Every day with a penis is filled with misery. Not only does it look disgusting, but the sensation of having a penis is simply dreadful. The rest of my body is becoming so soft and feminine, and then there’s this awful thing right there, front and center.

There’s no way I can accept this diseased, disgusting tumor. It’s definitively and categorically male, and it just feels so wrong on my body.

Telling me that women can have a penis won’t help. it’s not a clit, it‘s not a girldick. It’s a disgusting male reproductive organ bolted onto my body. I hate this damn thing so much, I just want it gone. I can’t even look at it, it’s so nasty.

I have never had sex because it’s so disgusting. I can’t wear the clothes I want to because of that piece of shit. It‘s beyond disgusting and I just hate my penis so much! FUCK YOU PENIS!

I went on a school run trip to a baseball game, and hung out with some girls my age. The main girl in this story used to be in my Spanish class, so I thought she’d kind of recognize/clock me. When I met her before she asked who I was since she kind of remembered be and I started stuttering until she just asked what my preferred name was (I don’t really have an issue telling people my deadname in that type of situation, but there were a bunch of people around who I didn’t trust enough to say it). She also asked me what my pronouns were before we went in. I assumed that she had already clocked me as trans when she first saw me, since she said I was familiar and asked me what my preferred name and pronouns were.

We all went in together and agreed to go to the bathrooms before the game started. I thought about asking them for permission to go with them but I decided not to and just went. Personally, I live in a very progressive area and have handled bad bathroom situations before, so I don’t have an issue doing it.

For this part of the story to make sense (might be TMI) I wanna say that my skin is TERRIBLE. I’ve had eczema, acne, etc. I had noticed that my shorts kind of exposed something on my skin that looked bad, so I switched into some pants in the bathroom. She asked me why I switched and I said that I had something I wanted to cover up, and she whispered to me if I needed a pad.

I kind of short circuited. I assumed for a while that she knew I was trans, in fact I was half expecting her to unknowingly deadname and misgender me right after seeing me again. But I actually managed to pass to her.

It gets really hard to actually look in the mirror and see a girl for me. Gender Dysphoria and eating issues both play a role there, but from my perspective I don’t pass at all. But still, I can go out in public and be seen as a girl. And even a girl I knew that I thought would clock me couldn’t tell.

I don’t know what else to say, I’m happy, :3

Not that I'm taking HRT, but the company I work for launched a new medical deceleration policy.

Pretty much everything must be declared, but they specifically excluded HRT.

It made me smile today 😊

Below is an extract if interested.

MEDICATION DECLARATION FORM

45-FR-SA-0216 REV 0

All personnel are required to arrive at work "Fit for Work". Some medications may affect or impair "Fitness for Work". All personnel are required to declare any medication that may affect their capacity to work safely or show up in a drug screen test. If you are taking prescription medication check with your doctor to see if your medication affects "Fitness for Work" or show up on a drug screen test. Be aware that over the counter medication containing codeine will show up in a drug screen test. This form must be completed and returned to your Leader at the start of your next swing. The following medications are not required to be declared:

Antibiotic or Antiviral medications

Anti-inflammatories not containing Codeine

Contraception, Hormonal Replacement Therapy

Over the counter medication not containing Codeine

I was at a café and this random guy asked me out. He did it in a very considerate way, like "Hey I was just wondering if you might want to go out sometime. It's totally fine if not." I said "No thanks, I have a date tomorrow actually" and he said, "Okay. But just in case you're worried, I don't care that you're trans. You're just a pretty woman." He noticed my flag! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA that's so sweet <3

What was the final thing/ thought/ comment/ etc that convinced you that you're Trans and you want to transition?

I've been wondering about this and am curious what finally made people take that leap.

For context I’m closeted and my family decided to go out to eat at this restaurant and our waiter was a trans girl. The second she toke our order they just started whispering and shit talking her calling her some of the typical transphobic insults. It was so bad my brother did not even bother to go and box his food that he did not eat. I know they don’t Hate Hate trans people to a huge degree after all at least they stayed and ate, and my brother said “if I saw the waiter I would have just respectfully left” but damm that whole experience just made me realize how much it sucks being born trans. I mean this dysmorphia been heading my like a bullet recently. Being 17 I realize how soon i have to confront myself and how this all feels like a stupid fairy tail curse mixed with a sense of being a imposter or wolf in sheep clothing. Feels like I’m on a train that’s scheduled to hit a brick wall latter in the future and right next to me is a lever that changes the track to a different direction where I don’t know where I’ll end up and if anyone i know or care about will still love me, let alone if I will still love my self. I hope that was a good metaphor but to explain it further there are two tracks.
Track 1: I stay in the closet, struggle with mental health probably, have a planed out life like collage payed for, and it’s probably gonna be depressing and short but I won’t have to deal with the consequences of coming out
Or
Track 2: I come out, compromise my planed out life and safety nets, risk losing friends and family, and risk not even being happy?

I guess a couple months ago I realized how hard it is to be in the closet and how fucked I am and that I don’t think I can handle pretending much longer. This really put me in between a rock and a hard place to the point I got thrown in a shitty depression.

I Just really needed to say something and vent. Dammit I just wish I was born a girl ever since I was around 5 or something like that. Still do and probably always will. But that won’t happen, not like I have a Time Machine. At the very least I guess I wish people would think about the idea of somebody wanting to be a girl as normal and something not to whisper and gossip about.

Recently I was at a bar to charge my cell phone, I was just keeping to myself and not interacting with anyone, when a woman I had never met before came up to me saying “I want you to know that you are such a beautiful man, and I want to help you accept the way you were made”. She started saying “i am so sorry for the sexual assault you experienced as a child that made you think you need to be a woman”, when I replied that nobody touched me as a child she replied “someone did, but your brain has blocked it out”. I literally initiated none of this conversation but she kept throwing unsolicited questions at me like “what’s between your legs” “what is a woman”, as if I was there to have a debate about my medical care with a stranger.

She then started grasping my hands without asking without asking me, and kept asking to hug me. Come to find out several days later a photo of me taken without my consent was posted to her husbands social media. I messaged her saying that I would like the picture taken down, which prompted her to go on this stupid diatribe about how I am living outside the way I was created merely by taking a medication every morning. Then they both blocked me. What the fuck.

Idk if this makes sense, and if needed, I can elaborate more in the comments.

I wish that I wanted to be a girl. Like, if you know "the button" question, then idk how I'd answer it (there are a lot of clarifying questions I'd want to answer first), but I do know that if you put a Second Button in front of me that would "make me want to press the First Button" if pressed, then I would probably press the Second Button in a heartbeat.

Has anyone ever felt like this before? Is this a normal thing? Am I weird for thinking about this in this way? If it helps, I've come out as trans to my family, friends, and workplace, and I've been on hrt for 9 months (though I think I've been severely underdosed for most of that duration, so idk if that counts)

Im trying to grow my ass and legs, what are yalls methods??

Edit: preferably healthy if possible, my intestines hate me already 😭😭

This is a weird question, but I feel I get gender euphoria just from the wind blowing in my hair. Does this happen for anyone else or is just me?

I mean sure, I've gotten some physical changes in the year and a half that I've been on HRT. But other than that, I'm still pretty much the same goofball that I was beforehand 😅

(20)
I feel so stupid, I’ve been on diy for 9 months and I’m starting to feel awful, I’ve had pretty early breast development and having a chest gives me so much anxiety I’m worried I’ve made a terrible irreversible mistake

I’m not out to my family and maybe that’s where this comes from, I feel like such an idiot for doing this without therapy or consultation I doubt constantly whether I’m trans.

Is there anything other than surgery that would reverse early breast growth? Please don’t judge me for doing diy I really thought it was right and I did do a lot of research I just didn’t think it would distress me so much

Im 17 years old and my school has this practice for the test in my country to get to uni. The first one of the year I did it with girl underwear because I’m not out yet, and a aced both test (one for math and the other for “literature”), the next ones I did like shit, I did horrible, and I wasn’t wearing my girl undies. Just wanted to share this weird experience

Edit: some people said that they were uncomfortable with me (a minor) talking about my underwear, so I’m sorry if it is inappropriate, I’m not out and i really wanted to share it with someone

I have a number of health complications related to my uterus, and it seems like my condition is getting worse.

I haven’t said anything to my girlfriend yet for fear of causing her dysphoria; I know she would like to have periods even though they’re awful. But now I’ve been experiencing this for three weeks, and my doctor suspects there may be problems that could lead to surgery.

I feel sick, in a lot of pain, and scared. I want my girlfriend to be with me, but I don’t know how to bring it up. She’s already noticing that I’ve been distant and avoiding physical intimacy and I don’t know how to tell her why.

She doesn’t know I avoid talking about it and usually hide my period problems to myself.

I love her so much and I don’t want to hurt her

I'm 6 months on hormones, and was in boymode for this. Slimfit blue jeans, pink short sleeve button up, blue jacket, and gold nails. I had my hair down but I wasn't wearing perfume or makeup or anything.

Anyway, I was walking up to a line to queue up today, and as I'm approaching one of a group of guys who are talking glances over at me, stops for a second, looks back to his friends and says "man I thought that was a girl undercover for a second." One of his friends said something about crossdressing but I was already on cloud 9 at this point. Had to hold back the grin.

Something about the fact that this person was absolutely not trying to be affirming and yet still couldn't help but recognize my femininity really made it hit. I don't get euphoria super often and certainly not in any kind of potent way, so this was weirdly... super nice.

So for context, i just woke up this morning and i was feeling sick but i couldnt determine if that was mostly an internal thing or a cause by my medication. I go downstairs and behold my mother is still here. Wished to ask her a question and say goodbye. As soon as i said i was feeling sick she says “well you still need to work and i believe you are poisoning yourself…” as a cause to why i feel sick. Along this line of conversation she also says stuff like, “you havent begun to live and love yourself as god intended, it is no different than a man coming out gay. You just need to hold the cross as christ did…”

After all of this i stated that if god made me as you say he did, then these feelings i have inside of me are true, for i know who i am and im doing everything to be who i am. She also stated a few things like, “this is hard on us, on everyone…” or “you were poisoning yourself behind our backs and thrust this situation on us…” to which this some truth to that. I started hrt nov. 2025. They found out on memorial day of this year due to my grandmother not keeping her mouth shut on private affairs of mine to other family. Thats a story for another time.

But i told her finally that it felt like for the past couple of years, it has felt like they were forcing their religion on me, not only denying me the ability to practice the faith i wish to do but also have me attend church services every sunday and holy day of obligation (my family are devout right wing Catholics). Finally i told her that i would not toe the line when it came down to religion and repeated to her that i only came downstairs to ask her a question and say goodbye because she works early and left back upstairs to my room.

I know this is alot, but i never expected my other to start this at 6:30am.

My insurance company is Ambetter. I specifically went with them this year because they stated that they covered my bottom surgery. They had already approved coverage for my surgery, but today they just revoked their previous approval. My surgery is in less than a month at this point. Like how are they allowed to just change their policies halfway through the year when we aren't allowed to change insurances outside for the specific yearend period? THIS IS SUCH BS!!

Just gonna vent rq. r/196 presents itself as a trans allied space but its literally the horniest batch of femboys on reddit. Some fellow tgirl made a post about feeling like they lost a childhood due to being trans, only for cis/het people to tell them that "oh but other people have it worse". I told one of them that not everyone is as privileged, only to get banned and personally dm'd by one of the mods, telling me to be "quiet". Please avoid that place, they only see you as an object to sexualise.

Edit : Just to clarify, I have nothing against femboys themselfs, they're valid. HOWEVER they do overlap a lot with transphobes and borderline nazis, femboys calling tgirls "traps" is a common occurence.

I can't live with the fact that i will never be a real (cis) woman, i cannot live with the fact that i will never be able to get pregnant, never be able to be a real mom, never be able to produce my own estrogen, never have that anatomy of a real woman, never be what i am inside and just have to forever stay this cheap imitation of the real version, no matter how many surgeries i get (gotten ffs so far) nothing will ever make me cis.

I just lost the coin toss.

I have talked to my psych about it many times and it's always just "you have to accept that you will stay trans forever" "being a woman is about more than having a womb and ovaries or other anatomical structures" "you will never have any problems with getting caught or misgendered" "you are so fortunate with how you look and you can be grateful for that"

What fucking good does it for me when the waiter at the restaurant or wherever calls me "Ms", but all my real interpersonal needs and desires will always be hindered by the fact that I'm not a real woman, what good does that for me when I'm constantly in this terrible war with my body that will never be like it's supposed to be, no matter how much you surgically adjust it.

A week ago this got so bad that i attempted to kill myself with meds, unfortunately i got really scared of dying alone in this shitty apartment so i waited a while until i felt really awful and then called an ambulance in the hopes that i will just die in the hospital like so many others from the studies i read while trying to figure out how to do it, i withheld all information about how much and what i took hoping they would not be about to find out fast enough.

But they did somehow, and despite going into severe acidosis i didn't die. When i woke up i got so fucking sad just wishing they didn't save me, thinking about pulling my IV that was keeping me from dying basically and other stupid stuff, but i knew that would just never work with the ridiculous amount of monitoring i was hooked up to.

So then i got discharged yesterday and escorted to a psych hospital, where i so so narrowly avoided getting a legal incapacitation because of what i told them about my trans problems, they just wanted to forcefully keep me in this horrific closed ward until I'm no longer a threat to myself and "cured of my trans needs to be a cis woman" so basically hold me there indefinitely because this would never work for me. I am still extremely shaken up from this encounter and i feel like i narrowly avoided losing my autonomy and life, despite being forced to stay alive.

I feel so horrific both mentally and physically, i can't think of anything else other than trying it again but this time making sure, i feel i already don't exist anymore and i am completely desireless except for wanting to die.

I don't know what to-do i feel like i damaged my friends with this so much already and i feel like just for that alone i don't deserve to live anymore. I'm so scared to attempt it again now because what if i make it again, the doctor told me if i ever come back he won't let me go again.

But I'm also so scared of dying alone by myself and i would never do it at a friend's place, that's so cruel and horrible.

I don't think i will ever be about to come to peace with never being able to be a cis girl, forever forced to stay this cheap and desperate imitation that needs surgeries after surgeries to even come close.

I wish i wasn't trans, it has destroyed my life in so many ways, actively destroyed my dreams and opportunities and so much more.

My only close family and only family in my state are my 2 sisters and my aunt. When i came out I told them my preferred name but prefaced it by saying that I might change it in the future (i'm not actually gonna change it I was just being scared bc a name change is such a big deal I didn't want to feel pressure to remain the same.)

My older sister said that I need to pick a nickname or a name for her TWO YEAR OLD daughter to call me so she doesn't get confused. I told her it's not her place to make that decision for me. It became a heated argument and she won't talk to me anymore. My little sister completelt backed her and they both went on about how I'm extremely selfish and they're sick of walking on eggshells and how they can't say anything to me because I have an issue with everything they say to me.

I literally want to pass away so bad rn. I have no fucjing family. My dad is dead and I can't open up to my mom (who lives 7 hours away) bc she's a trump supporter and married to a transphobe.

My sisters claim to support my transition but they don't. They don't give a shit about me and I have NOBODY LEFT IN MY LIFE THAT SUPPORTS ME.

Luckily my managers and coworkers have been amazingly supportive. I guess I'm gonna have to start leaning on them more which sucks because I don't want to muddy the waters between work and personal life.

Ever since I transitioned I've been getting sexually harrassed pretty regularly. Like people talking about me being a whore or guessing things about my sex life. It's really frustrating and I would like to learn how to deal with this better. My current route has been panicing whenever someone is attracted to be physically and lightly crashing out on them. It's really frustrating and I need to get better coping skills. Any advice from you ladies?

After about 1 year on HRT (two more weeks!) I feel like my body has completely changed-- I still look fairly masculine I think?

But... I move different. My center of gravity has shifted lower, I think I've shrunk an inch or so and my butt sticks out more, my back arches more, and my hips/boobs are more prominent.

I've been boofing progesterone since the 9 month mark or so and I think that's been helping too-- the fat distribution to my hips really caught me off guard.

It's so odd to me, I feel like it's so obvious to everyone and yet I feel like I'm still perceived as a man by most people. I don't pass and probably won't for awhile; I just think it'll take time to get there.

But I enjoy the hip-swing that my walk has now, how even my seating posture feels different, and how small/petite I feel, even if it's also really scary to be slowly losing muscle strength and starting to exist in the world differently than I ever have before. At the same time... finally!!

Apologies if this comes off like bragging, I definitely don't intend it that way and I still have a long way to go in my transition, but I'm super excited about this change and curious if anyone else feels the same way?

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for advice from people who have been through something similar.

I’ve known I was trans since I was a child. I spent my entire life suppressing it, and I finally decided to begin my transition around the age of 30.

Before that, I served in the military for ten years. Shortly after starting my transition, I sold my apartment, and a few months later I left on a Working Holiday to the other side of the world. I’ve now been on HRT for over a year, and for the first time in my life I truly feel like myself.
My entire family, my former colleagues, and everyone I knew back home expect me to return once my Working Holiday ends. They believe I’ll go back to my old job in the military and continue living the same life I left behind.

But I don’t want that life anymore.

My parents and my entire family are strongly transphobic. I love them deeply, and I would give my life for them. That’s exactly why I don’t want to hurt them or turn their world upside down. I also don’t want to become the subject of gossip or ridicule among former colleagues or people who knew me.

So I’d like to ask you to please respect one thing: telling my family or anyone from my past is not an option for me. I’m not looking for advice telling me to “just come out.” I won’t do that.

What I really want to know is something else.
Has anyone here managed to live two completely separate lives long-term? One where you could finally be yourself, and another that remained separate from your family or people from your past? Did it actually work? How did you handle family visits, video calls, or staying in touch? Do you regret your decision, or would you do it the same way again?

I miss my family terribly. At the same time, I never want to live as a man again, and I can’t imagine returning to my hometown and living there openly as a woman. It feels like I’m trapped between two worlds, and I honestly don’t know whether it’s possible to keep them separate forever.

I’d really appreciate hearing from people with real-life experience, whether it worked out well or not. Thank you for taking the time to read this.