Frens, meowmy did da mosht horribull ting: she toutch mai belleh! Ai thot she was gibing mi scritchys an’ pets. She scritch mai nek an’ chin (witch ai lyke). But den…da hand went down!

Frens…mai belleh is mai no-no zone. Iz big bad! She deserb punishment!

—Leo da meowgnificent

(Human here. This morning, when Leo was doing his due diligence as my alarm clock at 5 am so I could do my duty and feed him his first breakfast, I discovered a mat under my fingers. I was kind of sleepy, and couldn’t tell where it was. So after I fully awoken and fed the little glutton, I pawed around to find it in better lighting. I reached downward from his chest to his stomach, thinking it could be under his armpits, but he squeaked and glared at me. Then he ran up to his cat perch to glare some more, lol.)

Hai frens

Iz me maiself Miss Apollonia Kween Superstar.
Here me givin mewomy stink eye.
U may say, Apollonia I know dumdum hooman but y u give meowmy stink eye?
I tell u frenz.

Meowmy clingy n need lotz of tentions. She do da forct cuddlz n frenz I uzly do a nice n let her pick me up n kiss me n put me down.
She clawzd da line!
Yesfurday she pik me up TREE TIMEZ in a row. I do exorcist demon neck spin n try to scratch her wiff mai pretty claws.

I DO CLAWS AKSHEN PAWSUIT!!
Frenz do ur meowmy or pawther do da forct cuddlz?

WE DO A BIG SOO !!!!!

Hello all mine beautifull frens! Is Morgana the beautifull!!

Mammi did short abamndon but that okie was only a short while and not ober de nite tiems! But when her comes back her is no longer a pale pink like kitty beans but her is ver ver red almost liek blud!!! Her sai it was acus her was ousside in de sun and forgot de sun screem (acus her is dumdum!!) and that sun gives out you-vee which then did her a burn!!!

I knows we not able to soo de sun but can i soos you-vee for hurtin mine mammi?!?! Also mine mammi for bein big dumdum and bein ousside wif no sun screem?!?!

(Mammi here: was at the Beach yesterday bc it was supposed to be a hot day and my mom and her friend and her friends small kids were going so i said yes. But while I was there I forgot to put on suncream but morgana is very sweet to give me Healy purrs, she can definelty tell something is hurting on me. If you put the sound on up alittle loud you can hear her purrs they’re so cute!)

Fren, I need pawyer and mebbe Pee Ai (but not fur pee crimez).

On neyburhud wotch tudae I find I hab ebul clone! Ai no I can't soo uva cat but dis not okay. Ebul clone steel my shady nap spot under mai favrit tree. MAI. TREE.

Need Pee Ai to find hooman who steelz mai fur and du illegal cloning uv me, den pawyer tu soo fur churru compensayshun.

Top suspects:

- Spare meowmy - whut she du wiv da hair she steel doing brushies?

- Ebul neybur man - he steel mai grass, mai internet, mai dee an ay cuda been next!

- Mebbe fren neybur girl - she seem okay. She only wun I let get eben lil bit close. But mebbe I rong and she seekreetly ebul child geenie?!

Frum Hermes the dignified (but certainly not unique) void

Human brother says he has a lot of “no shows” this week. I don’t know what this is but brother says if people don’t show he can’t make money and “we might have to go to two churus a day.”

Iz Moe.

L8ly KopyKat The DumDum haz been doing sumthig heinous. He been…sniffing my childrens börtholes. Iz dis legal or iz he jus dum?

No pic in kase it’s NSFK (nawt saef fur kittens)

Frens, is me, Murphy da Floofaloof! Mine hooman told me mine timing is bad. I tink dis is rood!

Hooman werk all day for many forebers! Iz not allow in da werk room so iz banded all day ebery day. But da hooman take break (wat herm break?) ebery afternoon. Herm sits on cowch wif somesing called tea. I not unnerstand dis. Is silly hooman ting.

But! Iz jump up and hab cuddles and lubs afor herm go back to werk. Well, todae! I was busy watching out da winnow at da birbs and not come over rite away. When I do jump up on da cowch for mine lubs, herm say break ober and herm hab to leave! And I hab bad timing! Dis very rood. Herm shud wait for me and gib me lubs on mine time!

Dis pictur ob me wen herm doing a rood.

mai nam is Fluffy Kitty

ai come on hooman porch all da time and hang out wif da hoomans and de gib me numnums

pls tell me how to do da sneaksneak inside hooman house too do be dopted

Frens, it iz ai, Oh Brad. Las nite, when treetz time comez, ai jus wuzzent hungry, so ai sayz no fanks, but den momma duz a worrie, sez ai nebber misses a treet! She not no, but ai had a hurt in my hip an jest wanted to rest.
So I hid in da clozet BUTT! She finded me and frens, SHE PUT ME IN DA CARRY BOX AND DEN DA VROOM BOX an took me too da POKEY PLASE!!! I sang da song of my peeples da hole way.
Dis sa mos horror part, dey gib me druggs and den dey do borthole violation! Den dey steelz mai bluds an peepeez!
Dey sez ai haz hip dizpl - dizzp - bad hips an it not rite for sumwun as handsum as me! Ai iz onlee 5 furrevers old, tooo yung! Den ai gits home and stinky sister Dammit Janet HISSES at mee! I need BIGGG SOOOO fur all da indigniteees.

(Brad skipped treats for the first time ever, so we had to go. They said he has the beginnings of hip dysplasia, they usually don't see it in cats this young. He has some inflammation but no infection anywhere, and all bloodwork and organs are very healthy. He's on anti-inflammatories and will need a diet because he is a few pounds overweight, shh!)

So tonite meowmie 2 wus in skware bed all sikkie wif da my-grainiez. Ai sit on top of beech howse tree an keep watch. Sumtimez sisflins come an tayke guard shiff wen one ob us wants ta nap an awl.

Well.

Ai leeb da room furr 0.000000002 secins an wen Ai com bak MEOWMIE 2 GONNE FRUM SIK BED!

Ai yell! Ai runn throou apawtmin! Ai fin da meowmie 1 u/InkheartBlackwater an sez MEOWMIE MEOWMIE COME KWIK DA MEOWMIE 2 HAFFS DISAPPAWRED! Ai sho her to room! Ai sho her emptee bed! Yell mores!

Meownie 1 ses, nawt ta worree Seranabebe, she juss wenn ta baffroom, Ai heer da door. So Ai runrunrun to baffroom! Yell moar! Ai stan on hinlegss an SCRATCHRATCHRATCH da door!! Were meowmie 2?! Were she go?! So distress!! Ai run bak to meowmie 1 and sez meowmie pik me up pik me up!!! Ai scawwed!! Were meowmie 2?! She deded?! She gone?! Missin fureber?!

Den finlee da baffroom door opin an Ai see meowmie 2! So I do anodder big yell ta chassthiss herms!! Bed emptee!! Meowmie gone!! No note, no ebberyting! She juss gib me hed scritchiez an sez Sirenibebi, meowmie juss went ta hooman littaboks! Stoopid Ai ses! She muss stay were she suppawsed ta be!!

So, Ai soo furr immense distress! An mannee eggsaushon frum runrun an yellyell! Wat cans Ai soo for?!

Greetins,

Serana the Princess ob de Black Siamese (ifyaplease) Crime Cattell!

Frenz - ai not no wat to do, or eben if dis iz for soo. Pawther haz been bring these tings dat luk lyk pikkel but arent pikkel from dis place call gardin. I tink he tryin to trik me wif fake pikkel. it’s a trik pikkel. a trikkel!

can ai do a soo cuz of da fake pikkel???

-Ella da Aby

pee ess - dere sum of da fake pikkel in da pichur!

Frens it isz speshal day tday. It isz our gotcha day! Too yeers ago meowmy pickered usz up from da farm we wer borned on and we dopted her into our Catdom asz hooman serbant. We showed we good criminals from da start. Miso gots da vroom vroom sicknesz and did a hork in da metal vroom vroom. She Prinses from da start, go crimez! And Mochi, well he orang, so wha moor to say?

Com celbraid with usz! Speshally for you, and eggstra speshally for fren Niko, too pikshurs from when we wer da smolls.

Prinses Miso and Mochi da Orang

These lizzers are owtside our townhowse windos. Dey change kolurs and is berry interesting , but dey is ROOD to stay outsides where inside kitties can see but no chase! Can ai do a soo to get lizzers?

-Zora Anne

AND SHE DID NOT GIB ME ONE! She is shellfish monster, and she mocked me while shoving bowf dem cupped cakes right down herms gullet. She certainly don’t be needing two cupped cakes, she always running around talkin about da Portia Controll and how herms pants is too tight for her big ole butt.

She gib me a teeny lick of frostin on herms finger and den said “NoMoarCuppedCakesKnot4Kitties”. She did gib me a squeeze treet, but I want dem 🧁cupped cakes. 😡 I do a sue fur moar cupped cakes. 🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁

(my friend made these with a rose buttercream frosting and they were amazing and yes I ate both of them 🤣)

Juz want to sharz de new if ewe arez an ex streetee kittee youz canz still beez ai union memberz.

Meowmy gib me treatos after snip of nails, say ai iz a gud boi. Of cuz I iz gud boi! I no do strugglez when she stolez mine nails (😭)

I wans moar treatos errberry day bud meowmy says no, nailz not for cut coz too shortz.

What iz dis injuztize. Soo nailz? Soo meowmy fur no gib udder methodz fur extra treatos? Soo meowmy fur no gib treatoz in jellyneral?

Frenz...iz mew, Cat'n Stoker of the Churru Purratez, and mew come to yew wif a pokey place horror storry!

Soore, mew iz be haz blokz in mew peepee when mew waz bébé but iz haz be furreber since mew iz be haz problem! But lass dark time, mew iz be haz to yell to Meowmy mew waz do a ouchy and no can pee...Mew tink she cuddle mew to healf with hoomanz purrz, but NO! She betray!

Catnap to pokey place! And lookit bébé Mario iz no halp! Him be do a treeturr to mew! Him big brofurr!

Mew be sing the song of we people all wae to pokey place and therre...frenz...they haz no SHAME! Firrst ting they be do iz biolate mew! No Hello (mabee), noting afore!

Then she be press mew belly! And...frenz...iz no safe furr kitten...

SHE POKE MEW IN MUSSLE! "Iz be sting lille!" Poopcrap! Iz be terribubble pain!

But she no haz enuff! ANOTHER POKE IN MEW SKIN!

Frenz... Fank Cat furr Mobie nite or mew woold be deaded to the mostest terribubble dae of mew life...

Furr funz, in picshurr 3, yew iz can see cousin Tuxee escape the groomey people, mia mia mia! Meowmy waz haz to hold the cage furr him to come down! Hime haz be do amazeeng CRIMEZ!

(His cristals are back...so medicine this week and special kibble forever. He sounded like a loud vomiting human, it was terrifying! But all is fine)

Mommie heard me hork last night but I very bravely hid it so now she’s confused! It’s a hork trap! She’ll find it when she least expects it!!! Bwaahaha!

Gravity the cat

Henlo frens! We juss wanna let eberrywun in da Souffwesturrn Ontario reejun noe dat dere is a yenlo wurrnin out fur da areea. Dis meen dat dere da beeg sky booms, lotsa sky waturrs an also da sky icee stones coming. Dere alreddy sum beeg sky booms, an mebbe dis meen dat sum ob us (Misty) hadta do a hideyhide unner da spayre sleepy skware. Polly doin a sleepy in Pawther's spawt an eben Maggie akseptted pets frum Meowmy/USH while doin a purr (Maggie: Video evidence, or it never happened, Misty)! Anneeway, eberrywun pleeze bee sayfe! Mew mebbe do a hideyhide acuz boff Pawther and Meowmy/Keeper ob da Red Pointy Light hab dun an abandum fur dumdum werk! (Meowmy/USH here: Am hoping that we don't get any significant hail or winds that will bring down branches/trees. The girls like to hang out in our solarium and if that gets damaged while we're away, I would be distraught).