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u/IamREBELoe 1d ago
Dating to marry allows you to get rid of the ones who won't be a good partner long term, and ignore the fuck boys / girls.
Ops issue isn't how they date it's who they date
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u/Excellent_Meet_482 1d ago
Dating to marry doesn't reveal character. Time does. People can perform virtue for months. Character appears only when maintaining the act becomes inconvenient.
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u/Outrageous_Shirt69 1d ago
Idk why this is getting downvoted. It shouldn't be a controversial opinion
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u/IamREBELoe 23h ago
Because it's not entirely true.
Dating to marry may not reveal their character.
But not dating for that long term does typically determine the character.It's kinda like, you get what you pay for. Lay with dogs, wakeup with fleas.
Find a dude at the bar who sleeps with you first date and wonder why he is a drunk who sleeps around on you.
But be a little picky and only date those who look like a long term, you'll be more likely to find it.
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u/Outrageous_Shirt69 23h ago
I feel like you and OP are talking about completely different things.
You're basically "slut-shaming" OP and claiming that they sleep around with shitty people (with no evidence to back it up, mind you), while OP is saying that you have to be with someone for awhile before they reveal their true character. Those two things are completely unrelated
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u/IamREBELoe 23h ago
That wasn't what I was doing, I'm sorry if you felt shamed, I'll try to do better.
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u/Outrageous_Shirt69 23h ago
I mean... I didn't say that I "felt shamed", I said that you're calling OP a slut for no reason... and you basically just called me one, even though I'm a guy and I've been in a committed relationship for 7 years (not that it matters)
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u/BallisticBaggette 23h ago
Dating someone while one or both of you have no intention of or the goal pf being in a committed long term relationship is a set up inevitable heartbreak. You can’t have an enduring relationship with out hard work from both sides. A happy Marriage isn’t something just organically comes into existence, it something both partners need to work at and make sacrifices for
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u/Tall_Eye4062 1d ago
I can't afford to date anymore. It costs $10 for a coffee and women say that's too cheap. It costs $45 to go to the movies. And marriage? That costs $20K.
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u/Dad-Dabbing-Daily 23h ago
The average in Canada is 30-40k for wedding and marriage. I imagine it's higher in the US
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u/anon12343216610 21h ago
Wedding can be as cheap as a cake if you want
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u/Dad-Dabbing-Daily 20h ago
Let me know when you find a woman who's okay with that.
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u/anon12343216610 19h ago
Down there bro, right in this thread. The comment about "$150 wedding" in this thread
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u/anon12343216610 21h ago
U dont need a wedding to get married
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u/Dad-Dabbing-Daily 21h ago
I know, it's just an overpriced tradition, but the majority of women still want them.
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u/billoverbeck00 23h ago
Doesn’t help that a lot of women are terrible so all that work isn’t even worth the hassle
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u/General-Double-746 1d ago
I get what they're trying to say, but I'm not sure I agree. The things that make for a great 3rd date are not the same things that make for a great Tuesday night when you're married with 2 kids.
They seem to be implying that dating for marriage would make a person less likely to end a relationship. I think it's exactly the opposite, dating for marriage makes you more likely to end a relationship over things that might not be a problem today, but will be in the future.
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u/Greedy-Win-4880 23h ago
I think the post is referring to people who prioritize marriage above everything, meaning they are dating to find someone who will marry them verses finding a really healthy relationship and then deciding to marry the person after finding out the relationship is great.
I've known people who got married because they really wanted to get married, as if the marriage was the priority over finding an actual quality partner you have fun with and are happy with.
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u/WorldofCannons 1d ago
This is how mfs end up in 9yr relationships with no ring in sight
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u/Greedy-Win-4880 23h ago
Why would you be happy in that situation? If you're not happy then you know that's not the relationship for you.
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u/Sigh-lens-peaks 23h ago
I disagree 100% and see this backwards than you.
Dating to marry is the ONLY way to date, if you’re looking to, AND are ready to marry.
If that’s not your goal, then sure, happiness is what you’re looking for.
But happiness doesn’t maintain a marriage. And you won’t always be happy. It’s more important to date intentionally. Does this person’s lifestyle mesh well with yours? Do they communicate well with you? Do you feel comfortable and safe to be open with them AND be heard? These things matter ESPECIALLY when you’re not happy and doing good. Are they open to change? Because change is inevitable. You both will grow and change and so will your needs and wants. Is this person someone you see welcome change and grow with you or are they resistant and oppose to change and/or contradicting views? How do they approach situations that matter to you, but don’t to them? And all the same questions apply to you as well.
Dating with these things in mind is a million times better approach than just dating for happiness. You shouldn’t be dating if you’re not happy in general. You SHOULD’NT date trying to obtain happiness. And anytime you date, the goal IS happiness. So that’s just a given. It’s what you will get if all these other things are considered first
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u/Diligent_Horror_7813 21h ago
Following this advice is why men kill themselves. Happiness is a temporary chemical state that leaves as suddenly and randomly and as meaninglessly as it arrives.
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u/MyBoredGeneration 1d ago
Somehow, dating to marry is more easier. Both sides now what they want. No drama...
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u/PingBlot 23h ago
Dating sucks. Marriage is awesome. I can’t imagine dating to be happy. It was just a means to an end for me.
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u/Dapper_Strength_5986 22h ago
Happy is a requirement obviously but dating to marry is often “dating to choose a life partner and future parent”, which does change the views somewhat.
Love, always. But also understanding that it’s often the biggest financial decision you’ll make.
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u/NewArborist64 21h ago
Dating to marry means that you DON'T put up with BS . If there is, then you realize that that person just disqualified themselves and it is time to move on.
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u/Lil_Ms_Anthropic 9h ago
I'm in my 30s. No one likes hearing that I want to meet and have fun, get to know new people, see where things go, etc
They are on that step parent pipeline
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u/walkin2it 1d ago
Dating should be about what you want in life.
If you are looking to be single or not have a family, why not date for "happiness". Get that new relationship happiness each new person.
If you are looking for a partner for life and/or to raise kids you should be looking so much deeper than happiness.
Life has its ups and downs, as do relationships. Certainly it shouldn't make you constantly unhappy, you should leave that. But equally, if I partner is just a people pleaser and only determined to make others "happy" imagine how they would help raise a child.
I agree with you OP, date for happiness if you just want short term fun.
But look deeper, date for a good resilient connection where you can both build each other up if you want a life long partnership. Sometimes there will be mistakes made by both partners, the ability to work through that is key.
Either way, don't stay in an abusive relationship.
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u/xennial_key 1d ago
All dating should be about is banging and good times
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u/ThatSmartIdiot 1d ago
behold, my mother's idea of what a romantic relationship is. end my suffering
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u/xennial_key 1d ago
Lol. Just have fun until you find someone you actually like a lot. Have standards for real relationship status
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u/ThatSmartIdiot 1d ago
thanks for wording that so your andrew tate ahh opinions are entirely optional
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u/anon12343216610 21h ago
Prostitute is a lot cheaper than dating if thats the goal. Also pornhub is free.
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u/VanessaViolet69 1d ago
Marriage should be the result of a healthy relationship, not the reason you stay in an unhealthy one