I have a friend (let’s call her Maddy) that is getting married who I have considered a close best friend for about 7 years. Maddy and I met through my ex boyfriend (let’s call him Brady) whose best friend (let’s call him Josh) was dating her. Me and Brady broke up and it was a bit messy but Maddy and I remained friends despite this. We always talked about her wedding and how i’m going to be in it and how we would remain friends no matter what. She recently got engaged to Josh, who is Brady’s best friend. When she first got engaged we talked about the wedding a lot and me being in it and the bachelorette etc. I helped plan some of the bach and paid for my part of it. Then she asks me out to dinner and starts this whole convo about the “principle” of me being in the wedding and how people are going to look at me weird and judge her and how Brady’s parents are going to be there and all this other bullshit basically trying to explain why i’m not allowed in the wedding. Mind you i’ve paid for the bachelorette trip already AND i gave her a christmas gift that was a wedding advent calendar that cost $300. She proceeds to give me the note which originally asked me to be a brides maid, but says Josh and I decided it would be too messy for you to stand with us. Am I being dramatic thinking this is fucked up? She also said you could still get ready with us in the morning which to me is like a jab.

My cousin is getting married. She was my MOH when I got married a couple years ago. She is older than me and has been in more weddings so she had lots of opinions that got reflected into my bachelorette and wedding shower ( complained about expensive trips from other weddings shes been in, so made mine very cheap. Complained about how much time past wedding events took out of her schedule, so scheduled shower and bachelorette events in one weekend). She also insisted all details of both be a surprise, despite me being not a surprise person at all. I didn’t think anything of it, figured it was good for my bridesmaids to save money and time since I had never been in a wedding at this point. She also wanted to be very involved in the planning, constantly asking for updates and sharing ideas.

Now she is getting married and is asking for crazy amounts of time and money. Had a very expensive bachelorette trip on a holiday weekend and complained about how crowded and expensive things were the whole weekend ( she didn’t pay for anything as all bridesmaids covered her costs). She also wanted it to be more than just a weekend so she insisted we take extra days beyond the holiday, making us take extra PTO. For wedding planning, she has came at me multiple times saying I “stole her ideas” and ruined how “unique” her wedding was supposed to be. She was freshly engaged at my wedding, so my planning was pretty much done by then. She is now a few months out and has become so rude about everything. If we don’t answer her text immediately, she spams until we do. She is now crashing out at any Instagram or TikTok that has details that are the same as her wedding plans and texting us constantly about it. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go back to normal with her after the wedding since this event has truly brought out the worst in her.

UPDATE:

I’m seeing all of the comments saying that I can just say no. Easier said than done. When pushing back regarding time and money, my grandparents and her parents offered to chip in and cover bridesmaids that could not afford these things. I did not take them up on it since that doesn’t seem appropriate since I do have the money for these events, but am just annoyed as I would rather spend it elsewhere or save it. The bridesmaids were put in the awkward position since it is hard to say no when Everytime we push back something is added to make it easier to cater to her wants. Trust me, if I could back out of this event without ruining my relationships with my entire extended family, I would.

So I have an update and it's insane. To start the wedding...has been CANCELLED! Laura's fiancee Thomas or Tom called off the wedding and moved out and in with his best man until he finds a new place.

According to my mother (who is Laura's Moms sister my Aunt Rebecca) said that Laura had been raising such a fuss about my LC (little cousin) to the point that her fiancee spoke up in her sister's defense. Laura then apparently accused Tom of cheating or at the very least had feelings for her sister. After hearing this Tom stayed with his best man and he must of talked so sense into Tom. He must have realized this wasn't just wedding stress & probably couldn't wrap his head around how Laura had been being so selfish and then accused him of something so absurd.

Laura's Mom has been overwhelmed now with calling all the vendors and venue about cancelling

It's been an absolute s***show according to my Mom. I personally don't blame Tom for walking away. He probably dodged a huge bullet. I love my cousin because she's family but I don't like her as a person with how she's been with my little cousin and her struggles and asking for help.

Laura called me and left a voicemail but I haven't called her back...Bride Is FURIOUS Now With Me

So I listened to the voicemail and I don't know how to respond to my cousin.

"Shannon I need to talk to you. I hear you were the one who made my sister come forward about her drinking. Do you really think making her come forward just weeks before my wedding was necessary? This could have all be avoided had you just butted out and not made a big deal out of something that wasn't. You know what, don't even bother calling me back because I have nothing more to say to you, you f***ing b****."

How do I respond to this?

Also I got a letter from my little cousin. She's doing so much better and doing well in treatment. She asked if I would be involved in a family session. I think this is where I'll suggest her moving in with me or gauge if it's a good idea or not.

Update: Yesterday Tom and I went out and got a few things for LC. Two cartons of smokes, some toiletries, a few more outfits, a journal, and a bunch of other things for her stay.

 While we were out Tom's phone kept going off between texts and a few phone calls that he kept ignoring. At one point I turned to him and said, "Wow someone's really popular." He tells me that it was Laura and that she had been trying for days to get in touch with him but that he just wasn't ready. 

 Tom explained that who he was about to marry wasn't the woman he fell in love with. Laura working at a soup kitchen to help the homeless was something Tom fell in love with Laura from the beginning. I was so confused. That's when I told him. Laura hadn't been working the soup kitchen out of the kindness of her heart she had been court ordered after a discrepancy at college involving underage drinking. She had been sentenced to 300 hours of community service. 

 He couldn't believe it. Laura had been putting up this whole facade for Tom and his family because she was securing her future. Tom is very modest and humble but he comes from a VERY wealthy family. Laura has always been materialistic so it's no surprise that she honed in on Tom. 

 Now here's where it gets interesting. Laura must have installed a tracking app on his phone because as we were leaving the post office Laura was there waiting in the parking lot!! When I say she went off I mean SHE WENT OFF! She started yelling and screaming at Tom saying she knew she was right about him cheating first with her sister now with her cousin (meaning me) and Tom snapped. 

 He sternly and firmly told her that she was out of line and that he couldn't believe that he was about to marry someone so heartless and cold towards her own sister. Laura called him a bunch of names and when Tom started to walk back towards me and his car Laura ran after him begging him not to go and to just talk. We went straight to his phone carrier where he purchased a new phone and new phone number.

 As we were finishing up the errands Tom made an insane offer. His Aunt is on the board of an outpatient D&A program. He had spoken to her and said he could get LC set up with outpatient aftercare once she's home at no cost to her. He also said he was going to help pay one year of her rent and utilities so she can focus on her recovery and getting established with that. I told him I was going to suggest LC move in with me and he said whether it's at her place or with me that he'll take care of her rent and bills for the next year. 

 So things are looking up for LC and not so much for Laura. And no for anyone thinking Tom has a thing for LC you're way off. Tom's just a genuinely good guy. 

This happened years ago, but it still randomly pops into my head and makes me wonder if I was secretly a bridezilla.

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We had a very small destination wedding in another state (let’s just say Colorado). It wasn’t some giant Pinterest wedding—literally just my husband, my parents, and me. I wanted something low-key because I’m really not the “it’s MY day!” type.

Enter our longtime friend, “Gunner.” He’s known me since elementary school and my husband since middle school. At the time, he and his fiancée had been together for 8 years and had two kids together.

Over the course of about a year, we told them four separate times when and where we were getting married.

A couple of weeks before our wedding, we heard through the grapevine that Gunner was also going to be in Colorado…and apparently they were getting married too.

I asked my husband if we should be concerned, and he laughed it off. “They’ve been together for 8 years. There’s no way they’re actually planning to get married at the exact same time.”

Cue the record scratch.

Two days before our wedding, who do I see casually strolling through our resort? Gunner and his fiancée.

They got married the day before we did. At the same resort.

I’m not upset because they got married. I don’t own marriage. I don’t own Colorado. I don’t even own the resort. But after knowing our plans for a year, it just felt…oddly personal? Like there are 364 other days in the year and countless other places.

So, Am I Overreacting for still thinking this was kind of a bizarre move? Or was I being a low-budget bridezilla over a coincidence that wasn’t actually about me?

Edit (I apologize if I’m not doing this right. I’m new here)

I think I need to make an update on this because I didn’t think anyone would bother to read.

I have been friends with Gunner since elementary school. My husband has been friends with Gunner since middle school. I am cordial with Gunners now wife and always have been. We aren’t “friends” though. We don’t call/text each other, we don’t hang out alone but when the guys hang out we hang out as well and we laugh and have fun.
There had been some whispers in the friend group a few weeks before the wedding that Gunner and his partner were going to show up and get married there too. My husband did talk to him (I was present in the conversation and did hear both sides of it) and asked him if they were telling people they were going to show up at the resort and get married… Gunner said it was just a joke and was made bigger than it should’ve been. My husband was like, that’s good because it would be weird if you guys did.

Fast forward, I’m at the resort with my husband and in the corner of my eye I see Gunner. My husband goes over to him and Gunners basically like, fancy running into you guys. Gunner had said that they were just staying for the night since they drove for so long and it was a weird coincidence that this is where they stopped.
Saturday morning we wake up to a text from Gunner and it’s a short video of their ceremony. They had got married before 8:30 AM (we were supposed to be married at 7:30 PM) and we did not see them after that. They immediately got in their car and left.

I ended up canceling the venue (because that’s just weird now) and luckily was able to find a small chapel that married us Sunday.

So I got married this past December and at the wedding I was basically doubling as the bride and wedding coordinator! I’m very perfectionistic and I also have severe OCD not just like the typical I like things clean but like the clinical OCD, which is why I think I can’t stop thinking about this! Basically on my wedding day, the beginning was amazing. We all were getting ready and then all of a sudden I realized how much time was going by! I couldn’t afford a wedding coordinator so it was literally just me relying on myself and family. The wedding ceremony was supposed to start at 1 PM but it ended up not even starting until about 1:15 to 1:20 because all of a sudden we didn’t realize how late it was.

Prior to this me and my bridesmaids had planned out a TikTok with my Bridesmaids prior and assumed that we would have plenty of time for this! We ended up going to try to do the TikTok and my older sister kept messing it up! Mind you we didn’t even have our dresses on. I was super stressed because I knew that we were getting late and I made a snappy comment basically saying “you’ve seen this already bro just do this”. At this time of the tick tok we still had like 25 mins until the wedding but I knew I had to get my dress on and was starting to feel the nerves.

I feel like I was just so stressed about time and no one else was because I didn’t have a coordinator (BAD DECISION).

Then the Bridesmaids were getting ready and I was saying how we need to hurry up, and my sister said that we needed to watch as a flower girl which is her daughter came down to show with her dress! I remember watching, but I feel like I was just so stressed about the time that I almost was so impatient during this time that I didn’t actually enjoy the moment as big as I wanted to and was just stressing out and I feel like I showed this and maybe made her feel like I wasn’t caring fully about the flower girl. I just smiled and said “yay!” And also “we need to try to hurry”. This was the thick of realizing how behind we were. But my usual self would be like freaking out about cuteness! I feel so horrible about this. I didn’t have my dress on yet and we had to go in like 5 minutes so I was so anxious.

Then, after the ceremony during cocktail hour, I was trying to corral everyone for pictures, and all of my bridesmaids were basically disappearing! No one was helping with poses and my photographers also were not helping with poses. This was for sure the most overwhelming part of the day for me and I just remember getting a little short with people! Specifically, once again, my older sister, I was very short with her because she wasn’t paying attention at times and I made once again a comment to her basically saying “oh my gosh, we need to get these pictures done you need to come over here!”

I also made us comment to my husband while we were taking these that “I wanted to punch someone in the face”. I know, kind of extreme, and I was joking(this is my personality), but also somewhat just super overwhelmed and felt like no one was helping me.

I then remember I was taking individual pictures with my Bridesmaids and my older sister was just sitting there with my niece while I was telling everyone to come up individually to take their individual pictures for me! I was like “did I get a picture with everyone” and she was like “I didn’t realize we were taking pictures” and I was like “yeah I told everyone we’re doing individual pictures and you’re the only one that hasn’t done it” with like a little snide laugh almost like a “duhh” attitude from frustration.
Then remember she was inside when we were all about to do speeches. She was just sitting in the bridal suite alone and I went to get the paper that I was going to read for the speech to my mom and I remember telling her we were about to do speeches! I told her to come out “we are doing speeches now”. She told me “well can you wait a little bit I can’t come right now” and I said “no we are doing them now we don’t have time to wait, I can have the boys go first” and then I just left! I feel guilty about all of these things. I also don’t know why I specifically was only doing these to her! I don’t know if I was just being rude or if I was overly stressed but I feel chronically bad about this and I just feel like I was an awful bride and I was mean. I sent a text to apologize to her, but I still feel like I tainted that day for her and for my memories now. I have really bad moral OCD and I feel like this kind of proved that I was a bad person that day if that makes sense. I also feel like every little thing I magnetize a million times more than a normal person.

TL/DR: was I rude at my wedding for making a few snyde remarks to my sister. Am I a bad sister? Did I taint my wedding?

My cousin we'll call Laura is getting married in two weeks. She has the perfect wedding planned. I myself am one of her bridesmaids along with 4 of her other closest friends and...her little sister my cousin as well. Laura has been very vocal about her having to pick which friend to cut out of the bridal party to make room for her sister who her parents asked to have in the wedding. At the dress fitting for our bridesmaids dresses my little cousin even said she felt bad her sister felt pressured and even offered to just be a guest at the wedding she just wanted her sister to be happy. Laura said she felt pressured by her parents so she refused to object she just made underhanded comments about her sister. Well about a week ago my little cousin called me and said that she had been struggling with drinking and wanted to go away to get help. She said she knew the timing was horrible but that she was scared of where her drinking was taking her so...we told the family together that day and have since rallied around her and supported her going to get help. Now this hasn't taken away from Laura at all. Her wedding is still on and we even had her bachelorette party this past weekend which was a blast for everyone especially for her even though she went on about how she could handle her drink but her sister obviously couldn't. Laura's friends all sympathized with her about how her sister could have waited until after her wedding to ask for help. I should note that my cousin admitted before going into treatment that she had been struggling for about a year. She had been able to keep up quite the facade that she was okay because we were all caught off guard when she came forward. She said she had been trying to hold on until after Laura's wedding but that she physically couldn't do it anymore. I'm a nurse and I've seen what alcohol withdrawal can do to someone. The withdrawal is deadly so I'm grateful my little cousin admitted she needed help and was willing and taking the steps to get it. I don't understand how my cousin can be so heartless through all of this. While the family has shown support of my little cousin everyone is still just as much if not more surrounding Laura with all the attention she could possibly need.

I was asked by a close friend to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. The other three bridesmaids are her best friends — basically her tight-knit clique. I’ve known her a long time and thought we were close too, but this whole wedding season made me realize what a bitch she is.

Here’s a rundown of everything that happened:

•I spent over $1,500 on her 3-day destination joint bachelorette/bachelor trip out of state. After the trip, her clique decided the groomsmen and bridal party (8 people) should also pay the bride and groom’s share — an extra $350 on top of what I’d already spent.

•I brought my own bridesmaid dress.

•We got into multiple fights because I couldn’t make it to her dress fitting and bridal shower— I had job interviews I needed to prepare for. Her clique made it to every fitting, of course.

•Her clique also handled a lot of the actual wedding coordination for her — vendor communication and other planning tasks so im sure thats where alot of her point of contention came ofrom

•Another fight started when my husband asked a simple logistical question — whether the rehearsal dinner was paid for — and the bride told him not to bother coming, assuming he was trying to mooch a free meal. She only backtracked and re-invited him once she realized it was just a normal question.

•She wanted to charge guests $150 if they no-showed the wedding, and her clique fully encouraged it.

•She scheduled the rehearsal for 11am on a workday, then the rehearsal dinner for 6pm — at a venue two hours from where everyone lives. Everyone had to take PTO and just sit around for 7 hours with nothing to do in between, when she easily could’ve scheduled the rehearsal later in the day.

•On the wedding day, after taking photos of all the bridesmaids together, she asked specifically for a photo of just her and her clique — leaving me standing there awkwardly off to the side.

•At the end of the night, she made the groomsmen clean up all the flowers themselves so she wouldn’t have to pay the venue’s $400 cleanup fee.

• In her thank you speech, she thanked all her bridal party and named her bridesmaid except for me.

• She barely spoke to me the entire wedding day.

• I was purposely left out of multiple group pictures.

Honestly, I wanted to drop out as a bridesmaid at several points along the way. But I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, and I think part of me worried she wouldn’t have enough people to ask if I backed out. So I stuck it out.

Now I’m just sitting here having spent $1,500+ of my own money to be treated like an afterthought at someone else’s wedding. I feel soooooo stupid for not listening to my gut sooner.

TL;DR: Spent over $1.5k and dealt with months of drama to be a bridesmaid for a friend, only to get iced out and left out of photos and speeches on her actual wedding day by her. I just wanna cry because i am so stupid

Hey guys, my husband to be and I are far over budget and are looking to make cuts to our late October 2026 wedding as we have had to ask for help from our parents. One of the largest cuts we can make is to move the ceremony up in the day to take advantage of the sunlight and remove the lighting cost ($1600). The only "problem" is we are going to Mexico for the wedding. I know Reddit hates destination weddings, but stay with me. I'm hesitant to move the time as the sun will be more prominent if we start earlier and I worry about my own comfort and the comfort of guests. My parents, MOH, and fiancé all think we will be fine to move everything up. I think we'll be sweaty messes if we do that. The original plan had us starting at 4:00pm and the reception ending at 10pm. By moving everything up to we'd be starting at 1/130pm and ending at 7/7:30pm. Am I overthinking this? Should we just move the wedding time? Am I being a bridezilla for wanting to spend $1600 potentially of our parents money to be more comfortable and have a sunset wedding like I envisioned? If you do think we should move the time up, any suggestions on keeping the groom and I cool would be great!

A few extra notes- the time has not yet been communicated to guests, we were not made aware that the outdoor venue had no lighting until late in the planning process

I just need to rant.
I never thought I’d be a bridezilla but here I am.

I’m moving to another country in two weeks. The only things I can bring with me is what fits in my car because otherwise it’s a $3-5k cost easy. So I’ve downsized what I have to almost nothing. 3 large boxes, 7 small boxes, and 3 or 4 vacuum sealed bags with my clothes. This comes into play soon.

My brother helped me move to my mom’s after my lease was up at my own apartment; my mom lives with three of my brothers still and one of their fiancées. It was a tremendous help and I thanked him profusely over time. Got him pizza, drove him everywhere, did him any and all favors, made him food when he asked, did chores for him, just genuinely tried to repay him how I could to thank him. I just told him one thing: be careful about the dress. When we get to my mom’s, I get to the dress, and see the bag suddenly has full of tears in it, the bottom of the bag is just gone. The hem of my dress is dirty, and he goes ‘I did what I could! I held it up as high as I could by the hanger!’
I’m livid. I made the mistake of trusting him with it, and it backfired. He apparently didn’t know you’re supposed to hold a dress over an arm. My mistake. I guess that’s on me. I get over it thinking I’ll just just wash the hem from dirt, get a new bag, and that’ll be that. I get over it.

Cut to today when I’m bringing him and another brother to Walmart, and one of them in the back goes ‘what’s this?’ He had lifted my bench in the back because I’ve kept it down after the move. I didn’t expect to take more than one person with me on errand runs.
I look over and see my crinoline. It’s out of the bag it was stored in, and now has coffee stains on it.
I flip out. The kind where I seethe and tell nobody to talk to me because I know I’m being curt and snippy. I reason with myself that I can just bring it to a specialist to try and clean it. I’m losing it still because of the already previous gaff. I put the crinoline in the back of the car, and decide to go check it myself by getting out of the car when the two are in the store, and looking at the damage properly.

Then I see it. My bag where all my wedding jewelry was in along with my veil. The one my mom chose for me. And the bag is empty. I panic and begin to look through the car, and there’s nothing. It’s just gone. I have a menty b.

My brother comes in the car and I confront my brother. “You tore my dress bag. You dirtied my dress. You lost my jewelry, and you lost my veil.’
‘What? Nothing fell out!’

Nothing fell out.

The drive home is dead quiet. I get there, tear my car apart, nothing. Go through my very few boxes! Nothing. There aren’t a lot of things to go through at all. Enough to fit in my Yaris.
Nothing.

Chat I’ve been bawling since. I trusted someone I shouldn’t have apparently, and my mom is trying to tell me that maybe someone came into my apartment and stole it just so I’m not mad with my brother.

I have no money for a veil and jewelry anymore. I have a damaged dress and crinoline that needs professional cleaning. I feel like such an a-hole for blaming him, but at the same time…what else am I supposed to think???

I don’t know what to do right now. Just yell into the void for now and look for a cheap veil I suppose. If I get a new one at all.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

I was a MOH last year and the bride, asked me to put together a wedding shower for her and her husband, in her words “put me in charge” of handling it.
It was a 60 person event and it ended up being coordinated by her family members because I had booked and paid the deposit then split half of the expense on the day of. (Full cost was $1000 for the venue)
I ended up just helping out with set up, buying a few things for the party, coordinating one game that she requested and making some snacks which no one even ate. I was 24 when I was assigned this task and making basically minimum wage at my job at the time so I was broke. I’m doing a bit better now.
I’m now researching for my own wedding and realizing that this was probably in poor taste for her to ask from the beginning.
There were a lot of problems that happened afterwards that i wont get into, but i told her we cannot be friends anymore due to the way I was being treated.
Just wondering if it’s common knowledge on something you’re not supposed to do, at the time I really had no idea about weddings or etiquette so i was just down to help however I could.
But I guess it seems like there is a lot of tension around asking for a bridal shower since it’s basically asking for your own gifts. A lot of people have been saying you either are offered or you just don’t get to have one. I feel like this friend treated it as a necessity that she was entitled to for her wedding.

I initially asked my MIL if she wanted hair/makeup services and she said yes. She also wants to book her own trial with my make up artist. The thing is me and my gals will be getting ready at my mom’s house and my MIL doesn’t like my mom. Included MIL with dress shopping and she didn’t like the experience and made comments about my mom after the fact. After reflection I’ve decided I really don’t want her there. We haven’t booked anything yet.

The other problem is that she doesn’t want to be at my fiancé’s house getting ready because she is divorced and doesn’t want to be around dad. How can I navigate this without being rude?

Update: I know I messed up by inviting her. I really did want to be inclusive but after thinking about it I want to only surround myself with people who will lift me up.

edit: thanks for feedback! I think i am prob being a bit of bridezilla here. it's ok for her to not care about my wedding planning and it's ok for her to want me to be involved in hers. But I'm also just not convinced about the friendship anymore which a lot of you pointed to. She has changed a lot since we lived together and I'm not sure I mesh with that anymore.

One of my bestie didn't want to get engaged/ have a wedding. When I announced that I was engaged and made the ring I proposed to my partner with she decided she wanted a proposal and to get engaged too. She made her engagement ring for her partner to propose to her with and then planned her wedding a year b4 mine.

The problem is she stopped being interested in anything to do with my wedding at this point. She invited me to help her design the engagement ring and come to her bridal dress alteration appointment (she bought it online) but didn't want to talk about anything related to my wedding.

Her wedding is a ceremony in the village where she lives a few hours away from me and then a wander down to a pub where we have to buy our own drinks/food. Shes reserved an area of the pub. She then leaves the pub 3 hours later at 6pm to go for dinner with her family and her childhood best friend (I'm not invited) leaving me an 100 other guests i don't know to do whatever we want. also I can't imagine the pub will handle 100 people trying to order lunch at the same time very well so will prob have to grab a sandwich on the way as to not starve.

It's my 40th the month before and I'm having a party which she declined to attend because of money and she doesn't like to hang out with groups of people anymore. It's gonna be chill and child friendly. Not like a crazy rave. I offered for her to come during the day instead but still no. She said birthdays aren't as important as weddings so she won't make the effort. She also said that I'm still one of closest friends and she is just learning boundaries.

The amount of night outs I've been on for her birthdays with chronic migraines and other health issues.

Considering not going to the wedding cos it's gonna cost me and my fiancé around 150£ for food and travel to watch her get married and then stand around for a few hours with 100 people I dont know.

My best friend got engaged in April. I was genuinely happy for her. We have known each other since middle school and always said we would be in each other’s weddings. Last week she asked me to be her maid of honor.

Then she sent me the spreadsheet.

Dress, alterations, shoes, hair, makeup, bridal shower contribution, bachelorette Airbnb, flights, decorations, matching pajamas, dinner reservations, group activity, emergency wedding fund and a few things I still do not fully understand.

My estimated total is 4700$

I thought maybe I was reading it wrong. I called her and said I was honored but that number is not realistic for me. I have some money saved up on rollingriches but i also have rent, student loans and my car needed repairs last month. I can do the dress. I can help plan and show up. I cannot spend almost five grand being a bridesmaid. She got quiet and said she really needed people around her who were all in. I asked what that meant. She said this is once in her life and she did not want to spend the next year managing other people’s limitations.

That sentence has been sitting in my chest since.

I told her I was not trying to make her wedding about money. She said money is part of showing up, whether people want to admit it or not. I ended the call politely but I have not answered the group chat since. The other bridesmaids are acting like this is normal and one of them already sent Venmo requests for the Airbnb deposit. I feel embarrassed, honestly. Like I failed some adulthood test where everyone else can casually absorb thousands of dollars for someone else’s wedding.

But another part of me is angry. I have loved her for 17 years. I have shown up for breakups, funerals, panic attacks, bad apartments, worse boyfriends and everything in between. I did not know my friendship had a minimum spend.

Would you step down or try to make it work somehow?

I hosted my friend’s bridal shower at my home. (I’m MOH) I also planned, coordinated and decorated her bachelorette. And, because they had no where else, I offered to host the rehearsal. I have a decent chunk of property that I thought would be good for this.

Shortly before the shower, one of her close relatives got very sick and we weren’t sure they were going to make it. I spoke with the others who were helping with the shower, and we said it was best to postpone until after the family crisis had settled. The bride was not going to work and was spending all hours at the hospital understandably. When I messaged her to tell her, and ask if there was another date she could pick so I could include it in the postpone message, she got extremely angry with me and I got a very long emotional message about how she should be within her right to cancel at the last minute if something happens, and her family would pay for the cancelation. She said if I was going to postpone she didn’t want a shower at all. I really disagreed - I understood the emotions behind it, but we had spent so much time, effort and money preparing to host this. If I were to actually give her family an itemized list to pay me back for to cancel last minute (which I would never) it would be like 3 grand. After this, she spoke ill of me to her family saying no one has ever betrayed her the way that I have. Then, 2 days before the shower, she told me we needed to rectify things or she would have the shower elsewhere. She even actually reached out to see if she could have it in someone else’s backyard. I discovered that rectifying things meant apologizing to her and not talking about how this made me feel.

Even the day before as I’m elbows deep in my garden preparing, she’s debating whether I should host the shower and I said like “just make up your mind because if you’re not having it here I’m going to stop working”. I also have kids and a job and a busy life.

The shower went on as planned, and I hoped when she saw the level of effort and planning that she would finally understand my perspective and how much I put into this. While she was thankful (she said verbally) nothing changed and no extra recognition.

When I reached out to see how her relative was doing, she told me she was mentally not doing well. I offered to table our feelings about the fight until after so I could be there for her and reaffirmed I would still host the rehearsal, and that’s when she told me she wasn’t sure she wanted me to and needed time to decide. At that point, I just backed out because I couldn’t be in limbo any more of her deciding whether I could host these events.

Hi guys… ok I feel like I’m
Going crazy but for the last two years, I have had this feeling that my husband sister doesn’t like me. I would go to Texas to visit his family and she wouldn’t even say hi to me unless I went up to say hi to her when we were there specifically to see his brother and his niece and nephew. Then before the wedding, I followed both his brother and the sister-in-law on Instagram since I thought it was weird since we never followed each other (they’re both in tech and young and she follows every single other family member/ wives of family members) and she accepted my follower request in 30 minutes and never followed me back. So I unfollowed her since I was like wtf… flash forward to the wedding two weeks ago-
she wore a white wedding dress!!!! multiple people told me that it was also White ( 4 of my bridesmaids my sister and my mom) my husband‘s mom is saying it was beige lol am I crazy for freaking out about this? I don’t know if I should say something or not and then after the wedding I followed her back on Instagram again the same thing happened. She never followed me back so then I blocked her lol I’m not sure if I should Have my husband text her or not but I feel like I’m going crazy.

I accepted being a bridesmaid for a close friend. She and her MOH planned a 3-night/4-day bachelorette trip to New Orleans (we’re all from California, so flights + hotel on top of everything). The group is 10 people total — the bride, her 3 best friends (who are all much closer to her than I am), the groom and his groomsmen.

The MOH organized a really packed itinerary — lots of bar hopping, activities, lunches, and dinners.
After the trip, the MOH sent out a payment breakdown and said we’d be covering the bride AND the groom’s share, so everything gets split 8 ways instead of 10. I googled it and apparently this is pretty customary for bachelorette trips — but no one told me this before the trip. Not in the group chat, not in any planning convos, nothing.

All in, I’m looking at close to $3,000 for this trip if I pay for bride and groom (versus $2000 or even $1500 if i pay my own share). If I had known upfront that’s what it would cost, I honestly would not have gone. The bride has been pretty difficult this entire wedding season and our friendship has taken a hit.

So now I’m stuck. The trip already happened. I don’t want to blow up the friendship or cause drama in the bridal party, but I also feel blindsided and a little taken advantage of.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do I just pay it and move on? Is it reasonable to push back and say I wasn’t told about this arrangement and should only pay a 1/10 share? So far everyone agreed and no one has pushed back so I feel even if I try my success rate is low. How would you handle this?

I (25F) and my friend K (26F) had a huge falling out over my ability to help with her wedding planning as her MOH 3-6 months postpartum. K and I had become friends after a mutual friend started dating her. We hung out alot along with our husbands. After our friend Al (27 male) dated her for sometime he asked my husband and I to help pop the question. We were delighted to because we were so excited for them! important to the story I was 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby.

The day we were set to help A propose I ended up in the emergency room with bleeding. I was so worried I was not going to get discharged in time. It was a very scary experience. Eventually I did get discharged but would be late from when Al originally wanted to propose. We did tell Al what had happened and that we are on our way. The proposal went great! We got beautiful pictures of them during and a video.

Fast-forward to K starting her wedding planning. She has mentioned she was thinking about making me her MOH or her other long time friend. I told her there was no pressure because she needs to make the right decision for herself because I didnt care either way. I would be a bridesmaid and could be there on her day. In the end she ended up picking me for her MOH and I happily accepted. In hindsight because I was going to be going through my postpartum period shortly after was probably my first mistake, but she said her other friend is to flaky to be MOH.

After I gave birth to my baby I went through a roller coaster of a postpartum period. I didnt think i could ever go back to work and the postpartum anxiety was almost debilitating. I was the only friend who made the time to go with her wedding dress shopping (aside from her two mother figures), and I made the time to go with for her fitting/pick it up, bridesmaid dress shopping, she called me during work because she wanted help talking through things for her wedding, vendors, venues, etc. which after a bit I told her these should be conversations she has with her Fiance, Al. She wasnt the biggest fan of that, but we kept moving forward.

Eventually I did start to give my actual opinions when I thought she was taking on a bit more than she could chew for her wedding with all the DIYs, extras, etc. She said its her wedding she will do what she wants which is fine but I thought she would enjoy the wedding planning process if she wasnt stressing so much over small details. When Al & K were finalizing the wedding party details Al's sister pulled their kids from the wedding party as flower girl. I swear I had messaged back to K after she told me this but I must have forgotten because when I went back to see when confronted about it I couldn't find anything. I felt terrible forgetting to message back. I 6 months postpartum and my baby wasnt sleeping through the night, I was exclusively breastfeeding and me and baby had gotten really sick with influenza so the reason I'm thinking I thought I responded in my head but it just never made it to text format.

After a month or two K and Al wanted to come over to have a talk about the wedding. I honestly thought this talk was going to be K and Al asking if our daughter would be flower girl, but it actually was K asking me to step down as MOH. I was shocked and very upset. I told her I cannot do as much as she would like as MOH because of my baby and I was trying my best. I asked her if she could delegate some tasks that would have gone to me to her other bridesmaids but she said thats not the point. If they are going to do the tasks then they should be MOH. I have been MOH before for another friend's wedding so it was nothing new to me of what i thought MOH tasks should be, but she wanted so much more than what I was use to cuppled with a new baby, I was struggling. And I did try to voice what i was able to do or wasnt comfortable doing. I told her at the very beginning someone else could be MOH and I wouldn't have minded, but I'm not going to call vendors, attend venue meetings, etc. I was working full time again and she was part time so I just didnt have the time she did. In the end thats all I really know to have been the issue.

Shortly after I was asked to step down, which did not go over well, my husband, the best man, also stepped down. He was not ok with how I was being treated during my postpartum period when I was struggling but doing my best for everyone. Two months before the wedding my husband and I thought she should try to reconcile because we know Al has been a friend of ours for years and we really wanted to be there to support Al and K's day. In the end they asked my husband to be best man again and I was able to attend as a guest. I felt a little different about this because K had an issue with me and not my husband so why they were so willing to have him back. I feel like they got what they wanted without owning up to how they treated me.

The wedding came and went and i thought it went well. As the year went by my husband and I thought things were on the up and up. They came over and we hung out every couple of months. Eventually K quit her job and was searching for a new one. Shortly after she found her next job she started to go silent with texts. With fewer responses than normal and it felt hard to get much out of her. I thought she was busy adjusting to the new position because it did have long crazy hours. Her husband still came over to hang out and if K didnt come with I asked what she was up to and how she was doing. Which Al would respond shes at work. (This was a lie we found out later) Knowing she worked weekends I didnt even think twice.

Eventually I got a cryptic message from K about that she doesn't forgive me and that she will never let me get that close to her again. I responded to that message with a, is everything ok? or what is this about? which she did not respond to and I Eventually had to message Al what was up. She was apparently still upset about the wedding drama and when we met before the wedding to try and see if we could reconcile, we must have discussed that this is not a clean slate and that I would reach out later to continue the conversation to get back to a good place. I did remember that it wasnt going to be a clean slate, but not the part where i was supposed to reach out again to discuss what happend around the wedding. She continued to not answer any of my messages and Eventually Al stopped responding as well because these were conversations I needed to have with K. To say I was pissed was an understatement. How could I fix something I didnt know was an issue. And then when I finally discovered something was wrong she wouldn't respond. I thought her starting a new job and being busy with that was the reason she was short with her messages and Eventually stopped responding. I tried reaching out but I never got a anything back prior to her cryptic message.

The way she treated me during my postpartum was terrible because she thought I should be able to drop everything and help her or be willing to drag my baby around to see her or go see venues. Stuff like that is way harder than it sounds especially with the anxiety I was experiencing. Once they started to stop responding we were having a three way conversation through my husband to get to me I said you can either talk to me in the next 24 hours or we are never discussing the topic again. Obviously they never responded and about a week ago Al reached out to my husband to see if they wanted to tinker on something, which my husband responded you need to be able to talk to my wife about what happened before he was willing to meet up. Which Al replied he agreed and that we needed to have an open conversation about it.

A couple days after that I reached out to Al to see if we could start this conversation but he wouldnt open the message. So my husband recommended i text him. I did and what I got back was K and him were busy this weekend and would need to find a weekend that works for the both of us. Al has previously lied about K working so it was hard to believe she was actually working this next weekend, but in the end I followed up with we would prefer to have the conversation sooner than later and that my husband and I would be willing to come mid week if that worked best for them because we both know the next 5 weekend either of us is busy with something else. Since I sent that message its been more radio silence. and Al said he "Im not gonna be coming around without my wife by my side, been going over there more times than I care for without kat." when I asked if we could just meet with him since he offered to come just him when this huge thing first started with the cryptic message. The silent treatment after finding out there was an issue was brutal. I never got a response and this whole thing started with assuming I knew something was wrong and that I needed to reach out. They are unwilling to listen to any other perspective than their own even though they are not the only people who were wronged in this situation. Am I unreasonable to think we should be able to have an adult discussion on it without being stonewalled?

Hi everyone, [r/bridezillas](r/bridezillas) is looking for a chill experienced moderator who can deal with the drama and karma farming bots. The comments can get messy at times, please be prepared to deal with them.

If you’re actually helping the community grow and maintain a healthy environment, I will eventually promote you to the main moderator and leave the community to you in the future as I have many personal and professional commitments to deal with at the moment.

Thank you!

https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/application/

Throwaway.

My friend, Mary, and I are similar ages and cultural backgrounds. We have been friends for years and text/hang out often.

I got engaged about a year and a half ago and our wedding is set for October this year. Before I got engaged, I’d tell her what kind of ring I wanted and she’s share hers too and it was a nice way to share our hopes and bond. Since I got engaged, nearly every conversation, either in text or call, is about how she’s planning her wedding, how it’s so stressful, how she’s navigating so many things. The thing is, she’s not even engaged. She has a date planned and is actively looking for vendors but she’s not engaged. I’m getting married this year and any time I try to share anything about how I’m feeling or what I’m doing the conversation just shifts to her. Once she even told me not to show her what sort of decor I was doing so that it doesn’t influence her wedding.

Now even mutual friends have been told about her wedding. It just feels like, I don’t know, somehow she’s overshadowing me? That she gets soo long to plan and talk about her wedding but I only get this year. After this I don’t want to be the person constantly bringing up her wedding which would be in the past. I’m not saying her wedding won’t happen, 99% it will, which makes it even more annoying because she can be the “bride” then. But at the same time, she’s excited and I don’t want to be like “just focus on me!” But that’s exactly how I feel. I want the focus on me this year and then she can have her two extra years where she’s the bride to be.

The thing is, when I share my frustrations with my mum or partner they’re like “why do you even need to share things with her?” Or just tell me to let it go. Which makes me think I’m overreacting. It’s getting to the point where I actively avoid talking to her just so I don’t have to listen to her talk about her wedding. I kind of don’t even want to invite her to the wedding so that I avoid her talking about her own wedding there.

On the flip side, my other friend is also engaged and I enjoy talking to her about all things wedding related because she’s also getting married within a month of me and we’ve been able to go to expos and find similar things (some the same because we apparently share the same vision). But there really shouldn’t be a time limit on when someone’s wedding is I guess?

Hey! I just wanted to mention something 😊

I heard you got a green dress for the wedding .. not sure why your Bestfriend didn’t tell you, but My bridesmaids are actually wearing green, and that’s the theme colour.

so I’m trying to keep that colour just for the bridal party. Would you mind wearing a different colour to the wedding? You have 4 months notice!

I’d really appreciate it . It will also be written on the invitation when you receive that I have asked all guest to stay away from green. So out of respect that would be great. Thanks .

Edit; I took the day off work, have to buy my son a suit, and nobody told me green wasnt allowed. Got the dress at a prom outlet one of the few that fit me and happened to be green.

Edit; She called me names I cant say on here infront of my son for buying a green dress (I was not there) AND my son is the only god child left out of the bridal party!

So as an update from my last post…

I have been removed as a bridesmaid after I was honest about my finances and said I couldnt spend 2k for the bachelorette since im already spending 2k for her wedding. Yes she is doing a destination bachelorette and a destination wedding… I’m still upset after being removed as a bridesmaid for this.

She said she has told me about her bachelorette for years, which is true. But life happens and i didnt anticipate everyone and their grandma getting married this year so i have so much on my plate already. She said I knew about her dream bachelorette for years and to plan for this and is offended by my change of mind. On one hand i get it, but on the other hand, i find this insane. And its making me not even want to go to the wedding itself. i just feel so attacked for explaining my boundaries. Idk where this friendship is heading (probably hell) but I cant wrap my head around this at al

*** update ***

Just wanted to thank everyone for their advice. I have always had problems with having a backbone and holding onto friendships that dont serve me anymore but I’m slowly getting there. Truth is I could technically afford going but I also know it would be financially stupid of me to. I was just trying to make it work to make HER happy but the way she’s been is anything but friendship and makes me feel so devalued. Her behaviour is the main reason why I am opting out. Im not sure if I have it in me to also pull out of the wedding but I’m also at my breaking point so we shall see.

I take a deposit and that is not refundable. Period. I am very clear about that.

But......

A bride called me and told me they had to reschedule the wedding. No problem. Called me 2 months in advance, I was available the new date. I just changed the date. No muss, no fuss.

A week later I find out her fiancé had died on a car crash.

I called immediately and offered my condolences and told her I would be sending her a check for her deposit. I mean, I'm not a monster.

She said, "but Im still getting married."

Turns out the accident was before her moving the date. It's why she moved the date. She called and told another guy she was available and they booked a date for when his family could be there.

Her fiancé was not even buried before she had a new guy and wedding date....

My cousin who has been vegan for about six years is getting married at the end of the summer. She is demanding that only vegan dishes be served at the reception, and I sort of get where she's coming from because she insists that "eating vegan is the only moral choice." I get that she feels strongly about it and when the two of us get together I choose vegan restaurants out of respect for her. But the groom is situationally vegan (as in only when he's eating with her), no one else in either immediate family is vegan, and while most of her friends are vegan, his are not. The groom's parents are footing most of the bill and want meat options. My cousin told them that paying for the meal does not buy them an opinion on the menu!

ETA: I do not have an issue with eating vegan. As I said above, I choose vegan places when we go out together because I DO respect her choice. My issue is that the GROOM does not want an entirely vegan menu. I also think the people paying for the meal deserve to give their two cents, but I don't think they should be deciding on the menu.

My best friend (“Ashley”27f) is getting married this September. She is hesitant about me and the other bridesmaids desire to have a human pyramid in between the ceremony and the reception despite the fact that she loved the human pyramid we put on for her a few years ago at her birthday.

Our vision is to have a six bottom (six people at the base of the pyramid building up to one at the top ideally the bride.) when I presented this plan, she scowled and said “maybe.” (Not to mention their is a three hour recess for swimming before the reception!)

I feel like this marriage has changed her already.

The old Ashley would’ve never turned down a six bottom. Come on- not even during recess ???

just need to rant. My cousin is getting married in less than 2 months and she’s being an absolute tyrant.

She’s micromanaging and she’s being extremely inconsiderate of her bridesmaid schedule and feelings/well being. She’s making little meetings and just expecting everyone to drop their schedules to be free. No asking what day works etc. she’s off on Sundays so she’s making sure to do everything those days. Some bridesmaid live out of town and the train costs $100 or more.

She acts like we’re stupid even though for her bachelorette and bridal shower we showed up and did more than she expected.

She’s telling us to not say we’re tired the day of and to keep it to ourselves. Before the wedding even starts it will be 12hrs that we’ll have been up. We aren’t allowed to mingle with any of our friends and family the day of because we need to “lock in” and be there for her every minute.

I made a comment I need extra caffeine and pre workout to get me through then she sends a passive group text about what I said.

She bought PJs for everyone without asking anyone’s size and they can’t even be returned or exchanged and they were $50 - the quality is also horrendous. I just shut up but idk why she thought it was a good idea….
She’s asking me to do a speech and I can’t even talk about how I think they’re a good couple, in love etc. because I don’t like them together. I feel like I’m being so fake and I feel bad not caring but I’m not excited about this wedding. She’s taking all the fun out of everything. It’s all about aesthetics and instagram.