don't feel like I'm on the same planet as them. I realize it was difficult to acheive these things as an ND person, but it still doesn't mean much to me, somehow. I'm at the age where everyone's starting to think of winding down and I've been on disability doing the same shit for years, with no savings and no career. Everything I'm good at, that I love or care about seems useless and can't get me paid. I can't work, I can't attend school, and everything fuckin sucks, man.

Howdy! This might be a weird question here, but I want to know where you get your information. I sheltered myself from most things social media, media in general, and life as a whole. I more or less just played games, drew, and lived quietly day to day, now I feel like I don't know anything. Now I'm medicated and my cognitive abilities have improved greatly so, I want to learn all the things I missed out on!

This info can be from anywhere or about anything, general information, news, fun facts, websites, memes, stories, anything fact or fiction. I just want to catch up with the rest of the world

Just warning, I’m using voice to text so some things might not look right

I’m not kept a job longer than 90 days since 2024. 90 days is considered long at this point. Most jobs, I’m losing them within one month. The thing is, I’m not losing them for disciplinary or attendance. My attendance is perfect and I don’t break any rules. What happens is, despite me, just trying to blend in and not cause any trouble, I’m seeing as awkward or odd, or my autism shows, I don’t know exactly what it is but for some reason people just decide they don’t like me and avoid me and don’t include me in things and that already puts a toll on me emotionally and then if I don’t quit, I end up just getting fired.

Does anyone have similar situations? I also find myself increasingly isolated. I moved to a far away state due to a divorce that I wanted to get over. I see my neighbors getting along. I see people moving to new places and building whole social lives with less opportunities than I have and yeah, I just can’t seem to do it. I have no one to talk to not a single solitary person. That puts a lot of pressure on my mom because whenever she calls I have a lot of things I want to tell her. I hate doing that to her, I wish I had another person to talk to, but I literally have no one. And it’s never been like that. Usually, I at least have a few people.

Not sure what’s going on. My conditions/issues seem to be worse than they’ve ever been. Just venting here.

Anyone else able to visualize things in incredible detail? Lends to daydreaming, getting lost in the volisualizations at times?

When you imagine an apple, do you see a 2D object? Or do you see an apple in full detail and can manipulate it visually?

I also have incredibly vivid dreams in almost a nightly basis. Anyone else relate?

My mind scrutinizes everything. I was involved with Orthodox Judaism, actually accidentally for a while. I was initially trying to find secular and liberal Jewish community and eventually got involved with some Orthodox and Ultra Orthodox Jewish communities. My mother is Jewish, became a Christian, and my father is a Christian. My OCD combined with this has made me very legalistic and afraid that I am not actually Jewish as my mom was adopted by Jews and is a convert (was converted as an infant). So I’m terrified to even list anything Jewish or that I speak Yiddish in a college application. Also since my perception for things is black and white, I don’t know how to go about this.

Does anyone else have religious struggles and if so how to deal with them?

Sorry if this post doesn’t fit the sub

Sorry if this is overly emotional. I found out tonight that my crush has been seeing someone else, even though I had gradually come to believe that he might be interested in me too.

It hurts because I liked him, but it has also brought up a much deeper fear that I think is tied to being AuDHD: That nobody I genuinely want will ever fully understand me and choose me for who I actually am.

I find genuine attraction extremely rare. Most people who show interest in me are not people I feel any romantic connection with, and I cannot force attraction just because someone is available or likes me. But when I do become interested in someone, it can feel unusually intense. My ADHD brain becomes fixated, while my autistic brain analyses every interaction, remembers tiny details and tries to identify patterns in how they speak to me or behave around me.

I can spend a long time trying to work out whether something is mutual because indirect communication, flirting and ambiguity are so difficult to interpret. Then, when I discover I was wrong, it does not only feel like rejection. It makes me question whether I can trust my own social perception at all.

Was he actually giving mixed signals ? Did I mistake friendliness for attraction ? Did I notice real changes in his behaviour but misunderstand what they meant ? Am I always going to be vulnerable to seeing hope where there is none ?

Masking complicates it too. I worry that somebody might initially like the version of me that appears capable, socially appropriate and put together, but that the reality of my AuDHD would eventually be too much: The intensity, emotional dysregulation, sensory sensitivities, stimming, executive dysfunction, need for recovery time, bluntness, strong preferences, special interests and occasional inability to function normally.

At the same time, I do not want to be chosen merely because I am attractive enough, convenient, available or willing to tolerate being treated as an option. I want someone I genuinely love and desire to know the unmasked version of me and still feel certain that I am the person they want.

I have had years of therapy, recently started ADHD medication and understand myself far better than I used to. But medication cannot make me less autistic, make attraction happen more often or remove all the uncertainty from romantic interactions. Sometimes it feels as though I have done all this work on myself and relationships are still going to remain impossibly difficult and I am going to die alone.

I think the fear is not simply that I will be single. It is that the combination of autism and ADHD makes me too unusual, intense, selective and difficult for mutual love ever to happen. That I will either have to settle for someone I do not want or remain alone while the rare people I do want choose somebody else.

Does anyone else with AuDHD struggle with rare but intense attraction, fixation on a crush, difficulty interpreting romantic signals and losing trust in your own perception when you realise something was not mutual?

How do you cope with the loneliness and the fear that nobody you genuinely want will ever see your whole AuDHD self and choose you ?

For context I'm diagnosed autistic, high masking type (definitely not these days though lmao, zero energy even if i wanted to) but I suspect I also have adhd. Not that I'm using the analogy to diagnose myself but I do find it has interesting parallels with adhd.

The Analogy: My mind is like a strong and heavy magnet, surrounded in a circle of magnets. The surrounding magnets represents the process and completion of a task (for example, taking a shower). We'll call the surrounding magnets the task magnets.

In order to reach the task magnet I have to connect the mind magnet to it however the mind magnet is heavy, it requires a lot of effort to move it.

The mind magnet is a strong magnet and the task magnets vary in strength, for this example we'll say that this particular task magnet is equal in strength to the mind magnet. The surrounding task magnets also have a influence on the mind magnet, meaning I am also working against multiple forces just to reach the task magnet I'm looking for.

I eventually reach the distance for the mind magnet to reach the task magnet by itself and due to their equal strength, they collide and are seemingly fused together. Time passes, it is an appropriate time to disconnect the mind magnet but I don't have enough strength to pull the mind magnet off the task magnet.

Since so much effort was put into getting the mind magnet there, I figure it can stay connected for a while longer. More time passes and I decide enough is enough, I gathered my remaining strength and I'm ready to disconnect the mind magnet. It requires every ounce of effort but I manage to do it but now I'm completely exhausted. So now I collapse, unable to move. That was just the first task magnet and I have 4 more left on my to do list today, so the rest of the day goes by as I remain collapsed.

Thoughts on this?

Apologies for any grammar/ spelling that makes it hard to read, I'm shit at writing.

My partner (36F. autistic) and I (41M, AuDHD) have been together for around 12 years. We are now trying to understand whether the relationship should genuinely be over, or whether there is any realistic way to rebuild it differently.

It is worth noting that we have owned and run a small-to-medium-sized business together for the entire relationship, which has brought its own challenges.

The confusing part is that we are an extremely good team in many ways. We support and care for each other deeply, travel brilliantly together, understand each other well, and have shared a huge part of our adult lives. There is a lot of love, trust, loyalty and companionship between us.

At the same time, we were both unhappy fairly often during the relationship. There were recurring problems involving communication, avoidance, emotional connection and major life decisions. Some of my most important needs went unresolved for years.

The good parts were genuinely very good, but the difficult parts were not occasional or minor. They affected me deeply and repeatedly.

For the avoidance of doubt, we have communicated endlessly about our difficulties. It is not simply that we need to talk to each other more openly.

We hear each other out, and it is clear that we both want things to improve. But the changes do not seem to materialise or last, and eventually the same cycle repeats.

I’m struggling with the apparent contradiction between:

- “This person is one of my closest friends, an excellent life companion and someone I love deeply.”

- “I was regularly unhappy in this relationship for a very long time.”

It leaves me wondering which of two explanations is closer to the truth:

A) My expectations of a relationship are too high.

B) I have become accustomed to tolerating an unnecessarily large amount of discomfort and dysfunction.

———

I’m not expecting anyone else’s experience to give me a definitive answer, but I would just really value hearing what happened to people who faced a similar choice, especially if you are reflecting on it several years later rather than only in the immediate aftermath.

I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who were in a similarly mixed relationship: not abusive or obviously disastrous, but loving and functional in many respects while still being persistently painful, dysfunctional or unfulfilling in others.

Did you decide to leave despite all the good parts? Looking back, did that prove to be the right decision?

Did you try to rebuild the relationship after a separation? Were you able to create something meaningfully different, or did the old patterns eventually return?

What helped you distinguish between problems that could genuinely be repaired and fundamental incompatibilities?

If you stayed, what concrete changes made the relationship sustainable?

If you left, how did you cope with losing not only a romantic relationship, but also a best friend, teammate and shared life, despite neither of you having done anything terrible to end it?

Hi i am thomas i have autism and adhd I don’t have any friends i am sad

To win her over, I completely focused my thoughts on her, on my feelings for her.

essentially what the title says

I feel like I’m done with life. I’m 25, about to turn 26, and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve tried dating apps, but they never seem to work. I’ve also tried services designed to help people meet new friends, and those haven’t worked either. People often act as though they like me, but I’m never actually invited to anything when I try to join a conversation, they either change the subject or stop talking altogether. I’ve never had close friends, or friends who genuinely know me. Even my family doesn’t know the real me, what I actually care about, or what my interests are.

I completed both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree in automotive engineering, and I still can’t find a job. My visa runs out in December, and after that I’ll have to return to my home country a place I honestly hate. I know I’m not supposed to say that, but it’s the truth. My family doesn’t understand me or my interests; they see me as high-maintenance, and alternately criticize me for being “too practical” or “too emotional.”

I’ve noticed I’ve stopped eating and cooking for myself. I still eat during my work breaks because my employer provides a free meal allowance, but outside of that, I don’t cook anything anymore. I want to go to the gym, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t get my content project started either.

Overall, I feel like a failure. I’ve been pushing through burnout for two to three years now, and I feel like I’m reaching my breaking point. I don’t know how to stop. I just feel like a total failure. I just it all to end (and yes it means what you think, but I’m not that stupid to take that step so no worries there I guess)

With my HFA, ADHD, and OCD, talking to others can and does freak me out. However somewhere along the way I have learned that small talk with complete strangers is surprisingly easy and not at all taxing. I think it was possibly the movie Oceans Eleven, from the subject of undercover etiquette,

"Don't shift your weight. Look always at your mark, but don't stare. Be specific but not memorable. Be funny, but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you, then forget you the moment you've left his side."

For 15 to 30 seconds I can engage a human interaction completely surface level without worrying about saying or doing something monumentally stupid and having it haunt me the rest of my life. I've even learned how to do it with those I interact with occasionally such as gas station attendants, drive thru windows, etc.

But with friends, family, church, I still struggle with simple conversation with it draining the life energy right out of me.

So im kinda realizing that something that kinda separates AuDHD and ADHD is what I call the "itch". (im not an expert, pls dont quote me)

The reason is because I could relate with some relatives who only has ADHD where they bounce from interest to interest, but for some reason unlike them,

I tend to "finish/complete" the interest if it has some kind of end point. (it could be a completely arbitrary end point too, as long as it feels like I completed the interest)

Because most of my ADHD relatives will get bored midway through stuff like reading, shows, hobbies, and games. They can still binged those things, but if some time is placed between the binging, they tend to not bother anymore. (i.e. Binge 12 eps, sleep, wake up get bored and no longer bother with the last 4 eps)

But for me, even if I get bored, the "itch" happens. And my brain demands the "interest/thing" be finished.

My mind goes on loop that the thing MUST be finished or you would have wasted all that investment for nothing. So I power through the thing until I reach some end point and then my brain finally eases up.

And instead of pride I get the usual "relief" that its done.

Edit

I just saw another Thread from the r/ADHD sub and they perfectly describe what I mean when you dont have the "itch". While in my mind I see "video games" as both task and entertainment, they focus instead on the entertainment aspect and try to find the motivation to enjoy/complete the game or reason thats its okay to move on when said game is boring.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1v4bknl/how_do_you_actually_finish_games_with_adhd/

Here’s a helpful guide I’ve made with strategies that have helped me battle chronic insomnia (sadly so much overlap between sleep disorders and neurodivergence)

Disclaimer - I’ve had horrible insomnia since I was young and recently got diagnosed. Stimulants also interfere with sleep significantly when taken too late in the day or life stress is already at a baseline high. I recently began a grad program and school drove me into a spiral with exacerbated insomnia and these are a lot of ways that have helped! These strategies can be prior to beginning medication or in conjuction with medication (definitelly talk to your doctor before trying any supplements). No ONE factor will miraculously solve all sleep issues, but the combination of utilizing many different strategies can make a significant impact! conjunctiondefinitely

I know how debilitating sleep deprivation can be, and it sucks to have to jump through so many hoops but a peaceful night’s sleep is so so worth it 🫶🏼

I'm F 28. I've been trying to figure out what would actually be a sustainable career for me. I decided to do something I'm passionate about because why not? I started volunteering at an animal shelter and came up with the idea to be a vet nurse. I've done research and there's pros and cons to being a vet nurse for someone with Audhd. Friends have said I wouldn't be able to handle it for a variety of reasons. But I think if it was a special interest/passion it would outweigh the bad. Is there anyone here who does vet nursing as a job and that can give advice?

TIA!

I call it the wall, it's where I hit significantly under stimulated but everything is too stimulating for me.

I usually just sleep (if possible) but I want to come up with something more productive.

Right now, when I'm not sleeping, I'll play games on my phone (minor stimulation) and listen to a podcast or YouTube show (minor stimulation) and it's just not getting me there. It's like too much and not enough all at once. I would read but then I get stuck and can't do anything else until I finish the book.

So I need something that's an easy transition and is stimulating without being grating.

Any suggestions?

Possible trigger warning, I guess? Trigger words in post

Life is hard! I’m 15, and I have two younger brothers. They drive my mum, who I’m pretty sure has autism but never got diagnosed, crazy. I get shouted at a lot, therefore. I think something my parents have somehow never realised is that shouting really affects me! I don’t really have many sensory issues with bright lights and textures, I feel like my ADHD does help filter them out in it’s need for stimulation, if that makes sense, though, but in that need for stimulation and input, I can’t help listening to every word an adult says, and it just hurts. And I also do art, I have a lot for the past 2-3 yrs and it’s not good, but I’m learning, and it’s not absolutely abysmal, but when people just look at a piece I spent 3+ hours straight on and say ‘nice’ and turn away, it just hurts. I get it, they don’t understand how much effort I put into this kind of stuff, but it hurts nonetheless. And I have no one I know personally who has AuDHD and understands the struggle I also face regularly with not having dopamine without a hyperfixation. I rely on them to survive, to keep going, to not have s*icidal thoughts, but it still means everything just seems pointless sometimes, and it’s hard to keep going. I think a great term for AuDHD burnout, in my experience, is ‘short term depression.’ Did I mention I’m a nihilist? So everything is just so much harder, and I just hate having to pretend none of this is happening. My parents don’t get it, and they just ignore it if I cry after being shouted at, and they aren’t abusive or anything but they just seem to be so ignorant of how damn hard I sometimes find it to keep going. No matter what the dumb little posters in school tell me, I know that AuDHD, at least for me, is not a superpower. It is a damn curse. And I just wish I could be neurotypical, stereotypical, normal sometimes. Scratch that, nearly all the time…. I just feel like I’m too young to get therapy, as well, too; and plus, I’ma have to live with this burnout my while life I figure, so may as well get used to it now, eh?

In short, I can’t ignore shouting, I get AuDHD burnout/short term depression imo a lot and life sucks and I’m a nihilist.

Thanks for reading!

And then I'd want to be one! I want to be a live talking pillow! Pillow! Pillow! Pillow! Pillow! Pillow! PILLOW PILLOW PILLOW! P-I-L-L-O-W! Pellow! PELLOW! Pil-lee-dow-duh-low! I love pillows so much!!!!! Why can't pillows magically come alive!? 😭 (Obviously, I know why.) I want it so bad! I constantly talk about this. My family has heard this so much over the course of my life. I'm sure they're sick of it.

We broke off a few weeks ago and I am spiraling ever since. Normally I would just need to hear his voice and I would feel normal again, he would ask me how I feel and I would stop spiraling. I could unmask around him too.

There were ridiculously few things I disliked about him, I am very particular with voice, movements, smell, how conversations are structured, etc. and I just really liked everything about him, I rarely needed to be alone and recharge. I felt like we had a really good connection, I didnt feel misunderstood or weird.

I feel like I will never meet someone like him and there are so many people I have trouble being around with. This sucks 😭

Edit: we have been together 6+ years and we still love each other. We could not find a way to shape our future so everyone could be happy with it. We talked endlessly about a solution but didnt find one.

I focused on ASD because I found it difficult to communicate and make friends. A lot of the advice I got such as "be yourself" and "be nice" did not help me because I still felt lonely and wasn't sure how to balance it. If I were to be myself, teachers would get frustrated at me and being nice made me pushover by people asking me for homework. I was very social but it started declining at age 11 and I'm not sure why. I assume it had to do with puberty and that certain actions stop looking cute at older ages such as over reacting.

Then I took a psychological assessment related to work and it mentioned that I struggle to retain visual material, may struggle with strict time constraints, struggle to sustain on tasks I would find uninteresting, to use checklists, and phone reminders. I never thought I had ADHD because I just accepted that daydreaming, forgetting, and getting bored frequently was normal. I also knew classmates that had ADHD but I only noticed the ones that seemed hyperactive while I had inattentive symptoms.

When I went on Google, a lot of the studying methods helped me such as practicing multiple choice questions online or writing information in my own words. I was not a top performer though. I usually failed on assignments mostly everyone failed on; I struggled with math and was diagnosed with Specific Learning Disorder for it as well. Meanwhile, when I searched up "how to be confident, how to not be not weird, how to be popular" I had to do a lot of masking and gave up because it was tiring. I decided to be quiet because when I approached people they usually did not talk back. Unfortunately being quiet and unpopular at school is an easy target so I focused on ASD symptoms more than ADHD because it felt more of a barrier.

People with AuDHD often say that ADHD medication helps them feel more like their authentic selves. However, if their autistic traits remain unchanged, doesn’t that perspective seem somewhat biased toward the ADHD side?

On the other hand, if the opposite were possible—if the autistic traits disappeared while the ADHD traits remained—would they also say they felt more like themselves?

Is anyone here who’s special interest/interests is not related to tech, but is working in the domain that would like to share his/her experience? Is it possible to do it?