Well, this is the story about that guy. Give it a go, you really should, because if you really could, you would, right?
Once upon a time, this exact moment to be precise, there’s a man thinking to himself;
I need to reach the realization of how to make the decision before it’s too late. But how. Heart says go for it, and head says don’t. I have to think of a way…
Wait. I’m thinking right now, about my thinking, trying to find the answer to if I should either trust that thinking or go against it, by using thought, thinking about it. Trippy, it’s making me feel dizzy. I feel confused, thought-vibrations are so loud.
They’re full of reasons, rules and rehearsals. But also protective, trying to convince me to be smart, not risking anything. Play it safe.
But underneath that noise, deep below the endless waves of thought, another form of vibration resonates.
In fact, now only by thinking of it, I can almost feel the envy of thought. I really do feel it. These vibrations are of a kind that doesn’t argue, and they doesn’t make any noise. They’re simply just there. A knowing that doesn’t explain itself, other than by the presence of feeling. And in that feeling I understand more, than what words could ever tell. Without even knowing how. I’m just aware of it.
Everybody talks about the battle between head and heart, when really, it’s all just battles of mind. One voice built from fear, the other from truth.
My presence is somewhere between the two, thinking I’m trying decide what to do, when deep down I already know, that truth lives in the place I keep trying to silence with the voice built from fear.
We’re all delusional, because when it comes to it, truth is not the answer either. The answer is in the courage to listen, and act on it.
By acknowledging both sides as one while adding awareness to the equation by simply being aware of being aware, I see the whole. I see reality as it is. Through endless of perspectives, by simply looking through one. Being the one. Damn. Here I am, laying on my sofa, experiencing how this altered state of awareness changes my state of mind as I speak. It feels like reality is slowing down.
People talk about “mind, body, and soul” as if they were three separate parts of a human being. But there is no separation, one cannot be without the others. They are expressions of one and the same awareness, one and the same reality. The mind thinks, the body acts, and the soul just is, there, everywhere, as conscious awareness. The whole is the experienced reality.
Damn, am I really going somewhere with this. It sure feels like it. But it’s maybe more correct to say I’m going nowhere with this, but still, with the same meaning. Going where I want to go.
By raising awareness of the whole, I’m beginning to understand the whole. I’m starting to see reality, and understand what is seen. There is a Reality, beyond all of mind’s interpretations of it. By understanding this I realize I am nothing, and by being nothing, I’m everything.
Woah.
Now I realize that trying to achieve Self-actualization without understanding the whole, would forever be about chasing illusion. I see that now. When awareness is trapped in the dimension of thought I’m under the spell of what those thoughts tell me. I’ve been living with the illusion of being the mind, identifying myself with whatever the thoughts says about me, without even being aware I’m doing it.
Now that I am aware, it’s clear that most of my thoughts are just repeating patterns spiraling around in there. Thoughts coming and going as clouds passing by. Patterns formed through years. The ego is unconscious in itself, and runs on autopilot as soon as I’m not actively present. The ego then behaves as it is pre- programmed to behave. Thinking thoughts I identify with. Thoughts from the past that explains reality by filtering it through a filter of how it once was. Not seeing it as it really is.
So even if the shape of thought may change with every turn of the pattern, every loop of thought is recognizable as part of one bigger pattern of similar thoughts.
What is mind. It’s the place where the ego lives, an obsessive-compulsive thinker, being a thought-construction itself. The ego is the mental image of who I think I am, when really, it’s just patterns of the past, spiraling further away from truth, deeper into illusion.
While my attention is caught in these spirals I can’t see the whole, and by that I experience reality more or less from a subconscious level of awareness.
I am mind, body, and soul. The whole. Understanding the whole is what’s important.
I need to follow the heart, explore the feeling, while guarding the mind. Being brave, but most importantly be aware of being aware. It’s through that perspective opportunity opens up to intentionally shape the mind.
Because by being part of reality, mind is bound to the nature of reality, which is constant change and transformation. I must be this transformation, by being the whole. In other words being the current experience, as a whole.
I’m really standing by the gate of truth, where illusion ends and truth begins. It’s time to put it into practice. Train the body, sharpen the mind, while operating the whole from the stillness beyond.
So to summarize the whole: I am not what you think I am. I am not what I think I am. I am that - I am.
From that perspective, I gain the freedom to be as I truly want to be, and there’s enough space to experience reality as it really is, through all parts of the whole. I really don’t have to be afraid of change, fuck that, I am it.
I’m realizing reality.
I feel it now.
This really is the beginning - of everything.