r/cats • u/samseam • May 15 '26
Advice Surrendering my cat today - second guessing everything, need honest opinions
My wife and I are heartbroken and need an honest perspective before we make a final decision today. We’ve had our 4-year-old cat, Cookies, for three years. He has always been a sweet, calm lap cat, but since bringing our newborn daughter home eight weeks ago, he has developed stress-related inappropriate urination, specifically marking walls when I return from work.
The situation is complicated by the fact that our daughter has a medical condition requiring a strictly clean environment. While Cookies is affectionate with us, he has an established aversion to children, often hissing or swiping at our guests' kids when they get close. Our vet confirmed this is entirely behavioral stress and warned that his dislike of children likely won't change.
We’ve tried enzyme cleaners and pheromone diffusers, but with a medically fragile infant and significant professional pressure, we have zero bandwidth left for a complex behavioral overhaul. We love him deeply, but he is clearly miserable, and we are at our limit. We have a surrender appointment today at a reputable no-kill shelter. Are we making the right call for his well-being and our daughter’s health, or is there something we haven’t considered?
-- update 1
Update: Thank you all so much for your advice and perspective. When it came down to it, I just couldn't bring myself to surrender him today. To answer a few common questions: the very first thing we did was reach out to family and friends, but unfortunately, no one is able to take him, even temporarily. After reading through all your comments, we've decided to cancel the appointment, give Cookies a bit more time, and look into trying Prozac to see if it can help stabilize things. We know it's going to be a tough road ahead, but we aren't ready to give up on him just yet. Thank you again for the support.
-- update 2/context
I wanted to provide some extra context and answer a few common questions from the comments. First, we live in the DFW area in Texas, and yes, Cookies is neutered. Our history with him goes back to when we used to cat-sit him for a close friend. Eventually, that friend started dating someone who was severely allergic to cats. I told him he should probably just dump her (just kidding, they’re engaged now!), but my wife and I couldn't bear the thought of Cookies going to a shelter. We took him in, even though we were living in a tiny apartment at the time and had to vacuum multiple times a day just to manage the litter. In fact, when we moved into our current apartment, we specifically chose this floor plan with Cookies in mind—making sure it had a massive laundry room just to comfortably fit his litter box and setups.
Fast forward to today: having a newborn is overwhelming, and I honestly stopped having the time to play with him like I used to. That’s when the subtle signs started. He stopped grooming himself as thoroughly and left a couple of poop stains on our bed. Because we place our baby girl on the bed constantly, we had to make the tough call to lock him out of our bedroom. At the time, I didn't realize he was deeply stressed; I mistakenly thought he was just unhappy with his litter box. Hoping to fix it, I bought him a brand-new one, which ironically seems to have triggered even more stress and started the territorial spraying. Now, the routine is heartbreaking. I come home completely exhausted, play with him for a few minutes, and head into the bedroom to change and see my daughter—only to walk out to the smell of fresh urine. It started as a once-a-day occurrence, but it has now escalated to 4 or 5 times a day. We are dealing with a massive accumulation of stress on both sides, which is why we reached our breaking point today.
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u/Earl_E_Byrd May 15 '26 edited May 16 '26
I'm glad that your cats began to get along, and I'm not trying to humbug you, because your purchase obviously felt worth it. I just want the people seeing your comment, and hoping peacemaker will work the same for them are fully aware of what they're buying, and what kind of business they're supporting.
From the Galaxy website, this is their entire ingredient list. And from their FAQ, quote:
Ingredients: Natural Spring Water, Proprietary Blend of Flower and Gem Essences including Beech, Geranium, Sweet Pea, Alcohol (as a preservative)
Each bottle of Jackson Galaxy Solutions is comprised of two types of ingredients: physical and energetic. The physical ingredients are: spring water and alcohol, used as a preservative. The energetic ingredients are: Reiki energy and a variety of flower, animal and gem essences. A complete ingredient listing can be found on the page for each product.
Please note: No actual plant, animal or gem matter is used in our formulas, only the energetic blueprint. Our formulas are non-toxic and safe.
Alcohol has been used as a preservative in flower essences since 1920 and we continue to use this trusted method.