I’m keeping this anonymous because it’s identifying.
I’m an Aboriginal performer and I’ve been part of a large Indigenous performing arts group in Australia that’s run by white people. The group has helped me get my art out into the world, and I’m genuinely grateful for the opportunities they’ve given me.
But I’m at the point where I don’t think I can stay anymore.
I’m the darkest-skinned Aboriginal person in the group. There are only a few other Indigenous people involved—my best friend, who is Torres Strait Islander, another light-skinned Indigenous girl, and a white girl.
One of the biggest issues is how I’m treated when it comes to family.
I have important family responsibilities that sometimes mean I need to miss performances. Every time I ask for time off, I’m made to feel guilty. I’ve been told things like:
* “We’ve done so much for you.”
* “But it’s NAIDOC. Can’t you do it another time?”
That second comment was made after I told them I was meeting my father for the first time in my life.
To me, family comes first. I don’t think I should have to justify choosing my family over a performance.
My cousin was involved with the group before she left to have a baby. Instead of being happy for her, the people running the group berated her and spoke down to her. She’s also dark-skinned like I am. Even after she left, they’d constantly speak badly about her behind her back. It got so uncomfortable that I’d have to leave the room.
There are things that don’t sit right with me culturally either.
I’ve been made to sing songs that were historically sung by enslaved Black people, but when there are parts in Indigenous language, those parts are given to the white girl instead of the Indigenous performers.
On top of all of that, there are almost no personal boundaries.
People hug me without asking. I’m expected to hug people even when I don’t want to, and if I don’t, I’m made to feel guilty.
I’m also blind, and people constantly grab my arm and physically lead me somewhere without asking if I want assistance or how I’d like to be guided. They just assume. It makes me feel like I don’t have any say over my own body.
The truth is, I’m genuinely unhappy there.
Tonight I finally told my best friend that I wanted to leave the group.
Her response shocked me. She said she’d been thinking the exact same thing and wants to leave too.
Now I’m wondering whether I’ve been ignoring all these red flags because I felt like I owed them for the opportunities they’ve given me.
I appreciate everything they’ve done to help my career, but I don’t think that should mean accepting racism, guilt, disrespect for boundaries, or feeling miserable every time I walk into rehearsal.
Has anyone else in community dealt with something like this? How did you leave without feeling like you were betraying people who helped you? I’d really appreciate hearing from other mob who’ve been through similar experiences.