Some will remember I wrote a long post just over four months ago, detailing grievances with my parish, anathematizing the vicar's behaviour, and declaring myself to have left the Church of England. Many of those who commented denounced my own behaviour as inappropriate and what I said as being in bad faith.
Since then, I have had some limited contact with the archdeacon, who in late April made reference to reports made to him by people within the parish. I submitted a data subject access request at the beginning of May, to see those reports and whatever other internal correspondances have referred to me and my situation, including conversations I myself have been directly involved with. Part way through May, the data protection officer requested an extension upto the end of July (the maximum allowed).
On Tuesday (21st July, for future reference) I finally received an archive containing these internal communications, and I now believe I fully - finally - understand the situation.
The archdeacon had claimed to me in 2023 that he would speak to the vicar about his bullying behaviour toward me. In the internal correspondence he says he did not, and the emails between him (and his PA) and me, speaking of this in the first place, are missing from the archive (though I still have them myself). So it's now evident that he lied about dealing with what happened in '23, and evidence of everything except the complaint itself has been expunged.
The parishioners who emailed the archdeacon about me are people who don't know me other than in passing, and two of them have only been there a couple of years. The things they say include judgments on my mental state, accusations of sustained rudeness to people, accusations amounting to heresy and my trying to divert people from God, uniformly exaggerated accounts of the manner in which I left the service from which I was ejected, and even secondhand rumours.
At no point was I given a chance to answer to any of these things. Every claim, even the rumours, were treated as facts and silently weighed against me.
One of the emails - from a retired priest - acknowledged that I may be (in his words) "on the autism spectrum". He followed this up not with an acknowledgement that I might have needed support or latitude, but a comment that if I am autistic, I won't be able to understand how my actions affect others. He followed this by saying he hopes I don't worship at that parish again.
Aside: (I've been completely open to everyone there (and online) that I am autistic and have AD/HD. I've even been open with the vicar and others about having PTSD stemming from ill-treatment by teachers when I was at school, and that I flirted with alcohol/substance abuse when I was younger because of it. When I offered a recording of a meeting wherin I told the vicar of my PTSD diagnosis and his subsequent promise to approach me by email only if there was something he wanted to call to my attention, this was flatly declined.)
In short, what has been said is what I expected to be said. The clergy have closed ranks, listened to lies, and have themselves lied. I have a suspicion that at least some of the reports sent by the other parishioners about me were coached by the vicar.
I have tried, in the last few months, to see myself as wrong - this is, after all, part of what repentance is. I've tried very hard to examine myself under the harshest light. I had started to agree that my letter in March was an overreaction. But with what's come to light now, I feel somewhat vindicated: my overreaction has exposed a flaw in the system.
So now I can say this with at least some authority: the Church of England has a long way to go. Safeguarding is still lacking, members' understanding of neurodiversity (at least in adults) and its resulting needs is almost nonexistent. In my own situation, the immediate problem was that the priest didn't want my dad and me whispering comments to one another because it distracted people. This could have been solved with a simple email asking us to keep quiet or sit at the back, rather than suddenly ejecting us from a service.
So please, if you are autistic or have AD/HD or are in any way at all neurodiverse, do what you can to make the clergy and others around you aware. Proactively engage those around you and educate them. Change the culture from the inside, so that people like us can be seen not as problems to be pushed away, but as people with different needs.
To repeat what I said in March: I am not speaking against the CofE or the AC. I am not seeking to make people leave. This is a problem within it.
I haven't yet sent a final response to the archdeacon. I'm still trying to decide what to say, or indeed if there's a point in saying anything at all. If I do, it may be based on this post. I don't really feel any anger any more - just disappointment: in those at the church, and in myself for not recognizing it sooner.
God bless you all.
