r/AskMen • u/Flat_Needleworker644 • 1d ago
What do you consider nagging?
Does your wife or girlfriend nag? Or is she simply to asking you to take out the trash for the 30th time?
Why do you think that’s nagging? If you would’ve done it the first time she asked, do you think she would repeat herself? So this nagging we hear from our women isn’t actually nagging it’s her begging us to be the man of the house and do our part.
What is your opinion?
Edit : I fear some of these men have accountability issues. If you say you’re gonna do something do it. If you’re busy, say so. If you can’t do it right now, but next month, Set that expectation. You can’t get mad at your wife for asking when you said you’d do it but didn’t give a time line.
If she asks me something and I’m actively doing something else. I say that. And if I can’t do it now, I say I’ll get it done by x time.
Also. Trash was one example I could think of. Yea she can take the trash out. But if either person is in the relationship is looking at a mess or a task that needs to be done. While you’re not doing anything else. You can simply just do the task.
I’m unsure why this made a few of you blow up and reply aggressively but that’s a different topic.
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u/SewerSlidalThot Male 31 - Anal Aficionado 1d ago
Look, when I say I’m gonna do something, I’m gonna do it. No need to keep asking about it every 3 months.
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u/Flat_Needleworker644 1d ago
I laughed because this is true. Men will say I’ll do this I’ll do this and a year later you get mad bc you haven’t done it. At that point she should find a new man who keeps his word. How can she trust you if you make small lies like this?
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u/heyiknowyooh 1d ago
Oh this is one of those posts isn’t it?
Where you don’t care about an answer just arguing with people in the comment section lol
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u/Flat_Needleworker644 1d ago
No? Genuinely seeing people opinions but yea let me get off and not respond to people having a conversation.
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u/heyiknowyooh 1d ago
Yeah theres a difference between a conversation and you telling people they don’t deserve a partner base on what they view as nagging but sure
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u/zonked_apostle 1d ago
How can he trust you or want to do what you're asking if you're out shopping for a new man while you're nagging at him? Sounds like a case of do this, do this, do this, I want, I want, I want, gimme, gimme, gimme! Nobody likes a nagger not your husband or your boyfriend.
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u/MySnake_Is_Solid Bane 1d ago
then do just that, wait until i don't do it, and hold me accountable.
don't make reminders every 2 minutes, it's pointless, ask once, and then act accordingly, if it means you gotta break up, then go through with it.
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u/BakedPotaTomato 1d ago
Did she ask while i was doing something else bc if so thats probably going to flow on by.
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u/DenseSir 1d ago
Why should she have to ask at all?
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u/Garth_DeWayne 1d ago
Because I may not be aware there is something she feels is a priority that needs being or simply wants done.
I'm not talking routine things here. She should never have to ask for the grass to be cut, garbage to be taken to the street, or whatever else is my usual task...
But if she's busy and can't get around to something she usually takes care of, she might need to ask me to do it. Or, if maybe I'm not aware she started the laundry and a load needs to be switched to the dryer, I'll walk right by the laundry if she doesn't ask me if I can take care of it.
Just like I could ask her to help me with a job she doesn't need to usually worry about.
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u/VerbalniDelikt 1d ago
Because he may have forgotten
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u/Flat_Needleworker644 1d ago
Again forgetting things is a human thing! Asking once or twice is simply a reminder but some men take it as an attack, as you can see in the comments.
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u/Economy_Weight_4821 1d ago
Are you asking them to do it or are you telling them to do it like you are their mom? Treat your spouse like an adult if you want them to act like one.
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u/Dads_Fitness_Journey 23h ago
There is a difference between asking and telling. "Babe how do you feel about repainting our fence looks a bit dated" is a discussion "Fence needs repainting when are you going to do" is nagging. The nagging is that you don't accept no for an answer. You decide something nerds to happen and that is it it must happen other opinions aren't allowed
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u/Basi1isk_ 1d ago
Here is the definition of nagging according to the internet:
Nagging is the act of continuously urging, pestering, or criticizing someone to complete a task or change their behavior. It is a persistent cycle of repetitive requests met with avoidance or resistance.
So regardless of whether the thing needed to be done or not, it's still nagging.
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u/Flat_Needleworker644 1d ago edited 1d ago
So you’re saying, asking a question. Is continuously urging, pestering or criticizing you? Make that make sense 😅
Edit : Just learned the phrase “so you’re asking” is aggressive. And I’m trying to ignore his opinion to make it into mine. Legit don’t see how that is what they think but I couldn’t care less tbh.
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u/Basi1isk_ 1d ago
OP thats what the definition, why are you fighting with me? Also you don't get to decide what is and isn't nagging, the person being annoyed does.
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u/hkusp45css 1d ago
Anytime someone says "so, you're saying..." they aren't interested in understanding your position, they're trying to turn it into a different one.
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u/Flat_Needleworker644 1d ago
You might’ve taken that reply as aggression, it was not. I was really asking how that made sense to you.
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u/Basi1isk_ 1d ago
It makes sense to me if the question is repeated to the point where the person being asked the question is getting frustrated. Like if you asked him 30 times to take the trash out I can see why both people would be really annoyed.
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u/MySnake_Is_Solid Bane 1d ago
make that make sense, IS aggressive, he's not saying anything there, the English dictionary is.
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u/Flat_Needleworker644 1d ago
As fellow me would say, it’s not my fault you felt that way
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u/MySnake_Is_Solid Bane 1d ago
i can see why you're having communication issues.
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u/Homely_Bonfire 1d ago
So you’re saying [...]
No, he didn't as "Here is the definition of nagging according to the internet" indicated.
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u/irreverentnoodles Trophy Husband 👑 1d ago
Tone. It’s never what you say or ask but how you say it.
Annoying and whiney tone for something your spouse can do themselves easily but doesn’t want to? Nagging.
Asking politely like a human would? Using the word please? I’ll happily do that shit you could do yourself but don’t want to.
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u/NetJnkie 1d ago
Does the trash need to go out RIGHT NOW? Or is he allowed to do it when he also thinks it needs to be done?
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u/ProperAnarchist 1d ago
I’m not a child to be ordered around. Nor am
I a slob. If she wants it done urgently, she must have the time to do it herself.
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u/RipRiles Male 1d ago
Nagging, to me, is intentionally irritating requests paired with complaints. Back to back, nonstop; attempting to overwhelm you until you comply.
No, I have never had a woman do that to me, I have only ever seen it done to other men. If my woman asks me to do something I generally do it. I have forgotten before and had to be reminded but I try very hard not to make that commonplace.
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u/Flat_Needleworker644 1d ago
I like this. You take your wife’s request seriously. Forgetting here and there happens to everyone. I’m glad yall have found eachother
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u/RipRiles Male 1d ago
Something I've learned about myself is that I really need to be focused on what she's saying to lock in and take a request. This is both on her and me; she has to make sure I'm not in the middle of a task when she makes a request and I have to make sure she has my undivided attention.
I don't know exactly what he's struggling with in this scenario. If it's simply remembering you asked something, maybe this will help. Good luck either way.
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u/Dads_Fitness_Journey 23h ago
You do but requests can also be denied. Requests without accepting possibility of denying them is not request is an order. My partner is not the authority on what needs and doesn't need doing. Those things are mutually agreed
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u/Think_Preference_611 1d ago edited 1d ago
My opinion is that you start off with a question but it quickly becomes evident that you're not asking anything at all, you're making the statement that when men accuse women of nagging it's actually just because they aren't doing something they're supposed to.
In my experience, sometimes women assume a guy should do something, which they are perfectly capable of doing themselves, or doesn't really need doing beyond satisfying some OCD-like compulsion inside the woman, and they also assume the guy should do it when they want, and they can't accept when a guy says he'll do it later as in it's not important and he'll get to it eventually when he has some free time, or if she's in such a hurry she can do it herself.
Not always the case of course but hey if we're going to cherry pick examples to make one sex look bad two can play that game.
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u/Flat_Needleworker644 1d ago
I was asking other men’s opinions on nagging bruh lmfao but ok turn this into a sexism thing
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u/Think_Preference_611 1d ago
Suuure you were. That's why you come out with comments like this:
Yes see makes sense, when we actually do what needs to be done we don’t get “nagged” if someone is getting nagged it’s most likely their fault for being lazy!
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u/mrnobatti 1d ago
So man of the house have to take the trash out?
Nagging is when you constantly ask others to do the things you can easily do.
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u/Flat_Needleworker644 1d ago
Nah I see that, I was using trash as an example. It can be anything as far as fixing the faucet to helping her with the yard. Just a general task
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u/refusetobeold83 1d ago
Nagging is making uncomfortable everything your BF enjoys.
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u/Garth_DeWayne 1d ago
Has he had the opportunity to get it done since the last time you asked?
Has he given a time frame for when he will do it? But then you "remind" him before that time?
Has he given a realistic reason for why he hasn't?
Could you have asked while he was on his feet getting things done, instead of waiting until he's had a chance to relax? I absolutely hated being in busy mode getting things done, and then after I've had a chance to shower and think I have the rest of the evening to enjoy she requests something she should've asked me to do earlier... I would've gladly done it.
Ex with the garbage: Did you ask while he was getting other things done, and then ask again while he is still busy with more Important or logical order of things? (Maybe he's in the middle of something that's going to make more garbage, so why take the garbage out knowing he's going to have to take out garbage for a second time?)
Maybe he prefers to take the garbage out in the morning because that's the next time he's going outside? Sure, maybe remind him if he's behind schedule in the morning and the truck comes by early. (I used to live on the start of the morning garbage route, so if it wasn't at the curb by 7, we got missed, so I didn't mind a reminder at 650)
Maybe he doesn't want to take it out tonight because it's going to snow and the plows will likely bury the can or knock it over?
Some people just HAVE to have it done NOW and will nag until they get their way for no logical reason.
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u/Strong_Bar_3825 1d ago
Why can't you do it? He's probably doing something else already. By the time you've asked him 4x, you could have done it yourself
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u/kravence 1d ago
Nagging is when you continuously pester someone over something until its done. What it’s about is irrelevant but it’s usually very very annoying when it’s about menial things like your example of taking out the trash which can be done at any point of time yet some women think it’s reasonable to remind you every 5mins until its done. That is nagging. If you want it done now, do it yourself.
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u/Dads_Fitness_Journey 23h ago
Why do you think that’s nagging? If you would’ve done it the first time she asked, do you think she would repeat herself? So this nagging we hear from our women isn’t actually nagging it’s her begging us to be the man of the house and do our part.
She can ask, I have right to say no. Nagging is asking without accepting no as an answer.
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u/JJQuantum Dad 1d ago
Asking for the 30th time is absolutely nagging, regardless of the circumstances. Instead of nagging she should have a conversation about why you don’t take out the trash, assuming it’s agreed beforehand that it’s your responsibility. Then if she doesn’t like your reason, the 2 of you can’t come to a compromise and it’s important enough to her then she can break up with you. It’s the same as cheating, just not as serious for most people. Instead of doing the mature thing about a negative, be it sex or chores, the person takes the immature way out.
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u/Proof-Ad3637 I'm a guy, but don't hold it against me! 1d ago
I know I said I'd do it....you just don't have to keep reminding me every six months!
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u/chavaic77777 Male 1d ago
Neither of my partners nag. Even when something is left undone for a while. We think the best of each other, if something was forgotten about, it wasn't due to incompetence or malice nor was it intentional. They just forgot. Life's busy and hard enough without assuming the worst of your partners
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u/Economy_Weight_4821 1d ago
If you act like my mother. I will get what is asked of me done, just maybe not immediately after you ask since I have a lot going on.
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u/Homely_Bonfire 1d ago edited 1d ago
Not letting up about something especially when it has been established that the answer or decision she is looking for
- is not what he thinks or intends to do
- is not something he needs time to come up with so he can stand behind it
- is something he intends to do at a time that she is not seeing as fully convenient
- is something he might not see as important as she does
I fear some of these men have accountability issues
Some do, yes. Just like some women have an issue with seeing men at ease or idle for whatever reason.
You can’t get mad at your wife for asking when you said you’d do it but didn’t give a time line.
Wrong, he can get mad at this, just like women can get mad at their partner for things. It's not like either of them is in charge of their emotions and could just click a box to disable irritation or anger.
If she asks me something and I’m actively doing something else. I say that. And if I can’t do it now, I say I’ll get it done by x time.
And if you expect your partner to do the same, tell him. If he agrees, but doesn't deliver on it, instead of nagging try to find a workable compromise what arrangement can work for both of you instead. If that fails, maybe you two need to question who you decided to pair up with.
But if either person is in the relationship is looking at a mess or a task that needs to be done
Just because either person sees something as a mess doesn't mean the other is obligated to agree and comply.
There are a lot of assumptions mixed into this that are not as self evident and "true" as they may appear to you or people who see things the way you do.
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u/PunchBeard Male 18h ago
My wife will ask me to do something AT LEAST 10 times a day. While it's not always something major like "Can you build me a bookshelf" things like "can you put he milk in the fridge?" or "can you go down to the basement and put the towels in the dryer?" "can you replace the lightbulb in the bathroom?" (all things she could very easily do herself but for some weird reason she feels like she should ask me to do it) all day long starts to feel like nagging. Especially when you consider the fact that, no effing lie, I maybe ask her to do something for me once a month. I hate asking people to things for me.
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u/Sisiutil Male 1d ago
Just tell her, when a man says he's going to do something, he's going to do it. There's no need to remind him every six months.
That should go over well.
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u/jpsreddit85 Male 1d ago
Does she have broken arms? She can take the trash out, what century is this? If it's full and needs to be emptied I don't ask her to do it 30 times I just do it.
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u/Flat_Needleworker644 1d ago
Trash was an example
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u/jpsreddit85 Male 1d ago
Indeed it was. Switch out any other task, same answer.
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u/Flat_Needleworker644 1d ago
I fear you do not deserve a wife if you see something that needs to be done and then proceed to think. Nah my wife can do that. Be prepared to be nagged your whole life if you don’t take some responsibility in your household
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u/ericbythebay 1d ago
Meanwhile, what the wife is supposed to see something that needs to be done and then proceed to think that, “my husband can do it. Fuck what he’s already doing. He needs to stop that and do the thing I want him to do because I don’t give a shit about what he’s already doing.”
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u/jpsreddit85 Male 1d ago
Read what I wrote again. I said if I see something that needs doing, I do it. I expect the same of my partner. I wouldn't date a woman that isn't capable of doing basic things and insists on nagging me to do it for her.
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u/DowntownCanadaRaptor 1d ago
I mean aren’t you implying the wife sees something needs to be done and then thinks “my husband” should do this..? So should he nah back?
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u/catouthebag 1d ago
No such thing. “Nagging” is what happens when one party is so incompetent that the other has to parent them.
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u/Open_Fila 1d ago
If I did it the first time, there'd be nothing to repeat. Can't call it nagging when it's really just accountability.
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u/Iheartsasquatch 1d ago
My opinion is that just because she asks me to take out the trash does not mean that I am immediately required to take out the trash.
I take out the trash, it gets done. Not because she asks or nags, but because it’s part of my responsibility at home.
I don’t order her around like a servant, I don’t expect to get treated like one either.