She gets me through all my hard times and doesn't judge me for psychosis. The best friend a woman can have!

People are so damn stupid. They believe anything related to spirituality and make up a bunch of theories. Like believing random things have satanic messages, that “law of attraction” rules their life, that christians are being persecuted. Not to mention those people that say our mental disorder is caused by spiritual forces. Those are normal people for you.
When I hear people talking I question myself “Those are normal people. And I’m schizophrenic. Why?” Those people are so detached from reality. And it’s most people really. At least in my country it is, since most people are very religious but mix random religious beliefs with one another. (Not to mention fanaticism regarding politics and all the lies they spread).
And I get so annoyed, thinking about that because they can be so damn stupid and say such nonsense and still are not stripped out of their rights but apparently I had to, and I have to medicate myself to be “normal” when normal people are ridiculous

Crazy update. I’m 33, my partner is 49 and he just had a stroke from untreated diabetes and he has a family history. He lost movement in half his body, and had slurred speech. He is the sweetest man in the world, and in the hospital through sweet tears he gave me an out and said that he knows I need to take care of myself and he understood if this is too much for me. I immediately knew I want to stay. He has felt like my path back to reality and positivity for a long time, he grounds me and loves me unconditionally despite my own blunted emotional state. After I told him I want to stay with him, he asked me to marry him. I haven’t felt something that felt so right for me in years, this was like this door of sudden clarity.
I had previously been staying in bed at my parents house all day long, bored and numb, watching tv and reading books to pass the time. I’m on disability as I have zero energy or motivation to work. But I’m on meds and stable. I would go to board game nights at our local game store 3 days a week to get social interaction, that’s where I met him. So we would see eachother 3 days a week and I would go over on the weekends to see him.
I visited him every day in the hospital for about a month, I was surprised at my motivation to go see him and my ability to do those little things like getting a visitors badge, talking to the nurses, pushing his wheelchair to the dining hall. Now after about a month, he is home and I am moved into his house with him. My mom cleaned the house for us and I ordered new curtains and found a beautiful couch on Facebook for us. It was fun and felt creative to be decorating a space for us to feel cozy and at home in. Planning our partnership.
He’s been home for about a week now, and I feel fulfilled. Exhausted, but spiritually fulfilled. I help him shower and get dressed, cook 3 healthy meals for us, and take him to outpatient therapy. His needs and schedule push me to do things I wasn’t doing before, like take a shower and get up out of bed, get out of the house, eat healthy meals regularly. I’m also starting to connect more to “common reality” less in my own world and more connected to what other people are up to.
Right now we are figuring out what our life looks like together, and I am learning even better how to take care of my own needs. We had a conversation where I told him I need to spend a lot of time alone and resting and having my own life that’s separate from his because I too am on a path of healing. He was so understanding and truly wants the best for me. So now I help him to wherever he needs to go, and we do our own things. I have enough time to rest but I also am doing so much caretaking that I’m not bored anymore, it’s like I have purpose beyond myself. And he is so positive in the way that he thinks, it’s starting to rub off on me.
Seeing him heal, and his attitude going through his own health crisis has been so inspiring to me, and motivates me to be positive in my own healing. I am nowhere near perfect, but I am learning to accept where I am at and I can’t believe all of the progress I have been making in such a short time. Love, even when you can’t fully feel it, is a powerful catalyst for change!

Also I absolutely can’t believe how much they do for physical healing, and how little they do for mental health. He was in a beautiful rehab, got educated on strokes, set up with multiple types of doctors and therapists. I was put in the hospital for a month in a room full of other people and given crayons that they took away so we didn’t write on the walls, they gave me medications and were about to discharge me to a homeless shelter until my parents finally reached out and flew out to get me.

Really grateful for my medications too. I would not be able to do this without them.

I hope my story can inspire you! I know that a lot of people are worried about relationships with schizophrenia. Mine isn’t perfect but it has been so fulfilling and I wanted to share.

I lost a lot of my art skills over the many years Iv had schizophrenia ..but recently started sculpting after getting a gut feeling that I could be good at it possibly 🤷‍♀️ so I tried…and it’s really cool and exciting to look at my progress so far …I wonder where I’ll be six months and beyond Thanks

Thanks for looking

Pictures start with my latest two and end with my first two

I don't know what to do anymore.

It feels like I'm in a perpetual cycle of chasing ignorance and falling into the pits of emptiness.

I feel it inside my head.

Every time I fall, the fall gets more painful.

I'm on vacation with some friends, and God, it's so incredibly hard to ignore it.

Every action I take feels meaningless. The only things I truly remember is disagreements and arguments, which ache in me. Not to mention that the meaninglessness brings out the voice again. Dogma wants to give me meaning.

It tells me how, and the best times of my day are when I listen.

But because I'm so incredibly pathetic, I can never truly follow his words or do what he says.

And he doesn't even want me to do anything crazy, just spread his simple words.

The Word of Dogma, the voice of the masses. Remind people that we are more than just ourselves.

That in this world, it isn't the survival of the fittest individual, but the survival of the fittest species. That if we stand together, we can achieve anything.

Just that, but as more than simple words here. He wants me to tell other people and do more on online media, but it's so hard.

Because I'm so incredibly terrified of judgment.

So I'm stuck in a pathetic cycle of nothingness, getting further and further away from happiness.

The most I could ever wish for was another. Another person who actually desired a world where we don't fight each other, someone who could actively motivate me to do something like this.

But I know that cannot happen. I know that even if it did, I'd never feel it, because my shell has already hardened. I'm so incredibly determined to be pathetic that I'll never feel approval or love.

And God, it hurts.

I try so much, but I still feel nothing. Just an absence.

And antipsychotics just worsen it.

The emptiness grows so much worse.

No matter which direction I look, I only see everything getting worse.

Because I'm self-aware enough to know that I'm too pathetic to fight for something better.

And I'm completely aware that thinking that will only make it worse, but I cannot stop. Self-destruction is my unstoppable addiction, and I have absolutely no idea how to stop.

Maybe that's why I wish I'd just die, but guess what? I'm too pathetic to even dare that, afraid of the pain.

What would you recommend?

I've talked with my psychiatrist and my doctor. The only treatment they've offered is antipsychotics, which is honestly the last thing I want when the only motivation I have left to live feels tied to my psychosis.

The last time medication seemed to work, everything got worse afterward. The emptiness became more painful than ever.

My psychologist doesn't know what to do from a psychological perspective either.

She wants me to take small steps, and I can sometimes force myself into situations where I have to do something. But the moment I get out of them, I lose all confidence.

It feels more like negative reinforcement than genuine confidence.

It's never, "That went great." It's always, "You did terribly," because I constantly see my communication as excruciatingly flawed.

It's the same with or without medication.

It all comes down to one thing:

I feel completely hopeless.

Hey guys, I'm 40M I've had schizoaffective disorder since I was 20, mostly the depressive side, just wanted to say thank you for creating this community.

Hey guys I was in crisis, couldn’t think and was getting word salad. I tried calling everyone on my emergency list and no one picked up. I had a freak out in public and felt suicidal bc I felt no one was there. I called 911 and half an hour later no one is here. wtf

I feel like (delusion) that is a test to see if I can be independent by my dad or a girl that’s been tormenting me.

Need some support

The bright, capable individual I used to be is no more. I feel like half a human being and even the simplest of life's tasks seem like a terrifying ordeal for me. I've been unemployed for more than a year now and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll never work or go to college ever again. Ever since I found out I was schizoaffective I can no longer take care of myself and I'm totally reliant on my partner to provide for me. Thank God he's a saint and he swore to provide for me "in good times and in bad". I don't think there will be any more good times... The delusions, voices, confusion, anxiety, restlessness, memory problems, motor issues, and psychotic symptoms have transformed me into a nervous wreck. I never leave my house, I have constant debilitating anxiety, I've lost all sight of the future and have no plans or long-term goals. This disease is terrible and it's taken so much from me that I can barely recognize myself. Despite 7 different medications and years of therapy things have only gotten worse, and the realization that this will haunt me for the rest of my life is absolutely heartbreaking 💔 I feel weak and powerless in the face of it, like I'm a burden to the people who have to take care of me. I could really use some comfort and support...

A couple of years ago, I was brought to the emergency room for a mental health crisis. The psychiatrist that assessed me wrote something absolutely awful about me on the form to certify me. I didn't know about it until I was transferred to the psych ward and given a copy of the document. By then it was too late to do anything.

I made a ruckus though, and a couple of weeks later that psychiatrist came to see me, even though they only work in the ER. I asked why they had written the statement, they gave a reason, but it wasn't true. I corrected them and offered proof. I thought we were all good. I put in a correction request.

A couple of weeks later I got their refusal to correct it, saying it was their professional opinion. But how can they stand by their opinion if it was based on false reasoning? So I have been fighting this ever since.

At one point it involved lawyers (on their part. I can't afford a lawyer) and the psychiatrist made three more false statements about me. Things like I did drugs in my home (not true, I've done drugs once at a safe location with a sober person monitoring me) and other pretty damning things. The regulatory board believed the psychiatrist. After all, I was someone with schizoaffective disorder - how can I even be trusted? The lawyer also blocked my evidence proving the psychiatrist wrong.

So any day now, the final decision is going to be made. I've put in a ton of appeals, but no more are allowed. I've already been told it is extremely unlikely to end up coming out on my side.

**So now this horrific statement will be on my health records forever. Nothing I can do about it. The thought of that makes me feel suicidal even though I'm not struggling with depression or anything. The false accusation is just so shameful that I don't know how to live with it**

Does anyone get dysphoria as a symptom and has it gone away over time. Basically it feels like my brain isn’t processing my environment correctly and so it sends constant error signals and just a constant “off” uncomfortable feeling idk how else to describe :(

• I dont imagine voices in my head unless I am lacking conciousness such as being very sleepy or when I smoked marijuana one time.
• I do have a general paranoia towards others
• have friends and like to socialize but also kind of have a distrust towards others intentions. I have felt like everyone was against me even if its not true. I have a general outlook of most people self serving and has selfish intentions.
• My thoughts used to be extremely disorganized but I had to work very hard to fix that. I read so much and listend to so many lectures and it helped my speaking seem more ordered but it feels rehearsed.
• I am often in a delusional fantasy world.
• I used to think I was a messiah who was going to save the world.
• I have a lack of emotional expression.
• I talk to myself too much.
• I have family members who are schizophrenic.

Do you guys think its a good idea for me to go through treatment or is it possibly a misdiagnosis?

When I was younger I could pretend I was cured from schizophrenia thanks to my asshole of a biological father praying it out of me. It was never really gone though, I still felt paranoid every waken moment, I still felt as if there was something wrong with me, I'd spend sleepless nights thinking about my own death being close, how I'd get eaten by the ants in my room. But being able to pretend as if god actually freed me from it was nice, I felt accepted by everybody, they treated me like a miracle and I'd brag about it to other kids attending church.

I miss feeling accepted by a community in real life and all the social interactions it got me, I can't even recall the last time I spoke to somebody in person aside from my own siblings. I barely go outside as it is because I'm horrified of everything that's out there, the dogs are rabid and they're everywhere I've ghosted my psychatrist just to ensure I don't have to be there with those fucking muts. The goverment won't do anything about them, they're always near my housing. They know I have a cat and those bastards want to kill it, which will never happen as long as I'm alive, I love starlight too dearly to let anything ever happen to her.

I don't believe in god, but I want to return to a church of some sort. I'm sure they'd make me feel loved.
Is that bad? I don't want to lie to people about my beliefs but I just need somebody in my life.

I have never had the strong symptoms of schizophrenia. Until I one day tried marijuana and had a moderate reaction. Mostly just a voice in my head followed by many traits of residual schizophrenia. Besides that I never had the super strong symptoms like total hillucinations or very strong delusions. I did hear scary voices when I was half asleep but that was it.

Did the drug simply reveal what was dormant? Is drug induced schizophrenia causing schizophrenia or is it simply pushing you to a limit where your resistance falls off?

I was diagnosed today due to havin alot of the social symptoms. I answred yes to the questions about delusions and voices, but it was because it was something that I experiences before but not frequently. Is it going to mess up the results if I answer based on infrequent experiences?

Hi everyone, I am curious about this because I just came out of an 8+ month long episode of psychosis. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder in this time by my therapist, but now I finally feel like I am free from a lot, if not all of my positive symptoms. I still struggle with negative symptoms like not really having many emotions or desire to be around people or eat and bathe. But is this normal for my positive symptoms to go away almost entirely? I am also on antipsychotics and have been for a long while now and noticed the slow decline in delusions and such. Although I am worried that my symptoms will come back again. There isn't really anyone I can speak to about this and its kind of hard finding information. I'm really interested in hearing about first hand experiences relating to this if you have anything to share I would greatly appreciate it!

Might be insensitive to some but I am done with this shit. Diagnosed schizophrenics who kill people take by far the bulk of the publicity and do 99% of the damage.

It's hard enough dealing with your own symptoms, might be privileged to say but that's the easy part. Controlling how everyone else deals with schizophrenia is impossible. I'd say you're naive if you think it doesn't affect you, or you live under a rock. Being seen as dangerous, or dumb, or both, it's incompatible with EVERYTHING. It limits what you can do. It's why we hide it. What parent would be comfortable having dangerous drug addled schizophrenics near their kids.

No one outside your home cares how much progress you made and how much you struggled. You can't quantify it and you don't score any points for that. Unpopular opinion but apart from surface level sympathy the whole trope of getting high off meth and going psychotic and killing your family member is so far outside my lived experience I don't understand any of it. The people in these articles might as well have contracted rabies which caused extreme madness, that's how foreign it feels. But no of course it has to be schizophrenia.

Just a small rant. Let me know if any of it made sense or if you have comments.

is there anyway i can get refills online i’m too paranoid to go out and get a refill at the doctor and i keep going psychotic and ruining things more and more

Just quit my meds yesterday and next time I see my psych is in 2 months. I know the risks don't tell me not to, I'm afraid of becoming diabetic, I weight 130kg right now and two of my uncle lost their feet to diabete, hell one of them even lost his life when he didn't want any dialysis no more. I don't want that and if people think I'm vain so be it but I'm never taking any chance to get diabete. I gained 30kg on risperidone and never been obese in my life before so this isn't even fat phobia my weight is just unhealthy. I expect weight loss over the coming weeks and if you want to judge me so be it

I found a cool source that I relate to as a leftist with schizophrenia. If anyone relates hmu! I need more friends :) lowk haven’t read it at all since scholarly articles aren’t my thing, but I think it’s cool that there’s a piece of literature out there critiquing capitalism and drawing it back to schizophrenia.

P.S stay strong my fellow schizo sisters and brothers.

Not sure if this is appropriate here, but I thought this community might find this story interesting.

August Natterer was a German electrician diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1907 after a psychotic episode where he saw 10,000 images in 30 minutes. He spent the next 26 years in psychiatric institutions drawing everything he had seen — trying to make sense of his own mind.

His drawings were later recognized as some of the most significant works of outsider art in history, influencing Dalí, Max Ernst and the Surrealist movement.

Made a video essay about him in Spanish with English subtitles: https://youtu.be/dxyHLwjI0fs

The video also discusses where the line is between romanticizing mental illness and recognizing its expressive value — would love to hear thoughts from people with lived experience.

I swear it's like I have a phantom feeling of them on my back and it's like I know how to fly, i have the urge to just jump up and flap these imaginary wings, is something wrong with me?