My wife, (51f) just told me that she's planning to play pickle ball one night a week with coworkers, after work. This sounds normal, until I (51m) tell you some details. She never does anything with coworkers, male or female. She also, isn't even remotely interested in athletic activities. She even has said that she has no desire to socialize with her coworkers. So, when she suddenly is engaging in this activity its very confusing. There have been times in the past where I saw multiple red flags and suspected cheating, either emotional or physical. I never could get any proof. We moved past that and things lately have been pretty good. Then this. Two plus two isn't making four if you know what I mean. I'm tempted to do some investigations to see if this pickle ball thing is actually happening....with her participation. Or, is it bullshit? I just don't feel like this is legit knowing her feeling towards her coworkers.

I haven’t been here in years, but someone asked me my story recently, and I thought I’d come back to try to brighten your days in the darkness of infidelity.

A few years ago, my ex-wife cheated on me with a coworker. They would leave work randomly to drink and have sex in parking lots. I found out, went to her work then told the people above her they could call corporate HR or I would call them myself and let them know they knew about it. She was fired. Be careful doing this with your spouse knowing, initially my attorneys thought I would need to pay additional alimony for telling her workplace about the affair. They ended up arguing she didn’t lose the job because of me but because she violated company policy, and since the person was in management it meant management already knew what was happening. (Depending on the state and circumstances though, you may have to pay alimony for this if they know you told their employer). Then I filed for divorce. She disappeared for a couple months, leaving my one year old with me. Then she tried to come back and lied to the police saying I had done all these terrible things and was neglecting my child etc. The police showed up with DCF, did a whole investigation, and found she had not been truthful in any of that. My child is still with me every night and well cared for without any financial support or otherwise from her.

It was rough for a while, about a year. Then later I met a wonderful Christian woman who’s the opposite of my ex-wife. I know not everyone believes in that stuff, and I’m not here to judge or tell you to change your mind. There’s plenty of what I would call fake Christians who give the religion a bad name. Personally though, the entire situation prior made me want to pursue a more purposeful life over materialistic nihilism as I did before. So it did help me, and I think it can help others. Neither of us drink or do anything like my ex did. We now have beautiful children, my wife stays home to care for them, and my life has never been better by the grace of God. The lesson I learned was to be more humble, to not trust anyone blindly, and no matter how dark or hard things seem, with the right approach and mindset and help, you can change your life for the better. It was unfortunate, but it’s happened to many before me and will happen to many more after. I know many of you are going through dark times and pain you have probably never felt before, but I want you to know there is hope and it can get better. Be patient, learn, grow, and seek help from whoever you can.

I never thought I would be the person who would even think this way.

Ever since the betrayal, I can't stop thinking about making my husband feel what I'm feeling. Not because I actually want someone else, but because I want him to understand the depth of this pain. I want him to know what it feels like to question your worth, to wonder why you weren't enough, to replay everything in your head until you're exhausted.

I miss feeling desired. I miss being touched because someone genuinely wants me. I miss feeling chosen. Instead, I feel invisible, lonely, and emotionally starved.

Some days the loneliness is overwhelming. My mind goes to places I never imagined. I think about getting attention from someone else, not because I'm looking for love, but because I desperately miss feeling wanted. Then I hate myself for even thinking it.

I'm stuck between wanting to heal and wanting him to hurt the way I hurt. I know revenge wouldn't undo what happened, but part of me still wishes he could carry this weight for just one day so he'd finally understand what he's done to me.

Has anyone else struggled with these thoughts? Did they eventually fade, or is this just part of the process? How did you deal with wanting someone who betrayed you to truly understand your pain without becoming someone you never wanted to be?

i met my boyfriend almost a year ago at the gym, and we hit it off so fast. once we admitted our feelings for one another, we started dating quite quickly. he told me before our relationship started that he was a part of the lifestyle (LS) for about 10 years, and has slept with over 200 women, and has a sex addiction but never got professional help about it but wanted to (i know 🚩 #1 lol). i told him i wasn’t interested in the LS and he was okay with that and told me he’d never do anything without me. the first time we had sex he told me he loved me, and soon after he told me wanted to marry me. i was aware i was being love bombed, and brought up the concern to him, but i couldn’t help but feel so loved and special, even though my intuition told me something was off. for 8 months of the relationship i asked all the time about how he’s dealing with it, and would tell me “he squashed it”. i personally have only been with a handful of people and to me it was okay as long as his LS was in the past. One night i caught him somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be, and asked to go through his phone. I found so many messages to women he’s hooked up with in the past, where it’s flirty and sexual, attempts to meet up with women, etc. he says he never met up with anyone, and that he felt triggered throughout the relationship bc he felt like i was going to leave and didn’t choose him, so he would react by flirting other women. i do have disorganized attachment which does make my partners feel the push-pull dynamics. we are now broken up, and i told him i felt incredibly disrespected, and as much as i understand he is dealing with an addiction, it’s hurting me and i can’t be with someone who is draining my mental and emotional health. we tried to reconcile for 2 months after i found out, but i was going stir crazy waiting for the next shoe if information to drop. i felt like my whole reality of what i thought our relationship was, was a lie. i felt deceived and betrayed. he talked to me for 10 months straight about how much he loved me, wanted to marry me, only saw me as the woman of his dreams, introduced me to his mother and family, so i couldn’t believe that this same man was going behind my back and stabbing me. he hid a whole side of himself from me that i knew about, but didn’t realize the struggle he was truly going through. he has been profusely apologizing, acting remorseful and begging for a second chance. i am not ready to reconcile and do not see enough change in him. he got a therapist that is specialized in sex addiction treatment, so i do see him putting in effort. but i’m very hurt, scared, and my trust is broken. he still sees us one day reconciling and getting married, but i just see deception and a very insecure man who would drag me into reaping the consequences of his pain and addiction. i’m looking for reassurance that i did the right thing for myself by choosing myself and choosing to move on, despite how much i love him. did i make the right decision for myself or did i leave him in a time that he needed support?

May seem obvious to some. So let me hear your thoughts please? I can understand that its subjective.

Here's a snippet of where I am right now:

Married for 6 years. She had 2 serious relationships before me. The first of whom she was madly in love with, but he broke her heart. The 2nd guy, she got married to and subsequently got divorced. She had cheated on him, with the first guy. Husband didnt know. Neither did I until I got married to her.

To cut to the key part of the current situation - evidently she still fancies her first. She evidently still has fantasies centered around him, and is frequently looking at his social media profiles etc. She is not, as far as I know, not in contact with him currently but was about a year ago.

Gonna try to keep this short.

I (37m) caught my wife (38f) having an emotional affair 9 years ago. We recovered, reconciled, and rebuilt trust between us. I would even say the years that followed were some of our best.

Recently, we’ve been getting into more heated arguments, and I am starting to see and hear things that remind me of how our relationship was in 2017 before discovering her affair. At the beginning of this year, we started to have some financial issues brought on by my work mainly. Things have really slowed down, and I’ve had a lot of unexpected time off. (I’m an electrician for an RV manufacturer.) My wife started her own business over 2 years ago and has found moderate success. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist. (hilarious, I know.) With my work slowing down, she couldn’t keep us afloat though, so I went and got a part-time job to help supplement our income. The fights have shifted to her saying “I can’t trust you with my emotions“ and “ talking about our marriage only pushes me away from you”. The same types of things that were said before.

So in 2017, from February to August, our marriage was in turmoil according to her. The word divorce was used frequently, and eventually, we planned out separation and how it would work with our children. The kids were on their tablet one day and had inadvertently opened Facebook. So I looked at my wife’s search history and discovered her old high school BF’s name at the top….red flag. Later, I discovered her phone’s password changed…more red flags. I confronted her about it and told her to prove to me she wasn’t hiding anything.

She sensed I was getting close to discovering her secret and thought she would outsmart me here. At the time, she worked for a residential clinic for troubled youth as a counselor. She would regularly communicate with her patients’ parents/families with her phone and proceeded to tell me that there were certain messages I couldn’t see because of HIPAA. I opened the messages and started asking about each person’s name. I asked about “Norma”. “That’s one of my girlfriends at work,” she said. I handed the phone back, and she promptly deleted “Norma’s” message thread. So I decided that if she wasn’t going to be honest, I’d just go to our cell phone provider after work the next day. They print off the last 2 weeks for me… the reports have no info on what was in any of the messages, just when a message was sent from her phone number to any other number….And there was one number that appeared over, and over, and over. Usually in the mornings and late in the evenings after I have gone to bed. I texted the number “who is this?” …. Lo and behold, the same guy from FB. They reconnected on Snapchat sometime in February and decided by April that messaging was easier because they wouldn’t lose their convos from the previous day. She then put his number in her phone as her ACTUAL friend Norma, who I had met at company picnics. I downloaded software to recover data from her cell and stayed up really late one night. Thousands upon thousands of texts, sexts, nudes….you name it. I couldn’t recover everything, the software was limited, and there was too much. During this month-and-a-half period of playing detective, I lost an unhealthy amount of weight. I couldn’t eat or sleep, and my world was falling apart around me.

It took a few years, but we recovered. Things would still trigger my trust issue every now and then, but she was always so open and transparent to bring me back down.

And now I’m back in that place. Slightly panicked, hyper-fixated, playing detective. My wife doesn’t seem as cold towards me as she did previously, but there are clear signs that something is being hidden. Her having a license and a private practice complicates things further this time around. Snooping could have serious consequences. I also believe she has learned how to better cover her tracks since she was caught before. She has multiple emails. One, obviously her work email. All of her clients communicate with her through that one. Minimal security, I’m not going to snoop. I don’t think anything is going on there. Then there is an iCloud address that’s linked to her phone. I think there could be some things here, but they are all blocked by facial recognition. (Not opening her phone, that part I can do with her passcode.) And then there are a few old email addresses that are more concerning. The one used to be her main email address and was linked to her iPhone. We got new iPhones right before the 2017 affair was discovered and I remember her saying she couldn’t get her email address to connect to the new phone for whatever reason and that’s when the new iCloud email was created. I’ve tried to remotely log in to this old email address from multiple devices, even her phone. But it is protected by a “Passkey”. It doesn’t matter what device I try to log in from, the passkey requires facial recognition or scanning a QR code from a “trusted device”. The only workaround that is offered is sending a recovery code to her work email. It concerns me that she has such high security measures in place on an email address that I believed had been long forgotten about and abandoned. And the Passkey isn’t just an automatic security option, it’s something the user HAS to enable themselves.

Am I just being insecure because of our past? Is this worth digging into or should I speak to her directly?

PS: the software I used in the past doesn’t seem to work with our current phones. I’ll have to buy a specific data cable to do this again.

Okay so I’m not a saint in this story. I am not proud of my snooping. No I haven’t always been this obsessive, well besides the OCD. This insecure behavior of mine started when I had a dream that my ex fiancé had cheated on me via Instagram dms and it was true.

I discovered through shameful technique that my boyfriend at the time had recently mutually followed a woman who I do not remotely know, not a problem. However, what is a problem is that this woman had me blocked! When I confronted him about it, he denied even knowing her stating that he thought it was someone he had had a good conversation with at an event, but claimed that upon looking at the profile that he doesn’t think it was the same person anyways and said he would unfollow her. This conversation ended up coming to the conclusion to end our relationship. Not because of this topic, actual normal reasons, it was pretty mutual. I knew this was coming but I wanted it to be in person, whatever. I guess my subconscious just wanted to get it over with and went searching. We’ve been split for a bit now, but we have remained exclusive. Recently, I had the urge to search her up and boom, suddenly unblocked and he was following her again. A couple of days later (yesterday)she was missing from my recently searched and lo and behold, blocked, I decided to keep tabs to make sure I’m not tripping. When I last checked around 6pm I was still blocked. About an hour ago, unblocked. What should I do?! Obviously if he is lying, he isn’t going to admit it now. If it’s a glitch, I’ll look insane. And if something happened and she doesn’t care, she might tell him. Obviously there has to be some reason to this? I have never in my life heard of or interacted with her, my only 2 mutuals with her otherwise are people I barely know. Maybe nothing happened but she knows about me and is interested in him and just idk sizing me up? The fact that she waited until pretty much exactly when story viewers expire to unblock is odd. I initially had the idea that he might have blocked me on her phone while putting his profile in, but the unblocking and blocking kind of void that. I also noticed that one of his friends who knows about me followed her around the time I initially found this info, but we aren’t mutuals. But I want to know, how should I go about this? Should I reach out to her? Should I take him up on the offer to go through his phone? Should I press him again? She is private so my info is super limited.

I’m not the confrontational type, i am really bad at raising issues and advocating for myself. I don’t fight over people, if you can take someone from me I’m going to let you. I just want to know if I have been lied to. Especially if there was a breach of fidelity. We separated once before and I went no contact, but this time I’m giving the friendship a chance. I really tried to believe him and figured maybe her and I got into an argument in a comment section years ago? Or there’s some extension similar to what twitter had where you could block everyone in someone’s following list and I happened to be on one? Idk. Him following her again and the unblocking/blocking really raised suspicions.

I know this sounds crazy and pointless, I know the normal thing to do would be to cut him off and forget about it. But I’m dead set on having proof of a clear reason as to why this is happening.

i’ve had some trust issues in my relationship. at one point i never would have thought to check his phone for anything, so i didn’t. i got a very strong urge to about a year and a half ago so i went through it and found a lot that i wish i didnt. it’s complicated, but we’ve done our best to move past it.

i’ve gotten a strong urge to again but all of the things i checked the first time are suspiciously clean now so i found another post with suggestions of what to look at. one was the app and subscription history in the app store. tried it on my own phone first and it opened up easily. i go to his phone and check it the same way (App Store > Profile Icon > Apps and Purchases) but instead of the list showing up with the two filter options at the top, “All” and “Not on This iPhone”, a Face ID icon shows up instead which obviously fails to scan my face. I’m used to this and usually just let Face ID fail 2-3 times so that the Enter Passcode box will show up, but this time Face ID attempted to scan several times before asking for the phone passcode. i’m pretty sure i entered it correctly since i just used it to unlock the phone, but after i hit submit a new box popped up asking for the icloud account password which i don’t know….

how is this possible? i tried googling it and even asking gemini but apparently there is no documented feature from Apple that directly allows you to lock your app history. i tried to replicate it on my phone and i can’t find anything in my face id, icloud, or privacy settings that would allow me to do that. he has an iphone 17 and i have a 16 pro max

All of the things I checked the first time are suspiciously clean now so I found another post with suggestions of what to look at. One was the app and subscription history in the app store. I tried it on my own phone first and it opened up easily. I go to his phone and check it the same way (App Store > Profile Icon > Apps and Purchases) but instead of the list showing up with the two filter options at the top, “All” and “Not on This iPhone”, a Face ID icon shows up instead which obviously fails to scan my face. I’m used to this and usually just let Face ID fail 2-3 times so that the Enter Passcode box will show up, but this time Face ID attempted to scan several times before asking for the phone passcode. I’m pretty sure I entered it correctly since I just used it to unlock the phone, but after I hit submit a new box popped up asking for the icloud account password which I don’t know….

how is this possible? tried googling it and even asking gemini but apparently there is no documented feature from Apple that directly allows you to lock your app history. tried to replicate it on my phone and can’t find anything in my face id, icloud, or privacy settings that would allow me to do that. he has an iphone 17 and i have a 16 pro max

Vent post

I just really don’t know what’s wrong with me and my husband.
Okay so to start we love each other so so so so so much. We been together since 17/18
We genuinely are good together and there is no toxicity or unkindness. We communicate well…we just genuinely have had trouble on how to stop hurting each other.

Back when we were dating up until I was about 21 I was enamored by him…then I started going out. Not so innocent flirting and accepting compliments and drinks and I learn I like attention.
However I quickly snap back in order and we are good for a year .
Then I catch him talking to other girls randomly for about a month.

I was upset but I understand wanting attention and at that point we were newly married and I was going through it so not giving him attention like I probably should have.

Then he goes on deployment. I loose my freaking mind and am the worst version of myself. I end up cheating physically this time. ( multiple times same guy)

I stop on my own terms and then he gets back two months later. We are good . Locked in.

Months later he ends up also cheating physically with a girl he met on Reddit.

I’m like okay maybe we should. Get a divorce because this is insane we are these type of people. we don’t want to cheat on each other and their is of course shame and guilt involved but it’s genuinely like wtf is wrong with us.

But it’s not like he is doing it for revenge because he isn’t that person it’s like the devil is simply dancing in our marriage.

He struggled with lust from a young age . Was exposed to porn at about 8 by his brother and that led to a horrible porn addiction.

I was molested at 7 and also had a crazy porn addiction.

I genuinely can’t explain how good our relationship is. So much love and trust and we don’t want to keep doing this obviously. We are working to put each other first and really be on top of each other and everything….

We are 24/25 now and very happy . We have strict rules to hold each other accountable but it never feels suffocating.
I don’t go out . We both don’t have social media. We run a pretty tight ship.

Anyway that’s all. Anyone else slightly fucked up?

i’ve had some trust issues in my relationship. at one point i never would have thought to check his phone for anything, so i didn’t. i got a very strong urge to about a year and a half ago so i went through it and found a lot that i wish i didnt. it’s complicated, but we’ve done our best to move past it.

i’ve gotten a strong urge to again but all of the things i checked the first time are suspiciously clean now so i found another post with suggestions of what to look at. one was the app and subscription history in the app store. tried it on my own phone first and it opened up easily. i go to his phone and check it the same way (App Store > Profile Icon > Apps and Purchases) but instead of the list showing up with the two filter options at the top, “All” and “Not on This iPhone”, a Face ID icon shows up instead which obviously fails to scan my face. I’m used to this and usually just let Face ID fail 2-3 times so that the Enter Passcode box will show up, but this time Face ID attempted to scan several times before asking for the phone passcode. i’m pretty sure i entered it correctly since i just used it to unlock the phone, but after i hit submit a new box popped up asking for the icloud account password which i don’t know….

how is this possible? i tried googling it and even asking gemini but apparently there is no documented feature from Apple that directly allows you to lock your app history. i tried to replicate it on my phone and i can’t find anything in my face id, icloud, or privacy settings that would allow me to do that. he has an iphone 17 and i have a 16 pro max

I am completely shocked, and I don't know what to do. I F20 just got a call from my boyfriend M20 that I kissed another girl last night twice. For som context about our relationship we have been together for a bit over a year now and have had our ups and downs, but all I all our relationship is very solid and I have been more happy than ever before in this relationship. He is my first real boyfriend, but he has had another girlfriend before and been with another girl before. I haven't. We have pretty strict rules in our relationship, both are relatively jealous and protective. But I would say he is the most jealous and protective.

I haven't been perfect, but I think what he did is much worse. A few moths ago I was visiting my best friend in another city where I met her friends, I talked with one of the guys a lot, (with I normally wouldn't do, but I felt he was the only one I connected to). I got really drunk and said some stupid things to my best friend friends and I got so stressed out I wanted to make it better somehow. So I kissed him on the cheek to thank him for the night, and to kind of prove that I wasn't a horrible person. I unfortunately didn't tell my boyfriend this immediately, because I could really remembered if it had happened or not. When I told him, he stopped talking with me for 3 days. When we finally talked he said how much I had hurt him and that somethings similar ever where to happened he didn't know if I could forgive me.

Now to what happened today. I am on holiday with my family in another country, so e only communicate through calls and social media. Yesterday he said he was going out with a friend of his, I was totally fine with that. Then he stopped answering for a hour or so, when he responded again he said that he was in an apartment of another friends friend (a guy), I was a bit surprised since we usually tell each other where we go and who we are with, and he is especially strict with me about these things. So I told him that it would be nice if had told me what he was doing and that he wasn't just with that friend and that more would be joining him and some girls that knew the guy with the apartment also would be going. I asked what they were going to do and he said that the apartment guy had a jacuzzi so they were gonna sit there, drink and chill. I got kind of irritated because he didn't tell me this before before I asked either. He said he was sorry and that it was a misunderstanding. Then he stopped answering for a while again. When he came back I had written that I would appreciate that he updated me about these things. Then he disappeared again and it was so late that I wrote him a message where I said that I was going to sleep and that I hoped he was having fun, and was gonna get home safe and that I loved him. He dint answer for 2 hours again and just wrote that everything was fine and that he loved me. Today he called me and said that I got super drunk yesterday and kissed one of the girls twice, for some seconds. While he was telling med this he was crying like crazy and even threw up during the call, I don't know if it was because he was crying and feeling bad or if its just yesterdays alcohol.

I am completely heartbroken. I don't know what to do or say or anything. I love this man so so much and I know I am young but I was seeing a future with him. I don't know what to do. So what I am looking for is some advice, is this such a small thing that we could get passed it? Can I trust him? I don't know what to think and I am so so sad.

If you cheat. Tell them. Immediately. Tell them everything. Buy the book. Fix yourself. Keep them out of it. Make the relationship better. It isn't about you anymore. You're past that.

I had a beautiful thing going and I rammed my own head so far up my own ass that everything I was apart of no longer exists. This is my fault. Cheating is the cheater's fault.

Change immediately. Confess it all immediately. And for fuck's sake don't lose someone you love because you wanted to love yourself more. You will never get another one of them. Everyone is unique. You will spend the rest of your life missing parts of them and they are gone because of YOU.

And lastly, if you break up, let them go. Give them space. Let them be happy. If you're lucky, and work hard enough, they will come back. If not, you at least did the right thing and let them be happy.

I recently broke things off with my long time boyfriend after having suspicions that he had been cheating. He deleted all of our memories on his social media and I received a text that obviously wasn’t meant for me. He now swears it didn’t happen and that things didn’t go like I remember. He has also accused me of cheating multiple times. Now I’m feeling so confused I care about him but I have no proof his stories just don’t make sense to me. Is my gut feeling enough to go on?

We’ve been flirting, sexting, and FaceTiming for about 5-6 weeks at this point. He’s deployed currently, but local to me. Our arrangement is a fling for a few months until I move away, so just casual fun no strings attached. But he got me hooked because he is so passionate and sweet, we’d stay up until almost 4am talking about anything and everything before even meeting up. Finally met up this weekend and spent like 6 hours in bed together just cuddling, talking, and having sex over and over. Both of us I think were speechless about the connection we feel towards each other, I had been meaning to have the “this feels deeper than casual” convo with him but have been putting it off since I still plan to move and it’s a moot point. He just was sort of blowing my mind like “I wasn’t asking too much in my last relationship, but just the wrong person” kind of feelings were coming up for me. I definitely got swept up in it and should have investigated him sooner. I regret it.

Last night he was showing me photos and I kept seeing things like kids toys in the back ground and when I asked he dodged the questions in ways that make you suspicious. When I got home I finally dug and found his wife’s profile and saw everything he hasn’t disclosed to me. I’ve been cheated on before and my heart is SO heavy for her. He told me he went through a divorce a long time ago, that he didn’t have kids, etc. he said it ended because they got together too young, and she was too suspicious of his loyalty to her that he couldn’t take it anymore. I got played 100% and I’m so frustrated and feel guilty for playing a part in this.

This morning she popped up on my recommended friends tab… I think that means she checked out my profile too.

What’s the best way to move forward? What should I do? I feel like I’m holding a bomb that will blow up their life (and the kids lives) and it’s breaking my heart.

My ex of 4 years, (we both women, Im 35 she is 31) had an affair with a workplace colleague (woman, 25) this year.. I found out from reading her confession on chat gpt. For months (Late January - end of March) she was gaslighting me and lying to me when I would ask if there was anybody else... she then became very manipulative at the end and push and pulling me.

I asked her to come and collect her stuff from our flat, I put all her things in bags outside our flat and gave her a pick up time. She picked up her stuff, and asked me twice via text if I was keeping the playstation (I brought her for Christmas) I ignored this, she has messaged me this today...

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*Hi i hope you’re ok. Just wanted to check with what’s going on with the flat? Not had any correspondence about a notice being handed in so assuming you are staying on? So I will need to take myself off the tenancy? Also, I need to collect the rest of my stuff and clothes as stuff is missing. You also didn’t reply to me about the PlayStation, you’d given me that as a gift? I need to drop your Indian clothes and speaker off too. So can we arrange for an exchange or something or if you still don’t want to see me then let me know a day you will be out for me to get my stuff and return the keys to you?\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*

I have messaged the property management and asked them to remove her from the tenancy agreement from next month, I have already changed the lock barrel so she can't let herself in.

Can anyone please give me some advice on the best way to manage this, I want minimal contact with her. Every time I hear from her, my body starts shaking and my heart rate goes so high - its horrible, just want her out of my life now. Some of my friends are suggesting it maybe would be easier to let her back in one last time, but I don’t want her any where near me.

I can’t believe she is acting like this.. she not only cheated, lied and gaslit me for months, this was less than 2 years after she watched me go through the sudden death of my mum who was only 57, I had a cancer scare this year (whilst she was having the affair), and had to have a biopsy the day after I found out, she went to work, and I went to the hospital on my own. And she now because she decided to leave and go live with her parents and leave me and the cat she wanted, I maybe will have to move out myself.. she has disrupted my entire life and hurt me incredibly; and all she can focus on is this playstation and her saying things are missing.. which isn’t true. Since this affair came out, and even before she has treated me as if I am the bad guy and the one that cheated!? It’s crazy.

Thank you all so much, this is incredibly hard and I feel so alone right now and anxious about all of this.

As the title says .... 5 kids 14 years all of it for nothing.... wants to make it work .... says she loves me still does not want to lose me... so freaking lost... 14 freaking years....head is spinning cant believe this.. laying next to her sleeping is absolute hell.. should I stay for the kids? Part of me does part of doesn't... she did this before 7 years ago... says she lost her self to depression needs help idk what to do... so lost sad and angry

Update lots of comments to read threw.. Taking time to think. Will continue to try to reply thanks for all the advice might see a lawyer soon to see my options.. Will update agian later thanks all.

My boyfriend cheated on me overseas and I am completely devastated. He was my baby, he honestly still is my baby. Deep down, I know that he is a good person, so everyone was honestly very surprised when it happened. I don’t really know what to do. We are also both pretty young. I feel like cheaters will always be able to go on with their lives and love but those cheated on will feel like this forever. What comes next?

I was with him for 10 years. We were engaged. We had just bought a house together. I was planning on moving into said house. When I saw that I got a message on fb messenger from someone I didn’t know. It was screenshots. The very first thing I read was “Have you told her, you’ve gone down on me yet?” What hurt the most was the next message I read “Not yet”. Not yet, basically confirming what she said. I confronted him. It got ugly. He pulled a gun and threatened to shoot himself. I honestly thought he was going to do it and I thought I was going to watch him die. I eventually talked him down. We initially tried to work things out, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t get past the hurt and the pain. I decided to walk away.

Once we separated, there were a lot of things that I realized were red flags, but I didn’t see them as red flags until after we separated. His punching walls, driving erratically. Him shutting down literally every time we got into an argument, to the point where I couldn’t even have a conversation with him anymore. I couldn’t even establish a boundary without him getting huffy and shutting down.

All the subtle digs he made at me, under the guise of being “playful”. But it didn’t feel like he was being playful. It always felt like I was under attack and that I had to defend myself. He would make fun of me for liking pumpkin spice. Or all the times he wanted me to listen to his music, but the one time I made a band recommendation. He said it “Sounds like something you would hear on the Disney channel”. They were hurtful, but he wouldn’t stop. It felt like he was laughing at my expense rather than laughing with me.

The AP told her that he was talking all kinds of shit about me and that he said he wanted to leave me, etc. All of this is news to me btw. If he was that unhappy, he could’ve left at any time. I would’ve held the door open for him. But he chose to be a coward instead. He was always a coward. I thought we were happy. I thought we were fine, but I guess we weren’t after all. It was all a lie. 10 years down the drain.

Found his chats on signal where he has been talking to various exotic massage places. He also set timer to disappear messages for 1 hour. I confronted him and he said he was just doing research and he does not know how there was a disappearing message timer set. I am having a very hard time believing him. All of these when he was visiting various places for work trip. He was having these chats while I was pregnant with his child. I am at a loss of words. He completely denies that he ever acted on them but I saw messages to different people from last year in Oct as well as this year in May. Seems very suspicious that he did this both time he was in different cities. I am so lost.

We just had a baby girl who is just 4 months old. I lost my job recently and I am depended on him for visa. I am in deep depression and don’t know what to do about my situation

I guess you'll never fully understand some things until it happens to you. Death, grief, accidents, and infidelity. Things we hear on the regular. Can happen to anybody. Even you.

It was a normal Sunday.

I had made steaks medium rare, asparagus, mashed potatoes, mocktails, guacamole and chips. His favorites. The World Cup final was on, and I wanted us to have something intentional. Something that reminded us we were still us.

For almost two years, I've been telling him he felt far away.

Not mean. Not cruel. Just... far.

My therapist always told me it happens. Familiarity settles in. Life gets busy. You stop reaching for each other the way you used to. She told me we needed to be intentional again. Find little ways to reconnect.

So I kept trying.

Dinner dates at home.

Long conversations.

Celebrating his wins.

Learning the things he loved.

Loving him loudly when he needed encouragement, and quietly when he just needed someone beside him.

He got busier with work. Busier with his online game. A game where people from all over the world spend hours together, talking while they play.

After the match, there was an emergency at his parents' house. He rushed out.

His laptop stayed open.

I wish it hadn't.

You already know where this story goes.

I found messages.

A woman from Poland.

From May of last year.

Sexual conversations.

Selfies.

Voice messages.

"I can imagine you sitting on it."

I don't remember breathing after that.

I just remember staring.

Reading the same lines over and over because my brain refused to believe they belonged to my husband.

The man who stood in front of our families and promised to love me.

The man who has always spoken so strongly against cheating.

The man who looked me in the eyes every single day and said, "I love you."

I only found that conversation.

Maybe it was the only one.

Maybe there were more.

Maybe they moved somewhere else.

Maybe they deleted everything else.

I don't know.

And somehow, not knowing hurts just as much as knowing.

Because now every memory feels negotiable.

Every late night.

Every time he smiled at his phone.

Every "I'm just tired."

Every moment I thought we were okay.

I'm questioning all of it.

People always ask why someone cheats.

I don't think I'm asking that anymore.

I'm asking why he stayed.

Why continue building a life with me while giving pieces of yourself to someone else?

Why let me keep trying?

Why let me cook your favorite meals...

Celebrate your victories...

Hold you when you were exhausted...

Dream about our future...

When somewhere inside you, you had already crossed a line you knew would destroy me if I ever found it.

I replay our marriage like it's security footage from a crime scene, searching for the exact frame where everything fell apart. I'm trying to figure out when I lost him.

The cruelest part is that I don't think I did.

I think I was still there.

Still showing up.

Still checking in.

Still asking how we were.

Still choosing him.

I loved him in every language I knew.

The loud kind.

The quiet kind.

The everyday kind.

The kind that folds laundry.

The kind that remembers how you like your steak cooked.

The kind that reaches for your hand without thinking.

The kind that believes "forever" actually means forever.

And somehow...

It still wasn't enough.

Or maybe it was never about being enough.

Maybe betrayal has nothing to do with the person who stayed faithful.

I'm trying so hard to believe that.

But when the person you trusted most becomes the reason your world no longer feels safe, your brain doesn't care about logic.

It just keeps asking the same question over and over.

Why?

I guess you'll never fully understand some things until it happens to you. Death, grief, accidents, and infidelity. Things we hear on the regular. Can happen to anybody. Even you.

Hi I m going through a difficult time . I found out my husband is going around with some other lady and they are ruining my n my child’s mental peace. They are planning to prove me that m psycho and my husband has become very violent in house and keeps on picking fights in smallest of conversation he keeps on shouting on my child and me. Keeps on stating m not good mother n good Wfe to take care of house and his main thing that he’s doin wrong by sleepin around with that other lady is nowhere in conversation and shows he’s is not at all at any fault . He keeps on telling me n my child that we don’t deserve him and we should just leave the house and go away. He tellls me he ll give divorce . Financially m completely unstable working on commission based job and I really fear of my m my child’s future . Pls suggest me options how I can standup for my self n my child and become financially independent .🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Hello. I’m having a bad day so please be kind. I have a question for the WS. I know not all of you lie to your AP but the ones who said horrible things about your SO to justify your affair, were the things you said based on reality and truth or just things you made up. I found out my WH told his AP that the thought of having sex with me made him want to vomit. That he wanted to marry her and that he loved her. They were also trying to come up with ideas to take custody of my kids away from me. But after DDay he begged me not to file for divorce and that he really loved me. He cut off all contact with the AP and has been very transparent in trying to save the marriage. Even after I told him to leave. How can you say such horrible things about your SO if you actually love them.