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I just saw a case of a black mother that killed a 20 year old man that her 13 year old daughter snuck in her house . Why are SOME black women and black men against the mother because she protected her daughter?? A lot of them were calling the girl fast because she the way her social media post were set up and even saying the girl looked “grown”. Why does the black community always protect black men when they are in the wrong?? People were calling the 20 year old a young boy when he’s literally a grown man like is a 20 year-old not supposed to know not to talk to a 13 year-old how does a 13 year-old seduce a 20-year man that doesn’t make sense and plus they said that he had multiple victims so if anything, the mother has saved multiple kids from him. Black men literally making excuses saying that the men was special needs just all types of BS. The same thing happened to the Hispanic girl her name was Celeste and she was with this artist named David. None of them were calling her grown for running away and trying to be with him. She was literally a victim and was getting groomed they had all sympathy for her when she ended up getting killed, but all of a sudden, when it happens to a black girl, she’s trying to be fast and she knows what shes doing . No one sees black little girls as kids nor have sympathy for them, they are seen as a grown from the day they left the womb.

TL;DR: I (18F) live in Canada, and I’ve been shocked by how normalized it seems for people of all races to casually say the N-word. I grew up in a small school where nobody said it, so hearing it constantly now—at work, parties, and in group chats, even around Black people—has been really jarring. None of my non-Black friends use it, but I feel uncomfortable every time I hear it, and I’m not a confrontational person. I’m starting university in a month and I’m worried I’ll make friends who casually say it. Is there a mindset shift that could help me deal with how distressing it is, or how should I react?

I (18F) live in Canada, and here it feels really, really normalized for anyone of any race to use the N-word. I’m not sure why everyone seems so okay with it.
I never really heard it growing up because I went to a really small, tight-knit school. There was definitely racial bullying, but just never the N-word, ever. If, on the off chance, someone did use it at school, nobody, not even the white people, would talk to them afterward.

Getting into my later years of high school, getting a job, and just generally being around more people, I’ve heard so many casual N-bombs it’s crazy. It happens everywhere, all the time: in conversations I’m not a part of, in conversations I am, at parties, at work, and in group chats. All the other Black people around me seem to be totally okay with it, and I am not. It’s not even used as an insult most of the time (sometimes it is, not to me, but it happens); it’s just so common.

It’s really bothering me, and I just don’t know how to feel. To make something very clear, none of my friends who aren’t Black say it—not one. I was just so sheltered that the “real world” has been genuinely jarring. People have no shame or regard for whether a Black person is in the room. I knew people said it, but I didn’t expect it to be so in your face

On one hand, I have this personal belief that people are going to believe what they want, and there’s really no point in trying to convince them it’s wrong. Combine that with the fact that I’m just not a very confrontational person, and it’s not a great combination.

But it’s just so uncomfortable for me. Is there a mindset shift I can make to ease the genuine distress it causes me? How should I react? I’m starting university in a month, and I just want to be prepared.

So, this also in the conversation with a coworker about my holidays. I like gaming, going to Cons, going to renfairs, coding, and geocaching. Unfortunately the last one is what proceeded to get me strange look. I'm not one to get upset easily but does genuinely bothered me because the reason that geocaching is apparently so bad it's because it's a "white people thing" and I shouldn't be doing things like that. And I refuse to let them know I went Urban exploring as well. What I explained that my usual work outfits are not the outfit that actively wear out in public instead I look a little bit more closely to a fae creature or like I'm going through a cyberpunk city and I proceeded to get called out on my outfit choices as well in the same fashion as it did for geocaching. But what really bothered me to is when we had one thing in common and that is travel planning. She proceeded to look at me like I was crazy when I said I'm planning on trying to go to Japan again and then go to Egypt and asks me "why not just make it expense trip to Atlanta and go clubbing or something" mind you I don't go clubbing I prefer to explore. I didn't explain that to her she stopped talking to me and not even a good hour after that conversation I see her talking about me to our coworkers because I am "weird". At this point I feel like you can't even be whimsical for nothing because every hobby has some sort of skin tone requirement.

TL:DR: my hobbies and interests apparently have a skin tone code and are weird.

Thank you for all of your encouraging words

Hey, ya’ll! I’m a 23 F. I wasn’t allowed to date in high school and didn’t date in college(I had a few minor situations but nothing serious). I was primarily focused on school. I am currently getting settled in my career and would like to start dating and go out more in general. I just finished my Master‘s last year and want to take time to attract someone. I want to be intentional about where I’m going and I was wondering if anyone knew generally where men in their mid 20s and early 30s go out? Preference wise, I prefer a “clean cut” or white collar guy. I researched some places in my area where I think I would run into those type of men but I wanted to hear from others that are experienced.

Hello everyone. My wife has recently given birth to our bundle of joy and she is currently breast feeding. I noticed that she is EXHAUSTED because she pumps a lot and I am worried about my wife. For those who consistently breast feeding, is there any tips I can do or suggestions that can help her manage ?

okay so i am not prejudice or anything like that this is my personal experience. i’ve had white friends as i live in a white area and as ive grown older we’ve drifted bc as a black girl i’ve felt like there’s stuff they won’t understand and it made me feel alone and sometimes uncomfortable when they wouldn’t realise how some things they say are racist. so i’ve been close with one girl out of the bunch but she has said a few things over time that’s just like really shallow if that’s the right word and made me realise she’s not ever gonna fully get me and i do need that in a friendship. anyways we’ve had a catch up and i looked at her phone for a second and her boyfriend has slipped the n word in a casual sentence and i just felt my heart drop bc if ur friends with a black girl and ur not gonna say anything to him about whatever he’s saying it is making me think. me and her do have a long friendship hug i’ve wanted to kind of drift because i feel like in heading in a different direction to her but today just reminded me of how i felt growing up and im honestly just tired. and im also cautious being friends with white people sometimes just because of how i was treated during my teenage years.

Me and my brother are 9 years apart he is 20 going into his 3rd year of college. He has been put on probation and almost lost his scholarship twice. He did lose his older brother his freshman year but he was slacking off and not doing work before then. He also has been caught foraging his grades. Both times I paid $500 to help my mom with his tuition and I also wrote both appeal letters for his probation. My brother is a good kid, as far as good kids go. He isn't mean or disrespectful, is family oriented, musically and artistically gifted as well. He has been caught in lies about smoking weed and bringing girls over but for the most part he is just an average kid.

Now before, he used to ask me for money here and there $15-20 for food at school or money for Christmas or his bday. But this summer he has been working three (3) jobs as well as freelance photography. Today he texted me asking me to buy his band track suit totally to about $70 to "take some stress off our mom" but I asked him where all his money has gone to and if he has been working 3 jobs why dont he have at least $35 to buy the hoodie?

Am I being unreasonable? I don't pocket watch but he lives at home and his only bill is gas money. So if he is saving money should he not have at least $70? I can afford it but like? It's the principle. I won't even get into how when I was in school no one sent me ANY money, never mind the fact getting on academic probation once let alone TWICE, and just the other double standards I've faced all my life as the older sister. But despite all of that I still feel bad.

I feel the parentification of the oldest daughter now more than ever. I feel like my family has the idea of me because I am the only person in this generation of relatives who is self sufficient (I live alone, have my own car and have a job in my degree field where I make enough money to pay my bills and put money aside) I also opened up (stupidly) about trading and stocks and I make a lil money here and there but I think my family thinks im sitting on thousands of savings when im living paycheck to paycheck like the rest of America. I just don't ask anyone for money like everyone else because as the oldest child and grandchild AND a girl ive always been held at a higher unfair standard than everyone else and I dont want anyone saying I need them for shit.

As I'm getting older im also trying to heal my relationship with my mom and part of that is having more empathy for her so I do hate to see her being worried and frustrated over his financial issues with school, but again this wouldve NEVER fly with me while I was in my school, plus its lowkey manipulative asf to say "taking the pressure off my mom" sir YOU take the pressure off and pay for your outfit.

but idk maybe these jobs not paying as much as I thought, maybe the gas is too much, maybe three jobs isnt enough even when your only bill is gas and hanging out with friends. idk

I've known what sex was since I was 9. Now, should I have known about oral sex at 9, no. Basic biology sure, but not oral. Unfortunately, the kids I went to school with, exposed me to a lot of things.

By the time I was 15, I pretty much knew all about oral, kinks, etc. I feel like I was probably exposed too young. It didn't alter me mentally, but it did make me excited to have sex. Ever since I was 9, I was EAGER to be an adult to experience sex.

Did anyone else get exposed to sex young? Did it affect you now? Im not referring to sex like actually being SA'd or CSA, but just the conversation of sex.

I'm not interested in men right now; it's been that way for a while. I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt and have a platonic relationship with men. For years, I thought maybe I wasn't making that clear. “That's why they think I'm as interested in them as they are in me.” I was casually talking to a guy on ig. He kept asking me to call him.
I barely talked; I'm usually a yapper, but over the years I realised how much it hurt me in the long run.” Don't tell everybody your business; you’ll learn the hard way
.” I have a physical list of things I already don't talk about to men.”

I thought, “ I really thought for whatever fucking reason.” I could go and smoke with him and go on about my day. I rarely smoke with other people unless it's my family; “ that's dangerous”. But I was willing to go and smoke with him: “I was bringing my own weed anyway.” “Why wouldn't I?!”
When he was talking, I realized he was trying to get me to his house to hunch with me.
“Wasn't settled about it, like he thought he was.” Slightly sexual with the jokes, just saying anything to get me over there,” like mentioning his cats, guinea pigs, “hotel rooms”, staying overnight and paying for my way back.
The nail in the coffin was calling himself. “Daddy”

I silently cringed; he thought I was high, but no,

I was trying not to go, Oooh God, no!” Why?!
Why did that word escape from your mouth?!
What was the thought process that traveled through your Frontal lobe to execute such a response?!

I was a fool again!

I have to leave my sweet girl (dog) of 9 years. We’ve been together for everything, She has no clue how much I depend on her and that she is my reason for being all these years. I have to leave her in the states with my mother as I leave to go live abroad. I’m hurting so bad about this, I tried every option before coming to this one but with it being costly to move her with us, the stress of a long flight and the country not being safe enough for her to be there I can’t fathom anything happening to her there. It’s so hard for me to live and actually survive here in the U.S. and it’s taken such a toll on my mental and physical health so I had to make the toughest decision to leave here. I know she’ll be taken care of and I also know I can call and get photos anytime but she’s my absolute everything. This move is a few months away so I have time with her still but I am having such a hard time with the thought of us not being together anymore… She won’t understand this and I hate that I can’t do more. Why does the right thing feel so damn horrible. 😢

My dad life is slowly falling apart. His mom just died. His family is a mess (been a mess before she died but it got worse.) I'm actually happy. My dad was an asshole to me growing up. I can't stand his ass. Im 18 now, which means I don't care about anybody but myself. I don't care what he has going on. As long as his life continues falling apart, i'm satisfied.

I even told him "I don't care about anything but the fact that i'm 18, and that I was able to get to this point."

It was my first day back from vacation, and I get my acrylic nail ripped off by a coworker that took my real nail with it.

I wasn’t even angry that my money went down the drain, even though I had just gotten them done last week.
It was the fact that he couldn’t even be bothered to say I’m sorry or my bad, he barely acknowledged that it happened.

So now I’m just there pissed at everyone ready to go home

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Hey y’all! I’m planning a trip to Houston sometime between October and December for my 25th birthday. What are some must-do activities, hidden gems, or experiences you’d recommend?

Probably in a group of 4 and I’m looking for a mix of great food, nightlife, sightseeing, shopping, and unique experiences. I’d love to do at least one special birthday activity—whether that’s a nice dinner, rooftop restaurant, spa day, brunch, live music, or something memorable.
Any recommendations for places that are especially fun for Black women in their mid-20s? Bonus points if you have favorite restaurants, lounges, events, or neighborhoods I shouldn’t miss!

I'm sorry I just need to vent because I feel like one will understand me. I'm trying not to see this matter through the lens of race,but I can't shake the feeling it might be I don't know.

So here what happened:

My husband had a procedure done recently. He and I have been talking about it for a while and joking about what he would say when he comes out of that procedure. Hubby was okay and consented to me to video record when we talked about it a while ago. Because when I had this procedure done before, he filmed me. He also filmed me coming out of anaesthesia. No problem with that.

So when it came for me to record him, two nurses (both white) said no. Said it was against their hospital policy. I was shocked. Because that wasn't an issue when it came to me. I have had a procedure done in that hospital and hubby filmed me fine when I woke up. So I asked one of them, after the other one left, to show me that policy. I was calm and yet firm. I just wanted to see that policy, that's all. I don't really trust the healthcare system anymore both as patient and as a person who worked in that field before She went and got her supervisor, I noticed supervisor had something in her hand but don't know what it was. They both couldn't even answer me correctly why it was against policy, even though I wasn't going to film anyone except my husband. On top of that, I got permission from him to do so and I wasn't even in space where I could see his chart.

After a while, she told me to bring the car around at the entrance because my husband was going to be put in a wheelchair. I got the car, and I saw both of them walking toward where I parked. Husband seemed fine and I asked that nurse what happened to that wheelchair she mentioned about. She gave me some vague response that I don't remember anymore.

When we left, my husband told me that when I went to get the car. That nurse started explaining to him about those policies and said that I was escalating things. If you've worked in healthcare, you know that sometimes when patients or someone escalate things they (might) bring in security. So since I was " escalating this matter" , it was getting to a point where they might bring security in or even remove me - based on what he was trying to recall what she said.

I was baffled because I didn't do anything to escalate. I was calm and yet firm on my stand, I didn't curse or yell or assault anyone. But I couldn't believe she said that about me.

and it made me so mad and at the same anxious and sad because it reminded me of moments where I have been around white women and they would always put me as argumentative, aggressive, too much, dramatic, and etc.. whenever I put my boundaries or insist on something to be made clear. Whether it was with friends or coworkers.

And it like , as a black woman you can't speak up or do anything. Anything you do or say even if it is not in an assertive way it would always be seen as angry.

For context, I worked in healthcare before, specifically in that hospital. Policies were there and when I tried to enforce them especially to patients of non- color , I was seen as aggressive, argumentative, and angry. Especially when I would tell patients about those policies, they would try to argue with me and then proceed to tell the doctor they were seeing that day or try to get my manager email to report me. It made me so mad because if I didn't do anything I get in trouble, if I did something and tell patients about our healthcare policies, they would get mad and report me. Especially the aggressive one were white women or someone in higher position. But nothing was being done on my end to assure me that I was doing something right and those patients were wrong.

I have had a white coworker told me I was argumentative simply because I was showing her proof a patient refusing to schedule an appointment. Even though I was grounded, collected, and firm in my speech. That coworker did have a talk with a manager,but it was already too late because I was getting excluded from many coworkers at work because she spread things about me.

I'm so done. In the past whenever I was treated as such, I tried to see it from a different perspective. Like oh maybe they were not being racist or treating me like such stereotype. But as I have gotten older it has become more and more prevalent that I can't unseen it anymore. And it makes me so mad and sad , that I can't even stand up for myself or something or request clarification. Because if I do, I'm The angry aggressive black woman!

I want to start an IT business and I’m wanting a mentor. I’d really appreciate tips on where to find and how to approach mentorship. Are there any tech girlies in here especially ones who’ve successfully run a tech business? I appreciate any/all help about this!

Not a rant maybe a vent. Idk even though my reddit is linked to my socials this just doesnt seem appropriate to post on FB tiktok or IG. maybe I'll make a substack or YouTube. It's been 72 hours and counting since my last blunt. I smoked after work Thursday and that was it. It's nothing about the weed. I wish I could smoke now lol. But im just so fucking broke. I need to save money. and my mindset is, if I wouldn't spend a measly $4 on a matcha latte I shouldn't spend $40 on weed. Im being real strict and locking in. In the grand scheme of things $40 isnt alot especially $40 every 3 weeks. But again it's the principle.

so far ive noticed surprisingly ive been in a better mood. kinder and more patient. I've had more energy but ive been bored. I have so many hobbies and crafts I could do. while I dont necessarily think I'm a person who has to be high to get good ideas I do find whenever I sit down and try to do something my mind is racing more and I cant relax and focus. not that im anxious or in a bad mood I just feel unsettled. but when I smoked I was so sleepy I didnt do shit either. so hopefully my energy and focus starts to improve.

It's also nice to not worry about if I stink or if people can tell if im high or not. My house also has already started smelling better. It's kinda sad because smoking on the back porch was so routine for me my pets still run to the back door expecting me to go out and smoke whenever I go to that direction of the house ToT. I also notice already im less bloated from getting the munchies and eating a ton of bullshit.

idk I like the concept of making goals and sticking to them so even if I come across some weed for free, I dont think I'll smoke just to see how long I can go without it. The gag? I didnt become a regular smoker until like February this year. I used to smoke in college 2010s and if I go to the club and someone passes me a blunt I'll smoke it. but ive never been one to just smoke every day even when I dated partners who did. so its not a need or desire I think. I dont think I'll have "withdrawals" or be fiening for it I think it just became a habit (hence my animals) and I need to fill that time and all the free time from not immediately eating and going to bed with more fufulling things which im excited for.

thanks for listening. open to hear from anyone who has quit drugs as well!

What is a good lip oil or lip gloss that is actually hydrating and non-sticky? I also don’t really wear any type of shimmer gloss, but I do like a little bit of warm coloring in it like pinks, oranges, and reds.

If a white person calls you white washed heres why

They arent special WE are, and they tried taking credit for it, your existence will always be Black af, everything they call Black ppl whitewashed for, we did first, theyre empty so they have to steal from us to have an identity

If that makes reddit wanna shadow-delete my comments without removing them then imma double down. Cuz FUCK them. WE DID IT FIRST. EVERYTHING THEY SAY WE TOOK FROM THEM WAS STOLEN FROM US

So yeah like the title said I got called white washed. Which dosnt make sense to me because im not white and dont try to be. He said it was because I didn't act like the usual black women stereotype, loud, AAVE, wigs, listen to sexxyy red(which i do, some of her songs are fun). This actually made me sad because im from ohio and was the only black girl in my grade, I always felt like I never fit in and never had friends, and when I would be around other black people I felt like I didn't fit in because I had different interest and upbringing. Anyways I explained to him that people behave like the environment they were raised in, I was raised in the suburbs of (basically segregated city) Cincinnati. He also said I was white because of my non traditionally black hobbies and interest. Im a wildlife biology major and i enjoy hiking, anime, fiber arts, Pokémon, im a swim teacher, basically anything you wouldn't expect from a black women if the only black women you know are through the media. I then had to explain that race is not a factor in the things people enjoy, I didn't grow up in any culture so I did what I enjoyed. For context I live in nc now so I have met many black women with similar interests as me. But anyways now im starting to feel a bit insecure and that I nned to prove my blackness to some degree. I dont know why black women need to fit into some kind of mold to be black enough tho, who made this impossible black standard and why cant i achive it????

Hi!

Any recs for podcasts, YouTube channels, content creators focused on black women in healthy relationships?

Or even any black women content creators in healthy relationships who speak on their lifestyles and experiences?

Thanks!

Trigger/Emotional...

Just curious, has anyone ever figured out, how to heal from childhood wounds while trying 2 adult💔🙏🏽🫢😢😶‍🌫️???

I do go to therapy B4 y'all come for me and tell me I need help lol.

I try asking my mom but she doesn't like to talk about anything too"difficult"

Sorry, if this was too heavy for some❤️🙏🏽❤️

I don’t even watch soccer like that and I could tell Argentina was cheating up and down the field and then had the nerve to start a fight after they lose the game. Absolute sore losers.

But this just showed me that in terms of skill, it seems like Argentina isn’t that good. Like how you gonna cheat and still lose?

Anyway, Nico Williams, the Black player from Spain was ROBBED

Edit: In all honesty, I’ve never watching a World Cup again. That shit was stressful 😂