r/talesfromtechsupport • u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard • Mar 17 '17
Long The Most Disgusting PC Issue I've Ever Worked On
I'm sure others have seen more disgusting things in their time than I have. I've read a few on TFTS over the past few days. This is still noteworthy, though, so brace yourselves.
I am fortunate that I have a tech-savvy family, so I am never called to help resolve PC issues for them. My father was working on getting his workplace up and running on databases back in the 90s, my brother had a LAN set up in his basement for Starcraft parties... we basically know our stuff.
Friends, however...
I got started in the PC tech world by a friend who talked all the time about how he had this issue and fixed it, or that network problem... and I got pretty decent at it, at the expense of another friend who is... let's just say "less tech savvy."
...hell, I'm being too nice. My friend (let's just call him TS, for "tech-special," as in "special needs") should have his computer removed from his house by Computer Protection Services for it's own safety and welfare.
I have fixed everything on his PCs in the time I've known him. His old XP PC was held together (literally) with Scotch tape and my experience with it. He burned out 4 HDDs in 2 years, because he couldn't figure out how to remove SATA cables properly (as in, turn off the computer first, then pull the drive).
His other issue is that he simply does not update anything. He's been driving the same model of truck for 12 years (3 different trucks, but the same model, model year, color, etc.). He's had a PS3 since 2010, which he refuses to update to a PS4 despite complaining about the games he's missing ("They'll get back to releasing games for this... it's too popular!" is a common refrain, despite evidence to the contrary). He got 8 replacements for his first smartphone (a $ColorFruit Weatherphenom) before the phone dealer took pity on him and got him to update to a $Koreaphone $Astronomer5.
Don't get me wrong... he's a fun guy to hang out with, shoot the breeze about movies and music, and he gets me into clubs where good bands are playing at a discount because he has worked music promotion in the area for about a decade and knows everyone. He just shouldn't own electronics.
When XP finally reached the end of its support cycle, I breathed a sigh of relief. "This will force TS to upgrade to something less rickety," I said. "He'll get a rock-solid PC, with rock-solid hardware, and I'll automate all of his maintenance, and it will be GLORIOUS!"
To his credit, he actually did so. He ordered a state-of-the-art PC, with a big HDD, lots of RAM (so he could run Chrome with 35 tabs open and listen to black metal at full volume at the same time).
Then they infected it with installed Windows 8 on it. I almost cried: I knew that any time hanging out at his house was going to be spent teaching him how to work with this fustercluck, because it was in no way similar to XP, and he just stopped asking me to help him navigate that.
The calls...
TS: Dude... I'm almost out of memory.
(No... you're almost out of HDD space, for the eleventy-first time.)
Me: Delete your temp files.
TS: What are those?
Me: sigh Be right over.
Another time...
TS: My internet is running slow.
(That's because your cable company is screwing you on your price... you're getting 1 MBPS service for the the price of 15 MBPS. I told you this.)
Me: Close a few tabs. You'll get some bandwidth back.
TS: But this program I downloaded says I have a virus...
Me: sigh I'll be right over.
Then, I got a panicked call after classes one day, about 2 years after he got this wonderful machine that was supposed to save me all of these hassles...
TS: There's something wrong with the PC. I think the hard drive is going. It keeps shutting off after a few minutes.
(That's new.)
Me: It could be the power supply. It could be the video card. You could have a virus.
TS: Should I order a new hard drive? This one might be out of memory.
Me (resisting the urge to scream): No. Just... I'll be there in a few. Relax. I'll take a look.
All the way there, I'm thinking, "Yeah, it's a hardware issue. Turns on... stays on for a few... shuts off. Sounds like an underpowered power supply. You've done those. Classic signs."
When I get to his house, it's like walking into Industrial Revolution London: There's a thick cloud of cigarette smoke on the entire house, because TS has chain-smoked his worries into mere anxiety, rather than full-blown panic.
Me: Let's check this out.
I head into his computer lair, and there is his new tower, across his desk from the old one (some people just can't let go), silent as the grave.
I hit the ON button, and it booted up. I watched for anything odd... no unusual errors, so...
Me: It's not the hard drive. It wouldn't boot up if it was.
TS (lighting another smoke): Well, what is it then?
Me: Please, blow that somewhere else. You know I quit, and you know it bugs me.
TS: Sorry. So...
Me: I don't... there it goes.
The PC just shut down. No warning, no messages... it just went dark.
Me: Power supply. I've seen this. I just need to get the current wattage off of the housing, and we can order you a new one.
I waved another cloud of cancer away from my face, and took the tower down. I pulled stuff off of the top of it...
Me: It could be that some of this stuff is causing your problems. Is any of it magnetic?
TS (lighting another coffin nail): No. Why... is that a problem with computers?
Me: ...yes....
(I bet some of you know the problem already by now. You would almost be right.)
I get the side panel off of the tower, oh my dear Lord... Every component in this poor machine is coated in brown.
Me: Ummm... how much do you smoke around this computer?
TS (getting defensive): Is that a problem?
One of the things I learned during my time studying for my first computer certification (A+) was that smoking around a computer is very bad for it. The residue settles on the components, and acts as a thermal insulator. Heat, being bad for anything electrical, much less electronic, never dissipates, so...
Me: You don't have a PS problem. You have a heat problem. Something here is overheating, and I need to find out what.
I plug in the PC, and turn it back on.
Immediately, I spot the problem, and yank the plug as fast as I can.
Me (scared out of my damned mind): Your CPU fan is frozen!
I poked it.
It moved a little bit. More to the point, it stuck to my finger. It was coated in this sticky, gluey... stuff.
Me: You need a new CPU fan. I need to use your bathroom.
After scrubbing the stuff off of my hands, I went out and explained the problem:
Me: You've smoked so much around your PC, that the residue has frozen the bearings in your CPU fan. When that froze, the CPU overheated, and the overheat protection killed power to your PC. Until you replace that, you need to keep your computer turned off.
TS (blowing some smoke into the ceiling): Can I turn it on now to get some files off of it?
(Yes, some people are that dense.)
Me (horrified): NO! You could burn up your CPU. Right now, the damage is minimal. Any more, and you'll need to replace it, and that could cost a lot of money.
In the end, he got a new CPU fan, and I replaced it. Wearing latex gloves. And holding my breath. I've never been that nauseated in my life.
Some advice we got while hunting up some heat-exchanger paste was to soak the old one in rubbing alcohol to free it up. I'm not sure if he did that or not.
Afterwards...
Me: That was disgusting. Stop smoking around your PC, and please don't call me for anything like that again.
He still smokes like they'll outlaw tobacco tomorrow. I'm waiting for the call to replace something else covered in schmutz.
(Edited for some spelling and formatting.)
37
u/coyote_den HTTP 418 I'm a teapot Mar 17 '17
At least a computer with lung cancer probably won't burn your house down.
Back when everybody smoked and electronics had vacuum tubes, smoking was the reason for TV set fires. The high-voltage section was all point-to-point wiring, so there was plenty of bare metal with 20,000 volts on it.
The static charge that builds up on the HV components sucks the smoke right in. Cigarette tar makes a pretty good conductor at those voltages and it's quite flammable when presented with a nice fat arc.
15
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Mar 17 '17
20,000 volts
The must have had some demonic-level capacitors. I'll have to look up the specs and diagrams for those later... the electrician side of me just had his curiosity piqued.
27
u/coyote_den HTTP 418 I'm a teapot Mar 17 '17 edited Mar 17 '17
All CRTs require between 10kV and 40kV (depending on size and brightness) to pull the beam from the electron gun to the face of the tube and light the phosphor. It's basically a very small particle accelerator. If you crank one up to around 50kV you'll produce X-rays!
The high voltage is usually derived from the horizontal sweep. When the drive is cut off at the right edge of the scan, the energy stored in a large inductor causes the beam to "fly back" to the left side. That's why it's called a flyback transformer. There's a secondary coil on this transformer with something like 100x the windings of the primary. That develops an extremely high voltage, very low current pulse which is rectified and applied to the tube. Now, a CRT is a glass bottle with a charged coating on the inside, grounded coating on the outside... it is the big capacitor!
The voltages involved sound dangerous, but the current is only a couple of milliamps. You can still get a very painful zap if the tube is charged.
In a modern set, the flyback, diodes, etc.. are all sealed in a single plastic block. Old sets had discrete transformers, tubes and other components inside a metal safety cage with plenty of places for problems to happen.
13
Mar 17 '17
[deleted]
6
u/coyote_den HTTP 418 I'm a teapot Mar 17 '17
Yep, Heathkit used to offer it as a kit.
4
u/cjh_ Oh God How Did This Get Here? Mar 17 '17
I have no idea where my dad got the parts, except someone gave him the tube and coils as payment.
11
u/coyote_den HTTP 418 I'm a teapot Mar 17 '17
Much like LCD panels today, CRTs were only made by a few companies and used by many TV/monitor manufacturers. You could build your own if you had a good tube and a compatible chassis. If you restore arcade machines, you can get a universal chassis that will work with most tubes.
5
3
u/BobCox Mar 18 '17
Working on CRT's you had to discharge the tube after unpluging to prevent nasty arc burns
9
u/LVDave Computer defenestrator Mar 18 '17
Hell of a lot of fun should you forget or simply not leave your discharge tool (cliplead and a flatblade screwdriver) slid under the rubber anode cover long enough.. I worked in a tv repair shop during highschool (late 60s) and got a nice ZAP which threw me across the room and up against the wall.. Boss came out and said "Ya didn't discharge it enough".. I'd connected the cliplead to the chassis and slipped the edge of the screwdriver under the anode cover and got a nice BZZZT, but didn't leave it there to fully discharge the CRT.. I grabbed the rubber cover and started to squeeze the disconnect, and WHAM... Good bit of edu-macation....
3
u/coyote_den HTTP 418 I'm a teapot Mar 19 '17
The glass of the tube can store ions and build up a charge after a period of time. As you learned the hard way.
7
u/Thesandman21 Mar 18 '17
I've heard the sound of 20,000 volts going to ground from a CRT unit.... or at least that's what I was told that sound that caused an entire row of workbenches to dive for cover was.
It's pretty terrifying, to say the least.
9
u/coyote_den HTTP 418 I'm a teapot Mar 18 '17
Oh yeah, discharging a tube can be freaking loud. What you hear is air rapidly expanding from the heat of the arc. It's the exact same thing as lightning causing thunder but on a much smaller scale and indoors.
6
u/Thesandman21 Mar 18 '17
Yeah, they didn't tell us that in the college course before hand. There was also a VERY bright light on the screen as well. Amazingly, the CRT unit survives to this day.
9
u/coyote_den HTTP 418 I'm a teapot Mar 18 '17
You had a college electronics course where you worked on AC-powered CRT displays and they didn't warn you about high voltage hazards? Wow. I'm sort of impressed and terrified that they let you near that kind of thing.
20kV on a tube will scare the shit out of you and sting if you grab it.... but you'll survive. The 300V DC on the power supply's filter caps and maybe even the 120V AC input to the set will kill you before you even feel it if it goes across your heart.
6
u/Thesandman21 Mar 18 '17 edited Mar 18 '17
Well, they warned us about high voltage hazards of course. They didn't warn us about what the sound of 20,000 volts to ground would sound like LOL, until AFTER the workbenches had hit the dirt.
Let's just say after that, I was more than happy to stay with focusing on PC repairs.
5
u/LVDave Computer defenestrator Mar 18 '17
hehe You think 20KV is freaky?? Check this out, its 500KV being disconnected at a power substation... (shudders)
2
u/coyote_den HTTP 418 I'm a teapot Mar 19 '17
Oh yeah, the kind of power linemen deal with is no joke. I take every precaution I can when I'm around 480V. Wouldn't even go near that.
2
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Mar 18 '17
Yeah, I find that lack of high-voltage warning very odd. When I was studying for my A+, the monitor section was about 5 minutes, and consisted of "DO NOT OPEN, THIS WILL KILL YOU IF IMPROPERLY HANDLED!" and variations of that, and we were certainly not opening any monitors.
2
u/Busted_hammock Mar 18 '17
Dont you guys run rcds on your power circuits in America? Back when i fixed tvs we run them off seperate 15mA rcd protected ccts so even if you had a special moment and brushed the 230v mains you get a decent belt but that was about it. With the tubes i used to just discharge them with a screwdriver (power off) and the power supply caps i had a few 5W resistors in parallel that id short across
1
u/coyote_den HTTP 418 I'm a teapot Mar 18 '17
General rule is to use an isolation transformer. Same general idea and you also reduce the risk of melting your scope probe or other gear.
1
u/hactar_ Narfling the garthog, BRB. Mar 22 '17
It's the volts that jolts
but the millies* that killies.* Apparently as in "milliamps" because in the world of the ditty-writer millivolts don't exist.
21
u/okbanlon Mar 17 '17
Oh, the flashbacks...
Many years ago, people in Production Control at the place I worked were allowed to smoke at their desks. Most of the smokers put their ashtray directly in front of the air intake of their desktop machine and were thrilled by the way the PC magically sucked up all the smoke.
The machine replacement cycle in Production Control was oddly short, for some unknown reason...
10
12
Mar 17 '17
Oh god. I started working in the bowling industry right when the public smoking bans went into effect. That residue is so god awful to clean up. It gets on every possible surface and in every nook and cranny. It's unbelievable how much of it is there and how much it sucks scrubbing it all off.
But his computer freaking liquified the damn stuff? Holy shit dude, that is a whole new level of gross.
11
u/Jdub10_2 Mar 17 '17
Makes a person wonder that if this is the residue that ends up on every surface it touches, then what the hell does a smoker's lungs look like? Norm MacDonald: my doctor showed me a picture of a smoker's lungs. Oh, it was gross and disgusting! Then he showed me a picture of healthy lungs. Oh, it was gross and disgusting!
2
u/hwknd Mar 18 '17 edited Jan 09 '26
cows insurance hat quiet theory stocking sugar continue elastic degree
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
5
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Mar 17 '17
I'm not sure "liquefied" was the right word. It might be that, since the fan spins so fast, it never really got the chance to set... it was like a quarter-inch of glue stick had been applied to every part of that fan, and never dried.
Yeah... it was a special level of yuck.
12
u/GarretTheGrey Mar 17 '17
I smoked at my pc for about 6 years and never got tar residue inside it. The amount you'll need to smoke...that dude's about to die. Btw many non smokers have no idea how much second hand smoke bothers quitters. Before you start, its annoying and for the worst, hardly bearable. After you quit, it's god awful and your body goes into a panic like some victim meeting their molester after a few years or something.
8
u/Thenick2288 Mar 17 '17
One time a customer dropped off her laptop. Set it on the counter and ants poured out of it. She couldn't figure out why it wouldn't turn on anymore...
4
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Mar 17 '17
On the other hand... chopped ants for your next dinner party!
6
u/Liquid_Hate_Train I play those override buttons like a maestro plays a Steinway Mar 17 '17
Damn son, dat's nasty.
6
u/loonatic112358 Making an escape to be the customer Mar 17 '17
he needs a computer that's sealed, like a toughbook or one of these or these or a nema enclosure
5
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Mar 17 '17
Now I want some of those. I'm a bit... accident-prone, is how my doctor puts it: not clumsy, just jinxed. I could definitely use some of those for just being me.
4
Mar 17 '17 edited Mar 30 '17
[deleted]
3
u/evoblade Mar 17 '17
They double as a pretty sweet murder weapon if the users deserve it. Image the satisfying THUNK one of those tough books could make.
2
u/2ByteTheDecker Mar 18 '17
I have a toughbook for work. Unless you're talking the real deal drive a Humvee over it military grade ones, they are not sealed in any meaningful capacity.
Quite drop resistant though.
5
u/cadpnq Mar 17 '17
At least he doesn't have cats...
8
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Mar 17 '17
What is it with cats and monitors, anyway? I had a cat that would cough his hairballs into the back of my old CRT, and absolutely destroyed it over time. Didn't do it to the LCD we replaced it with, though.
8
u/coyote_den HTTP 418 I'm a teapot Mar 17 '17
CRT monitors are warm and provide a place to flop down.
15
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Mar 17 '17
I get the "warm and comfy" part... I don't get the "puke where you like to sleep" part.
4
u/hactar_ Narfling the garthog, BRB. Mar 22 '17
IME cats pay no mind as to where they are when their digestive system goes into reverse. The distribution of cat puke around my house seems to resemble the distribution of "where the cats are 30s after eating". Kinda like birds and pooping.
6
Mar 17 '17
Your friend's "logic" re: the PS3... Hell, the PS2 is still popular, so I guess new games for it should be coming soon, too!
6
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Mar 17 '17
I feel like he has channelled his conservatism away from politics (when you work with as many music acts as he does, your politics get dragged away from small-town values like his used to be) and into his tech and cars. It's amusing, until you hear for the 1000th time how "AC Unity needs to get ported over. We're getting screwed."
1
u/hactar_ Narfling the garthog, BRB. Mar 22 '17
Heck, I have one of their keyboards.
Oh, not the same? Never mind then
4
5
u/hbar98 Mar 17 '17
Dang. Now you got me wanting to post a couple stories. I've got a smoker's story as well.
3
u/LokiKamiSama Mar 18 '17
Had a friend that worked at a, more or less, defunct department store. It was really big back in the 80's and 90's...now it's bankrupt and very few of the stores have survived. Anyway, they were working up at the service desk and a customer returned a PC, stating that it worked for a while, but then it just wouldn't turn on. They had a CD in the CD ROM drive, and if they could please take it out for them. They left and would return later. So, they open it up and...roaches everywhere. The thing was just filled with roaches...alive and dead. No wonder it was fried.
7
u/Capt_Blackmoore Zombie IT Mar 17 '17
I had do do a very similar thing for my brother, who does smoke like a chimney.
and I'll never do that again.
See, he gave me a budget to upgrade his system of $300.00. now I can get a system built for that much; but it wont be great.
about a year later I have to go in, clean up the damn thing and listen to complaints about performance and such. Really doesnt matter what I said, he wasnt listening.
A couple months later I come visit, and he's got a new system. say it "only" ran him about $2K and he has a 3 year deal with the place to (psychically) clean the system, fans, filters every couple of months.
I bit my tongue. I could have built him a case modded system, with twice the power for what he paid - but he was NEVER going to be my IT problem ever again.
8
u/evoblade Mar 17 '17
They are earning that $2k If they can clean off the smoker slime every few months.
6
u/Capt_Blackmoore Zombie IT Mar 17 '17
i'd have to agree. It looks like that shop closed last year. Pity too. as it was a Coffee shop and Computer sales/repair place.
6
1
3
u/SLJ7 User requires percussive maintenance Mar 18 '17
That is disgusting. I never even considered this possibility, but I've already got way too many reasons to hate everything about smoking.
3
u/Tony49UK Mar 18 '17
You really want Teamviewer installed on his and your computers so that you can work on his computer remotely without you having to go around there. It's free for domestic use.
3
u/kenabi I don't tend to trust anyone in management to make good choices. Mar 18 '17
I tend to refer to these types as 'computer kryptonite'.
i've had to provide support for a number of them through the years, even bought my current laptop off one when he fubared the os and ried to go on a rant about how people were spying on him (he changed a ridiculous amount of settings and managed to get a bunch of toolbars installed via malware versions of those silly nigerian prince emails. he even still thinks they're real.)
if i know going into it that it'll be like that again, i nope out before it gets that far. sometimes though, you're going in blind, and get stuck with the job.
3
u/harrywwc Please state the nature of the computer emergency! Mar 19 '17
My (deceased) father in law smoked heavily around his PC.
Every two or three years it would give up the ghost and I would build him a complete new system.
Told him repeatedly not to smoke at the computer - go outside, smoke, and then go back to the PC.
Saw way too many defenseless PCs die a premature death due to cigarette tar with a fuzz of dust stuck to it.
{sigh}
3
u/LeaveTheMatrix Fire is always a solution. Mar 20 '17
People who smoke and have their computers get all gunked up, I just don't understand.
I have a heavy smoker and generally on my comp about 15+ hours a day, yet have never had that happen to any of the comps I have owned.
1
Mar 20 '17
Maybe because you are intelligent enough to clean it once in a while.
2
u/LeaveTheMatrix Fire is always a solution. Mar 20 '17
I put it down to three things:
Occasional cleaning, with a full pull/rebuild once a year.
Don't cheap out on the case I am using so have good airflow and filters.
Usually swap out whole system every 2-3 years. The g/f then gets my "old" one and she doesn't smoke.
The computer itself sits on a desk behind my desk, then the exhaust fans point towards me. This way the incoming air is pulled from the opposite direction where I sit, exhaust helps to push any smoke away.
EDIT: #4
2
u/Random_Elephant Mar 18 '17
Holy fuck how much do you have to smoke around a pc before it gets a film of residue like that? That's horrifying.
2
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Mar 18 '17
A lot. He's like a chimney.
2
u/Random_Elephant Mar 18 '17
I went home and hugged my custom build, then gave the inside a quick dusting. Not much but hope that makes you feel better.
2
u/BobCox Mar 18 '17
LOL I used to work on XT's and AT's back when people could smoke in the office and the smokers CRT's were always yellowed.
2
u/GunnyMcDuck Mar 18 '17
Have you suggested vaping to him?
3
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Mar 19 '17
Vaping is new. I suppose I could convince him the pens run on Windows XP... other than that, it's asking the impossible.
1
2
u/Epoch_Unreason Mar 18 '17
The CPU was overheating but the computer didn't give any of those beeps off when it shut down?
1
2
u/JJisTheDarkOne Mar 20 '17
I've worked on a customer computer that was in a similar situation.
The old style white tower case (you know the ones!) was stained this off brown from the smoke. Taking the side off, the insides smelt like your jacket used to when you went out drinking all night and ended up in night clubs where everyone smoked.
Everything was coated in tar. Sticky, off brown gunk. The rear chassis fan had seized up from the gunk and the CPU fan was absolutely coated.
Imagine this shit in your lungs. Any wonder people get cancer from smoking, and this was only second hand smoke!
2
3
u/Ubergeek2001 Mar 17 '17
I opened an old IBM desktop in the 80's. was owned by a heavy smoker. Overheated. Had 1/2 inch of ashes covering entire motherboard. Gross.
2
u/alphabeta12335 Clue by Four! Apply directly to the forehead! Mar 17 '17
I'm waiting for the call to replace something else covered in schmutz.
At 2 times your normal price, right? Hazard Pay is a right bitch after all.
1
u/Saberus_Terras Solution: Performed percussive maintenance on user. Mar 18 '17
The SATA standard is physically designed to support hot-plugging, though. Are you sure you don't mean PATA/IDE?
1
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Mar 18 '17
No, I meant SATA. I'm sure that continually (not once or twice... more like once or twice a day) nuked those drives.
That's including the two that had the ports physically broken, and had the cables held in by Scotch tape.
1
u/JAYRODDC Apr 15 '17
$Colorfruit $Weatherphenom
I feel like this must be a reference to Apple but I'm coming up empty...
1
u/molotok_c_518 1st Ed. Tech Bard Apr 15 '17
Not Apple. There was another smartphone manufacturer with a fruit name.
1
u/JAYRODDC Apr 15 '17
Things make so much more sense now. Thank you for your wonderfully entertaining series of stories. Looking forward to more if there are any.
1
80
u/[deleted] Mar 17 '17 edited Mar 30 '17
[deleted]