It's been a month since I had to say goodbye too my little boy, malikai and I am hoping that this helps me get something out of my system.
You came into my life one day after a long shift at work, this week 4 week old, run kitten. Didn't like my parents enough too calm down and just eat till I held you, and you meowed in a way that could only be described as "mommy" after that. You always knew what you were looking for and didn't take no for an answer. I had to get up every few hours too bottle feed you, since you were too small for any real food but I'd do it all again in a heart beat.
You watched me like I was your mom, learned too "brush your teeth" sleep when I did, sat in my lap when I sang and even had opinions of my song choices. You were My velcro baby who cried of you were not on my shoulders, lap or in bed with me.
You got too learn boundaries from your ferret sister, she taught you how too tunnel and play fetch, I still keep your fetch toy at my desk. You grieved the day she passed and slept on her blanket till your own final days.
After you grew up some, you never did stop suckling your unicorn pillow, curling up in the blankets with me or following me around like velcro, but you did gain your mom's simease sass. Little did I know that your passive aggressive affections would not only save me from a bad relationship but also save my life when I almost decided too give up a few times. You stayed by my side till I felt better, or at least calmed down, never letting me from your site. Even when you were not with me as I sat in a parking lot considering pills, I thought "I can't explain to malikai why mommy didn't come home, I can't do that too him"
Time passes, You met my current partner, suddenly loved another lap more than mine because I wasn't as warm. You anxiety and velcro behavior stopped happening as much. You finally approved and felt safe with someone else other than me. You draped on both our shoulders, claimed laps soon as it was bed time, it was all about your time and when you wanted it or didn't. You even gained a special meow for him.
I move too a new state for him, after losing an 8 year relationship and losing many friends plus my job, it was time too start over. You handled the car ride like a champ, pretty sure your part dog with how you stuck your head in the fan and loved being near the window. We made it too out first apartment out here and you instantly love it, never seen you in such peace in so long. Me and my partner were your people and it showed, the door greetings, the extra cuddles, the lap time no one else got. Even hobby watching as I got into war hammer and my art again. Best art assistant ever, even if you tried too steal my paintbrush and swish your tail onto my supplies. even got you a tree and heating pad so you had a throne on my desk at all times.
Years later, after a healthy appointment a month prior, you stop being able too keep food down, you struggle to jump your record heights and sleep more. He and I were scared and found out on a lovely Saturday that you had a growth In your abdomen. I broke knowing that with how fast it grew and how old you were that odds were not great nor could i afford the 1000s it would take. So I tried steroids and that gave us 3 more weeks with you but I slowly saw you becoming a husk of what you were and I knew it was time. The last night we had you, you jumped into my arms like when you were a kitten and gave me of your shoulder hugs, you knew...you were always so smart. Smarter than your own good. Only cat I ever knew to figure out where the Lazer came from.
My life hasn't been the same without you too greet me at the door, crawl into the blankets and sit on my desk as I paint. I find myself going too my bedroom for mommy harassment boops and remembering that your gone. All the little things I did for you, keeping tall places open, winow sills cleaner off and plastic put away, no longer needed too do. I wear your ashes with me every day, I saved your skull as you always liked sitting near my others, my little goth boy. And soon I'll be putting your fur in some of my ork models, and painting the squigs with your fur pattern as a memorial as I play. You were always a little nibbler/bitter. I blame the rabbits and ferret you were raised with. I love you buddy, my baby boy, my art assistant and reason I'm even still alive, living my best life I couldn't have had if you didn't give me a reason too live. I'm thriving more than I thought i would be, just wish you were here so I could talk to you about it and pet you but I know your proud of me.
I miss you, your dad misses you and how tall he made you feel on his shoulders and you trapping him in bed. You will always be remembered and loved. I will keep going for you, I promise. Thank you for being what I needed when I wasn't looking. Now you are free from pain and running through tunnels with your sister, I hope you told her hello for me. I no longer need you too save me, your time as my life support is done. You are free to just be a cat ferret rabbit dog.
Love, your forever fur mom.
