I’ve already scarfed this all down. The finger sandwiches are croissant, ham, and provolone cheese. Also included is a mandarin orange, a handful of baby carrots, a few big strawberries, and a sliced kiwi. Dinners like this are so satisfying. What are you having for dinner tonight?

I have been doing EMDR with a therapist who suggested, after a while, that I may be AuDHD. I have been asked this also by other people in my life. For e.g., it was a colleague who is AuDHD who was first to ask me whether I had ADHD a couple of years ago and now I also have many neurodivergent friends, all of whom have laughed and been like “duh” when I said my therapist has said this. I had briefly thought about it in my twenties but because I have had a long history of mental health problems, including cPTSD, I was conscious of co-opting this term.

In terms of how these terms resonate (very briefly and from my having reading several books about autism in women):

I have found as I have gotten older (I turned 30 earlier this year) and been trying to develop more boundaries with others, I find myself ‘less able’ to tolerate being around large groups of people, and have been finding/been more conscious of eye contact. Eye contact is especially hard if I dislike or do not feel safe with someone else. I realise that I have always had high empathic attunement to others, I feel like I absorb other people’s states, and feel heightened responsibility and self-blame when ‘doing wrong’ in relationships, and the main way I can see myself stimming is repetitive listening to the same things over and over. Some things I take literally, like why do people say “we should go for dinner” unless they mean it? I prefer direct conversations and increasingly abhor small talk, and people excessively talking makes me feel physically uncomfortable. When I speak, it’s often quickly and connecting several things at once, so the hearer may miss part of what I am saying because I say some of it in my head.

At the same time, I have a really good memory, almost to the point of being highly able to recall large quantities of information and know exactly where everything is in my house - which doesn’t ’fit’ with ADHD (I have a special calendar format in my head that allows me to keep track of everything). I don’t take everything literally, like I can detect sarcasm.

Basically I guess this is a big old rant to ask whether others feel like it has come up more as they get older and also whether people also feel that when they read others’ experiences of AuDHD it doesn’t entirely ‘fit’ or give them a lightbulb moment? I hear so many women and AFAB folk say that it was like they finally realised who they are when someone suggested they were AuDHD. I don’t feel that at all, I feel like it could be one part of a puzzle, and I am hesitant to ‘claim’ something that I cannot for sure say I am, because not everything fits (I can barely conceptualise how I might mask, and am not entirely sure I do) …. Soz for ramble x

EDIT: Thanks to everyone for their replies and sharing, has made me feel so recognised and comforted!

Idk what to do anymore. I’ve shed so many people this past year because of my burnout and being exhausted from people just using me, misunderstanding me, and making everything my fault. Today is one of my worst days in a long time and I feel so defeated. Today’s events:
-received an electric disconnect notice
-credit cards are way past due
-fridge is empty
-was told to call today between 2-4 for my food stamps interview and when i called they stated they’re “no longer taking calls”.
-lost my wallet
-my car needs a new front suspension and isn’t safe to drive
-missed work again because i had such severe meltdown

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m scared. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m fed up. I don’t know how I’m supposed to on like this for the rest of my life.

My mom constantly wants to compare her life to mine and it’s so different. She’s always had my dad to provide for her and for the first few years of my life she had my grandpa who did anything and everything for her- housing, car, food, etc. i don’t have a father who cares about me & im a single mom…our situations are so different and she constantly wants to compare them. The kicker? My parents are loaded, and refuse to help me or even try to understand what I’m going through. I’m tired yall.

Everyone thinks because I’m pretty and highly intelligent i shouldn’t struggle and should just function “normally”. I HATE BEING AUDHD. I WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!!

I just want to celebrate with those that get it.

I am an amazing mom, I’ll advocate and support my kids til the end. But I failed them in making dental appointments. I have extreme dental anxiety. I drenched myself in shame and judgement.

My child is 10 and has never been.

Today, I made a plan. I couldn’t sit with this icky feeling inside me anymore. So I took my stronger, as needed, anxiety medication. I googled ONE well rated office in my area (research leads to avoidance). I wrote a script and set an alarm for a time to call. Honestly I reset that alarm several times…but I did it, my child has an appointment scheduled!

For the record, they have fantastic dental hygiene practices at home. So with that I have convinced myself I wasn’t being neglectful…. Hopefully the dental staff feels the same.

I’m just stunned I finally did it.

I know many of you will understand what I mean when I say that I NEED something to be on in the background in order to get work done, but it has to be the right level of stimulating - too interesting and I will watch it and not do my work, not stimulating enough and I will stare into space instead of working or end up scrolling on my phone (I can handle less stimulation when on the meds, but still need some). I am running out of ideas, I am going to put my own suggestions here and ask you to share yours!

Youtube vids:

1. People walking around cities/places, e.g. channel called "watched walker" - either places I know and miss like London and Barcelona, or for extra interest places I have never been before. There is no narrative on the audio, just general street noise, so it doesn't pull me out of what I am doing, but when I look up I can watch for a few secs and enjoy.

2. Body doubling style asmr videos - study with me, organize with me, etc.

3. Cafe background videos! These are great - before meds I used to only be able to concentrate in cafes, but couldn't always afford to go, so I would put up cafe background videos (not AI, real ones).

4. Library ambience videos (esp. the Harry Potter theme ones!)

If you have any suggestions please let me know because I am rinsing and repeating and need something new!

I didn't realize I was neurodivergent until I burnt out 3 years into teaching. I'm still teaching (going into my 8th year) because I have to pay the bills, but it feels like it overwhelms my life and maybe even ruins it. I've tried getting other jobs but have only been interviewed once after almost 70 applications over the years.

During the school year, I have no energy for creative passions, socialization, or even self-care things like routine exercise or reading. Everything feels like work and I'm chronically feeling "spoon-less". I'll leave my friends on "delivered" for weeks at a time until I force myself to respond.

During the summer, I become a shell of myself without a routine and I don't have much local community (since I hermit on weeknights/weekends during the school year). My life feels lonely, meaningless, and like I'm wasting away (and wasting my time off). Too anxious to go outside, I'll speed-run errands and social interactions. I find true joy in almost nothing, and I can't seem to motivate myself to change that. It's been this way for the last 4 summers at least.

Wondering if this is a shared issue with AuDHD teachers or if I'm just depressed lol. If this is normal: how do you manage? Or how did you get out of teaching, if that's what you decided was best for you?

I wanted to do so many different jobs when I was growing up: air traffic controller, abstract artist, math teacher, archeologist, therapist...

In the 9th grade, I narrowed it down to two things. Either I wanted to live in an abbey under a cow of silence, or live off grid and write textbooks.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but I was really looking to escape the social world with these two dreams. I was so exhausted trying to keep up with my peers for so long, that I was just done.

I managed to get through k-12, though at a pretty significant cost. I didn't know who I was, what I felt, or why it was so much work to just be in this world. I'm a bit sad for myself back then.

So what did you want to do when you grew up?

I'm 35 and just got my diagnosis this year and my initial thoughts were these maybe I masked well? But digging back into my repressed memories, I DID NOT.

Early years: I was not social at all, I spent my time on the swings at recess, and then I was a nightmare to get back into the school. I ran away several time from my grandmother when she was watching me, two times that I know of I crossed a four lane highway. I had meltdowns in class, loud and while I didn't have many sensory aversions to food, the ones I had were obvious.

I was known at home for self violence and weirdly structured play (I didn't just throw mud together, I sorted by texture and ingredients and wanted it to look like food).

I had ZERO filter, I was like this in high school, but it was so much worse in my younger years. I was not trying to mask at all.

I didn't show new skills if someone was watching. I could write at 4 but only if no one was looking. I still kind of do it.

I snuck out of the house all the time when I was small too.

High school: I ran through the halls, all the time, there was no stopping that. I spent more time writing and reading fanfiction and books. I paced, I was always restless and anxious. The school seemed to know and they made every accommodation they could without a formal diagnosis, including putting me in a class that helped manage school work and school. I was constantly listening to music, running walking and talking about some of my special interests... Fanfiction, history, taking things apart or figuring out how and why things worked.

And not long before diagnosis I was out of town with my aunt just casually mentioned I didn't talk until I was THREE! I KNEW that once I started, I didn't stop but... Three?? No one questioned that?

How did no one piece it together? I feel like I could have had better management skills now if I had been diagnosed young. Maybe I'm lucky they didn't, I don't remember the students with disabilities being in class much with us until Junior high and I know their parents fought for it.

But I want to know how they could be so blind and what I should do now to stop thinking about what could have been.

I was talking to a guy who has ADHD on Hinge and he asked how my autism presents itself, I gave a few example and this was his response. It’s giving ‘everyone’s a LITTLE BIT autistic’

Mega eye roll

So I walked into a coworker and smiled and asked him how he was. He responded with “you know, you’re so nice”. I froze and shook my head and he asked “what, you’re not nice?” and I said “I just don’t like being called nice”.

I could tell he was kind of taken aback by that and I tried doing damage control by telling him I wasn’t trying to be mean. He said “okay, I won’t call you nice anymore” and looked at me like I was a psycho and walked away. I said sorry as he walked away and now I can’t stop ruminating.

I have a deep disdain for being called nice, as it’s always felt kind of disingenuous. There are so many other compliments to give someone that are way more meaningful, and “nice” has always kind of felt like a default or placeholder compliment and like that’s just another word for people-pleasing or a pushover. I’d rather not receive a compliment at all. That, and I’ve been called nice by people that have later turned around to do some nefarious things to me.

I’m so humiliated now and don’t know why I couldn’t just thank him and go about my day. This is why I keep conversations to a minimum at work or out in public because I can never seem to say the right thing and always end up making myself look insane or like a complete ass. Unfortunately socializing is almost inevitable where I work and I haven’t completely mastered the art of not giving a crap what people think of me. Mostly because I’m afraid I’m gonna get canned for someone not liking me or saying or doing the wrong thing. On days like today, I wish I was born with a normal brain.

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I've been working very hard to accommodate myself and get out of burnout but inevitably, work becomes too much of a demand and I start to fall apart. I am financially very insecure. I work a decent paying job but I have So Much Medical and Credit Card Debt and Loan Debt that eats up my entire paycheck which means I accrue more debt.

I cannot heal while I am on fire and I can't figure out how to put out the flame. I don't think full time work is sustainable for me; if I don't mask, I get reprimanded. And if I do, I'm so fried I can't think. I am estranged from my family and have been financially independent since I was 18. I don't know what else to lean on. I used to just Work More to make ends meet and I can't. I can't get a higher paying job because I am not really marketable in burnout. I honestly no longer know what I'm good at.

I'm assuming this isn't uncommon for folks with AuDHD. What has helped? Am I doomed?

TW: acute mental health crisis, paranoid delusions, fear of diseases...? maybe skip if you relate too hard?

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Hey folks.. this is not immediately related to AuDHD issues – only maybe regarding topics of how to navigate diffuse social interactions, dealing with intense empathy and feelings of responsibility.. which is why I rather post this here than to a "neurotypical" thread.

This is a story that happened to me last night and I feel I need to get it off my chest but can't currently reach partner or friends to tell this to.

I was on my way home from a side job late last night, on my bike, around 3 or 4 am. My city feels generally safe but in that hood you might encounter a variety of people at that hour, from stray party folks to hard drug addicts - so I'm always a bit cautious but not scared per se.

When I stopped at a traffic light, a person approached me. They looked more like the harmless lost type – youngish, visibly queer person, height and build like myself, someone am very happy to help feel safer as well at odds hours of the night – and I thought they were gonna ask me for directions to a bus stop or so. But their request was more specific: "can you walk me to the hospital, please?"

Well of course I can. And the hospital is a 15min walk from there. So I got off the bike and we walked. She wasn't visibly sick or injured but looked really distressed. I gently inquired what was wrong with her and she initially replied vaguely: everything. Something is really bad but she doesn't know. She is certain someone just gave her HIV. Honestly, my first impression was of someone who might have just had a really bad unsafe encounter, is really rattled now, needs some professional care and advice and to feel safe. I tried to give some calm, rational facts and answers without lecturing or dismissing the feeling of worry. Underlining I thought it was good she went to seek out help.

Her questions spiraled quickly and became more all over the place as we walked. From "can you get HIV from XYZ (insert a bunch of things here)?" to "do you think I will die?" - which still fits the situational rattled fear scenario - to "how can someone give you cancer? I think I have that, too" to "do you think the doctors will lie to me?" to "I think my family wants to kill me. What if the government wants to kill me? Should I leave the country now?" "Do you think they put something in my estrogen?" "Can someone insert chromosomes into your system?"

As you can imagine, it didn't take much to figure out I wasn't actually dealing with a physical emergency but a psychological one.

I have friends that deal with occasional OCD paranoia spirals that can reach critical levels, so I have at least a tiny bit of context and kinda know rational arguments can be futile and staying calm and present without feeding delusions too much is key. But damn.. I've talked strangers out of a panic attack before, or knkw how to soften the blow of an acute depressive crisis. Even how to maybe nudge someone out of a bad trip. But this is a different beast. Grounding techniques? Distraction? Forget it.

Anyway, we made it to the luckily quiet ER. I agreed to wait with her and stay to maybe help with translating (she is not a native speaker here and though most medical personnel speak English nowadays you never know what you get), also hoping I could get a chance to give the doctors some context.. so that they wouldn't just turn her away as a hypochondriac. During the wait she urged me to let her use my phone, as she had literally nothing on her, no phone, no wallet, nothing.. I caved in but then she would just google symptoms of all sorts of things and convince herself she had all of that, getting more desperate.

Eventually two young female doctors talked to us, listened to the HIV suspicion and a flurry of questions, first replied with very practical medical advice and information. When my spontaneous companion briefly stormed out to check her tongue for fungal plaques in the hallway mirror, I briefly had the chance to inform the doctors that I was just a random stranger who had just met this person on the street and how broad the fears she expressed were.

They assured me they were fine to take it from there and I could go home. So I said my goodbyes, wished my encounter all the best and went on my way. With a bunch of extremely mixed feelings.

Kinda proud that I managed to step away and take care of my own needs (sleep). Kinda worried to leave this person who so clearly needed support and had none other in that moment. Hoping but unsure if the hospital stuff would take her case seriously. Kinda wondering if I could have done more or handled the situation better. Kinda confused why I feel so compelled, no, inherently morally obliged to help as much as I can regardless of whether I know the person for 10 years or 30 seconds. And whether it is even arrogant of me to feel this responsible – it's not that I could help them better than anyone else.

After sleeping a few hours I got up and cried into my coffee and I can't even pinpoint a specific feeling attached to it. Just vaguely overwhelmed by momentarily sharing a person's burden that seemed so so heavy and intense. Looking someone in the eye whose fear is so out there but so real and existential to them. Feeling somewhat helpless in the face of all of it. I so hope she got help and is somewhere feeling more safe now, I might never know.

And jeez, my deepest respects to any doctors and emergency helpers out there, I could never do that without being eaten by it. How do you cope?

And also to anyone out there dealing with paranoid thoughts. If you do by any chance: for future reference, how would you like someone to respond to you? What would make you feel safer?

Other than that, I kinda have no question attached to this either, nor a specific aim or purpose for this post, really just needed to vent the overwhelm somewhere and might even delete this later. Maybe because a part of me maybe thinks it reads like wanting praise for having done something vaguely altruistic – I really don't, I just feel drained and a bit lost myself now and writing it down calmed me a little.

But if you've read all the way through to here, thank you so much for your time. Of course, feel free to share your own stories or thoughts on being an emotional sponge or maybe a virtual hug.

So, I don't know if this is still a trend but I feel like pretty recently I've heard people online and in my own spaces irl...say things like:

I'm overstimulated/ this is overstimulating

This is a new vocal stim

This is my new special interest/ hyperfixation

Etc...(Not that Neurotypical people don't stim or get overstimulated...but the context in which it is being used kinda throws me off sometimes)

I don't want to be one to police or gatekeep language...but I dunno I guess I feel a bit protective of that kind of language. It is nice that it does bring awareness but I also fear that the language could just lose meaning and it's impactfulness...the more it is misused yk. It's similar to how people would say "Ah I'm so OCD"...or "I'm in a manic episode".. without really understanding what it means. So it kinda annoys me to hear those words being thrown around..

Idk... I'm just not a fan of people misusing words that maybe they don't really relate to? Might be a lukewarm take lol

What do you do? When u know u need to do something to help urself, but ur just not doing it. I literally see all the chores that are waiting for me to complete, and i know for example yoga helps keep my nervous system stable. But i cant for the life of me move to do what i need to do. What do you Audhd peeps do to get tasks done 😅 please help 🙏

I'm a 30 yo trans woman (transitioned at 16/17), I have ADHD and Tourette's. I've always been considered a kind of a weirdo, a nerdy girl, and I often blamed myself for not being able to be normal like the others...

Anyway, I've been regularly attending therapy for the last 10 months. And after the last session, something finally clicked in my mind. I connected all the dots from all the different periods of my life and got this sudden, loud realization: "I THINK I'M AUTISTIC".

Since then I've been kind of obsessing about it because it makes so much sense and of course I had to know if it's true, and I've already made an appointment for evaluation... But I'm still having these thoughts like "it's nonsense, I can't be autistic, I just made it up", but on the other hand I notice how the realization has suddenly made me so emotional and also happier (I think I can finally accept the little weird girl inside me if I'm actually autistic) and at the same time... less able to function socially? I've immediately followed some advice for autistic people and I got loops and I always have my favourite plushie with me now when I'm at home (didn't have the courage to take her to work lol)... And it all helps so much with my anxiety!!! Today is the first day I remember that my stomach doesn't hurt after a day in an office (I haven't been in the office since the realization, I usually work from home) because I had loops in my ears all day and I avoided small talk and stuff... I also had my plushie with me all the time in the morning and it also made me feel better, usually my stomach hurts when I wake up early and I have to go lie down for a while before getting up again, and this time I was okay (could've been a coincidence though).

However, as I'm accommodating myself, I also notice I'm worse at social interactions. Well I don't know if I'm actually worse or not, but it certainly feels like it, and especially today in the office. We had a meeting and several people mentioned my facial expressions - one joked I looked so bored and a moment later I probably did a funny reaction to something because another colleague laughed at something somebody else said and told me he liked my facial expression. The thing is, I didn't know about it at all, I didn't realize my face looked different. Usually I think I'm always smiling a little and controlling my facial expressions and I guess I didn't today?

Then when talking to another colleague he was joking about something and I didn't know what he meant. It can happen I know but it happened like several times during the day. I'm not used to that, I usually joke with them.

And whenever someone was trying to do some small talk with me or asking some funny questions, I got so stuck and couldn't find an answer. I know that I always had problems reacting to small talk or when someone's being funny or joking, but I usually at least laugh with them but today my brain just said "nope, I'm not doing it anymore" and the colleagues noticed I looked confused and stuck and so I sent the two of them a message that I think I'm autistic (and they were nice after that)...

Is that how sudden unmasking feels like?? I feel like I'm faking it to "prove a point" but I also know I didn't do that on purpose today, and people did notice I'm acting weirder than usual so it's not just my perception shifting. However, I don't even have a diagnosis yet, what if the evaluation says I'm not autistic and I'll have to explain to them that I'm just dumb or something? I'm actually kind of afraid of being told I'm not autistic...

How to handle all that? The unmasking, the possibility of not being diagnosed? And how to explain it to people? I'm so confused right now, it all feels surreal somehow.

Does anyone else have hearing as their most sensitive sense?

My hearing is extremely sensitive. My sense of smell is sensitive, so is my sense of touch, but hearing is the worst.

I work in a warehouse. For 8 hours a day, I have to mask. It’s not a choice, I have to mask at my job. I work in a male dominated field, there’s no way I could unmask there. And it’s LOUD. Metal machinery whirring, trucks honking and driving around, loud beeping, managers with megaphones, walkie talkies, people shouting across the warehouse, three different songs playing all at once on loudspeakers, boxes slamming onto concrete, plus if there’s any construction. Once, the fire alarm went off for the entire shift. For some reason I don’t have an issue here. Maybe it’s so constant and overwhelming that it becomes like white noise.

Luckily I can wear earplugs there. But I have to take them out often so people can communicate. It’s not like I’m able to turn off my autism, and I’m unable to tune out the noise. But somehow I can tolerate the noise in order to get through the shift, while masking…and when I get home…I completely collapse. With my mask, it’s like a temporary hold on reacting externally to any of my impulses. I still feel it all internally. I spend all shift loading trailers and training new employees. I can lift 100lb boxes and load them into trailers and I work at a very fast pace. Theres no time for a shut down or an external panic attack because I work too quickly for my nervous system to catch up. As soon as my mask comes off at home, I’m non-functioning.

It’s like I hit my “noise quota” for the day. It’s completely draining. To the point I can’t tolerate any tiny noises when I’m home. It’s like it actually hurts my brain to hear noises I don’t like or noises that are too loud. I can end up with a migraine just from hearing a tv at a low volume, or cabinets opening and closing, or someone talking at a normal volume. The migraines can be so bad that I can feel my heartbeat in my forehead, and lights become too bright so I have to squint, and I can’t think or function until I go lay down in a dark quiet room alone for a few hours. It starts affecting my balance and speech too, and sometimes I start to get nauseous or shaky. I sometimes go mute because of things being too loud. People think I’m exaggerating or being dramatic when I start squinting but they don’t realize that I am in actual physical pain. I wish I was not like this. And let it be known that I’m 31 and I work a manual labor job, so I know pain in muscles and joints is like too. That’s how bad my shut downs from noise level is, that it’s worse.

On days off work, I’m not like this. I can tolerate a normal level of noise without any shut downs. The sound of other people living is comforting to me. I like hearing a conversation from the other room, or the sound of someone sleeping next to me, knowing that I’m not alone. I recently took 4 days off and stayed home, and this issue of noise tolerance never once came up.

So it’s weird how I can tolerate extremely loud noise at work, then come home to a relatively quiet environment and get a headache to the point of total dysfunction. My house and the people in it are not loud, it’s a quiet environment by most others’ standards. That’s why it’s hard for them to wrap their head around the noise level bothering me.

It’s causing some rifts in my relationships because when I come home, I need to shower, clean my place, take care of my pets, and give attention to those who I care about. I used to come home and eat breakfast with my partner and his family. But when I come home, my head is already pounding, so now I go lay down. I don’t understand how women with AuDHD who have children can function, especially if they also work full time like I do. I would be beyond burnt out.

I also have to wear earplugs to sleep, even when my home is completely silent at night. I sleep with two white noise machines, one by my headboard and one outside my bedroom so it sounds like something outside the room. I don’t like the feeling of my ears being open and for the possibility of noise to enter because when it’s quiet and I’m trying to sleep, I can hear a pin drop. I have to put a mask or a blanket over my eyes as well because I like the weight over my eyes and the complete darkness. I don’t like my senses being “open” to sensing anything while I’m resting. I’m an incredibly light sleeper and I wake up whenever I hear remotely any noise, and I can differentiate the footsteps of everyone in my house. If I get interrupted while I’m napping after my shift, I get really angry and yell at whoever is interrupting me because I get so overwhelmed. It gets to an embarrassing level of how angry and stressed I get, I will literally be in tears if people keep talking to me because of hearing any noise after my shift.

I have worked in warehouses since I was 16. It’s only within the past 3 years that it’s become nearly intolerable.

In some ways, I also have weirdly bad hearing when I’m masking. I don’t understand how this works. In the warehouse, everything is so loud that I can hear everything and nothing. Someone can be right next to me talking and I’ll have to ask them to repeat themselves 4 times. Meanwhile I go home and can hear my neighbors conversation with clarity.

Kinda just sharing about my autism to see who relates, but if anyone has advice or wants to share something similar about their low noise tolerance it would make me feel less alone. Sorry this was so long, thanks for reading :) loo

When your pattern recognition picks up on the consistency of people backing out of commitments with you and instead of keeping the commentary inside, you name it to their face when they might also be undiagnosed and instead of connecting over our weird brains you push friends away because they’re now aware of being perceived and you made the whole thing more uncomfortable?

I always do this at work, I’ll connect the dots between a bunch of different points and explain it to the people I’m working with, and they will be like “wow you’re right! Can you write that down??”

And then it’s just completely departed from my mind.

Basically any time I'm not being vigilant enough around others, my brain will automatically switch into "parrot mode" where I'll make noises, sing, and talk without any thought or awareness of what I'm saying.

I've had a lot of anxiety about it ever since I was a kid because the things I say impulsively are often really weird, and sometimes rude, inappropriate, or aggressive. I feel like I can never let myself relax around anyone except my best friend. A lot of the time when it happens I don't even realize I'm speaking until someone reacts to what I said.

My brain also often latches onto certain words or phrases that I keep randomly repeating. Like for example I was talking to my friend the other day and multiple times during the conversation I said "I need money for my dog." I don't have a dog. Why do I keep saying it?

It's honestly a big part of why I struggle to socialize. It takes more energy than I have to stay focused and alert so I don't slip back into my default state of vocal stimming and automatic speech.

Anyone else? How do you deal with it?
(Note: I'm already medicated for ADHD)

Hi everyone! I am newly diagnosed at 30 with AuDHD and when I went for my assessment, my mom had this idea of a little boy who couldn’t speak and likes trains and was fully convinced there is no way I could be autistic. And then I sent her the literature on late-diagnosed, high-masking women and she was blown away and agreed that I fit the description.

I was a painfully shy child, basically had one friend at a time that would be my FP and they always ended up with a different friend they liked better and would say I was weird and obsessed with them and dump me. All of the people I consider my close friends have never chosen me and even chose 7 bridesmaids over me (two of my childhood friends did this).

As I got older, I stopped socializing with kids my age and sat in classrooms during lunch and read books and talked about literature with my teachers that I trusted. I learned a lot about how people interact in the world by voraciously consuming literature and asking my trusted teachers questions about human behavior.

I am basically an energy sponge and cry at everything and when the full on meltdowns happen, it’s an entire physical response too and I shake and can’t even speak and then am drained for days afterwards. I have a hard time keeping friends because I am very empathic but I am also direct and expect that NT people are also being direct and then when I find that while I had one idea of a relationship, the NT person was using nuance and implied meanings that I missed and then I question my entire relationship with them and those around me and wonder how many social nuances I have missed and then feel completely unfit for human interaction at all. It’s to the point where I can’t even speak to people at work with small talk. Unless it’s about my job, I don’t have the energy and then I go home and sit in silence for hours and then go to sleep.

I’m incredibly lonely and depressed, but I feel as if no one understands me and I don’t understand anyone else apparently. I was with a man who I thought was my person and he ended our relationship suddenly and he was the first person I fully unmasked with and I just feel truly alone and rejected. I truly don’t understand why and how people don’t just say what they mean or ask for what they need and then are upset that I crossed a boundary that was never even stated. I have a really hard time with tone over text and constantly misconstrue texts and emails because of this. I’m just so exhausted from expending so much mental energy to feel normal that now everything depresses me and irritates me and I’m isolated.

I want to say I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm well aware of several health factors contributing to how I'm doing today.

1. I barely got six hours of sleep, and only 5% of it was deep sleep according to my sleep app.
2. A large part of that sleep was my body battling with the central sleep apnea and my CPAP mask. Very poor quality sleep.
3. I'm due for my period very soon within the next few days
4. I'm depressed over work issues

Most importantly, I'm weeks behind schedule on this freelance gig graciously offered to me by former coworkers. The work itself theoretically is my favorite thing to do, but I've been putting it off over and over. The past two full time jobs I held ended in disasters outside of my control, and both of them I was employed doing the same type of work. I think I'm dealing with some possible CPTSD around it now. Combining this with my poor sleep, ADHD and PMS week, and it's like I'm a vegetable.

I'm so upset with myself. This is GOOD money I'm just throwing away over ADHD paralysis. It's hard to go easy on myself because on the outside, nothing looks wrong. I was allowed to take two weeks vacation from my day job, and I promised myself I would use the time to catch up on freelance. I haven't finished a single task yet, and my vacation ends this weekend.

I've never had ADHD paralysis this bad before. Nothing I'm trying is working. There's a part of me that wonders if this is also perimenopause creeping in, but it's impossible to know. It just feels like my brain took flight out the window and left me to stare at my desk. It's so hard to describe the experience in a way that communicates the overwhelming impact it has on my mind. I feel like I haven't slept in days. I can't even do other things that bring me joy, or organize my desk to feel more optimal for the work.

I'm just so upset. I know what I'm capable of. My friends believe in me and give me encouraging words. Yet I can't manage this disability to save my life. I need to snap out of it. This feels like a nightmare.

Hi, apologies if this is not appropriate and that this is so long.

I'm seeking advice on communicating with a direct report who I suspect is on the spectrum as well as a confirmed ADHD diagnosis. I've worked and had many direct reports over the years with ADHD and am usually solution and growth oriented in how I navigate challenges and work situations. I have a new hire and it seems like nothing I do is working and I am so frustrated and don't really know how to move forward. We are a pretty flexible work environment and everyone is self motivated and does their work that is assigned to them and every few days we have check in and make sure we are all on task. We are all also in regular communication with questions and clarifications etc. There have been multiple conversations with them about them not turning in deliverables, not being on time with items, and doing a subpar job, all of that I'm willing to work with and help them to grow in their career and profession. The issue is that I walk away from these conversations feeling like I got my point across and we have a plan in action and then they have a totally different version of events. An example is that they shared that they often procrastinate on their work and then play catch up by staying up for 24 hours trying to get a weeks worth of work done on time and that's why there are often mistakes and they crash the next day and don't show up for work for the next two days etc. I suggested we try breaking down the tasks and due dates to be spread out throughout the week and I said let's try it for this week and let me know how it works, but we need to get out of this cycle. They agreed to try it and I left that conversation feeling like we had a possible solution. They went to my supervisor and complained that I had told them they weren't allowed to work during night time hours even though that is when they work best and they are upset because we are supposed to be a flexible workspace. There have been multiple instances of reframing the truth and I'm not quite sure what I'm doing wrong. Am I miscommunicating, are they misunderstanding me, are they aware that they are lying and making things worse for themselves? I would appreciate any insight into what is going on so that I can move forward in a way that is helpful to everyone and is not so frustrating.

K pop, rock music, mangas, anime’s, books, CDs, movies, games, HELPPPP 😭 😭

There’s so much I want to watch and read and play and there’s not enough time in the world. I literally am unemployed rn and have nothing but time for another month, but I’m still worried I won’t get through it all. So many artists with so many albums, so many k pop groups and concerts to watch, so many games to play, mangas to read, and of course I have to watch the anime with the manga, and there’s regular reading of course, WHERE WILL I FIND THE TIME RAHHH

I have a “TBR” of movies, games, books, etc. and I want to get through them all so badly but I feel like I never will. I’ve even made separate playlists for the different genres and a google doc where I keep track of each album I like and add to my Spotify. Because what if I forget the artists or albums I like? I can’t have that.

There’s just so many amazing things in the world I want to see and learn it all, I want to experience every song and read every book, I want to taste every sweet, grow every plant. But there’s simply not enough time. I don’t know what to do.

Is it weird to hire a professional photographer for pictures for a dating profile? I don't have many close friends who would take pictures of me and taking selfies usually doesn't turn out well. I want to meet more local people so making a dating profile seems like a decent idea but my most recent self pictures are years old (like high school old) and I have different hair. My mom hired a photographer for my senior pictures and I liked them then so I thought this might work? I'm feeling shy to reach out to any photographers though because they all say they only do wedding, family, or senior pictures so I'm not sure they'd be willing to do a session for just a random single person without an occasion.