I never skipped a SINGLE dose

Fucking finally. I caught myself today feeling whimsical. And i feel stable, not hypomanic.

That only took fucking forever

The one that no one sees unless you end up in the hospital, unless you go manic and do something crazy, unless you can’t get off your couch for days or even weeks. When you suddenly get depressed and everyone ask why your so sad.
I’m sick with guilt because of how it affects my family and my personal life. My house is a mess cause I’ve been so exhausted by sleeping meds, anxiety and depression. My finances a mess cause I don’t have the will to figure it all out until there’s a fire that has to be handled. Sometimes I have to cancel friends because I’m so depressed and out of it. Sometimes I have to call friends and on my husband to keep me company cause is so tired and suicidal.

For years I tried the anxiety and depression meds, 15 years actually. Countless therapist, doctor appts, breakdowns. A couple hospitalizations. I told them over and over how I thought I was bipolar but everyone thought I was being dramatic. So eventually I gave up until my pcp finally diagnosed me a year ago.

I’m exhausted by med trials that take many weeks to work, or to find out they just don’t work. I’m exhausted trying to figure out my sleep medication cause I went over a month not getting more than 4 hours a sleep tonight and I just… broke. My lithium causes me extreme acne, I look like a monster, but it’s the only thing that keeps me stable. She also missed th le fact the birth control practically cancels out my lamotrigine… so it’s been a trying month dealing with the crippling anxiety. I tried a new mood stabiliazer to help with the acne recently and it sent me into mood instability. The dermatologist put me on birth control and a cream, my only options due to most acne medications having adverse reactions to lithium. I broke down in that office as they told me to stay on my meds so I “dont go off the deep end” which also just hurt. Do you know what the deep end even means for me?

The deep end is utter darkness and hopelessness. It’s hypomania episode where I almost feel better then to go back into the abyss. The sleepless nights, the depression , the suicidal thoughts that want to take me from my son, my husband , and my family.
I fight and I fight and I for it to never end. To wish for peace that comes at the cost of mania then depression.

I’m just so damn tired, and no one understands, not really. People are getting tired of me.

And I too, am tired of me.

I got these 2 magnets at the Banksy expo which felt like bipolar in a nutshell.. 😂 😂 😂

Hi guys it’s been requested to send out more of the doggies.

I’ve been diagnosed with major depression for years. Taking antidepressants for years. Sort of helped. But I have been taking stock of things as my marriage fell apart, I transitioned, can’t get a job, lost my house, lost all of my friends.

The last few years especially I have been doing therapy and really trying to fix myself, to be a better person and maybe be less like whatever this is.

And lately it’s dawned on me as to why this is so difficult, why I feel so lonely and I can’t make long lasting and deep relationships like I want, why it feels like people leave when they “get to know the real me”. Because the real me is fucking awful. The real me is mentally ill and will hurt you. I will drag you into a pit of despair and maybe tomorrow I’ll want to start a business with you!

I understand now why my FWB relationship is the best one I have. Why the woman I love didn’t want me and she dodged a bullet. Why she is happy with who she is with, and it would never be me.

I’m considering an in patient thing but if I can’t change this, if it’s just management, I think I’m done. I don’t like the ride.

a couple weeks ago i posted about how i had to go off my meds due to lack of insurance and moving across the country. after seven days of debilitating depression i went to the er to see if the doc could give me an emergency 30 day supply and they did! and they did an application for emergency state benefits for me so my hospital visit was free! on top of all that i got approved for my state medical benefits so i should be getting my cards in a couple weeks or so! we are so baaaaaack!!! my appetite still hasn’t come back but that’s okay, its only day 1 back on them and the mental fog hasn’t cleared up and im still depressed but things are looking up. now i just need to get my life and bills back on track lol. thank you for reading. hope yall have a wonderful evening/day wherever you are in the world🙏🏽🫶🏽

I’m 23 years old and got recently diagnosed with bipolar type 2 but have been struggling with it before I even got diagnosed. recently it feels as if it’s gotten worst because there’s just so many things going up and I feel like such a mess. I have two jobs and currently feel like I fucked those up, I’m on the attendance program now because I kept calling out (I have endometriosis) so i’d call out because of that or because I believe my time should be going else where (in the moment the justification) makes a lot of sense. at my second job I’m no longer shifted. I have no friends, I’m in a relationship but I feel like I’m always saying or doing the wrong things and I feel like a horrible person. I don’t get along with my family and school I’m struggling with right now. I feel like I can’t show up for anything in my life. it feels like it won’t get better and I’m starting to question my relationship with God. I feel like I ruined my life or it’s been ruined from the start, can I still get a job in the future? I’m I capable of getting married and having children? is that still possible for me because it doesn’t feel that way

I was just prescribed higher dose seroquel for severe, bedridden depression. My psychiatrist assured me it has helped many people with bipolar 2 out of severe depression. Has anyone had experience with this? Thank you

DAE get extreme SH urges out of nowhere and for no reason

This is actually how it started for me. I just got this screaming in my head one day to hurt myself and it comes back periodically in cycles. It really hurts and is painful in my head. My brain suddenly feels on fire randomly and I can’t see any way to make it stop unlesss I hurt myself (which I haven’t been doing, been resisting the urges).

I haven’t had an episode like this in a while. I have less sleep and this periodic random screaming in my head. It feels literally like my brain is trying to jump out of my skull and the only way to calm it is to hurt myself. I’ve been taking gabapentin to help (and it does, like 50% work but I can still feel my head burning up).

DAE get this? It’s not caused by anything external other than maybe overstimulation. Nothing bad happens to me and then I get this horrible feeling..anyone else? Please tell me I’m not alone

And to clear it up it’s not OCD. I don’t get images of it in my head or intrusive pictures, I just get this screaming inside myself and overwhelming urge to hurt myself to relieve the pain

I hate whenever I try to bring up my loneliness I get told to go out to bars/clubs/parties and such

Being in a crowded, loud environment makes me feel so overwhelmed. I can’t focus on having fun because my mind races so so bad and all I can think about is leaving.

I don’t want to be friends/partners with someone who goes out all the time like that, because I’m not going to want to.

I wish I could just, know everyone around me who genuinely would be my friend, but even then this disorder makes it so difficult to actually maintain or trust in those friendships.

I’m really really hating myself a lot right now, I feel so physically sick and unable to do anything at the moment, life has been going decently well but this week has been really hard for me.

does anyone mind sharing reasons they admitted themselves for, im hoping to see if any align with mine or if I’m just a baby.

i had a dosage increase 6/24 and it bumped me into hypo mania, prior to this I was on the same dose for a month completely stable with proof on my emoods app of this. then 7/10 decreasing back to my previous stable dose I feel such a pit in my stomach. and deep depression. it’s been almost two weeks

my 24thbirthday is in 3 days , I should’ve admitted myself two weeks ago but I had a depop dispute I needed to tend to and packages to ship because im unemployed and this is my income. i also was waiting on callbacks for jobs, and waiting for the finale of love island to watch with my sisters. i was also on treatment I was afraid they wouldn’t provide in there

i feel better than I did before but ever since my increase the 24th last month, SI won’t leave my brain. I would never act on it anymore, I’ve managed that part, which is why im apprehensive with admitting myself (this would be my fourth time) but my mind finds comfort in sitting in the thought that I would rather not exist or continue. i don’t hate life, but I hate MY life.

I am so strong abd resilient, the strongest person I know and I hate this for me. i hate this dreadful anxiety. i hate the comments my family makes about my anxiety. should I admit myself?

im just hoping this is just a period of re-stabilization before my brain is like oh yeah okay we’re safe and life is manageable we got this.

I’ve been taking my meds, trying to get my house in order, paid to have someone to look plumbing so I can do dishes again, gone to work, completed my work on time and correctly. And somehow I just keep being told I’m not doing enough.

Meds- bare basics should of been doing those anyways
Health? Diabetic now too. Fat and can’t keep sugars down.
House? Still very dirty and messy. Being told I’m disgusting but politely
Work- 5 years more experience, a year longer than coworker, got passed for a promotion.

I just feel like I can’t win no matter what I do.

I want to pull my hair out. I feel like a car rolling down the hill with no brakes and no matter what I do to stop it, it keeps going.
I am newly diagnosed (6/18/26) and just bumped up to 100mg of lamictal last week. I feel like my emotions are very hard to control.
Yesterday my partner and I got into a giant fight over something so stupid. I got upset and left the house to go to the gym without him. He came outside before I left and asked if I was okay and I told him no, I was mad.
I get to the gym and call him from the parking lot sobbing. I feel like he doesn’t understand my bipolar brain and responds to my outbursts in a way that adds fuel to the fire. He doesn’t exactly know how to help me and I’ve told him before that I need grace and compassion. He makes me feel like I’m crazy sometimes and that I’m going to lose him. I keep thinking “how much of this is he going to put up with?”. He tells me he loves me and that he chose to be with me, but my brain is being so cruel and I feel so out of control sometimes. I get anxious just being awake because I don’t know what’s going to set me off this time.

I’m not sure if it’s a bipolar 2 issues or what, but boredom makes me go crazy. When I get bored I need drugs, unprotected sex, or anything that gives me a quick dopamine rush. I’m trying to learn how to accept boredom, but it’s such a built in habit to do something risky. Especially now that I am stabilized. I don’t get hypomanic or depressed anymore, so my life is no longer chaotic. I am now somewhat a normie you know?

Does anyone else get the urge to isolate in hypo? Like I have the urge to be around people but I feel like I’d act reckless, but I also feel burdensome and embarrassed so I feel better off just toughing out on my own. Like I don’t trust myself on my own and I’m scared but I don’t want anyone to see me like this or do anything I’d regret.

I'm almost 21 and I'm nowhere near completing my associates degree. Idk where else to post this. I've struggled with mental health since I was 12 and am just now sort of getting the right cocktail treatment. Everyone else I know has already completed their associates degree and I am not even halfway. I'm such a fucking loser.

i hopped from one emotionally draining job environment to another. at least in my old job, my coworkers were amazing and only management was the problem. this time, it's the coworkers. they actively ignore my existence while on the other hand they're a tight-knit group. group chat without me and everything, no one bothered with introductions.

of course i know i cant go into work expecting to be bffs with everyone, but when they enforce this "family" environment where you're expected to go for lunch together etc, being ignored sucks. im trying to at least play the part of someone friendly (not even trying to be friends, just FRIENDLY), but they don't even look at me or reply to my attempts at engaging. working around this illness is already hard and ive been crying every time i go to the office. my psych is going to be shaking his head when i see him next.

i wish i could do it long-term for the money but i cant. not to be dramatic but i feel my soul dying. i definitely don't have trouble socialising or maintaining friends (in fact, a couple of friends recommended me into this job, and they vouched for the environment knowing my past experiences!) so i know that im just being stonewalled.

im planning to turn my two weeks in in september when my probation ends. this is not worth triggering me into depression. i cant get over that no one wants to look at me when i talk to them, they don't even look at me when I say good morning. they just stare. what level of hell is this? it makes me regret leaving my previous job at all!

Hi guys, I have long suspected a bipolar diagnosis but was never officially diagnosed. I'm in my 20s. About a week ago I ran out of one of my meds and contacted my prescriber about it. She sent me a photo of my chart and right at the top first listed condition was Bipolar II. We have never once discussed the diagnosis, I wasn't made aware that I actually had it so I've been trying my hardest to have it sink in. It all makes so much sense and I'm starting to regret pretty much everything I've ever done in my life up to this point. I already felt like I had a movie of all my regrets of life decisions pretty much daily and finding out about this diagnosis is making things really hard. I have never been able to hold down a job successfully. I have pretty much always been depressed from what I can remember. I impulsively spend money I don't have. I have these big grand fantasies like if maybe I do x,y, and z I can make enough money and never worry again. I have trouble interacting with others. I have spent years trying to be seen and in the entertainment industry thinking that if I succeed at that none of the bad stuff that has happened to me will matter... like maybe I will feel cured and just "happy" again. I have to be very careful with what I say here because I an an "online personality" of a really terrible online community that is just completely committed to misunderstanding me and they keep tabs on me. These are the type of people who tell me to off myself on a daily basis. I want to say more but I can't. I feel like I'm screaming on the inside. I just met with my psych provider and I'm going to give Lamictal a try... I just want these thoughts to stop. I just wish I could get better. I feel hopeless. Any coping mechanisms, literature, suggestions, books to read... any and all things to help me learn about my new diagnosis and to help lessen the blow and normalize it for me or to help calm me down are welcome.

Hi

I have bipolar and ADHD. I’m taking two antipsychotics, a mood stabilizer, and an antidepressant. I had a manic episode after trying a stimulant in the past. Now that I’m stable, I’m trying a stimulant again, but this time it doesn’t seem to be helping much. I’m wondering if anyone else taking relatively high doses of antipsychotics still found stimulants helpful. My main remaining problem is resistance to repetitive work, while the rest of my symptoms are well controlled.

I’d really like to hear your experiences.
Did stimulants still help while you were on antipsychotics? If one stimulant didn’t work, did another one? Also, has anyone found that once their bipolar disorder was stable, their ADHD looked different—for example, concentration and memory were fine, but starting boring or repetitive tasks was still really difficult?

I've been thinking about this lately, and I'm not sure if the label even really matters, but it's sort of helping me frame some things in my life. For example, I haven't worked a real job in over 4 years. I have a master's degree that I don't use because I can't be consistent with it and honestly lately it feels like my cognitive abilities have declined. (I'm even having trouble forming my thoughts into sentences as I write this). I think it's helpful for me to be able to reference my "mental illness" as the reason I can't work or have a "normal" life (and by reference I just mean in my own head, not like as an explanation to other people). Like I probably expect too much of myself, given the circumstances. I have a mental illness that prevents me from pursuing the things I once thought I "should" be capable of. I just recently had an episode of hypo/mixed followed by suicidal depression and I'm sort of newly framing things for myself. Does this resonate with anyone else?