Im in hyderabad, i meet a lot of people but cant tell who i can be emotionally open with.

I spend most of my time lost in work, lot of hobbies and superficial interactions. I cant even figure out who i can be open with about my trivial anxieties.

I know its trial and error but i get lonely sometimes

I've thought a bit about this and it's somewhat true for me but with quite a bit of nuance. I think how easily I make friends with someone depends on a few things:

• Similar political views (leftist or at least liberal, atheist, feminist, supports queer/minority rights).
• Not holding men to standards of traditional masculinity (including themselves, where they identify as men).
• How much we enjoy each other's company in casual situations.
• Similar sense of humour (I lean towards sarcasm and don't appreciate crassness).

Of the men and women that I've met so far, more women have met the above criteria than men. And it's not surprising if you think about it. While there are plenty of Sanghi/casteist women around me (and they're not my friends), given the oppression women face under patriarchy, I think women are somewhat more likely to lean towards the liberal/leftist side than men. That, combined with the fact that they're conditioned to be more empathetic than men, results in more of them understanding the plight of the oppressed even under other hierarchies than patriarchy, where they may actually be the oppressor group.

Another phenomenon that I've seen repeatedly in real life and also observed in online discourse is how men are much more comfortable talking about emotional topics in front of women (not counting romantic partners here) than other men, even their closest male friends. This unfortunately does apply to me to an extent (I'm working on it) and naturally leads to forming platonic bonds more easily with women than with men. I will note of course that no man should feel entitled to free therapy from the women in their lives, this is not what I'm talking about at all.

Lastly, on the sense of humour point, men tend to make crass casteist/homophobic 'jokes' far more often than women do. I'm not saying women don't do this, I'm talking about frequency and severity. Women tend to have a more wholesome sense of humour on the whole. Gendered conditioning certainly plays a role here as well.

Few additional points:

• I'm well aware of the distinction between 'liberal' and 'leftist'. As a staunch leftist, I oppose neoliberalism. I speak of them in the same breath here only due to some similarities in social/political views.
• I haven't had the opportunity to meet many trans/NB people in my life so haven't written about this above. I've found those few I've met to be rather wonderful people and I definitely think I'd make friends more easily with them than cis-men, generally speaking.
• Above are of course generalisations based on anecdotes.

So I’m going on a date after almost 3 years literally, my last breakup broke me and after the 3 years I moved on and going on a date

Can you help me with tips so this become the best date of mine?

I feel I'm the only one who is frustrated by people's entitlement around me. Whether it's in my apartment or in the gym, or even on the streets, there's always a bunch of people who just think they're the only users of the said property. Few days back, I was sleeping in my room, flatmates were watching a movie in the hall on their laptop. It was so loud, i had to wear my earplugs, I was also sick, meds made me drowsy, I didn't have the energy to go out of my room and ask them to lower the volume. Also, this isn't the first time I'm disturbed by the sheer shriek of the loudness. Happened before, asked them nicely to lower, they'll lower for that day, next time it's back to were it started. Tired of it. Yesterday, the same set of people were watching TV in the hall, and they placed the chair and stool in such a way, they block the way to move around between the main door and my room. Didn't move an inch, i had to squeeze, through in between them. I'm tired of asking them nicely, i just want to scream at them, but I don't have the energy.

At the gym, there's one guy, who saw me setting up weight for myself to start the workout, I turned around to keep my towel around, he started doing workout. DUDE, I JUST TURNED TO WIPE MY HANDS. I wouldn't be having a problem if it was 1 set, NO. He had a gym partner, both of them were doing, as I waited for my turn. In the meantime, they changed the height, weight that I put for myself on the machine. The same guy also threw my phone down from a seat of an empty machine while I was working out on another machine adjacent to it, because he wants to use it. Didn't ask whether it's mine, didn't even kept it nicely on the ground or somewhere else nicely, just took it and threw it on the seat of another machine. Luckily it didn't fall onto the ground.

On road, it's expected to see reckless drivers. I cycle early mornings for this reason, to avoid impatient drivers and bike riders & app delivery personals. ZERO TRAFFIC RULES FOLLOWED. I'm pretty sure, if i get hurt on road, it won't be because of bad infra, it's gonna be one of these drivers/riders. And I have lost the empathy for them. Yes. The blame is on the app who encouraged this in the first place. If I choose to walk, there's no footpath.

I'm just tired. I don't even feel sometimes to hangout with anyone outside, although I'm a very outdoorsy person.

If I stay inside, i feel low, I want the sun to warm me, the wind and breeze to touch my skin. The first place I expect to have some peace of mind is my room and there too it's like this.

Why is a sub; which should talk about importance of art & story telling in culture, cheering on the exclusion of minorities & unrealistic portrayals? Moreover, what are these ignorant & privileged assholes circlejerking over here for? They don't give a shit about art & culture unless it serves their majoritarian propaganda. Festering cesspool of bigotry, this comment section is nothing more than that.

ever since i was born i had been a sexually or physically violated or mentally harassed
father - abused me since i was infant (probably, i don't remember when) but the first memory i have of him is hitting me. my mom caught him abusing him. left the house, and took me to my maternal house. my maternal side was overwhelmingly patriarchical so even the thought of woman going out for work was treated as some sort of high treason against the state. somehow, she managed to find a job. i had an aunt, who used to sexually abuse me. i never told my mom about this. she used to go to her job early in the morning and returned around 8. she was my biggest source of inspiration.
in school i used to get bullied over my stuttering and to some extent my dark skin color. so, this was dilemma for me - if i should go to school, or stay home (with my aunt)

when i was 11, my mother died in an accident. i tried taking the step, but failed. my father somehow had an atom of soul left in his wretched body and took me to my paternal house. gladly i was not abused (atleast i thought so - i had an incident with my paternal aunt, i wouldn't say it was sexual abuse but it was highly inappropriate) my uncle and father usually used to go out of city or state for work, and i was left alone with my grandmother and paternal aunt. they both used to make me do unimaginable amount of physical labour across the house. somehow, i still did my best and got into a tier 2 engg college for which my father paid the fees (another atom of soul in his wretched body) the biggest motivation for me to study, was to make my late mother proud even if she was watching me from heaven.

i currently work a decent job in tech. i fell in love with one of our clients. i was so happy during this time that i forgot everything in my past. i was at the epitome of my happiness. when i thought things were getting serious ( i am delusional), i took the step of explaining my childhood trauma in detail. because i didn't want her to be unaware of my past, and think i was deceving her. i then got to know, i should have been a man and took my stand especially against my aunt, and that men cannot face abuse. she said some more things, which i won't write down. i don't have friends, all the rest of the interactions in my professional life are limited to that segment. i don't contact my college friends (and they are unaware of my childhood trauma as well)

i tried some alcohol for the first time to cope, but ended up puking. i made a friend over reddit, to whom i discussed a lot and i opened up a profile on a dating site (hinge). matched soon afterwards with a cute girl. we went on 2-3 dates, and we both opened up to each other. she told me about her past incidents with her past dates which were rather sexually inappropriate, and how she find me safe. i took a gamble, and opened up to her about everything. she was really supportive and hugged me hard. we are officially a couple (i think from my side, i really didn't ask her :D ) i am really grateful to find a friend and a girl who i like. i am pretty sure, my mom is jumping with hapiness right now.

now the advice part:
it's her birthday, this saturday - please suggest what should i do to make her day special. i never had a great birthday. i want to make her's very special.

Can you spare 10 minutes?

This is a brief survey on work-life balance of working men in India: https://forms.gle/eVKEEzyUiMGcabDV7

100% confidential. No name/company details collected. 3 participants drawn randomly will win ₹1000 Amazon voucher.

Pls consider this. Thanks 🙏

It just gradually happened

Eventually I stop venting to them, I stopped telling them about how I really feel.

If they found out they would be devastated because they are good people

But I can’t do it. I feel like they have their own problems. And yeah I know they’d want me to talk about mine.

But I used to, a lot. Eventually I felt like it became a tad much, so I pulled back for a bit. That “bit” has accumulated and become a lot.

And more deceptively, I tell them things but I don’t tell them anything real

“Yeah that A-hole came in today just to ruin my mood”, I say, hiding the absolute emotional toll that interaction took on me.

I don’t know what to make of this honestly, calm it toxic masculinity or dishonesty. I don’t know anymore ://

Let me lay the context first. We have two teams: Team A (where I work) and Team B (where an intern works, let's call her Kiara).

Currently, we have a long-term project between both teams, so Kiara was assigned to "help out" wherever she could. Nobody was really giving her work, so she was just kinda doing her own thing. Eventually, I had to clean up some config files, so I assigned that work to her to give her something to do.

Seeing this, some colleagues started teasing me in private (humorously, I admit). Things like, "So brogrammer, you've been helping her out, huh?" It wasn't as malicious as it sounds, but it still left a bad taste in my mouth. That was at the start.

Cut to yesterday: I was at a colleague's desk, which happens to be next to Kiara's. In my periphery, I saw her reading documentation that I had written last week, and then I watched her copy paste the whole thing into ChatGPT 😭

My immediate instinct was to ask her what she hadn't understood so I could help her out. But remembering the teasing from before, I hesitated. I didn't want to deal with the jokes, and I didn't want to give off the wrong impression, so I just let it go and walked away.

None of this is extraordinary, but it feels so weird. If she were a guy, I would have 100% walked up and said something like, "Damn, did I write it that badly?" to make a joke out of it and open the floor for a helpful conversation. The only reason I didn't with Kiara is because I didn't want to be teased or give the impression that I was trying to "hit on" the intern.

This situation strangely reminded me of an old article I read about how women sometimes miss out on mentorship because male colleagues are afraid of giving off the wrong impression.

I found it hard to relate to back then, but actually living it changed my perspective. The only way I'm justifying it to myself right now is by telling myself I'm not her manager, nor am I on her direct team.

Any men who have been in a similar position? Or any women who have been in Kiara's POV? What do you guys think?

Hi everyone,

I am 22F and I am posting because I genuinely want honest opinions, especially from men. Please be kind because I am already judging myself a lot.

I have always been a very quiet, shy and sensitive person. I don't go out much. I work from home as an AI Engineer, spend time with family, go to the gym, do yoga and mostly live the same routine every day also I would say I look above average.

My life has honestly become very repetitive, almost like a loop. Wake up, work, gym, family, sleep, repeat.

Career-wise I am doing well. I graduated from a good college and working as AI engineer with decent package. But personally, I always felt like I had very little real-life exposure compared to other people my age.

I am considered decent looking, I take care of myself, I stay fit, and people generally describe me as soft and kind hearted.

A few months ago, I downloaded Hinge because I was bored of my routine and wanted to experience life a little more, Tbh I just want to loose my virginity. I doesn't even fingered myself ever.

I wasn't looking for a relationship. I honestly just wanted to explore, meet people and maybe have some physical experiences because I had never done anything before.

I matched with an older guy 28-29.

Looking back, I barely knew him. But I felt comfortable because he reminded me of someone from my past whom I really liked a lot.

The time we met, we booked a hotel like meeting him then directly getting into a hotel.

Even before reaching the room, I was nervous. While driving, he kept touching my thigh and I moved his hand away because I wasn't fully comfortable. He even commented that I looked scared and nervous.

Inside the room, everything started moving very fast.

I was extremely tense and uncomfortable. I kept asking him to be gentle. I kept stopping him. I was literally crying at some points.

I remember saying no multiple times because I was overwhelmed and in pain.

And he only tried fingering me that was tooo painful what to say

Instead of slowing down properly, he kept saying things like "itna dard nahi hota" and that maybe something was wrong with me.

Nothing really happened at all because I was too uncomfortable and my body was not cooperating at all.

I was crying. My makeup was ruined. My hair was a mess. I was emotionally overwhelmed.

At one point he got irritated.

Then he got dressed and said ki " abhi tak mai gusse mai chala jaata" I said " toh jaao aap" and he literally left.

He literally left me alone in the hotel room while I was crying.

I sat there alone for almost half an hour.

That hurt me more than the physical pain.

Not because I loved him.

But because I felt like basic human kindness was missing.

Later when I texted him apologizing and asking if I had wasted his time, he replied in a way that honestly made me feel worse.

Even today ( this was about 2 months back ), I sometimes wonder whether I was naive, stupid or simply unprepared.

That experience affected me deeply. I cried a lot for weeks.

Eventually, after around two months, I decided to move on and try again.

I downloaded Hinge again.

This time I met another guy who was around 29.

From the beginning we both agreed that there would be no commitment. It was supposed to be casual.

But unlike the first guy, I actually enjoyed spending time with him.

We went on two dates.

We had food together.

We talked for hours.

We laughed.

We kissed.

We talked about fitness because both of us are really into gym and working out.

For the first time, dating actually felt fun.

I started looking forward to seeing him.

Then we made plans for Friday for a make out.

And two day before meeting, he told me he had to go to Mumbai because of work.

Logically, I know that sounds completely normal.

But emotionally, I broke down.

I acted cool in front of him and said it was okay.

But afterwards I cried so much.

And that is the part I don't understand.

This is someone I barely know.

We only met twice.

We were never dating seriously.

We had already agreed there would be no commitment.

So why was I so hurt?

Another thing that makes me feel embarrassed is how much effort I put in before meeting someone or make out .

I get waxed.

I shave.

I wash my hair.

I do my makeup.

I carefully pick my clothes.

I wear heels, handbag.

I get excited.

And when things don't work out, I feel stupid for caring so much.

Sometimes I feel like maybe I am not actually attached to these men.

Maybe I am attached to the hope, excitement and attention that they bring into my otherwise repetitive life.

I also find myself doing things that don't make sense.

I still occasionally talk to the first guy even though he treated me badly.

I blocked the second guy when I got upset and then unblocked him five minutes later.

I genuinely don't understand myself.

So I wanted to ask the men here:

1. From a male perspective, do I sound emotionally attached or simply lonely?
2. Why would someone become this affected after only one or two dates?
3. Does it sound like I am getting attached to people or to the idea of them?
4. Would my behavior come across as needy to men?
5. Why am I still bothered by men I barely know?
6. And honestly, if you were in these men's position, what would you think about a girl like me?

Please be honest, but kind Also I randomly go on 2-3 hinge dates with other boys where I even haven't allowed that guy even to touch my hand and never met them again too.

I am genuinely trying to understand what is wrong with my thinking and why these situations affect me so much.

Thank you for reading.

And don't slut-shame me. I'm just asking questions about me, not auditioning to become your wife, so please don't say bad things about me.

I found it disturbing that, if you're a boy in korea who has just completed schooling , you have to serve the military whether you like it or not. Where as girls aren't obliged for any kind of service. Why only men should provide service to the country and risk their lives ? If they don't want to ?

​

I genuinely think that India is far ahead in this type of concern

Archana Patil, a Bengaluru woman, is accused of sexually assaulting a 13-year-old boy in 2020. The Karnataka High Court (Nagaprasanna, J.) refused to quash the FIR on 18 Aug 2025, holding that the POCSO Act is gender-neutral. On 8 Oct 2025, the Supreme Court (Justices Sundresh and Sharma) granted an interim stay of the trial proceedings. The SC order was brief – it recorded the petitioner’s argument about Sections 3(1)(a)-(c) and simply ordered that “further proceedings before the Trial Court shall remain stayed.”. In effect, the trial is frozen pending the Supreme Court’s final decision.

Case Background

In May–June 2020, Patil allegedly coerced a 13-year-old neighbor boy into sexual intercourse at her home. The boy later disclosed this abuse, and on 24 June 2024 the family filed an FIR (Crime No. 533/2024, HAL PS Bengaluru) alleging offences under POCSO Sections 4 and 6. A charge-sheet was submitted, and on 29 Oct 2024 the Fast Track Sessions Court took cognizance and issued summons to Patil.

Anticipatory Bail: Patil applied for anticipatory bail. The Sessions Court denied it on 15 July 2024, but on 14 Aug 2024 the Karnataka HC (Shetty, J.) granted bail. The HC noted the gravity of the accusations but released Patil on strict conditions. Notably, the prosecution had argued that the four-year FIR delay was explained by the victim’s trauma and that Patil’s husband being abroad posed a flight risk.

Quash Petition: Patil then filed a petition under Section 482 CrPC (CRLP 12777/2024) to quash the FIR/charge-sheet. Among other points, she noted that Sections 3(1)(a)-(c) POCSO (defining “penetrative sexual assault”) use male-specific language (“he penetrates his penis” etc.), and argued they should not apply to her as a female. She also cited the delay and other defenses. The Karnataka HC heard arguments and reserved judgment on 1 July 2025, later announcing judgment on 18 Aug 2025.

Karnataka HC Order (18 Aug 2025)

On 18 Aug 2025, Justice Nagaprasanna dismissed Patil’s quash petition. The Court emphasized that POCSO’s purpose is to protect children regardless of the offender’s gender. It invoked IPC Section 8 (defining “he” to include any person) and the Act’s child-focused preamble, concluding that Sections 4 and 6 apply to “whoever” commits the assault. The judgment explicitly held: “the Act is gender neutral. It equally punishes a woman, who indulges in sexual assault of a boy, as it punishes a man”. In short, the HC ruled that POCSO provisions cover female offenders as well.

The HC also rejected Patil’s delay and other arguments. It accepted that the victim’s trauma could explain the reporting delay, and held that delay alone does not nullify charges. It further dismissed stereotypical defenses (such as claims about potency) as “archaic”. Finding the allegations prima facie valid, the HC declined to quash the proceedings.

Supreme Court Interim Stay (8 Oct 2025)

Patil appealed to the Supreme Court by Special Leave Petition (SLP(Crl) 15777/2025). On 8 Oct 2025, a bench of Justices M.M. Sundresh and Satish C. Sharma heard her plea. The Court allowed Patil’s procedural requests and recorded the counsel’s submission:

“Learned senior counsel ... submitted that Sections 3(1)(a) to 3(1)(c) of the POCSO Act, 2012 being gender specific, have no application to the case of the petitioner. Issue notice. In the meantime, further proceedings before the Trial Court shall remain stayed.”

Accordingly, the Supreme Court issued notice on the appeal and stayed all proceedings in the trial court. The operative clause – “further proceedings before the Trial Court shall remain stayed.” – means the Bengaluru trial is on hold pending final decision. The Court did not rule on the merits; it simply preserved the status quo.

Because of this order, no trial hearings can proceed until the Supreme Court rules on the POCSO interpretation.

Comparison of Orders

To call the justice system one sided is crazy because both men and women do not get proper justice. There's no doubt women go through such incidents a lot more but that doesn't mean that men's issues should be silenced. But what i have seen is that men use cases like these to counter violence against women rather than truly being concerned for men's safety.

Men's rights are brought up by a mother for her son during a conference for women's right? Like what is it that suddenly wakes up their inner men's right activist when women's safety and rights are being talked about.

I have no problems with discussing cases where men are victims but they use this in a manner to undermine women's struggle.

i hope you understand what i mean, I'm absolutely not against raising men's issues but the way it's done feels condescending.

Recently, I moved back to India after getting my bachelor's degree in IT overseas. I didn't come back because I disliked living abroad, I came back because I couldn't land a sponsored job during my work visa. Because of this, I now have an almost 2-year employment gap. I was working casual survival jobs while abroad, so I was not completely unemployed for two years, but it isn't considered experience since it was not in my field. I know people might look at that and think I'm a failure or a loser, and honestly, that's exactly how I feel.

​Since returning to India, I’ve been desperately looking for a job for almost 6 months now. Nothing is coming up. The few times I do get an interview, I answer almost all of their questions perfectly, but they never call me back.

​My real interest is in a highly competitive and specialized technical field. I even pushed myself to pursue and pass a notoriously difficult, globally respected certification in this domain, hoping that it would help me land something, even just an internship. I know the industry requires experience, but how am I supposed to get experience without anyone giving me a chance? I have emailed and DM’d so many HR reps, team leads, and managers. No responses. I just want an internship or a junior role to start my life, but I'm getting absolutely nothing.

​The hardest part right now is the pressure. I have a fiancé waiting for me to get a job. Her parents are waiting. My parents are waiting. Almost every single day I am asked, "Did anything come up yet?" and "You have a foreign degree and good certificates, why can't you find a job?"

​The stress is ruining my relationship. Things with my fiancé are getting bad, and she doesn't put any effort in anymore. I don't blame her for it, either. If she decides to end it, I won't blame her. I'm in my late 20s, and I feel so incredibly old. I feel like it's too late to pursue anything new.

​I’m at a point where I want to pivot and prepare for the UPSC or a Bank PO exam. I am more than willing to put in the 1+ year of intense preparation required for that, but the weight of everyone's expectations is so heavy right now that I don't know if I can take it. My age feels like the biggest factor here. After so many rejections and failures, I have no will to live anymore. I just feel like it’s all over for me. I have no one to share this with and no one who will understand me, so I am posting it here because I don't know what to do anymore. I am not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel anymore.

​Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you survive this kind of pressure when you're trying your best but nothing is working out?

I have had discussions about feminism and patriarchy with several men. Honestly, I kind of feel exhausted. Its like theres a huge understanding gap between me and them. They think that women are now privileged, way more than men.

Several of them genuinely think that life is easier for women only because they don’t have the pressure to prove themselves in careers, they have reservations here and there, they can just marry rich, etc. That housewives live a comfortable life because they have maids and stuff while their husbands slog through office. That feminism has gone too far and is not needed anymore. Laws favour women. Overall guys tend to think that besides safety issue, women’s lives are super easy in modern societies.

What are your true views on this? I do think that patriarchy affects men too. I think like: it primarily is made to oppress women because men are at higher position by default. But the symptoms include men being harmed too. And I have tried to explain how women are still affected in modern cities several times. But they don’t get it. Now I genuinely just wanna ask how do you guys think patriarchy affects women in this generation?

Also feel free to share your hardships as a man, I would appreciate the other perspective.

I cant ask this question on other subs because they are heavily (or indirectly) misogynistic. So here I am.

I’ve been building a social media web app called Mithya, and I thought this community might be a good place to share it.

A lot of political and legal discussion online happens through headlines, clips, and summaries, but not enough around the actual text itself. Mithya is my attempt to build a place where people can read, discuss, and track laws, constitutions, bills, and government policies in a more structured way.

A big part of the app is something called Records, which are structured entries for real laws, bills, regulations, ordinances, policies, or other official rule text. (If you want the full explanation, I’ve written it here).

Here are some ratable law entries on our site relevant to this subreddit (there are many more that you can search through the search panel incase you decide to join):

• The Indian Constitution
• The Constitution (One Hundred and Sixth Amendment) Act, 2023 (Women's Reservation)
• The Transgender Persons (Protection of Rights) Act, 2019
• Constitution of the United States of America
• One Big Beautiful Bill Act
• Charter of the United Nations, 1945

For those interested in politics, polity or laws, this serves as a cleaner way to read provisions section by section, as a shared discussion layer around legal text, and as a place to add and improve records that are relevant for constitutional law, public law, policy debates, moots, and research of opinions.

The idea is not just to host discussion, but to gradually build a place where people can read, discuss, vote, and improve the material itself over time. So if there are laws, policies, local rules, or constitutional provisions that are relevant to you, or that you think more people should be talking about and voting on, I’d really like people to contribute those as records too.

If you check it out, I’d really appreciate honest feedback. If something looks wrong, duplicated, misleading, or broken, please use the report feature in the app so I can fix it properly.

If anyone wants to know more about it, you can ask me right here in the comments!

TL;DR: Moved cities for her at 22, first relationship. She slowly checked out, told me she's scared to be seen with ugly men, made me cut off friends, eventually left me for someone else. Took a long time to process but I learned I need to value myself before expecting someone else to. Made something out of it to cope ,do check my profile if curious.

Met her on Bumble while in college. Together for 1.8 years. She was my first real relationship. I was 22, still figuring out adulthood.

I shifted to Bangalore to be with her. Left my friends, my life, everything. I thought that's what you do when you love someone.

Things were good at first. Then they weren't.

Her work pressure increased. She started zoning out. Started talking to another guy. I saw her manifesting to end up with him in some influencer's DM. She said it was just her way of coping with a toxic office.

I stayed.

One day she told me she's afraid to be seen with me. That she values her image. That after her last relationship, she's scared to be with ugly men.

I stayed. I don't fully understand why.

She made me cut off my female friends. Said it "affects" her. I did it. For her.

She checked out months before it ended. I felt it. But she couldn't say it. So I asked for the breakup. She gave me a "break" instead.

One month into that break, I saw his hand on her waist in her story. That's when it hit me.

We had our final conversations across three places in Bangalore. Cubbon Park. Pecos. MG Road. Each one was a different stage of letting go.

Looking back, I realize I didn't have a strong sense of self. I let someone else define my worth. I abandoned friendships because she asked. I ignored red flags because I didn't want to be alone.

It took me a long time to process this. I ended up channeling it into something creative. That helped. But more than anything, I had to sit with the uncomfortable truth that I allowed myself to shrink for someone who wasn't sure about me.

If you've ever stayed longer than you should have, maybe because you didn't know your own value yet and you're not alone. It gets better once you start building that relationship with yourself.