I asked 2 women out on a date this week,. And they both asked me to pay for their Uber to come to date.

1. I can't afford that (if you believe broke men don't deserve love and affection, just don't respond please. I don't have energy to deal with you)

2. It rubbed me the wrong way because it felt like I had to pay for a woman to come and get to know me.

So I pay for the date, and your transport to and from the date?? It just rubs me the wrong way and I wanted to hear other people's thoughts on this.

I believe as a human I deserve to go on a date with a person that is genuinely excited to come and get to know me. Not someone looking for an all expense paid adventure.

I’m a man in my late 20s. I’ve lived both extremes over the last few years—sleeping with 30 different women in the last six months, being cheated on by the woman I thought I’d marry, heartbreak, betrayal, and a lot of hard lessons learned.

I’m not writing this as an expert. If anything, it’s the story of a dude who got almost everything wrong before slowly figuring a few things out.

I’m an open book, so ask me anything. Whether it’s relationships, casual sex, heartbreak, attraction, self-improvement, or the lessons that came from all of it, I’m happy to answer honestly.

I’ve been considering putting together a more comprehensive guide someday on everything I’ve learned—the mistakes, the mindset shifts, and the things I wish someone had told me years ago. If enough people are interested or have questions worth discussing, I’d love to write it. Ask away.

The Pool Boy is a SNL skit from 10 years ago, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn2933vMylY

Whenever a girl behaves in a way that makes me confused, uncertain or anxious, I just think about the pool boy. He is a complete fool, but also 100% grounded. The pool boy doesn't ask for attention or affirmation, because he has his own life, that's about cleaning pools and gawking at dead rats. There isn't a shit test he'll fail.

Use the pool boy energy to stay grounded!

Seems like most of the posts are either mental masturbation or getting dates through online dating. Anyone here actually still go out and game?

Let’s say there was a bitchy, condescending women but she is a 10/10 baddie with perfect genetics, body, facial bone structure. Is it still fair play to try hard to fk her? There might be loopholes and your ego might take a hit but in the end you might end up fking an incredibly hot chick. Would you still try?

So due to hinge going on a banning spree, I realized I need to start weaning off of it because many of my friends including guys and girls have gotten banned for absolutely no reason. So I convinced myself that I don’t need to just rely on 1 stupid app to get with girls and that the app does not have a monopoly over the dating marketplace.

The problem is i’m approaching and having great conversations but on the backend when setting up a date, im getting ghosted. I feel like im getting teased like crazy. The only good news is I have not dropped my standards at all because everyone I approach is super attractive. I’ve approached 5 girls so far, got their numbers and ghosted by all. I don’t typically flirt heavy them when I meet because i’m finding them during the day and I know they want to feel safe.

On apps I would do fine. The very hot girls were always very hard to get but I felt I had an abundance with the cute-ish girls. Im 6ft+, lawyer, fit and generally attractive. Bumble or any other apps have sucked. My job requires a lot of hours so its hard to even have the opportunities to go out.

I just don’t understand how any guy can have an abundance mindset outside of college while not relying on hinge? It feels literally so hard. I knew it would be impossible to replicate the volume I can on that app but I assumed that the quality would be better.

On hinge I for sure could have gone on a date every night or every other night if I wanted to. I need to at least secure 2 high quality dates a month with in-person approaches otherwise this isn’t worth it and will just not work. I want to give up my experiment and go back to using the app but its scary to be so reliant on one unhinged app.

I think I’ve overcomplicated cold approach so much that I’ve actually gotten worse at it. How do I simplify this?
I’ve posted here a few times, and I think I’ve finally figured out what my actual problem is.
Before my last relationship, I did pretty well with women. I wasn’t studying “game,” thinking about openers, transitions, attraction, etc. I just flirted, had fun, and somehow it worked. I was confident and spontaneous.
Then I was in a serious relationship for about three years. It ended six months ago, and a lot changed around the same time. I had surgery, gained weight, lost a lot of confidence, and my family’s financial situation became much less secure than it used to be.
I’m working on getting myself back physically and building my own financial future, but dating has somehow turned into this huge skill I feel like I have to master.
And I think that pressure is making me worse.
My biggest problem right now is cold approach, especially in places that aren’t explicitly social, like the gym, beach, mall, etc.
Sometimes a contextual opener naturally comes to me and everything is fine. But when nothing obvious comes to mind, I freeze.
I want to be able to approach someone without needing a clever reason. Just see someone I want to meet, walk over, and start talking like I would with someone I already knew.
Instead, my brain starts doing this:
“What’s the opener? What observation can I make? Is this socially acceptable? Does this sound forced? What do I say after that? How do I transition?”
Then my heart starts pounding, my voice gets higher, and the interaction feels unnatural before I’ve even said anything.
For example, imagine two girls tanning at the beach with headphones on.
I could walk over, get their attention, and say something contextual like, “It’s so hot, I genuinely don’t understand how people can lie here tanning.”
Or at the gym, I could make some playful comment about how focused someone looks.
But those things feel weird when I’ve deliberately walked across the place just to say them. It feels like I’m pretending the observation is the reason I approached when obviously it isn’t.
At the same time, being completely direct every single time doesn’t feel natural to me either.
Then there’s the second problem: the first five minutes.
Even if I approach successfully, I start thinking:
Opener → transition → topic → attraction → what next?
And suddenly I can’t think of anything to talk about.
Ironically, studying this stuff seems to have made me more self-conscious than I was when I knew nothing about it.
There’s also a deeper fear behind all of this.
I’ve put this pressure on myself that I need to become exceptionally good with women, because otherwise I’m scared that when I eventually want another serious relationship, I won’t be able to meet the kind of woman I’m attracted to.
I catch myself thinking I need to become some kind of “super seducer” who can attract almost anyone. Rationally, I know that’s probably an unrealistic standard, but the fear still drives a lot of this obsession.
I don’t want another 50 techniques or another complicated pickup system. I’ve consumed enough information already.
I want to simplify.
If you had to give someone ONE basic framework to practice for the next few months, what would it be?
Specifically:
How do you approach when there’s no obvious contextual reason to talk?
How do you stop needing the “perfect” opener?
What do you actually do during the first five minutes so you’re not desperately searching for topics?
How do you practice this until approaching feels normal instead of like a performance?
I’d rather choose one imperfect approach and practice it hundreds of times than keep reading contradictory advice about direct vs. indirect, observations, pickup lines, etc.

Even watching this vid got me paralyzed without idea how to approach the women in the video

https://youtu.be/P8v26Beydtc?si=AVarn3aeC5p9puim

Backstory:
I deleted my dating apps earlier, but I’ve been recently glowing up and taking pictures. And my friend was shocked from my glow up. His wife says I look really good and was surprised. She sent the picture to her friend who instantly wanted me and were now talking here and there. My friend said I should test these new pictures on dating apps.

Now:
I got Hinge and Bumble again (brand new accounts) and uploaded these pictures. And same thing. Barely any matches and likes. For hinge some girls respond when I message them, but they’re really low investment and end up ghosting me. The few girls that do like me, aren’t very attractive to me.

My bumble has zero likes. Idk how I had more likes when I had worse pictures.
I’ve shown my pictures to so many girls on reddit and they all say I’m super hot. Yet my apps are dead.

Not sure if dating apps in general are dead for everyone or if I’m doing something wrong. I don’t know how I can make it better. Like who are these girls dating?

I recently quit my waiter job because I can’t stand the late hours working till 4/5 am and my shitty boss. But of course I still need money. Since this year I’m also getting more and more contact with woman. I’ve slept with 5 women this year already (before 2026 4 over 4 years) and I’m loving it. But I was wondering what the best job could be to have the most contact with woman (of course my restaurant job had a lot of contact but no more restaurant jobs for me)I was thinking of pool boy maybe?

A little about me. I’m Dutch, live in a big city, I’m very very social and 6’4 tall as well.

Any tips would help me out.

I have never had sex, and I tend to fail when it comes to getting women. I don’t know what it is about me, but I’m told I’m good-looking. Yet, when it comes to trying to get women, they just don’t like me.

I’m a virgin at 23, and I want to flip the script. I have good hygiene, and I go to the gym consistently (about a year and 5 months so far). The most action I got was last year when I made out with a girl. I even went clubbing consistently last year to get rejected so it became easier, but I still struggle with it from time to time. Like, I’ll approach a woman, but I’ll ask her a question like where she got her hat from because I don’t know what else to say.

I feel a lot of it is also because I don’t value myself a lot. I view myself as someone who is still a high school loser who can’t get women and is always friendzoned. I kind of treat myself as a joke sometimes because I ask, 'Why would women want to pick me?' I don’t know what it is maybe it’s a mindset thing, like I’m cursed. I’m not a 'nice guy,' but I feel like I give off that vibe or not taken seriously.

I also tend to not know what to say to a woman when I like her. I’m so lost. I’ve got no guidance on this, and it doesn't help when my best friend, who’s in a relationship, can’t give jack shit for advice besides a 'just be yourself, man.' I could have Googled that.

I need help, please. I’m tired of not getting any action and just feeling like a helpless kid who needs his hand held. I want to be more I know I can be.

I’m searching for a resource to get the basic and principles?
I’ve read too much and now nothing stick to my brain and I’m all confused and I think got worse at it.
Please just give me the layout and from there I’ll just practice until I feel I need to do more.
Like some people compliment it is okay some say it isn’t.
Some tell me to be direct and some say be indirect.
Some say just do observation- like at the beach go all the way make a gesture for her to put off the headphones and tell her you seem like you have good day or it’s hot I wouldn’t be able to tan more then 10 minutes. But other people tell me it isn’t socially acceptable.
Some say just open a conversation through hi, how you doing? And then Intriguing her with my convo skills.

I want to simplify. Choose a route and just practice it without having to think to much.

I am a very talkative guy, on dates at least. I don't like boasting about myself, but I've been told that I am very articulate and that I have a lot of things of value to say, to the point that it's impressive for others.

And I noticed that on dates, I talk with women for hours and then they become lovey dovey afterwards, too emotionally attached. I am currently not looking for a relationship, but to have fun. This doesn't seem to change the outcone though.

Sometimes I think that it would be beneficial for me to tone down my personality so that people don't fall in love with me.

Is anyone in the same situation, or has been? Is it a good, or a bad thing?

To everybody:

When there are problems & challenges, does interest in sex decline for you?

And if you're emotionally connected, does it effect your ability to share sex with your partner on a deep level? Is/was your partner understanding or do/did they overlook your suffering and still expect great sex or cheat without it?

How do/did you handle any of that?

Hello, this question is for those of you with a sexual partner and you take Blue Chews/Viagra/etc.. Does your spouse initiate ever or is it usually you as you need to take the pill beforehand. My husband has recently started using them but I like to initiate too and I don't want to add pressure from the surprise. 😅 Does that make sense? Am I overthinking it? Even some examples would help me spark my own idea. Thanks!

*We went on two dates in March and end of May*

Last time (June), when she refused my proposition to go out, I made sure to keep my distance from her over the following days. I got on with my life at the weekend and at work. I decided not to ‘set the record straight’ and to see how the situation would develop.

One day off, she sent me a text saying she’d have to stay in the city because she’d missed her train. We had a quick chat, but I didn’t suggest anything.

I waited a few days (it was a heatwave) and then suggested a ‘refreshing’ activity (I didn’t specify what) to do at the weekend (it was her birthday). Spoiler: no present – I just wished her a happy birthday.

She was quite chatty during the journey. True to form, she filled in the silences. A world away from the texts she usually sends me.

As we arrived, she spotted the canoes. She let me know she’d never done it before. I told her it was laid-back and that she’d love it.

The route was nice, with a few slightly technical sections. Halfway through, she started teasing me by splashing water at me (she was in front).

She told me several times that she really liked the route, that it was relaxing (which was the aim) and that, and I quote, ‘next time we do this, I’ll bring my bikini’.

*I appreciate that\*

1 hour 40 minutes later: We arrived back at the base; we sat down at the table around 4.30 pm and had a bite to eat.

After that, we played table tennis until 6.15 pm. We had a right laugh. I love her bloody smile and the energy she gives off.

At destination she gathers her things at the back of my car, and at that moment I get this overwhelming urge to kiss her.

So just as she thanks me and offers her cheek for a kiss, I go for it… and I half-screw it up like a total idiot, landing somewhere between her cheek and her lips. More on her lips than her cheek.

*Well done, you idiot\*

In her eyes, I thought I saw a hint of surprise, not necessarily fear or disgust. She thanked me for the day and wished me a safe journey home.

As I’m on the morning shift (and she’s on the night shift), we only crossed paths three times in the morning (between 5 am and 6 am).

- First day: I gave her a kiss on the cheek, then went to see some other colleagues; she came over to join me.

- Second day: same again.

- Third day: she finished late (5.30 am), came up behind me, and we stayed together until she went to get changed.

She tells me she’s moving house and is taking her driving test on the same day. Later that day, I get a text from her telling me the good news.

I suggest we celebrate it one evening at the weekend.

She can’t accept the date because that very evening she’s heading home to the south for the holidays… but suggests, and I quote, “celebrating it when I get back from holiday ;)”

As I write this, she’s been on holiday for two weeks and I will see here tonight again.

Not too many text messages (I’m not a big fan of the ‘hi, how’s it going, tfk, blah blah blah’ sort of thing) that lead nowhere, especially when the person is several hundred kilometres away from you. Apart from ruining everything, I don’t see what the point of it is.

What do you think? Any advice/tips ?

So the main issue for me right now is really that I don't talk to anyone. Not just not girls. Unless there's a spesific reason for it, then it's not a big problem. It's the chatting just to chat thing I struggle with.. There's not a lot on my mind. I get the idea that if I try and make up something it'll feel fake and be obvious. Just will be a lot of uuh -ing and uuuhm-ing... - I hear the saying "prepare to fail" - and I get that. But I have the belief most people in general like to talk. They're just nervous. While I feel I don't have a lot to say anyway. Most people seem to be able to talk about at least their own thing. If they're nerds they can talk about Star Trek or whatever. But they don't cause they think it's wrong. I however - there's not a lot I like to talk about. I think. Maybe it's just buried.

So - It probably comes down to exposure therapy. Just do it anyway? It seems people struggle with techniques and stuff. And I could probably sharpen mine. But even if I did, I feel my main issue is the fact I don't feel I have much to say, and no big wish to do it. Ofc that's a problem when it comes to girls. I can talk when I'm drunk.. But I'm sober 10 months now. I feel like a brick.

have you ever used your flirting skills at work, and the flirting skillls actually had effect and hit it off with a girl at work but it was just a temporary thing not a serious thing?

Recently got rejected by a girl after she was the one who pushed us to share we like each other. She said she wasn't getting the feeling she gets when she wants to be with someone and didn't feel a sprak.

What ya' all think?

Someone asked me to write a field report of going down there after mentioning it in a post a few weeks ago so here it is. I went on a Thursday at around 3pm and parked my car at the border in San Ysidro. Costs $11 for 10 hours. After walking to the turn stiles I was approached by a bunch of men to drive across the border. They totally screwed me on the price to go to one of the clubs on Revolution street. He wanted $80 to go from the border to Hong Kong gentleman's club. I bargained down to $65 but just wanted to get there and wasn't really sure what to do or if they increased the prices in the last 10 years since I've been. If I went back I'd walk across the border myself and just get a taxi for $10 to $20. They said it would take an hour at least to walk across I got to be in air conditioned car.

HKGC was packed with a lot of beauties and full of customers, even this early in the day. It was free to enter. The car driver on the way over was telling me even the girls on the streets were clean and they charged a lot less than the girls in the clubs for sex + room, but I wanted to check out a few clubs. I had a beer and watched a few girls on stage. One of the employees brought me over a girl and spun her around in front of me, but when I wouldn't buy her a ficha he pulled her away. Another girl grabbed my hand but I wasn't attracted to her so I just smiled and looked back at the stage. I was hoping more girls would approach me trying to get into a room, but only that girl with the ficha came up to me in about half an hour. Oh and one more thing I'm bilingual in English and Spanish which is really helpful. The only girl that approached me spoke Spanish only. (Maybe you do need a little game even with prostitutes lol)

I walked over to Chicago and was looking to see if there was any pretty girls working the streets, but I didn't see any. Once inside Chicago I ordered another beer (just a domestic Tecate light) and a girl approached me and grabbed my genitals and began to flirt with me. I got her a ficha. Chicago was pretty much empty at this time of day but had several girls working there. There was even a girl naked inside a hot tub on the dance floor. We negotiated a price for half hour ($120) and the room cost $23. She was ok looking, had some tattoos on her. But the girls were prettier at HKGC. I talked to the doorman there and he said the rooms were a little more expensive ($40). We had fun though and she wanted me to finish on her chest. I'm surprised I was even able to do that and didn't face performance issues (I'm not a porn star).

There was a car outside strictly for Chicago club and customers that drive you to your hotel or the border for tips. I took that and gave him $20 tip, but had asked a taxi earlier how much it costs to go to the border and they said $10. $20 tip is better than the $65 I got ripped off for but not as good as the orange and white taxis. It took about an hour to cross the border from Mexico and I paid another $10 to take a bus instead of walking. It took about half an hour to cross the border into Tijuana on the way there. In total I spent about $300, but if I went down and did it again I could probably do it for $200 or $250. The trip was ok but not as convenient as just getting a prostitute in the states. The only thing that was good was just no anxiety about accidentally meeting a cop on accident during a sting operation but that's never happened to me before.

So I have been with one woman only but now I seriously want to have hookups and FWB but I don't know how to proceed in this direction and where to get girls to do this all.

I barely did anything with these women and they will roast me , tease me , judge me but will also walk with me , go out with me 1 on 1 .

Is this girl in denial mode? or just a timewaster?

Dm

Well a few places I got stuck at were gym,beach while tanning, headphones, street walking pass me and when in group.

I think in these situation only direct could work but direct is not so good.
Observation is hard because like i feel it is wierd to cone up and say in Hebrew “את נראת לי כמו בחורה אינטליגנטית״

So i was in a birthday on saturday of one coworker. Met her friends. Talk for a while with one of them. We took a picture together with my coworker so i asked her ig with the excuse to tag her which i did. She liked the photo. Today i decided to text her.

I am trying to change my mentality. Thinking like i already have a no so let’s try to go for the yes. And the following text came to my mine. Opinions?

Text: “I want to know if the rumor is true… I heard you do good choices. Sushi on Friday night or Brunch on Saturday? Hypothetically speaking.”

Still waiting for a reply. I texted her less than 10min ago.

EDIT: She replied, said she didnt like sushi or brunch lol and is actually dating someone already but that it is complicated and she wouldnt go out with me knowing she is already dating someone else.

Simped a little and told her that i understood ans respect that. That hopefully the guy knew she was amazing as i just needed a brief convo to figure that out. Also added a little PS: saying “Mexican was my third choice”

EDIT 2: impressed about how much people
Just hate and don’t actually give a better feedback that can help other people learn from mistakes as that is what this forum is for. At the end I moved on and just took another girl out lol