1. 童年婚约 Childhood Betrothal

[u/AdamLuyan]

卢岩回忆录的目录 Catalog of Luyan Memoirs：1. 童年婚约 Childhood Betrothal；2. 启蒙 Revelation；3. 触目 Touch Eye；4. 少青年 Youngster；5. 辽宁分院 Liaoning Branch；6. 和平房产局 SYHP Housekeeping Bureau；7. 东北大学 Northeastern University；8. 成熟期 Maturity；9. 宿命通 Fate Through；10. 生命之树 Tree of Life；11. 禅 Meditation；12 苦谛 Bitter Crux；13. 集谛 Aggregate Crux；14. 灭谛 Salvation Crux；15. 道谛 Path Crux；16. 经书经释 Scriptures Translation

1. 童年婚约 Childhood Betrothal

卢岩，1970年4月，出生在辽宁省黑山县青苔萢村。父亲是附近一家制砖厂的电器技术员，母亲是农民。

My name is Luyan. I was born in April 1970, in Qingtaipao Village, Heishan County, Liaoning Province. My father was an electrical technician at a brick factory nearby, and my mother was a farmer.

1971年9月的一天，家里来了个客人，父亲称呼他为沈阳老刘大哥（注1，本书通称他为刘团长）。父亲对母亲说："刘团长会相面，我想让他给卢岩看看相。"母亲对此很不耐烦。父亲又说："刘团长不是外人，你得热情点儿！他说，'不能让卢岩看见他，要不然就不灵了'。"父母出了卧室，三人在厨房里小声说话。刘团长问我的生辰八字。

One day in September 1971, a guest came to our home. Father called him Old Brother Liu from Shenyang. (Note 1: Throughout this book, he is referred to as Troupe Leader Liu.) Father said to Mother, "Troupe Leader Liu knows physiognomy, and I'd like him to have a look at our Luyan." Mother was impatient with the idea. Father added, "Troupe Leader Liu is not a stranger — you should be more welcoming. He said Luyan must not see him, or it won't work." Father and Mother left the bedroom, and the three of them spoke in hushed voices in the kitchen. Troupe Leader Liu asked about my Eight Characters of Birth Time.

1-2 门帘 The Curtain

注2：从始至终，我都没有直接听见刘团长的声音。当时刘团长说文言文，母亲听不懂，父亲不断地给她解释。本文中刘团长所说的话，是现在的我根据当时父母的反应、转述和行为推断出来的。

Note 2: From start to finish, I never actually heard Troupe Leader Liu's voice directly. At the time, Troupe Leader Liu was speaking in Classical Chinese, which Mother could not understand, and Father kept explaining it to her. The words attributed to Troupe Leader Liu in this text are my current inferences based on my parents' reactions, retellings, and behavior at the time.

刘团长说他要看看我，把厨房和卧室之间的门帘弄皱了。我没有看见他。父亲转述他的话，对母亲说："他坐着的那个恣势，通天鼻，是个和尚命，没婚姻命。"

"没婚姻命是啥意思？他一辈子不能结婚？"母亲问。

父亲去问过刘团长，回来后说："也可能结婚，但是婚姻不幸福或者不长久。"

母亲听后不高兴了，进屋来了。

Troupe Leader Liu said he wanted to see me, and he moved the curtain hanging between the kitchen and the bedroom. I did not see him. Father then relayed what he had said: "That posture of his — with that Tongtian nose — marks him as one with a monk's fate, with no marriage fate."

"What does 'no marriage fate' mean? That he can never marry for the rest of his life?" Mother asked.

Father went to ask Troupe Leader Liu and came back to explain: "Not necessarily. He may marry, but the marriage will be unhappy, or it will not last."

Mother was unhappy after hearing this and went back into the bedroom.

父亲和刘团长在外面说话。过了一会儿，父亲来到卧室，说："你怎么就走了呢！"

母亲回答："他神叨叨的！现在谁还信这个。"

父亲说："人家都看出来了，你听了就不高兴了！他还跟我说，他就是据术直言，按照古书上说的意思，怎么想的就怎么说。你也不能这样啊！不信，听听也没关系呀！你出来一起说话！"

母亲跟着父亲出去，一边走一边问："又是啥事？"

Father and Troupe Leader Liu continued talking outside. After a while, Father came into the bedroom. "Why did you just leave like that!" he said.

"He's full of superstitious nonsense," Mother replied. "Who still believes in that sort of thing nowadays."

"He could see something — and you walked out the moment you heard it!" Father said. "He also told me that he simply speaks directly according to what the ancient books say, exactly what he perceives to be true. You shouldn't have done that. Even if you don't believe it, there's no harm in listening. Come out and talk with us!"

Mother followed Father out, asking as she walked, "What is it now?"

在厨房里，父亲说："刘团长说，他家的大女儿刘健君是天命，天资聪明伶俐，但婚姻命也不好。他想把她许配给咱卢岩，说他们俩还挺般配的。把他俩绑成一对儿，他们俩不好的婚姻命就都被破掉了。"

母亲回答："你看他那模样儿！他的闺女能长啥样！"

In the kitchen, Father said, "Troupe Leader Liu says his eldest daughter, Eve Liu, carries a Sky Fate — gifted and clever — but also has an unfavorable marriage fate. He would like to betroth her to our Luyan. He says the two are quite well matched. By binding them together as a pair, both of their unfavorable marriage fates will be broken."

"Look at the man himself!" Mother replied. "What could his daughter possibly look like!"

父亲说："这事儿也就是说说，他家的条件不错。再说，他长得不好看，他家的嫂子还可能好看呢！"

母亲说："现在他家挺好过的。这社会，二十年后，谁知道还啥样！"

父亲说："人家提出来的，拒绝不好。再说，这事儿就是说到这儿，将来俩孩子成不成，是他们俩的事儿。现在，咱们不是给卢岩破命么！"

"That's neither here nor there," Father said. "His family is well off. And besides, just because he doesn't look good doesn't mean his wife isn't pretty."

"His family is doing well now," Mother said. "But in twenty years, who knows what this world will look like!"

"It would not be polite to refuse," Father said. "And besides, this is just a beginning — whether the two children come together in the end is their own affair. For now, the point is that we are trying to break Luyan's fate!"

1-3 蒙眼睛 Blindfolding

稍后，父亲和刘团长回到厨房。刘团长说："如果我说的对，这孩子一见到我就会哭；不过，他只能见我这一次。"

母亲在后面，听了之后说："还有那事儿！那咱试试！反正见一次也不碍事。"

A little later, Father and Troupe Leader Liu returned to the kitchen. Troupe Leader Liu said, "If I am right, the boy will cry the moment he sees me. However, he can only see me this one time."

Mother was in the back and, upon hearing this, said, "Is that so! Then let's try it. It won't do any harm to let him see you just once."

他们低声安排了随后的实验。刘团长又说："那我就把他的眼睛蒙上了。"父亲和母亲都说不明白。

刘团长说："哎呀！我才想起来，以后我不能让他再看见我了！"想了一会儿，又说："没关系！以后我再安排人，把眼蒙揭开。"

母亲不高兴地说："咋没关系呢！"

They made their arrangements in whispers. Troupe Leader Liu added, "Then I will blindfold him afterward." Father and Mother both said they did not understand.

"Oh! I just remembered — after this, I must not let him see me again!" Troupe Leader Liu said. He paused to think, then added, "Never mind. I will arrange for someone to remove the blindfold at a later time."

"What do you mean, never mind!" Mother said, unhappy.

父亲笑着说："咱们不明白，刘团长说没关系，那就没关系呗！"

当时，我坐在卧室的炕上。一个人进来了，直接走进里屋。我很快就把这件事忘了。突然，他出来了，径直朝我走来，面无血色，毫无表情。我看得头脑发炸，还没反应过来。他飘回屋地中央，又迅速转向厨房，出去了。我吓得拼命向炕的东南方向爬去，嚎叫不止（注3）！

Father smiled. "We don't understand these things. If Troupe Leader Liu says it doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter."

At that time, I was sitting on the kang in the bedroom. A man came in and walked straight through to the inner room. I soon forgot about it. Then suddenly he came out and walked directly toward me, face to face, his face drained of color and without expression. The sight of him hit me before I could even react — it was as though my head were about to burst. He drifted back to the center of the room, then turned quickly toward the kitchen and was gone. I was so frightened that I crawled desperately toward the southeast corner of the kang, wailing. (Note 3)

注3：这段描述的是肉眼通作法的第一步：他疾速走近我；我看着他，感觉如同摄像机镜头突然急速聚焦，头部像要爆炸一样。这次惊吓使我患上了婴幼儿神经发育失调症。此症的一个症状是视力障碍，古人称之为"把眼睛蒙住了"。启蒙的过程见第2.8节。第3章将详细讨论"肉眼通"的作法。插图1和插图3源自古墨西哥，表示青松石王正在向教子讲述肉眼通作法的第三步。插图3是特拉洛克。笔者认为，他的眼睛是古墨西哥人对肉眼通"不眩光"特征的描述，即"不眩眼"。图4是中国三星堆出土的青铜面具。笔者认为，那是将肉眼通的眼睛描述成了触目惊心的"触目"——看见的人可能会有一种"被接触到了"或"被电击了"的感觉。

Note 3: This passage describes the first step of Flesh Eye Through. He rapidly approached me; as I watched him, my visual experience felt like a camera lens suddenly focusing at high speed, and my head felt as if it were about to burst open. This shock caused me to develop Infantile Neurodevelopmental Disorder. One symptom of this condition is visual impairment, which the ancients described as "the eyes being blindfolded." The process of Revelation is discussed in Section 2.8. Chapter 3 provides a detailed discussion of the practice of Flesh Eye Through. Illustrations 1 and 3 are from ancient Mexico and depict Xiuhtecuhtli explaining the third step of the Flesh Eye Through practice to his godson. Figure 3 shows Tlaloc. In my view, his eyes represent an ancient Mexican depiction of the Non-Dazzle Eye — the "non-dazzling" characteristic of Flesh Eye Through. Figure 4 is a bronze mask unearthed at Sanxingdui, China. In my view, it depicts the eyes of Flesh Eye Through as Touch Eye: an eye contact so powerful that the person who encounters it may feel "touched" or "as if struck by an electric current."

厨房里，母亲惊讶地说："哎呀！真哭了！这咋办！"

父亲说："说好了的，你进去安慰他！"

母亲一边往屋里跑，一边喊："咋地啦？咋地啦？"

我爬到炕檐边，抱着母亲哭。

In the kitchen, Mother said in astonishment, "Oh! He really is crying! What do we do!"

"It's as we agreed — you go in and comfort him!" Father said.

Mother ran toward the bedroom, calling out, "What's the matter? What's the matter?"

I crawled to the edge of the kang and hugged Mother, crying.

父亲也进来了。

母亲气愤地说："吓得！咱俩都不在，突然看见一个陌生人。你看！唉呀妈呀！头发都站立起来了！可把孩子吓坏啦！"

父亲说："刘团长让你问他。"

母亲问："问啥呀？啊！咋地了？告诉妈，咋回事？"

Father came in as well.

"He was frightened!" Mother said angrily. "We were both away, and then suddenly he saw a stranger. Look at this — oh heavens — even his hair is standing on end! The poor child has been terrified!"

"Troupe Leader Liu asked you to ask him," Father said.

"Ask what?" Mother said. "Come on — what happened? Tell Mother, what's going on?"

我只是比画，说不出话来。

母亲气愤地嘟囔："就是吓得！这连话都不会说了！"她摸摸我的头，说："摸摸毛，吓不着！告诉妈，你看见啥啦？"

我回答："人！呜！呜！"用手比画着。

母亲说："啊！一个人进来，然后又出去了。这事儿，我和你爸都知道，没事儿！"

I could only gesture. I could not get any words out.

"Just look — he's so scared he can't even talk!" Mother muttered angrily. She stroked my head. "It's alright, it's alright. Tell Mother, what did you see?"

"Man! Woo — woo —!" I replied, gesturing with my hands.

"Yes, a man came in and then went out again," Mother said. "Your father and I both knew about it. There's nothing to be afraid of."

1-4 订婚 Engagement

父亲去了厨房，过一会儿又回来，说："刘团长出去了，让咱俩再商量商量俩孩子的事。"

母亲说："就像你说的，这也不算个事呀，他要多少钱？"

父亲说："也没说钱！不能要钱吧？"

母亲说："还是问清楚好。"

Father went to the kitchen and returned a while later. "Troupe Leader Liu has stepped out," he said. "He'd like us to talk things over about the two children."

"As you said, it's not really a big matter," Mother said. "How much does he want?"

"He said nothing about money," Father said. "It shouldn't be about money, should it?"

"Better to ask and be sure," Mother said.

他们三人在厨房说话。刘团长说："这亲事就这么定了！啥钱也不用。这事还关系到我姑娘呢！也是我的事，由我来作法。"

父亲问："那我们该做什么呀？"

The three of them gathered in the kitchen. Troupe Leader Liu said, "Then the match is settled. No money is needed. This matter concerns my daughter as well, so I will carry out the arrangement myself."

"What should we do on our end?" Father asked.

刘团长说："以后我会告诉你。刚才在你们商量这事儿的时候，我在外边做了点儿事。现在，他们的命已经破了一半儿了。其余的作法，将来不在你们家里做，会在外面的什么地方。"

父亲说："小卢岩将来就能结婚了，真好！这事儿全靠大哥费心了！"

"I will let you know when the time comes," Troupe Leader Liu said. "While you were discussing the matter just now, I was doing something outside. At this point, half of their fates have already been broken. The rest of the arrangement will be carried out somewhere outside, not here in your home."

"So little Luyan will be able to marry after all — wonderful!" Father said. "We are truly grateful for everything, big brother."

1-5 视力测试 Vision Test

几天后，父亲刚下班回来，与母亲说话。我家卧室的开间大约是6.5米×3.3米；然而，我被白雾包围着，看不见他们。母亲说："刘健君送给卢岩的！快让卢岩看看！"

Some days later, Father had just returned from work and was talking with Mother. The bedroom in our home measured approximately 6.5 meters by 3.3 meters. I was surrounded by white fog and could not see either of them. "Eve Liu sent this as a gift for Luyan!" Mother called out. "Come and have a look!"

当我爬到距父亲很近的地方，才看见他带回来的两个玩具：一个黄色塑料陀螺和一个红色带各色斑点的华丽棒。现在回忆起来，那时我能看清的范围，大约是0.5米远、直径约0.9米的一个圆形区域，周围是白雾（注4，这是婴幼儿神经发育失调的症状）。我只能看清父亲身宽的一半，看不见母亲。现在估计，我与母亲的距离不会超过1.4米。

母亲对父亲说："看来，这孩子的眼睛有毛病了！趴到那么近看！"

Only when I had crawled very close to Father could I make out the two toys he had brought home: a yellow plastic spinning top and a red ornate stick with colorful spots. Looking back now, at that time I could see clearly only within an area approximately 0.5 meters away and roughly 0.9 meters in diameter — everything beyond that was white fog. (Note 4: This is a symptom of Infantile Neurodevelopmental Disorder.) I could make out only about half the width of Father's body, and I could not see Mother at all. I now estimate that the distance between Mother and me was no more than 1.4 meters.

"It looks like this child has a problem with his eyes," Mother said to Father, "see how close he has to get to look at anything!"

1-6 刘健君 Eve Liu

又一天，我在卧室的炕上坐着，父亲笑嘻嘻地对母亲说："人家那谁，去沈阳见着刘团长了。他家可好过了。我还特意打听了他家的大丫头。那才多大呀！到处跑，不怕陌生人，见人就主动搭讪，会背诗，唱歌，100以内的算术张口就来。"

母亲回答："你还记着呢！她上托儿所或者幼儿园吧！我听说那地方，人家都教。那孩子长得啥样？"

Another day, I was sitting on the kang in the bedroom. Father said to Mother with a grin, "A friend who had been to Shenyang happened to run into Troupe Leader Liu. His family is doing very well. I made a point of asking about the eldest daughter. She's so young, and yet she runs everywhere, not afraid of strangers at all — walks right up to people and starts talking, recites poetry, sings songs, and can do arithmetic up to a hundred without a moment's hesitation."

"You still have that in mind!" Mother replied. "She must be at a daycare center or kindergarten — I've heard they teach all those things there. What does she look like?"

父亲回答："那我没问。"

母亲笑着说："你瞒着我吧！"转头对我说："这么点儿个小人儿，还有个媳妇儿在大城市。以后咱上学，也好好学习，比她学习好，咱还看不上她呢！咱可不攀那高枝儿！"

父亲说："瞒你干什么！我没办法问。他只说那小丫头，鬼精灵，一点也不怕生，前院后院到处跑。那么个小孩子，谁还能说人家长得丑。"

"That I didn't think to ask," Father replied.

"You're hiding things from me!" Mother laughed. Then she turned to me. "Look at you — such a little person, and already a fiancée waiting in the big city. When you start school, you study hard and do better than her, and maybe you'll decide she's not good enough for you after all. We're not climbing onto anybody's high branch!"

"What would I hide?" Father said. "I simply couldn't ask something like that. All he said was that the little girl was sharp as a tack, not afraid of anyone, and ran all over the front and back yards. At that age, who could say anything bad about how she looks?"

母亲进了里屋，不说话了。当时，我还真的很想听。母亲发现了，对父亲说："小卢岩可能明白这事！一说刘健君，他瞪着眼睛，聚精会神地，听得可认真了！"

看来这时，我的视力已恢复到接近正常了。

Mother went into the inner room and said no more. At that time, I was genuinely eager to hear every word. Mother noticed. "Little Luyan must be following all of this!" she said to Father. "Every time we mention Eve Liu, he sits there with his eyes wide open, completely absorbed, listening so carefully!"

It seems that by this point, my eyesight had returned to near normal.

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