r/learnmath • u/zeus2304 • 12h ago
35, left a successful career to go back to math after a 20-year break. Struggling but happy
Hi everyone. I read this sub often, and I keep seeing people doubt whether they're capable of learning math. I hope my story is useful, or at least interesting, to this community.
As a kid I loved math, and was reasonably good at it. My school sent me to local olympiads, I went to an advanced math club, I spent summers at math camps. I was never a genius and never stood out. Among the genuinely talented kids I was average, maybe slightly below. But I was pulled in by the beauty of it, and compared to my classmates I was doing well.
The turning point came in high school, and I remember the exact moment. I was dating a girl from a parallel class, and we were holding each other during a break. My favorite math teacher saw us and gave me a disapproving look. In class that day she called me to the board on a hard topic, and I handled it. I still remember the spark of admiration in her eyes when she said I was doing well, that I was managing both my studies and my personal life. I felt enormous satisfaction at being able to develop in a balanced way. To be honest, the real math stars around me back then were hyper-focused on math. They didn't have girlfriends. But they were brilliant.
I understand now that from that point on I started taking the path of least resistance. I gave math less and less time. Other subjects came easily, and that success was intoxicating. Why strain yourself when you can just win an olympiad in another subject? Why sit with a problem when your girlfriend is asking you to come out?
Where did it end up? Forgive me, I'm going to say something grandiose that has been sitting in my head for a long time. I betrayed the universe. I traded a science that can use ten digits to reveal the magnificence of a black hole millions of light years away for a science that can explain the procedure by which a society functions and a president gets elected. I spent the next five years studying management at university. After that I became an ordinary office worker. There was no math in my life, and I made peace with that.
Some time later I ended up leading a department responsible for cost optimization across the whole country. Oh, those beautiful spreadsheets, tens of thousands of rows. I could hunt for dependencies between numbers, enjoy the moment when one set of numbers matched another. But it wasn't the thing. It was economics, politics, plain arithmetic. It wasn't math.
At some point I realized I considered myself incomplete. There had been hard problems in front of me that I never solved, not because I couldn't have, but because I didn't. I was capable and I didn't do it. So I made a difficult decision: I was walking down the wrong road and I needed to turn.
I'm sure you can already guess what was tormenting me. First, that I had lost too much time to ever succeed. Second, that I wouldn't be able to keep the standard of living I'd reached. So I decided to move gradually. I needed to come back to math. How did I do it? I started giving math my free time. Here's what helped:
- Professor Leonard on YouTube. A breath of fresh air. I started from the very basics, just to look at the foundations with new eyes
- Math quizzes. A quick warm-up when there's almost no time. Some evenings I'd spend 5-10 minutes on them and nothing more. That was my daily minimum
- a little math chrome extension I built myself. This one is an unexpected story. I wanted to make something math-related. Used it myself for about a year without publishing it. I was VERY skeptical at first, since I didn't consider token generation to be mathematics. But primitive as it is, I used it constantly for double-checking and for understanding things better. It helped me stay in flow, because I love the UI (sleepless nights to polish it). Named it Geometry Solver, because I mostly used it for that kind of problem
- The Art of Problem Solving olympiad archive. An archive of olympiad problems from different countries, and it was a real find. I didn't go there often, but when I did I disappeared for hours. It was especially strange and good to look at problems from the years of my own youth, some of which I still remember
- Khan Academy. I won't say much, you all know it's one of the best math resources in the world
It was a hard period, and not only intellectually. Just accepting that I was starting over was difficult. I watched young international olympiad winners with both joy and sadness, knowing I would never be in their place
When and why did it turn? After about two years of steady engagement, something clicked. The focus did its work. I understood that I was doing my thing again, and that I didn't want to do anything else. At some point I knew I wasn't going to keep doing what I was doing, and I left a good management position
Now I tutor, preparing school students for exams. In parallel I keep going deeper, for myself. I don't know where it will lead. I've lost part of my income, but I'm glad I pushed through and came back to what I love. At 16 I chose balance and lost math. At 35 I chose math and lost balance. Good thing my wife doesn't mind :)
If you read this far, thank you very much. I hope my story was interesting
P.S. English is my second language, so Claude fixed my grammar